POLAR PARS.

Observer, Volume XXXI, Issue 8, 5 November 1910, Page 18

POLAR PARS.

/VUR special correspondent at If Christchurch, apparently in a •** misguided attempt to emulate the example oi the daily , papers, sends us, >y " collect" wire, the following highly exciting, paragraphs concerning: Captain bootts South Polar expedition. In reply, we have sent him a " collect wire, summarily sacking him. Our endurance has its limits. Christchurch, November 2. «- The Mokoia, which arrived from Sydney to-day, brought 1 dog (damaged) for use in the South Pole expedition. The dog was accorded a civic reception, after which it was escorted to the quarantine station by a committee of leading citizens, who are raising a fund to furnish it with all tho delicacies of the season. Christchurch, November 3.—Mr William Snooks, the patriotic grocer of Taradiddleliki, has forwarded a 21b packet 6f his famous cheese for use by the South Pole expedition. The cheese lias been securely chained up in the City Council office pending the arrival of Captain Scott.

Later. —The Town Clerk and other municipal officers have gone on strike. They claim that their scheduled duties do not include the custody of livestock. Later still.—Acting from what appears to be a somewhat mistaken idea of public duty, the Mayor has let the cheese off the chain, and the city is in a ferment. The cheese .has since been secured by an intrepid fireman, and is now in the hands of the police, who claim that they find it very strengthening. Christchurch, November 4. — The Terra Nova, with Captain Scott on board, arrived at Lyttelton to-day. The gallant captain was officially welcomed by me and the Mayor and several other leading-citizens. - Christchurch, November s.—This morning I secured, at enormous expense (anyway, I had .to shout for one of the waiters) an interview with Captain Scott at his hotel. I found the passage outside his private room littered with > parts of tne outfit for the expedition, including a low brute or a south polar bill, who excavated a piece out of my leg (sample of leg and bill for damages enclosed herewith). Entering hurriedly to escape from the obnoxious beast, I cannoned into Captain Scott, who was just coming out. .1 apologised, and he answered, me in terms that were nautical to say the least of them (sample of terms enclosed, also bill for moral and intellectual damages sustained by me). "Captain Scott j I believe,' * I remarked. "Yeo-heave, ho! shiver my timbers, and tip us your flipper, me gallant tack jar—l mean Jack tar. ,r^

"Look here," replied the gallant captain, after indulging in some more nautical terms, "you're the fiftyeighth person that has come round here this morning collecting pennies for the guy. D'ye think I'm the Bank of England P (Jet out, or I'll sool the polar bear on to you. ' " Belay and avast 1" I answered, hitching up my unmentionables in true nautical stylo (bill for damages .sustained by unmentionables through the hitching process enclosed herewith) ; "belay arid avast! I'm not collecting pennies forthe guy." "Well, I beg your-pardon," said the saucy kipper—l mean haughty skipper. \ "But when I saw your face and remembered that this was the . fifth of November, I naturally concluded that there were guys about. However, that is a detail. What do yon want P" ' > '/Wall," I replied, "in the first .place I wouldn't mind taking .a job . on the Terra Gotta— >**

ALL ABOUT "THE fctXPEDITION.

<By Our Refrigerated Ruffian).

"Terra Nova;.you lubber," grunted Captain Scott, politely. •-V Terra so. I wouldn t mind taking a job. on the Terra Whatever-itris. . I see you are tak r iiig a ton and a half of butter Jaway with you. Now, in the event of that butter becoming frisky, you would want somebody to keep it under, control, and I don't mind taking the billet on." " I wouldn't," replied the captain, have you on my. ship under any consideration. We want to get some cinematograph pictures of the penguins, and they are timid birds, and. the sight of strange objects easily scares them." "Thank you," I answered ; "we will consider thi6 interview at an end, if you don't mind, and all I can hope is that a bally ice-berg chews you." "Thanks so much," said Captain Scott, as he opened the window and threw me out on to a spiked railing below (sample of spike and bill for damages enclosed herewith). Christchurch, November 6.—Two frying-pans and a colander for.the use of the expedition arrived here by the Victoria from Melbourne yesterday. Christchurch, November 7.—Captain Scott had bacon and eggs for breakfast this morning. Christchurch, November B.—Michael .Muggins, the deputy mate of the tlifecd cook on board the Terra Nova, discovered a pimple on his nose this morning. All the doctors in Christchurch have ofFered their services free to the sufferer, and the Prime Minister has sent a telegram of sympathy. Christchurch, November 9. — Mr Michael Muggins, the deputy mate of the third cook on board the Terra Nova, after a long illness, borne with Christian fortitude, is now convalescent, having himself extracted the pimple from nis nose with the aid of a pin, without the use of any an anesthetic. It Us intrepid men like Mr Muggins who have made, the British Empire what it is. Christchurch, November 10.—The citizens of Christchurch have presented Captain Scott with a beautiful cat with a silver-mounted collar, for the purpose of chasing rate off the ice-bergs. The captain, in returning thanks ifor this magnificent gift, said that he was now happy in "the knowledge that, if provisions happened to run out, they would always at least be sure of a few sausages..^ , Christchurch, November 11.—The expedition left to-day for the South Pole, followed.by the cheese already mentioned, which they are towing behind them in a boat to frighten the sharks away.*/