Christmas Crackers.

Observer, 9 December 1912, Page 18

Christmas Crackers.

Fob The Observer Christmas Annual.

A snapshot photgraph often demonstrates that truth is stranger than fiction. ?

A man may have two passions, but never two loves. The man who has loved, twice has never loved at all.

There's a lot of difference between forgetting what we ought to know and knowing what we ought to forget.

Lots of people begin life through the wrong end of the telescope.

The root of all evil seems to thrive in any soil

Clothes may not make a man, but they generally classify him.

A rose by any other name would have its thorn

Many people who consider love a dream awake to think of marriage as che cold breakfast.

" I've been paying for a motor car/ said the Heine Bay father of a family, who was apparently in need of new clothes. " Good heavens ! I didn't know you could afford a car," exploded his companion. " I'm talking about our grocer's new car, you fathead !" moaned the father of the iamily.

Will Mr Cocker kindly tell us what profession Anananias followed ? Was he a weather prophet or no ?

It has been ascertained that " Theodore " means the " gift of God/ but in a Roosevelt par the other day a country comp. quite happily made i" read " gift of Gab."

The world makes as many saints as sinners, and the man who needs to be kept away from any sort of temptation is weak indeed.

There are many carpet beaters on the market, but most women are still sticking to the old husband method.

The chains of love may be sweet bondage, but a dog who has to be kept chained in order to be retained as a pet is never a very satisfactory possession.

* * * * A man chooses his wife, not because there are no other women, but in spite of them.

Sometimes a woman remains faithful to a mem- * ory, and sometimes, though rarely, a man may do the same. * S: * * Marriage is the one thing which everyone knows more about than people who are intimately concerned. * * * At a recent Auckland concert a long-haired enthusiast, who took a friend from the country with him, exclaimed rapturously as a heady tenor screamed his top note, " We'll hear more of this young man I" " To-night ?" screamed the friend from the country, and rushed forth into Upper Queen-street.

A boy bears a load of green apples with less equanimity than an apple tree. The tree oiten groans, too.

Women makes all the troubles in life, but it's women who make life worth all the troubles.

Any fool can catch on, but it takes a wise man to let go.

Some self-made men give the impression that they have forgotten some of the ingredients.

It's not until a man is broke that he tries to mend his ways.

A widow's advantage is that she can give references which cannot be disputed by the departed.

* * * * One touch of merriment makes the whole world grin.

Love may intoxicate a man, but marriage certainly sobers him.

Lovers are wont to consider a marriage license a tree ticket to Paradise.

Employer (to Miss Passe, aged sixty) : " Where is your card ?"

Miss Passe : " Here it is, sir ; but please what's it for ?" Employer : " It give 3 a benefit of 30s in maternity cases I"

It is what a woman suspects that generally shocks her most.

It may be possible to love two women at one and the same time. But not if they know it.

Prudery is the dead bones of virtue bound to gether with barbed wire.

Arrogance is fermented egotism

Have you seen the new Christinas hats ? They are built on the revolving plan, so that the congregation can see all sides of them.

A woman marries in the hope of having a lover, 1 „ £ a ' w }} at san f ol * te ? .. , , but discovers too late that she merely has a boarder I Something that grows on the roof of a cave who is most difficult to please. H d n « 3 down hke an lcicle ' Now ™ n out and

" Look here," said a stingy husband to his wife, who had to present each week a detailed account of her expenses—" mustard plasters, two shillings.; three teeth extracted, seven and sixpence. There'e nine and sixpence in one week spent on your own private pleasure ! Do you think I am made of money ?"

"Do you call this a pint ?" asked the Bemuera servant girl of a milkman. " Yes." " Well, it won't do. When we want condensed milk we'll buy it at the grocer's."

The Prodigal had returned. " Father," he said, "are you going to kill the fatted calf ?"

" No/ responded the old man, looking the youth over carefully. "No ; I'll let you live. But I'll put you to work and train some of that fat off you."

Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch defines engineers, "How Mrs Gl ' e . rsol1 > ™ ho « he * d °* hel ' ho « s e. remarked to be dirty in the drawing room." It is not inapt. one ™°™ in ß to J l "', husband :' In five months i rom to-day we shall celebrate our silver wedding/

* * * " Better wait five years longer/ said her husband A foolish woman believes everything her husband in quiet desperation, "and then we can celebrate tells her, a wise woman merely pretends to. the Thirty Years' War." -