Pars About People.

Observer, Volume XXIX, Issue 47, 7 August 1909, Page 4

Pars About People.

" IV CK " RAINGER i 8 a versatile JLr individual with a keen sense of humour, and is never averse to indulging in a harmless practical joke. In this characteristic his brother William shares, with the not unnatural result that the two brothers are continually playing ofl subtle jests against each other. In this respect William's star haa until lately been in the ascendant, but " Dick " recently perpetrated an innocent piece of deception which he reckons gives him a clear lead. It happened that a scion of the house of the stellar Brett, who indulges in agricultural pursuits miles away in the country, had, in a fit of generosity, ° sent a present of a fine fat turkey to William Rainger. Unfortunately for William, however, the light-hearted Richard got hold of it first. It chanced that at the same tjme a country friend arrived in town on a visit to William, and as this friend was frequently in the habit, during the shooting season, of sending presents of game to' William, " Dick " decided that 1 he had all the materials in hand for the perpetration of an elaborate practical joke at the expense of his fraternal relative. • • • Having carefully removed from the mortal remains of the turkey any marks that might lead to the identification of the sender, " Dick" prevailed upon the country visitor to tell William that he (the visitor) had brought the turkey with him as a present. This news was duly imparted to William. " That's thundering good of you, old man," observed tbe unconscious and complacent William ; " you're always making me presents of some kind, and I don't see why tbe giving should be all on your side. Come and have a drink." The visitor was loth to accept the invitation, but the humorous " Dick " wunk a wicked wink at him, and the two adjourned to an adjacent hostelry, where William demanded that champagne should be produced. The visitor grew still more conscience-stricken, but " Dick " was again at bis elbow, so he swallowed his qualms and tbe champagne together. Then William excused himself on the ground that he had some business to transact, and the two conspirators were left together. ■ • Anon William returned bearing a gift for the visitor in the shape of two silver serviette rings, with the initials of his wife and himself engraved thereon. Again the visitor's conscience smote him. "Hang it!" he exclaimed, " I can't accept these. I_». «« Take 'em, you silly chump !" whispered Richard. " It's all right, old chap," said William ; "you've given .rre lots of presents in the past, to say nothing of that magnificent turkey you so kindly brought witb you ; and 1 reckon it's up to me to do something now." The visitor reluctantly pocketed the rings, but he soon found that this was only the beginning of William's generosity. A present of a handsome piece of plate followed, also many sumptuous dinners and costly champagne galore, while the wicked Richard stood by with grins and winks radiating from his intellectual countenance. > m. • ft But a casual remark that emanated from William nearly brought about a catastrophe, so- far as the jokers were concerned. " Yes," observed William, innocently, "I reckon that turkey is a darned sight handsomer present than anything Brett ever sent me." Then the two conspirators choked convulsively, and hastily adjourned the meeting. The visitor returned to his native fastnesses loaded with the presents he had received, while Richard sought out some of his friends and regaled them with the story. As for William, while

prepared to admit that Richard is a point ahead in the game, he is going to take an early opportunity, not only to equalise matters, but to place himself in the lead once more. • • ■ Arthur Rosßer may not be an Irishman, but if it is he who contributes the labour notes to the "Star," it would certainly seem that his remarks are of a Hibernian character. Writing on the subject of Mr Hogg's meeting, Arthur says : — " On Friday evening the Choral Hall was crammed to bursting point to hear Mr Hogg's address, and I have seldom seen a more unanimous feeling pervading a meeting than was manifest then." Here Arthur demonstrates his supernatural qualities. It is left to a labour leader like Arthar Rosser to be able to see the feeling of a meeting. Apparently, Arthur and his satellites are in possession of a sense that is denied tc the average mortal. • •■ • Apparently, Lawyer Richmond is not one of those who believe that in the interests of patriotism rifle-hoot-ing should be encouraged at all costs. At any rate, he expressed disapproval the other day of the shocking extravagance of a bankrupt who admitted that he had spent quite eighteenpence a week upon ammunition to be fired away at the rifle range. Yet rifle practice is a very mild form of self -indulgence. If every volunteer who spends an occasional shilling or two npon ammunition is liable to be taken to task for it, as unwarrantable expenditure, should he be unlucky enough to have to get into the hands of the Official Assignee, where is the encouragement to form the nation of sharpshooters which Mr McNab would bave us become 1 • • • Walter Symes, who for twelve years sat in the House of Representatives for the constituency known aforetime aa Patea, and latterly as Egmont, and who went down at last year's' elections before the wave of Opposition fervour

Mrs Freemansbay : I wasn't going to let my dear qirVs eyes be interfered with by any common eye-doctor, so I sent her to our family optimist's.

that swept over Taranaki, is shaking the mud of the moist province off his feet and betaking himself to the King Countiy. There he has become possessed of a ranche in the region between Pirongia and Otorohanga, and on that ranche he vows to devote himself to the prosaic life of the countryside, and forswear politics for ever and a day. Mayhap that pious resolution will be kept, and mayhap it won't. If Mr Sy mea should again feel the blood of tbe old political warhorse stirring within bim at tbe sounds of battle, he will have three electorates from which to choose his fighting-ground, seeing that the boundaries of Waikato, Tauranga and Taumarunui meet close to his new habitation. And between now and tbe next elections various things may happen.

The gentlemanly and aesthetic feelings of John Payne have been outraged by tbe sight of some ot the advertisements displayed in the tram* cars, and he has written to the City Council to complain about it. It would surely pay the Tramway Company to retain John Payne's valuable services as censor of advertisements. The travellers in the cars would always have something neat and tasty to look at. The ads. in tbe tram cars, 'tis plain, Cause Payne to feel terrible pain. If they took his advice. Ads. would always look nice, And would ne'er be offensive again. ■ ■ a Unless six years' sojourn in Otago bas sapped his superabundant spirits, Pukekohe will gain an energetic cricketer in Frank Egginton, who comes thither from Alexandra at the end of this month, as postmaster. Before he went South, Mr Egginton helped for a long conrse of years to keep the cricket flag flying at the Thames, where his records are still talked of by the old hands. Wherefore Pukekonian cricketers will do well tt> look up Postmaster Egginton early on his arrival. • • ■ F. E. Jackson, who, although not a Chinaman, has a big interest in china, recently paid a visit to tbe auriferous district of Kuaotunu. While there, he was the guest of a friend of his who swears by Royal Oaks. According to the friend, who is apparently of an optimistic disposition, tbe Royal Oak was the coming bonanza, beside which all other alleged bonanzas would be mere mullock heaps. F. E. Jackson listened to the voice of the charmer, and, when he returned to town, he imparted to speculative friends the information that be could put them on to a good thing. The result was that a band of prospective millionaires began to dog the fairy footprints of F. E. whenever he visited the Stock Exchange, and it was whispered that Royal Oaks would soon jump up to a fabulous price. • • ■> A few days later, F. E. Jackson received a telegram from his Kuaotunu friend, telling him to expect an important letter. "Aha!" exclaimed F. E. to a circle of admiring friends ; "evidently he is sending along some exclusive information. But don't be. afraid. lam not grasping, and I promise that I will let you into the know when the letter arrives." The friendsloudly applauded their mentor's philanthropy, and anxiously- awaited the arrival of the letter. It arrived. Trembling with delightful anticipations of receiving information that would lead to wealth untold, F. E. Jackson eagerly tore open the envelope, and read out the following interesting and enthralling communication : " Dear Jackson, my daughter Maggie is getting married next week. . Can you Bend along five dozen plates ?" Then the crowd of would-be millionaires melted silently and sorrowfully, away, and F. E. Jackson departed swiftly to seek a reviver.

It was unfortunate for Haydn Beck, tbe Wanganui child violinist, tbat he did. not come into touch with Auckland's two Bohemian societies at the beginning of his' stay in the city, instead of towards itß end. When once tbey came to appraise the little fellow's musical talent, both the Orphans and the Savages took him to their hearts as if they had discovered along-lost brother. First tbe Orphans invited him to their meeting, and, on hearing the dulcet strains which he conjured out of his instrument, were spontaneously moved to help along the fund for his musical education by making up a purse of £20 on tbe spur of the moment. On the following Saturday he was conducted to the. wigwam of the Savages, to whose pockets his violin bow also served as a key. And his parents were made happy with a further contribution of 21 guineas subscribed in the room. • • • Haydn has gone South a full-fledged Orphan and Savage, and the movement instituted by the Auckland societies will probably be kept going by kindred concerns in other parts of the Dominion. It is understood that the moneys raised in this way are to be placed to a trust fund, as an assurance that they will be used only for the purpose of cultivating the boy's abnormal musical gifts. If his friends are wise, however, they will hasten the appointment of trustees, and see that those trustees' acceptance of office is duly announced. How, otherwise, can they expect that the national assistance for wbich they have appealed will be forthcoming? * ■. ■ Constable Arthur Skinner, of Tauranga, is a strenuous youth, as, indeed, he needs to be, seeing that he is the only member of the force stationed in the Tauranga district. In addition to discharging the usual constabulary duties, Arthur acts as a sort of Encyclopaedia Justlche to those who find themselves beset by legal troubles. Even after discharging such multifarious duties, however, the streniious Arthur still ha. some surplus energy left ; and last week, when one of tbe buildings in Tauranga caught fire, Arthur amused himself by clambering

on to the roof of the building, in company with a couple of firemen, and made a valiant attack on the conflagration. Unfortunately, the fire retaliated in a cowardly fashion by attacking Arthur in tbe rear, with the result that certain very necessary portions of his uniform were destroyed, and the gallant defender ot Taurauga's peace was forced to beat a hurried and unostentatious retreat. The bill for moral and intellectual damages is being forwarded to the Department of J ustice. • • • Gentlemen of Hibernian extraction are notoriously good hands at evolving mixed metaphors in the course of their public utterances, and P. J. Nerheny is evidently no exception to the general rule. At the last City Council meeting, P. J., referring to the agitation for the continuance of tbe early and late trains to Drury, came to light with the following sublime example of mixed metaphor: — " Let us not be dragged at tbe chariot wheels of certain people at Drury who desire to feather their nests at the expense of the people." The combination of chariot wheels and nests is a striking one. It is now np to Councillor John Patterson to see if be can perpetrate something better in this line. c •» • The school books of thirty years ago used to contain an interesting story about a Red Indian's perplexity over a "talking chip" — a piece of wood which he was asked to deliver to a certain person, and which, to his astonishment, told that person a message that had been written upon it. George Clarkson, one of the surviving original shareholders of the famous Sbotover claim at tbe Thames, has improved upon the talking chip. He has known of a talking lode. At any rate, in narrating in the columns of tbe " Star " the history of the Shotover find, he states that "we took out tbe large block of stone in the face, and we got 2000 answers out of it." To make the story complete, Mr Clarkson ought to state what kind of questions were put to that remarkable reef before it made the 2000 answers.

•• Drunk, Mish'r P'lishman? Pm not drunk. SushtainedfhicJ a shevere shock. Shaw bally lightsh in the heavensh. Airshipsh. German invashion. Knocked me shilly. Feeling faint. Gimme tohiahky. Revive me. " . (Locked up).

Dear Friend : Oh, Mr Poole, have you really got marks to show on your body from hard work < I should so like to see them. Poole, M. P. : Well, my dear friend, this is no time or place for such an exhibition. You see, it is many years since the occasion.

If Harbour Board Chairman Mitchelson has no better ground on which to support the Hamerian scheme for expending thousands of pounds upon tbe erecting of ornate iron gates at the new wharves than that they will serve for the regulation of traffic wben the public aro crowding to welcome or speed distinguished persons, it must be agreed that he contemplates rather expensive barriers. Somehow or other, the port officials have managed the traffic on these rare occasions in the past without any such costly structures, and it ought not to be any more difficult in the future. The example of Wellington, wbich has been quoted in support of tbe proposal, is a little unfortunate, for the Wellington Board has had gates upon its wharves for years, and closes them so seldom that they have come to be regarded as extravagant monstrosities. However, tbe postponement of tbe scheme for six months will give the Board ample time to weigh the question more leisurely. Who knows what considerations may intervene in the meantime ? ■ • w Consul-General Tung Liang- Hwang indignantly denies that the Chinese in New Zealand live so cheaply as is generally supposed. He says they spend more money on food and drink than other men of their class in the country. Here is a new field of usefulness for the Temperance Party. We are solicitous enough for the protection of the vegetable man and Iruit vendor against the allurements of pak-a-poo, as the frequent prosecutions testify, though we don't venture to interfere witb the Europeans who Btake their pocket-money upon bridge in their clubs and drawing-rooms. But if the humble Chinaman spends more money upon his favourite wines than the European of his class, doesn't it seem that he is an intemperate person, and needs to be made to abandon his Oriental excesses ? It is a point worth considering, anyhow. - • • If Miss Evelyn Wright, of Grey Lynn, is not to be envied the fierce light that has been thrown upon her unfortunate love affairs by the suicide of her demented lover Charles Barry McCarthy, who had travelled across the world to receive her refusal and die at her feet, she ie, at any rate, to be complimented upon the coolness which she displayed at the moment of danger. According to Miss Wright's story, McCarthy, in frenzy provoked by his disappointment, presented a loaded revolver to

her forehead, but she knocked the weapon out of his hand, and then picked it up and withdrew the cartridges. McCarthy, apparently, was cowed by this surprise, and made no ..; attempt to re-possess himself of the/ revolver, and after parting from the ' lady he accomplished his own de-' ; struction by otfier means which he had provided. But how many girls 7 of nineteen could emulate either Miss J Wright's steadiness of nerve or her knowledge of the mechanism of the six-shooter ? M. J. Coyle, chairman of the Mt. Albert lload Board, complains that when the Board lays down nice roads, nasty rude carters drive their carts over them and cut them up. This is very sad, but unless the carters negotiate the Mt. Albert district on aeroplanes, it isn't easy to see what can be done to bring relief to the suffering souk of the Mt. Albert Road Boarders. " A vaunt, ye wicked carters 1" said The worthy Matthew Coyle. " Oh, reckless crew, now why should you Our lovely roads thus spoil ? With grief I note that you are all On their destruction bent. Pray call a truce, they're not for" use, But just for ornament." • ». ■ The airship fever hugged the usually peaceful regions of East Tamaki in its fell grip last week, and one day wild and weird statements were sent to the gullible daily papers concerning a mysterious light that had been seen hovering over East Tamaki. The Tamaki rustics were quite sure they had seen the light, and were equally certain that it was attached to an airship. The only sceptic was Alfred Harris, Tamaki'e literary prodigy. Alfred, to the disgust of the rest of the population, pooh-poohed the whole thing. After all however, Alfred's scepticism is not to be wondered at. As a matter of fact, it was he himself who was responsible for the scare. Feeling sure that Tamaki and its inhabitants would be all the better for a little excitement, Alfred manufactured a torch, and one dark night he ascended the slopes of Smales's Mountain, and, having lit his torch, waved it to and fro for ten minute. or so. His fell design succeeded only to well, but now the secret is out, and the Tamakians have selected a vigilance committee to shadow Alfred when he goes forth at night. The way of the conspirator is hard. ;