THE COERCION OF THE COUNCIL.

Observer, Volume XXVII, Issue 37, 1 June 1907, Page 23

THE COERCION OF THE COUNCIL.

A GAME THAT DIDN'T COME OFF.

[Dr Stopford, in moving a motion, said that if the Council, would not support .him, he would cay what he thought of them outside. There was no seconder.])

Fob the Observer.

Now, Stopford was a councillor, A City Father bold, With winning ways beyond all praise, And manner stem and cold. He spoke — and all the world stood still To listen to his wail. He talked about the refuse rate, And when he apoke, I beg to state, The councillors turned pale. Said he : " Unless you all agree To hear my words profound, I'll make you tremble 'neath my frown And shiver at the sound Of this my voice, which carries far. So bow yourselves and pray That you may now delivered be From all the disapproval free Of mighty Shorty Way.

" For Shorty put me here to state The Labour party's views ; To tell you things you didn't know, So, if you should refuse . To pass all motions I propose, I'll tell the public what I think, Your Worship, now of you And all the City Council crew, And all the bally lot. " So tremble 'neath my awful threat, For tho', of course, you may Consider that I'm doing things In a quite unusual way, Remember I'm a Labour man, And, therefore, have a right To do exactly-what I like. If not — oh, well, I'll get the spike, $ And then you'll have to fight." The Council smiled a beauteous smile, They said : " 'Tis very plain That if coercion we can use We will not speak in vain. So if a threat can bring to us The things we'd like to see, Altho' the method may be crude The plan's original and good And suits us to a T." Said Smeeton, with prophetic eye : "In ways I'm wise and thrifty, I really think the Council should Be not fifteen, but fifty. For I have lately found it hard To hold position here. But, if the number was increased, I'd havy a better chance at least To win a seat, 'tis clear. " And if my wishes you ignore, Beware ! — for then I'll go And tell the folk of Auckland town Exactly what I know. And in a public meeting place I'll speak about my woes ; And when I've had my little say, From office you'll be swept away — Or so I should suppose." Then Robert Farrell rose in might With sinister intent. He moved a vote of censure on Sir Joseph's Government. Said he : "To Massey let us send A formal note, to say We think he's just the man to grace The bad Sir Joe's exalted place — So why should he delay ? " And should a single one of you Oppose my motion now, You'll find within a brace of shakes There'll be a bally row. I'll gather all my Orange folk And aptly demonstrate That really none of you is fit Within the Council room to sit — You'll meet an awful fate."

Said Entrican : "I have a plan. 1 o make my business gee } To advertise my egga and jams, My pickles and my tea. I move that when the Town Hall's built, You let me have sole rights To paste big posters on the wall, That public notice I may call To groceries' delights. *' A penny ha'penny I would pay For right to advertise ; And should you my demands refuse — Well, then, I'll straightway rise And tell the people what I think Of you, and quickly say That you should be biffed out of here- 1 - For you'd have evil minds, I fear, If you should say me nay." Said Georgie Knight : "It gives me pain, And seems extrwnely hard, That rude inppectors should be sent' To see a chap's back yard. Oh ! let's suppress those evil men Who wander round tih§ place, For— well, 'tis possible, I ween, To strike a yard which isn't clean — But that is no disgrace.' " So if you give me your support, Your Knight I'lPalways be, And show you how to run the show ' With Knightly chivalry. But if 'gainst me you should rebel, I'll call a public meeting, And then you'll find that all your power Will fail you in that awful hour— Your glamour will be fleeting." Then Jimmy Parr arose, and spoke With hauteur great and high ; Said he : •• We want a second Mayor, So who more n't than I ? . We want a man to teach poor Myers The way he ought to go ; To teach him how to wear the state Of premier civic magistrate— 'lheae are the things I know. " Now, do not cast a damper on This novel thought of mine; " For if you do " (his brow grew daifc§| " I'll make you toe the line. •■'• . For then before the public ken' ■■■"•. ■]'.;■ My thoughts of you I'll shontr- ■>• ' ; And few, indeed, of folk therefore -v Who'd face the parabolic Parr, His scornful words to flout." Then all arose with one accord To say what they'd desire. To mention quite a lot of things, To which they would aspire. And if their wants were set aside, They swore they'd quickly call A public meeting, there to place Their woes before the public face, Whatever might befall. But then arose bold Arthur Myers, His look was grim and stern ; Said he : " I've sat in patience here, But yet the worm must turn. And now unless in half a jiff Into your seats you've got, I'll exercise my power as Mayor, And have obedience to the chair, Or else expel the lot." The Council stared, then turned in awe And toddled to their places, With haste upon their little feet And awe upon their faces. And tho' a mere hypothesis This sinful yarn may be, If Dr Stopford and his ways Should e'er become the Council's craze Such doings we may see.