THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXIV, Issue 10, 15 November 1913, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That after all. the Tramway Company were quite right. The trams are silent 1

—That in the case of some of the strikers' families, "Necessity is the mother of abstention."

—That at recent wedding all the men wore cricketing flannels. As for the bridegroom he wore the usual worried look.

—That over-plump suburban residents are in better health than for many years. A few miles tramp to the city is the medicine.

—That it is rumoured that the hotels will be closed owing to the strike. Strikers, strikers everywhere and not a drop to drink !

—That human nature never changes. Man is the same cantankerous cuss in 1913 as he was in B.C. 13—just veneered savages.

—That lots of mothers wouldn't recognise their darling boys if they saw them buzzing about the wharves in sweat-stained togs at present.

—-That barmaids are getting some very necessary training this week. Hitherto they could "dress" a little duck, but hadn't got to cook it.

—That it would be interesting to know what W. P. Reeves, the architect of this Industrial paradise, thinks of the structure at present.

—That Westralian workers demand a minimum of £1 a day. What's the matter with asking for a living wage while they are at it ?

—That the "Herald" has a new formula for the smallpox scare :

"The epidemic which was recently prevalent," instead of the "Maori epidemic."

—That a native named George Riawa, accused of forgery, was also reported to be a missionary. The forgery profession is angry at the allegation.

—That according to Parliamentary reports, "the work of the countrymust go on." Bob Semple, speaking excellent French, says, "Je ne vois pas de necessite."

—That strikers are asked to believe tbat the police stored those batons and pepper on strikers' property and then captured them. The situation is not without humour.

—That when the hotels again open, a number of gentlemen who have been forced into temporary abstinence will do the animated blotting pad act with great success.

—That the prophet Mohammed's tunic has been found in the possession of a Bulgarian officer. What happened to Mohammed meanwhile ? Even a prophet can't go naked these days.

—That the harmless necessary bob is tinkling into the tills of the owners of despised horse vehicles this week. A few more weeks of strike and Auckland would forget it ever possessed trams.

—That the men who hurl pretty epithets at the farmers, who are making Auckland fit to live in, are not "the workers." They are hoodlums who are the perpetual problem of the police.

—That London expresses surprise that neither New Zealand nor Australia participated in the International Conference of the -Saving of Life at Sea. Now if it had only been a racing conference or a political beanfeast I

—That Takapuna's new post office is to be christened "Ell's Delight."

—That Semple and Co. are in deadly fear of the farmers "striking."

—That even some of the boozers are this week up against water ciders.

—That many a hoodlum has increased by several stones during the local Donnybrook.

—That the man with a "pocket pistol" has the friendship of many ardent spirits these teetotal times.

—That D. C. Bates predicts '' stormy weather and electrical disturbances." We've had 'em both 1

—That this is a time when all the "guns" are out. They "baton" on the body politic on such occasions.

—That most of the local hot air floats up round the Grey Statue —■ enough to make the great pro-Con-sul turn in his grave.

—That with regard to a late swell local function, it is clear that the higher a man's wages rise the lower his wife's gowns sink.

—That according to the strikers, quite a number of the special police are marked men. "Narked" would express it more correctly.

—That Bill Massey is certainly giving Auckland a "square deal" just now. The employers and strikers take it in quite different ways.

—That three months ago E. G. Jellicoe, ex-New Zealander, declared that "New Zealand was a hell on earth." Marvellous prophecy what ?

—That Gulliver's travels are not yet complete. Gulliver chopping joints in the "for cooks only" wharf department is enough to send him to Hell-aby.

—That it is an excellent idea for all Auckland ladies to inspect the farmers. They are the persons who, as Mr Nerheny would say, "fill the stomachs of all hands."

—That vide Ramsay Macdonald, ' 'the bitterest enemies of trade unionism look on (syndicalism) with malicious chuckles, thanking Providence that workmen commit such follies."

—That Justice,of the Peace Tom Michaels knows the Riot Act off by heart and is now posturing before Joe MacMahon for a moving picture entitled, "Tom's Ticklish Truncheon Task Triumphant."

—That if Auckland allows those ' ' specials 3 ' to go away without giving them the " slap-uppest " banquet that ever happened, may it lose its name for being the most hospitable city in Australasia !

—That Percy General Greenhough is pulling up splendidly on wharf fare—gained quite a stone or two. The Cambridge Sanatorium need keep no room for Percy now his slimness has departed.

—That Plugge's plug into domestic duties on the wharf on behalf of the do-and-die-hards earned for him the distinguished rank of Knight of the Kitchen. You should see him wash a six-inch plate with a three foot hand.

—That Wynne Grey's white helmet caused quite a commotion amongst the workers at the Exhibition buildings when he paraded with the farmers' force in the Doma ;

There was more than one red paint brush waiting to get the drop on it.

—That Tom Long proved Tom +yoo short for Mick Meaney. "Out you come, boys !" and the cooks and waiters made a dive for the doorway, leaving Michael staring blankly at the heaps and heaps of cooked tucker, while all Auckland went hungry.

—That Ben Myers showed his wellknown liberality and good nature in a most graceful form at Palmerston North. As a bachelor he has so much of this world's happiness and good things that he let the "riding, championship," a moral for him, go to others less fortunate.