THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXII, Issue 52, 7 September 1912, Page 7

THEY SAY

That Mr Massey is " The Bill for Working Farmers."

That sugar is cheaper by 3d a bag. We shall be able to buy that motorcar after all.

That Mr Orchard's name is Arundel, but several competitors say it should have been Frank.

That " Gyro " and " Aristobulus " are the best two Rugby footballers in the "Dominion." (On Paper).

—That Mayor Parr favours growing gum trees to supply hardwood blocks for Auckland streets. Now we shan't be long !

—That it was dangerous to be redheaded last week until "Ginger" Smith and his tin of cayenne pepper were captured.

—That Jack Kneen is again taking a hand in Harbour Board affairs. Quite a number of people are adopting an anti-Billious stand.

—That too many cooks spoil the broth. The Remuera Road Board is to be increased from sto 9. Isn't Erni doing four men's work ?

—That even a worm will turn, and suburban body clerks believe they have some rights. But good gracious, they don't take their coats off !

—That Messrs Dufault and Leibling are " much impressed with the scenic beauties of Auckland." Freeman's Bay residents are much obliged.

—That John Fuller is to build a new picture palace. Some day somebody may build Auckland a safe, comfortable and appropriate playhouse.

—That the rumour that Mr Wesley Spragg is writing to Mr H. B. Devereaux protesting at his prophecy of a " Wet " Spring for Auckland is denied.

—That Commissioner Cullen may have the final say in the Waihi strike. A policeman's life is unlikely to be a 'happy one in the northern rough-up.

—That the Red Federation is gently dying, and the Auckland General Labourers are regaining their lost senses. Next year there won't be any Red Fed.

—That a prisoner got out of gaol by unscrewing a gaol lock with a broken tie-clip. Some day brown paper may go out as a building material for N.Z. lock-ups.

—That no wonder the "Waler" footballers were hot stuff. They were competing for the " Pepper" Shield. Evidently " Ginger" Smith was a Leagueite, too.

—That Karangahape Road is to be paved. A number of Socialistic lecturers are understood to have caught colds from standing in the mud on Saturday nights.

—That if as His Honour says, " It is the duty of a constable to keep his eyes open and his mouth shut," quite a number of " Johns " and " Demons " will have to wear muzzles.

—That vide the Minister of Defence there is no "party "where defence is concerned. And no politician ever interferes with the decision of the G.O.C. What are cadet officers laughing at ?

—That a cheerful local flesher " honestly believes that meat will become too great a luxury for working people." In fact, a butchers' combine may have to put armed guards on their shops.

—That while the Government insists that " improvements " mean the burning of irreplaceable timber, and of taxing a holder for standing trees, the wretched system of timber slaying will go on.

—That a regulation setting a uniform style of whiskers is wanted in the- "force." Sub-Inspector Hendry has sacrificed his military moustache. Surely he hasn't joined the Amateur Opera Company ?

—That J. J. Fraser is not in a maze, but he will be shortly.

—That Mayor Rowe, of Onehunga, was surprised to hear the toot of the Horn about the High School.

—That a burglar has broken into Wonderland and stolen a pen-knife. This is a case for the Third Degree.

I—That there's always a woman at the bottom of the trouble. Martha at Waihi, and Sylvia at Thames.

—That R. Semple, the Napoleon of the Red Federation, is uncannily quiet. Probably arranging for the funeral obsequies.

—That although it is alleged that a man has shot another in the stable, it now transpires that he was shot in the spine.

—That quite a large number of bald headed citizens, apropos of " Three Kings" Park, wish they hadn't got so many haii'-spaces.

—That the Government, three years ago, decided to build Auckland a new hospital for mental patients. It will probably be due in 1915.

—That if was-with feelings of relief that the nation heard that the gold albert lately stolen at Mt. Roskill was not our Albert the Good.

—That the Premier has expressed his sympathy with the furniture polishers. The new regulations are making methylated spirits undrinkable.

—That Mount Roskill is assuming aristocratic airs. and rivalling Remuera. A burglar has distinguished it by stealing wealth from the suburb.

—That the Auckland money market is quite buoyant since the football matches. At even money with five to twenty points in, they were profitable.

That the witness, who, in the Supreme Court, admitted that the police often told the truth (by mistake) ahd often told the truth (by mistake) had

That Auckland motor-cars are still keeping up their reputation for "hospital "-ity to strangers. Wellingtonians apparently score most frequently.

—That Mr R. McNab didn't receive a single postage stamp to send his MSS. to the Government printer. Are not 0.P.5.0. envelopes good enough ?

That the cheerful idiot who advertises the possession of a diamond ring by drawing designs on big plate glass windows in Queen-street, is still out of gaol.

That the opening of the post office and the presentation to Mr Massey will happen at the same time. The more important function is mentioned last.

That there is another stamp vending machine at the Post Office. It is asserted that it has sworn an affidavit not to receive money under false pretences.

That a witness in the Supreme Court mentioned that a friend had an " annual " mouth—that is from * year to year." The judge very nearly smiled.

That a lady wearing a hat on which a rabbit was chasing three blue satin apples was seen-in Queen-street yesterday. This getting back to nature is quite refreshing.

—That Parnell has measured off its roads to check motor scorchers. There is no need to measure off some Parnell roads. The mud stops the most persistent petrol fiend.

—That Mayor Briggs, of Parnell, must really invite Mr Scarborough nexttime he takes a motor ride, even if it costs £2 ss. There is no jealousy on the Parnell Borough Council.

—That although it is the more difficult thing possible to get witnesses in divorce cases, courts could easily be enlarged to accommodate the "nice women who revel in the details.

That "Avondale" is a musical name and " Asquith " is a harsh, ugly one. That's why the Mt. Albert Borough Council have decided to call the Avondale Road " Asquith Avenue.

—That Mr Moriarty has ordered the Premier to remove the President of the Arbitration Court. As Mr Moriarty is a union official, it is assumed that Mr Massey will hasten to obey.