UNDER THE BAN.

Observer, Volume XXVII, Issue 35, 18 May 1907, Page 23

UNDER THE BAN.

[The Lord Chamberlain has suppressed all performances of " The Mikado " out of respect to Prince Fushima. — News item.}

Will you list to my verse with a sigh and a curse, While I tell you — altho' uninvited — How a bold little chap, who was known as a Jap Came to live in this country benighted ? He had almondy eyes, and a smile that was wise, But not p'raps, peculiarly pretty. And his nose it was small, and as flat as a wall, While his cheeks were unpleasantly gritty ; For his cheeks, don't you see, Were the colour of tea, And were also unpleasantly gritty. With regard to his dress, I must truly confess That I couldn't describe it correctly ; It was something between an infernal machine

And a circus, if viewed circumspectly. And his name, let me say, was How-Ah-Yoo-Too-Day, While his rank — oh, please grant your attention — Was that of a son to Big-Wal-Lop-Ping-Guv, Who's a star of the biggest dimension. That fellow called Gun, In the land of the sun, Is a star of the biggest dimension. Now, How-Ah-Yoo-Too-Day came to Auckland to stay, So the Mayor sent an order emphatic, To tell us we all must do nothing to gall Those Japanese senses ecstatic. He told us to see that our conduct should be

Respectful in all of our dealings; For Day, it is plain, would experience

much pain If we didn't consider his feelings; For Japs, recollect, Have a right to object, If we fail to consider their feelings. Now, the Opera Club are hard beggars

to snub, And for months they'd rehearsed "The Mikado" ; So they said they would play it in spite of Too-Day, For his feelings they had no regard — OH 1 And the public might swear, but the Club didn't care, But went on with their work of destruction ; What? Their names? Well, I think — just permit me to wink — We'll dispense with all grand introduction. There was Dearest Clive Lowe, There was bold Abel Rowe — But be blowed to all grand introduction !

There was tall G. M. Reid, who's a singer indeed, There was Tayler — that's Archdale — as Ko-Ko ; There was Ryan, J. W. — I'm sorry to trouble you — But rhyming is no bally joke — OH ! There was Gresham, called T, who was certain to be A success as the handsome Mikado ; Oh, wait half a shake while a breather I take, For this versification is hard — oh ! They say 'tis sublime To be able to rhyme, But I find it most terribly hard — OH !

There were others I knew in that opera crew, There were supers who sang in the chorus ; And we thought it a boon when they warbled in tune, Tho' a feeling of sadness came o'er us. And they'd stand and rehearse, tho' the popular curse Was a thing that they got every minute. Oh, the tom-cat at night is a murderous wight, But the torn cat was really not in it ; For the Thomas cat's howl When he's out on the prowl ■ Was most really and truly not in ic.

Now, the Mayor, one fine day, sent a message to say That the Opera Club mast dissemble. It was really do use — for they mustn't produce " The Mikado " — 'twould make their guest tremble. By the May'ral command the performance was banned, In case it offended the Jappee. For the sight of Yuoi-Yutn would, perchance make him glum, And the snickersnee make him unhappy. While the gay tra-la-la Of the sweet Katisha Would make him quite doubly unhappy.

Oh, you'll surely admit that the giddy torn-tit That sang " Willow, tit-willow, titwillow !" Would cause the Jap's head, when he went to his bed, To lie without ease on the pillow. And the gay Ndiiki- Poo is a reprobate, too, While Pish-Tush is horribly vicious; Aud the bad Pitti-Sing is a bold, naughty thing, And such conduct is never delicious. The wicked Peep-Bo Is a female, you know, Whose conduct is never delicious.

The haughty "ha-ha" of the villain Pooh-Bah On the Japanese ears would be grating, And the wretched Ko-Ko is both vulgar and low — 'Tis a fact which needs no demonstrating. As for Gilbert himself — he's a mischievous elf, And his progress they ougtit to returd, OH ! 'Tis said, with good reason, he's grilty of treason In libelling thus the Mikado. Tho' at writing, this Bab Is a bit ot a dab. He's no right to insult the Mikado !

As Ko ko's on bail from the dread county jail, It follows his morals are shady. And Yum-Yuiu's so bold, it can eaa'ly be told That you cannot wpM call her a lady. Thf wild Nanki-Poo is a criminal, too, With tendencies moat suicidal, While Pooh-bah is worse, for he's bribed with a purse To hurry a dissolute bridal ! It must fill one with pain, Just for motives of gain, For a fellow to hurry n bridal !

And the songs should be nice — bnt they're brimful of vice, Of these three little maids who are giggling, And their morals would make Sergeant Hendry's heart ache, And set all the moralists wriggling. Oh ! our blood it must boil at the thought of the oil, For which kindly refer to libretto. For such treason as that would knock any man flatOn that point I am willing to bet — OH ! As ray morals are good, Be it, please, understood That I joke when I say that I'll bet — OH !

Indignation was loud in that opera crowd When the Mayoral message was sent •them ; They said that they'd play " Th« Mikado " that day, And nothing would ever prevent them. Sang the bold Abel Rowe : " I fear no bally foe When I'm dressed in an armour that's shining ;" And he said : '« We will write to the Mayor this night, His proffered presumption declining. So just leave it to me, With my metaphors free, His advice to be gently declining."

So they went and had tea, then they came back in glee, In that opera wicked to revel. And 'tis plain, as 'twas banned by the May'ral command, That they're well on the road to the — (can't think of a rhyme for •'r^vel" just at present. Any pu^estions will be thanklessly received). And th^y sang once again in the wicked refrain Of the dissolute bird in " Tifr Willow." It was wicked and sad — it was evil and bad, It woulii turn any moralist ill — OH i The/ the times might be good, Be it well understood That the words might make moralists ill— OH !

In the audience that night, there was one whose delight Appeared to be wholly unbounded; When they saw who it was, well, they started, because 'Twas sufficient to make them dumbfounded. For that nmeh-amused chap was that same little J«p, Whose feelings they took so much care of ; And he chortled with glee at the bright snickersnee — 'Tis a tact, p'raps, you weren't aware of. In this Jap's yellow face They were able to trace Many things that they weren't aware of.

Oh, the moral is plain that no vestige of pain Should be caused by such innocent humour, And the Jap's known to laugh at a sally of chaff, According to travellers' rumour. If a manager's banned by the Chancellor's hand From playing the harmless Mikado, 'Tis easy to see that the land of the free Holds its freedom in lightest regard — OH ! Oh, but writing this rhyme Is a aad waste of time, And the waster's the murderous bard— OH !