THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXV, Issue 20, 23 January 1915, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That when the Porte turned crusty the Allies bottled it up. —That too little has been heard of old Yon O'clock lately. Has he struck ? —That the pen, is mightier than the sword, but it comes under the cen-sored. —That Germany is so short of copper that even the Kaiser's mailed fist must go. —That an ex-New Zealand parson has joined the Aviation Corps. He's very high church. —That rum is served out in the British trenches every day. This accounts for the "rum goes" perhaps. —That an interesting headline is "Ostend Reduced to Horse Flesh." Are they downhearted? Neigh I Neigh! —That the Germans have seized Robinson Crusoe's Island. Presumably Mad Bill prefers it to St. Helena. —That three-fourths of Lord Kitchener's Army are married men. A bitter jest that one about the fryingpan and the fire! —That, vide a soldier's letter, "Boiled New Zealand saddle is indistinguishable from fair average boardinghouse steak.'' —That Tain Mackenzie has been wasting his time writing to the New Zealand National Peace Council. PEACE Council! Bah I —That the Alllies were at a loss to know why the Germans spared one Belgian cathedral. It transpires they thought it was a brewery. —That any English insurance company now insures against Zeppelin raids. Curiously the rate hardens when there is a sudden drop. —That Herr Kuhn, German Minister of Finance, has resigned owing to ill-health. It is understood his complaint is tightness of the chest. —That tliis heading is worth while: "Kaiser's son back at the front." As Pat said, "Begorrah, he must have had a divil of a twist!" —That, as competition is the life of trade, is it a fair thing for medicos to cut into the jockeying and pawnbroking business?- Perhaps it pays better ? —That, as Dr. Maguire goes to the front, Doctor Jockey Grant, his successor as nied. sup. at the hospital, should stipulate for a training track in the Domain. —That the German ex-administra-tor of New Guinea declares that he ardently admires Australian women. His compatriots in Belgium are lady-killers, too. —That the daily papers continue to remark, "Lively engagement at ." Whenever you read "lively" in a daily paper spell it d-e-a-d'-l-y. That's what it means. —That the New Zealand Bands of Hope, hearing that a wounded officer drank a pint of brandy and then won the V.C., will write to the War Office protesting at the enormity. —That it's all very well to issue writs for new elections. What's wanted is writs for new returning officers, and clerks who can do simple addition. Why not charge the returning officers with the cost of new elections? —That soldiers on leave pay full railway fares, and "the Minister has promised to look into the complaint." By the time the Minister has had it steadily in view for a few months the robbed soldiers will be travelling free (in France).

—That, vide Mr Massey, Parliament will meet in June. It all depends upon the War-d. —That a housekeeper writes: "Is fish being sold in small quantities?" It is, madam—all that's large is the price. —That Mr G. J. Garland counsels education for the workers. In time one hopes it may even extend to the school teachers. —That there is unparalleled congestion at the London docks. Well, if Tarn Mackenzie will go gallivanting to Egypt • . —That letters from New Zealand soldiers confirm the local opinion that the present summer has been the driest for years. —That New Zealand leather promises to take the place of the English article. Imagine a football made of the local product! —That a gallant veteran of 81 says he is willing to shoulder a rifle. Can the brave old gentleman suggest where such a tool is to be found ? —That in a recent reference to the "Zouaves' Brilliant Work" the fact that they wear crimson pants might have coloured the headline. —That for nearly 12 hours there has been no account of the loss of the Emden in local papers. Journalism seems to be losing its dash. —That a local gentleman, of means will dispose of three tickets in the Hamburg lottery at half price. This is evidently a chance of a lifetime. —That the 44th anniversary of the German Empire has just been celebrated. It seems hard for an Empire to die at the youthful age of* 45. —That Horatio Bottomley, M.P., states that two-thirds of the Britishers who have lately gone to the front are married men. The cowards ! —That the Professor of English at the Melbourne University has enlisted. He goes to protest that "A Long Way to Tipperary" is not good form. —That, after reading that every Maori soldier eats at least two men's rations, one wonders if it is quite fair to turn them adrift on one Turkey. —That it is now illegal in Germany to make pure wheat bread'—■ and in New Zealand it is not customary. The common "spud" could tell a tale. —That the German agriculturist pays special attention to pig-breed-ing. Many of the hogs exported to Belgium and France have been cured with saltpetre. —That should any mines float ashore, the public is warned to leave them alone. A number of Aucklanders wish they had taken this advice in 1895. —That young men are coming to New Zealand as immigrants, in order to join our Expeditionary Force. The difference between Is 9d a day and 5s tots up, you see. —Tjhat when the Canadian Red Fed. vßourassa dec/lared "the German yoke is no heavier than the English," the Canadian yolk struck him very heavily indeed. —That one hopes it is not giving away military secrets to declare that a striker has been discovered in the local forts. He was first observed in the blacksmith's shop. No lock out is proposed. —That German officers induced some nice teetotal Turks to drink alcohol before a fight. This interference with the morals of the Turks should stir the Alliance up to immediate protest. —That the leather trade in New Zealand is to receive a great impetus. The New Zealand habit of preparing leather in a quarter the usual time will make it hard to save New Zealanders' soles. —That, owing to the holidays, no Judge will sit in Auckland till February 1. Untried prisoners relish the thoughtfulness of the authorities in permitting them to remain comfortably in gaol for the "holidays."'