A HORRIBLE, HOBBLE SKIRT DILEMMA.

Observer, Volume XXXII, Issue 20, 27 January 1912, Page 16

A HORRIBLE, HOBBLE SKIRT DILEMMA.

The Auckland masher with the cheap panama, threepenny cigar, would-be engaging smile, which generally displays an upper row of goldfilled teeth (not yet paid for) ; a striped-flannel euit (also on credit) and loud brown boots, is a familiar figure on the trolleys in this city during the summer months, as is the typical Colonial girl whose chief ambition seems at present to centre round the hobble skirt. Accidents will, of course, happen, inder any conditions, and the following vr rses provide a "fair ' ••xample of *hat may transpire in Leap Year. (Pbologue). He met her in a tramway car, And knew she was a flirt ; She wore a pretty crescent star— And the latest hobble skirt. She reached her destination, ?nd rose to bid adieu, put, the seat was newly varnished and she stuck to it like gluef

(Act First, and Last). At length they came Ho Cornwall Park, " We'll get <rat here," he said ; "You may, I can't till after dark," She answered, turning red. "Unless I take the eeat with me," then he began to wonder ; But what fashions join together, let no woman tear asunder ! This hobble business will, sooner or later, land some misguided youth into the vortex of an action for Breach of Fromise. Babbimgton-Eerblakd.

'The hatpin is doomed—at least, it is doomed by masculine opinion, although it is problematical if the latter carries any weight in the mind of the divine feminine. A tram conductor (and these are are facile prinoeps in the present day of strikes) has issued a stern decree, per Grandma " Herald," to the effect that " Hatpins were the bane of the tram-conductors , life. Hβ never knew the minute when the fate of one of his eyes would be sealed by a sharp point as a lady leaned over to pay her fare or rushed up to get out. 'If it could be done, but my wife tells me it can't, I would bar hatpins altogether — forbid their importation. The conductor has enough to put up with, without *being bayonetted in the discharge of his duty. Why can't women wear elastic under the chin as they did in the old days ? That's a better way to keep a hat on, too. , " Wear elastic under- their chins ? Poor dears, they couldn't do it. It isn't the fashion ; and fashion is everything.

Poor old Joe Powelka hat many crimes laid to his charge that it is pretty certain he had nothing whatever to do with. The latest accusation against the wandering Joseph is that he committed the brutal assault upon Mrs Kernahan, the Kiwitea postmistress, but this is probably about the last thing Joseph would have done, unless he was particularly desirous of drawing attention to his movements, which seems hardly likely. The chances are that Joe, safely ,esconsed across the water, is still gleefully chuckling over the way he diddled the sagacious police force of New Zealand.

Grandma "Herald " is a parsimonious old body, and she ie also a futile female that sometimes offers wonderful suggestions for the edification of a guffawing public. Grandma has recently been devoting her venerable attention to the lack of dressing accommodation on our beaches (she's a whale for observing things is Grandma). Says she :—"On every beach there ought to be constructed without further delay, similar bathers' dressing enclosures as to those to be seen on everybeach in Sydney. T. ese consist merely of fenced-in spaces, the material used to enclose them being corrugated iron. They are built shoulder high, and are open ac the base to ankle-height." This suggestion, like many of Grandma's, has little to commend it. There are already on Stanley Bay beach two Biich enclosures. They are b otJb fadfcus to the view and unsatisfactory from a utilitarian standpoint. As a matter of fact, the adoption of CJi&ndma's "cheap and nasty " principle would go far to spoil the beauty of the beaches.What we want are adequate dressing sheds—not unsightly tin enclosures.

Big-eel yarns are going the rounds* The latest comes from Foxton. A monster eel, weighing 231bs, 4ft. 7in. long, with a girth of 17in., was captured by Mr T. Dahl at the Foxton Beach lately. The monster was in a pool near the new bridge across the creek which drains the lake. It broke the spear, and was only captured after it had been shot. Here's a new sport for the English tourist Johnny with the armoury of guns. Take him up country, and let him loose amongst the eels. Only, let him take care that they don't eat him !

Most New Zealanders will agree with Lord - Dudley, ex-Governor-General of Australia, in his criticism of Australia's excessive number of Parliaments. Certainly, fourteen Houses of Parliament are rather too many for Australia's population of four and ahalf millions of people. It would make a good theme for a new comic opera, on the " lolanthe" pattern. We are not so ridiculous in New Zealand after all, with our two Chambers for a million people. Taking our very reasonable quota as a base-point, Australia ought to be content with about half her present number. How would a single Provincial Chamber suit each province or State ? It ought to be enough.