A PAYNE-FUL LETTER.

Observer, Volume XXVII, Issue 35, 18 May 1907, Page 3

A PAYNE-FUL LETTER.

The Technical Instructor and the Tradesman.

IS there anything in the atmosphere surrounding the Technical School

which moves the frequenters thereof to strange deeds? Or is a Technical Instructor always endowed with an abnormal sense of his own importance? Certainly, from all appearances, there is one member of the staff who appears to adhere to the opinion that a technical instructor is a person far removed from the common herd. This individual's name is John Payne. Let us frankly aomit that we have not the pleasure of Mr John Payne's acquaintance. Such presumption would ill become us. But we have had the honour of reading some of Mr John Payne's opinions concerning the common herd and other insects, and we propose to enrich the world by immortalising a few of these same opinions which have been recorded by Mr John Payne through the medium of a typewriter, and which are subscribed by the majestic signature of Mr John Payne.

First of all, however, a little explanation may not be out of place. Mr John Payne, it seems, has been welling over with love and affection for Mr George George. This, of course, is only another proof of Mr John Payne's superiority over the common herd. To show his love and affection for Mr George George, Mr John Payne was desirous of organising a little ceremony. The idea was that the instructors of the Technical School should combine together and accumulate among themselves sufficient hard cash to present Mr George George with a photographic shield. This, presumably, was to remind Mr George George that he always nad Mr John Payne — and others — to stand by him. The reminder would appear to be somewhat superfluous in view of Mr John Payne's remarkable energy.

Be that as it may, the fact remains that Mr John Payne, with a promptitude which does equal credit to his heart and hand, proceeded to circularise various parties with reference to organising a dinner and presentation of a photographic shield to Mr George George. It appears from Mr John Payne's circular, that for the trifling sum of 13s 6d, any member of the common herd could acquire the inestimable privilege of being present at the dinner and of having his features photographically represented in the shield in company with the features of Mr John Payne. One would think that a bargain of that nature would be absolutely rushed. But it was not. One member, at least, of the common herd was presumptuous enough to reply to Mr John Payne's circular by pointing out that things had not run altogether smoothly at the Technical School, and that for various reasons he declined to have anything to do with Mr John Payne's little scheme.

As might have been expected, Mr John Payne arose in his righteous wrath and smote the objector through the medium of a typewriter and three sheets of foolscap. Mr John Payne's letter is a gem. It is guaranteed to overpower any member of the common herd who may chance to annoy Mr John Payne. Says Mr John Payne : " The consideiable friction you mention as existing amongst the staff of Auckland Technical School has no existence, except in your own mind." If anybody but Mr John Payne had made this statement, we would have been inclined to doubt the accuracy thereof. We would have inquired how it came about that only a week or so ago a complaint was sent in to the Board of Education by one of the instructors. This complaint, be it remembered, had direct reference to the administration of Mr George George. However, if Mr John Payne says that there is no friction, it is enough. Far be it from us to cast a doubt upon the innate veracity of Mr John Payne. Such behaviour would ill become us.

For the benefit of the common herd, who rarely revel in epistolary masterpieces, let us quote another extract from Mr John Payne's letter : — " lean only say," writes the Chesterfieldian Mr John Payne, "that I understand such expressions of opinion emanating from a tradesman. I am afraid you tradesmen hardly understand the amenities of the social side of life. We professional men, and especially we professional comraerial men, do know and appreciate," etc., etc. After this it is only reasonable to suppose that the wretched and presumptuous tradesman addressed has gone and buried himself in the nearest dust bin. If not, why does' he presume to still cumber the earth ? The common herd will, of course, note the subtle distinction between a mere " tradesman " and a " professional commercial man " like Mr John Payne. Between the two there is a great gulf fixed, and let no man attempt to cross that gulf, unless he is a piofessional commercial man like Mr John Payne.

But even after this withering blast Mr John Payne had not used up all his stock of destructive material. Says the professional commercial man : " Of all the members of the staff, I am the most independent. None of you were making the income before you took up technical work that I was making before I took up technical duties, AND NONE OF YOU CAN EARN THE INCOME THAT I CAN WHEN I CHOOSE TO GIVE UP TECHNICAL WORK." The capitals are not ours. They emanated from the inspired typewriter of the professional commercial man, and are therefore fit and proper objects of respect. If proof were wanted that the professional commercial man is omniscient, we have it here in the fact that he knows the amount of income which these members of the common herd are, have been, and will be in receipt of. This is somewhat uncanny. But why, if Mr John Payne possesses such gifts, does he persist in throwing himself away as a mere teacher of bookkeeping, shorthand, and typewriting in the Auckland Technical School? We fear that Mr John Payne is modest. One would not infer so from his letter, but actions speak louder than words — even when these words are typewritten by a professional commercial man like Mr John Payne.

Further, Mr John Payne devotes ten typewritten lines to a burst of spontaneous praise for Mr George George. This proves the disinterestedness of Mr John Payne's motives. Should Mr George George ever be seeking for another position, he can always produce Mr John Payne's eulogy as a testimonial. This ought to hold good in any part of the civilised world, except among tradesmen, and, of course, such common people are not worth considering. So long as Mr George George can bask in the sunshine of the smile of a professional commercial man like Mr John Payne, verily he need not vex his soul about any paucity in salary. As for the common tradesman to whom Mr John Payne delivered this homily upon the virtues of professional commercial men as compared with mere tradesmen, let him remember that the said tradesmen are but worms, after all. Of course, he can never be like Mr John Payne, but let him be as like Mr John Payne as he's able to be. If we had more Mr John Paynes locally, Auckland would certainly be a more entertaining place to live in than it is at present. However, we will have to be satisfied with the one and only Mr John Payne whom we have got. He seems to be doing very well indeed, which, no doubt, is owing to the fact that he never allows himself to forget that he is a professional commercial man, and not a mere tradesman.