THE W. C. T. U.

Observer, Volume XXVIII, Issue 28, 28 March 1908, Page 23

THE W. C. T. U.

ANNUAL CONVENTION.

(By Our Specially Intrepid Reporter.)

.[Editorial Note. — We regret the belated appearance of this report of the proceedings of the Women's Christian Temperance Union, but, as the reporter told off to report the proceedings mysteriously disappeared after the first meeting, and, for some reason or other did not re-appear until the whole affair was over, we have been unable to publish it sooner. Our reporter, being a mere man, is naturally weak in his knowledge of technicalities connected with ladies' costumes, and allowance must be made for his ignorance.']

THE first meeting in connection with the W.C.T.U. Annual Con-

vention was held one day last week, Mrs Pure presiding. The president, who wore a musseline toque jacket and an oysterine pale scarlet skirt with some fluffylooking affairs hung all round it, and a sky blue red. hat hung on the back of her head with a stuffed sparrow on top of the edifice, briefly welcomed the delegates. She read a letter of apology from Mr C. C. Kettle, S.M., who said that although he would, have liked very much to be present, he had been called away suddenly to ' Invercargill, and would certainly not come back before the convention closed (Groans). Mrs Tompkyns, who was beautifully attired in a pepper and salt tailormade costume, with a mustard-coloured hat and mauve boots, in moving that this letter be not received, said that she could not understand the attitude of the members of the male sex towards the W.C.T.U. convention (Applause). She had been trying for some time to persuade her husband to attend the convention, and she was sorry to say that he had put her off with the paltry excuse that he had to attend his lodge (Sensation). She thought that these lodges ought to be put down with a firm hand (Applause). She felt sure that some of the ceremonies in connection with them were decidedly wicked (Applause). Only the other night her husband had come home — she would not like to state definitely the hour — from a lodge meeting with his coat pockets full of oyster shells and lobster claws (Sensation). When asked for an explanation, he was utterly unable to give one — in fact, he was apparently too overcome by emotion to speak, but she felt quite sure that placing oyster shells and lobster claws in the packets of members was one of the Masonic rites. If so, the sooner lodges were done away with the better (Applause). Miss Scroggins, who was neatly and tastefully attired in a pair of gold eyeglasses, a carrot-coloured blouse of parqueterie and tonic solfa satin velvet, with a lemon-coloured skirt trimmed with tulle silk voile crepe de chine dandelions, seconded the motion. With regard to Mrs Tompkyns's remarks concerning male creatures, she (Miss Scroggins) regretted to hear that Mrs Tompkyns was not able to keep her husband in better order. She (Miss Scroggins) would like to see the mere man who could keep her (Miss Scroggins) in subjection. " Mrs Tompkyns : " You just wait till you are married, Miss. Then you'll know all about it."

Miss Scroggins said that, so far as getting married was concerned, she was quite willing to bide her time. At the same time, as this was leap year, she saw no reason why she should not exercise ber prerogative.

At this point, seeing Miss Scroggins's eyes cast in the direction of the reporters' table, the representatives of the Herald and Star departed hurriedly. The Observer representative, however, being totally immune to

female blandishments, held bis ground boldly. The Observer's account of the proceedings, therefore, may be taken as the only correct 'version, the accounts in the daily paperp, owing to the flight of the reporters, being purely efforts of imagination.

After taking a vote on the motion that Mr Kettle's letter of apology be not received, the president declared it carried.

Mrs Smythe - Robinson, who was simply attired in an exquisite creation of helio tripe toffeeta satin with a large ferro - concrete - coloured picture hat adorned with picture postcards (12 a penny), moved : " That this convention urges upon the Government the necessity of instituting the bare majority system in connection with the triennial local option poll." In speaking in support of the motion, Mrs Smythe Robinson said that only a week ago she had been informed by a well-known wharf lumper, who was now in residence at Bell's Island, that 350 per cent, of the shipwrecks were caused through drink (Sensation). She herself had actually, on one occasion — some fifteen years ago — seen a ship's captain enter a hotel (Sensation). She was only a child then (Sensation), but she could remember that as if it were but yesterday. Miss Gimlette, who was daintily robed in a turquoise red sackcloth skirt, a cabbage green blouse and a three - foot, double ■ tiered, brassmounted hat, demanded to know what Mrs Smythe-Robinson meant by talking about a " bare majority." Such a majority would be distinctly indecent, and should not be countenanced by the W.C.T.U. She thought Mrs Smythe-Robinson should be ashamed of herself for proposing such a motion.

Mrs Smythe-Robinson said that she was a respectable married woman with a family, and

Miss Gimlette : " Then you ought to be at home looking after your family." Continuing, Miss Gimlette said that she was sorry to find that a considerable mumber of questionable picture postcards were again on the market. She had herself seen one that morning which had absolutely nothing on it except the address (Sensation). She moved that Sergeant Hendry's attention be called to the matter.

The president said that unfortunately Sergeant Hendry had escaped to Invercargill with Mr Kettle, and did not expect to be back before the convention had concluded its sittings. Sergeant Murphy had also escaped to Wellington, and she understood that Sergeant Eales and Sergeant McPhee had been suddenly and mysteriously called away to a distance. She thought, however, that Sub-Inspector Gordon would be only too pleased to take the matter up.

At this point, the Bon. George Fowlds, who had been boiling the kettle over a brisk fire of School Journals, assisted by an unabridged dictionary, announced that tea was ready, and the convention made a wild dash for the refreshments. Our reporter, after a spirited skirmish, was rescued by the ambulance and conveyed home to bed.