FACTS & FANTASIES

Observer, Volume XXIX, Issue 12, 5 December 1908, Page 14

FACTS & FANTASIES

A CERTAIN young lady was telling a young fop how tired she had been at a ball which had recently come off. " I had to hide my yawns with my hand," she said. He (trying to be gallant) : " Er — I don't see how such a small hand could hide such a — cr — er, lovely weather we've been having lately, is it not ?"

Old Lady : "My little boy, have you no better way to spend this beautiful afternoon than by standing about idling away your time ?" Boy : " I ain't idling away my time. There's Mr Rankinson inside making love to my sister, and he is paying me sixpence an hour to watch for pa."

' ' I got tired of riding home in crowded car, so I bought a bicycle." "So you are going to ride home on that hereafter ?" "Well, I don't know. I got it only yesterday, and last night I rode home in an ambulance."

' ' I hope you fully appreciate the fact that when you are married it is for life., and that the obligations you assume are most solemn/ said the minister to a couple about to be married in his study. "Yes, sir," replied the bride, cheerfully, "we know all about it, for I've been married three times before and him twice, and we know the ropes pretty well by this time."

Nervous man : " Now, voii're quite certain, old man, that you understand all about sailing a boat ?" ■ " Friend : "Yes, to be sure, my clear boy. Had a full ebrrespondence course in it."

« • • Maiid : " I understand that Jack proposed to you last night and you refused him." Marie : " Yes ; although, poor fellow, I am afraid that if he had not left me so hurriedly, I might have relented and accepted him." Maud : " So he told me."

She : " My husband is a brute !" Friend : " All men are brutes, 7ny dear."

She : "Mine is simply abominable. I asked him if he did not think you were as pretty as I, and he said ' yes.' "

" Well, madam," said the doctor, bustling in, "how is our patient this morning ?" * "His mind seems to be perfectly clear this morning, doctor," replied the tired watcher. "He refuses to touch any of his medicines."

Her Mother : " Edith, don't you think you are getting too old to play with little boys ?" Edith : "No, mamma ; the older I get the better I like them."

" Have you heard of the latest invention in clocks ?" she asked, sweetly. "No," replied Mr Slogi. "It is very ingenious. It has a phonograph attachment which calls off the hours." "Wonderfully clever !" "Yea ; and at a quarter to eleven it says, ' Good-night.' " He glanced at his watch, which told off half-nast ten, and in a few moments had fled into the darkness.