THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XXVII, Issue 43, 13 July 1907, Page 16

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

THE sensation of the week has been the Kia Ora wreck enquiry. It is not our intention to comment on the evidence while the matters under investigation are still sub judice, nor would it be either fair or proper to do so, but it may be said without fear of contradiction that there has been some very tall swearing on one side or the other. However, we again nave the right man in the right place in Mr Kettle, who is marvellously patient in an enquiry of this kind, and who will eventually get the truth if it can possibly be discovered. There has been some strong comment in town on the methods pursued in connection with the examination of the witnesses before the enquiry, but even on this point criticism would be premature until the decision of the Court has been given.

There was something very much like a strike amongst the special jury in the great Calliope Dock case. By law each of the jurymen was entitled to be paid one pound for the first day of the trial, and ten shillings for each additional day. On the first day every man pocketed his pound contentedly, though probably most of them lost a good deal more than this through having to serve their country. But as the case dragged on day after day, the jury-box seethed with discontent. Daily the jurymen were being confronted with expert witnesses, not half as goodlooking, and not nearly as intelligent, as themselves, and every one of these experts was being paid one guinea per diem, while the jurors were only getting ten shillings. The position was scandalous and intolerable ! So, after much wrathful cogitation, they constructed a round Robin and sent it on its mission. As it happened, everything combined to

render success oertain. The Judge was not only attentive, but conciliatory : the Registrar was sweetly sympathetic : the counsel were wisely solicitous : the solicitors were wisely counselled to make a concession : the Auckland Harbour Board is a wealthy body,and the Shaw Savill and Albion N Company is not poor. Moreover, some of the jurymen were passably good-looking ; some were comparatively intelligent — as jurymen go. So their wages were doubled, and the threatened strike was averted.

An enterprising Queen-street restaurant-keeper came to light on the Glorious Fourth. With an eye to Yankee patriotism he placed on the menu such dishes as " Stars and Stripes" soup, "Uncle Sam" pudding, "Emancipation" jam roll, and " 4th July f> stew. Probably, if the day of resurrection happened to come along, that restaurantkeeper, always striving to be up-to-date, would promptly put "Resurrection" stew on his bill-of-fare. It's a great idea, this ceaseless striving to extract lucre out of alleged patriotism.

The Devonport police constable or the individual who runs the wretched bus service to Takapuna or both of them combined have hit upon a happy expedient to penalize the Lake residents who have been complaining of the bad service and the manner in which the time table is ignored. The last bus ib timed to leave Devonport at 10.50 p.m., which is understood to be on the arrival of the 10.30 steamer, but if the steamer is two minutes late the passengers discover that the bus has g one — under police orders — whether it is empty or not, leaving them no alternative but to order a special waggonette or walk to Takapuna. This is the Devonport police idea of keeping a time- table. Surely the policeman who is clever enough to devise such a system of getting even with people who worry him out of his easy and indolent existence into something like attention to his duties ought to be made a sergeant. So much intelligence ought not to be allowed to run to waste in an ordinary constable's uniform.

A spasm of virtue has overtaken the Employers' Association, which lately passed a resolution urging every member of the Association to adopt stringent measures for the suppression of gambling. Why not make a start Dy suppressing the gambling in butter, eggs, and otner products ? But perhaps horseracing and two-up are the only forms of gambling recognised by the Employers' Association. " Corners " in produce and building society speculations are, of course, merely matters of business.

What was the reason for the highhanded action of the car conductors last Tuesday night, when the usual 5 o'clock rush set in ? At that time it was raining heavily and every available car was soon crowded, many people, as is generally the case, having to be satisfied with standing room only. Now, each car is licensed to carry a certain number, and a by-law decrees that only that mimber may be carried. In the past, however, this by-law has been honoured more in the breach than in the observance, and at the 5 o'clock rush nearly every car has, in the past, started on its journey with a goodly load of " strap-hangers." Nor have the authorities — civic or otherwise — made any objection. So long as no one was standing on the outside platform, the car was allowed to go on its way unchecked, and, so far, no damage has resulted from such a method.

Suddenly, however, the conductors appear to have had their eyes opened to the awful fact that they, by allowing people to stand up in the cars, have been breaking the by-laws. Conscience striken, they met together and determined that, for the future, they would lead better professional lives. Trembling at the thought of their remissness in the past, they vowed that they would never again allow on to any car a greater number than that car was licensed to carry. This resolve they put into practice last Tuesday night. Each car as it came along was quickly loaded. Then an autocratic conductor counted the passengers and rejected all those in excess of the right number. These people were ruthlessly thrust out into the rain, regardless of age or sex. A woman might have a child in her arms — that didn't matter to the virtuous conductor — she had to go to wait in the pouring rain for the next car.

This sudden spontaneous conversion of the conductors to the necessity for observing the by-laws is highly significant. It is whispered that their high-handed and unwarranted action has been dictated through a sense of dissatisfaction at the award of the Arbitration Court. However that may be, the fact that they chose the wettest night of the week to initiate their new methods shows th?t they have absolutely no consideration for the comfort or convenience of the travelling rm<> lie. whose servants they are. Once before, on the occasion of the strike, the same callousness was shown. On that occasion, the public, for the most part, made light of the inconvenience, because they appeared to

think that the tram employees had right on their side. But if the conductors insist, as they do at present, in adopting a dictatorial and autocratic attitude towards the public, then it is only reasonable to suppose that the much-despised public will rise up and demand to know whether the cars are run for the convenience of the public or of the conductors.

Somebody who calls himself " Stanley Bay " has been telling the Herald that, considering the large population of Devonport, Northcote and the Lake, there should be no difficulty in forming a new ferry company with a capital of £50,000. Bless you, there's no trouble at all. The Lake alone is forming a company with a capital of £75,000. But that is the Lake. Northeote had a company before, and ran it to something approaching insolvency, while Devonport ~wants a municipal ferry service which will carry the people for nothing and compel the property owners, and the property owners only, to pay all the cost. Most of the philanthropists of the community live at Devonport, in rented houses, and don't own property.

The St. Judeans of Avondale were taught a rather severe lesson in connection with a " wooden shanty,"' which they are raising to the glory of Avondale and the good of the church. They announced that the ceremony of laying the foundation stone would take place on a certain day and that Bishop Neligan would shed the light of his countenance and pour out his episcopal blessing upon the undertaking, which goes to show that Moore Richard is inconsistently kind, or, perhaps it would be more correct to say, kindly inconsistent. Perhaps/ however, it would be still more correct to say that Moore Richard draws a fine distinction between a parish hall and a church, in which case it may also be presumed that the episcopal blessing is not quite so powerful in the former case as in the latter. However this may be, the Avondale Judeans neglected to qualify their announcement by inserting the proviso "weather and other circum-, stances permitting." The consequences were disastrous. The winds blew, the rain descended, the floods came with such emphasis that the function had to be postponed. In the meantime, the foundation stone was nicely fixed by the contractor.

The postponed ceremonial was announced for a day later, and this time the St. Judeans, who had evidently taken their lesson to heart, stated that the function would evenutate on the day fixed, "D.V." Then things panned out all right. To be sure the stone was already laid, but it looked just as well as if the orthodox benediction had been duly bestowed upon it. But Moore Richard came, with a number of the, lesser lights and dignitaries. The weather was propitious, for Jupiter Pluvius honoured the occasion with his absence. The indispensable benediction, albeit somewhat belated, was duly poured out, and the erection of the wooden shanty of St. Jude's Parish Hall is now pr<b ceeding apace,

The police come down very promptly on any unfortunate individual who may happen to leave a horse and cart unattended in the street, but they don't appear to mind a mob of horses being driven at breakneck speed through Albert-street on market day. This generally happens about five o'clock, when the streets are full. Perhaps, however, they are only waiting for a fatality to occur before taking action. They may not have to wait very long.

Christchurch people are not a bit grasping. They screwed the Exhibition organ out of the Government, and how they are after the big Maori canoe with the unpronounceable name. Probably they will want to hang on to Manager Munro next. If not, why shouldn't the Auckland Harbour Board purchase him and add him to the white elephant collection ?

The prosecution of Alfred Rhodes in the police court last week on the awful charge of obstructing Queenstreet by placing- one packing case thereon, serves to exemplify in a startling manner the inconsistency of the authorities. For a considerable time past, one of the chief offenders in this respect has been John Court. It is no uncommon thing to see a dozen cases or more lying about in sweet confusion outside his premises, to the inconvenience of traffic and the detriment of the public. Has John Court ever been prosecuted for thus obstructing the City Council's highway ? If our memory serves us right, he has not, but why this is so demands explanation. Is the apathy of the authorities in John Court's case attributable to the fact that John Court is a City Councillor ? Such a deduction is surely justifiable, for how otherwise can the civic authorities explain their inaction ?

The prosecution of Alfred Rhodes* under the circumstances, could verywell be termed persecution. The obstruction of Queen-street is an offence against the city by-laws, and anyone who commits such an offence should certainly be made to give an account of himself. John Court, as a City Councillor, should be one of the first to steer clear of any infringement of that by-law. Leaving that out of the question altogether, however, the fact remains that the civic authorities, by prosecuting one man for obstruction and by closing their eyes to the obstruction caused by others, are guilty of an act of partiality which is unpleasantly akin to the methods of Tammany Hall. But, on the other hand, this may only be the beginning of a series of prosecutions for this offence — prosecutions in which no account will be taken of the offender's influence or social position. If not, then it is high time that the people who organised the prosecution of Rhodes should be called upon to give the reason for their disgracefully inconsistent attitude.

An official in one of the Government departments in Wellington recently retired, which retirement was announced in a small par in the daily papers. That small par covered quite a romance from real life. The official had the temerity to fall in love with a prominent politician's daughter. The daughter so far forgot her duty to the prominent politician as to reciprocate the official' a affection. What is more she expressed her determination to wed that presumptuous young man in spite of the paternal wrath. Then the prominent politician set to work and pulled strings, with the result that the official got a curt note from his Departmental boss informing him that he was transferred to Christchurch. But just as the politician was congratulating himself on having blighted love's young dream, he received word that the presumptuous official, on receiving word that he had to go to Christchurch and be separated from his lady love, had calmly sat down and written his resignation. The course of true love never did run smooth, but just at present it is running a great deal smoother than that prominent politician altogether approves of. The prominent politician's name ? No • thanks. That would be too much Of a surprise packet. S_rU. "-4)1 , * J * * *!•"■ *>•<s"• ''to. •n , \-ir /

It is the dull season in borough matters. This probably accounts for the fact that the local bodies are indulging in their perennial campaign with the Electric Tramways Company for more cars. What is wanted is not so much more cars as that the whole of the present cars should be kept employed. The proportion of cars on the repair list is too large.

Relations are somewhat strained between two well - known insurance canvassers just at present. Canvasser No. 1 was doing such good business that Canvasser No. 2, who bad been specially imported from the South to combat him, got possessed of the green eyed monster. The two met outside a Queen - street restaurant recently, and then the war began. No. 2 gently hinted that No. 1 had been guilty of some sharp practice. No. 1 broke it gently to No. 2 that he (No. 2) was a perverter of the truth. No. 2 murmured sweet nothings to the effect that if he (No. 2) could meet him (No. 1) in some secluded spot, he (No. 1) would find that it was a lucky thing to be insured

against bodily damage. And now No. 1, who is older and weaker than No. 2, is thinking of taking out a few more policies on his life, while No. 2 spends his evenings in gleefully punching a sack of Bpuds slung from the rafters of the domestic wash-house. His time will come, and then where will No. 1 be?

The sanctimonious " Herald " is severe on the bad old Mother Country- Observes Granny : " The goals of our footballers attract more popular attention in the Mother Country than the speeches of our Premiers. This is regrettable." This is Satan reproving sin with a vengeance. Of course, in New Zealand, the popular attention is always fixed on political speeches to the exclusion of all such frivolous things as football. At least it would be, if the " Herald " did not persist in filling its columns with long acounts of football matches and horse-racing, which is regrettable. Doubtless, however, Granny will now see the error of her T^ays, and reform. ■aid <W^Swu.j>v^ ■» »&.«'■ I . Zwn x.'i. -fry .y&_te_2Hj*a