THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXVI, Issue 48, 5 August 1916, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That the. Session will end this week. It will be a weak ond. —That Germany lacks beer and soap. Tho lack of beer is almost insupportable. ; —That Lord Derby wants the offensive to go on to Berlin—the finest Derby ever run! —That the census is not to be taken for military purposes. Even the Cold' Feet Brigade are. allowed to vote. —That, according to a local print, "Greasy cronsbreds. receded." This has no reference to the defeat of the Mexicans. —That half-sovereigns are not now available. It is almost incredible that the Chinese can have sent them all to China. —That a bulldog which attacked motor-cars has been shot. Thousands of pedestrians will place violets on his tomb. —That a news headline reads, "Shakespeare in Auckland." Some careless journalist must have misreported his death. —That colonial M.P.'s met in the House of Commons. Mr Steel-Mait-land, M.P., presided. Another injustice to Mr Parr. —That an ex-Premier of Canada is charged with stealing £300,000 — but don't let this par. cause any of our own M.P.'s to emigrate. —That, in connection with the recent tree-felling competitions for colonials in France, the umpire saw they were all jolly good' fellers. —That the North Sea Navy Relief Fund has been closed. The Auckland Farmers' Union can now formulate its charges against the collectors. —That bomb-warfare in France reminds Malcolm Ross of the "expedients of Julius Caesar." We knew Malcolm was out of his teens —but his memory! —That the United States- have voted £60,000,000 for the Army. Mr Wilson has written a Note, however, to say they are "too proud to spend it." ' —That the new Ten Shilling Note is to be "of simple design." The uncaught gentleman who manufactured those £10 notes will be pleased to hear it. —That R. A. Wright, the Prohibition M.P., says, "I reckon six hours would be enough for me to get drunk in.'" He doesn't seem so R.A.W. after all! —That a doctors calls for a fanatic to "set fire to some of our old schools." But what would the poor doctors and undertakers do if we didn't kill children.? —That a Southern paper has a headline, "The Defences of Fndersal." Even a first standard child knows that this stands for "The Defences of Flanders." —That the Licensed Victuallers' Association will please supply to every bar a large pane of unfrosted glass to aid the moralists in upholding the. anti-shouting law. —That "it is not likely that 9 o'clock closing will be approved by the Legislative Council." Ye gods and little beer vats! Did anyone think the beer kings wanted to abdicate ? —That a recruit named Tucker, who left for camp with the Auckland quota of the Nineteenth Reinforcements gave his occupation as cook or grocer. Nothing in a name after all.

—(That Rlhodes scholarships are no longer available to Huns. Tres Bonn! —That, apropos of card playing, fhe Germans are good shufflers. Also, they want Pax. —That there has been a burglary at Paeroa. Paeroa gets more like Auckland every day. —That these municipal bandsmen will have to he. sober. Even the cornet is a little Boosey. —That many soldiers are learning mat-making. It's nothing new to a soldier to be "on the. mat." —That church parades at the front are often disturbed by artillery fire. This is really Active Service. —That the. British Government hrs removed the ban on starch. Activity on all fronts has resulted. —That many Home butchers close their shops for an. hour or two daily to rest their joints and make munitions. —That we. blame Germany for the dave trade in. Belgium. But hasn't l New Zealand got its Slavs in the North ? —That, vide a German official lie, "We captured 1000 metres from the French." Some- of those "gas" metres. —That one. would be glad to have the opinion of the Hon.. Mr Tole and Mr Lundon on the declaration that "talk is cheap." —That "a refined young gentleman wishes nice board." Another "wanted" also refers to the vacancy of a "superior flat." —That, "General, capable, no washing, wanted." Neither General Robin nor General Henderson, our only ones, have applied. —That a reason is sought for the dearth of domestic servants. We believe it is because the "mistresses" refuse to obey the maids. —That quite a number of well known Hunnish features have disappeared from Queen Street lately. Not gone North, surely? —That the. recent religious observances in Germany include "movable feasts." The people are being fed by travelling kitchens. —That Auckland plans- to spend a million pounds, in street improvements. This includes a bottle of disinfectant for Lower Queen Street. —That the jury in the Rua case have not made up their mm.d whether to invest their profits in land or take up the new fifty million loan. —That Hindenburg is. said to be commanding on the Russian front, but General Retreat is the officer mentioned by all the correspondents. —That Mr G. A. Hansard, B.Sc, the Government interpreter in the Rua case, denies the truth of the old contention that "Silence is golden." —That a returned soldier has been discharged from a Southern foundry. He has so much steel in him it isn't safe for him to go near the magnet. —That surely, surely the town clerk designate will never dare to take the job when he hears the City Council has. a Skelton in the cupboard. —That Mr Lundon, of stonewall fame, was so tired when he. finished his Rua speech that his rendering of Bracken's poem was really "Not Understood." —That, thank heaven, the British are buying every available ship, and that Messrs Rosenfekl, of Sydney, won't allow the Senorita to fall into any but English hands. —That the. unfortunate amalgamation of several reinforcements at the front has rendered it possible for several soldiers to compare loveletters from an. Auckland lady who ia engaged to four soldiers. —That farm wages have been doubled in England, and many a man who only had to work 14 hours a day under daylight saving conditions is positively embarrassed with a whole £1 a week, and is thinking of sending his ten children to Oxford.