They say

Observer, Volume XVI, Issue 911, 13 June 1896, Page 3

They say

— That Detective Chrystal always carries his stick when he is on the water. It is as good as a life-boat.

— That black-thorns and coat-tails are in demand for the coming Ponsonby School Committee election. Whirroo !

— That the miners of the Upper Thames may put one of themselves into the House as their member at the coming elections. And so they ought.

—That one of our leading society ladies became so excited on the grandstand at Ellerslie during the progress of the Steeplechase that she actually swore. Oh, fie!

— That Harry Hoffman's footprints are still visible in the mnd all the way to Waitekauri and back. The waggoners are afraid there will be a drowning case if somebody falls into one of those holes.

— That good resolutions are like fainting ladies — because they want carrying out.

— That the general elections "will take place within eight weeks of the close of the coming session of Parliament.

— That there were plenty of upcountry scrip transfers flying round the market after this week's races. Those losses had to be made good somehow.

— That the Maori Parliament is up to date in its closure methods. It keeps its members on one meal a day until arrears of legislation are put through.

— That the greetings at St. Andrew's Kirk last Sunday were not as friendly as usual. Bad friends for the glory of God, eh ?

— That it's all moonshine about the girls petitioning Parliament to have leap year come ' considerably oftener.' Fancy not another for eight years, though.

— That Magistrate Northcroft was not far astray when he said that if fool language was not in a man, it would not come out of him when he was drunk.

— That Ballance - Seddon - Smith is the fearful baptismal name inflicted by some Napier parents upon their helpless firl child. And yet they would ask us to elieve there is nothing in a name.

, — That the typhoid epidemic in Auckland is at an end at last. But will any steps be taken to minimize the typhoid evil next season ?

—That Sir Walter Buller did not treat his friends to a champagne supper when the report of the Horowhenua Commission was made known.

— That no one would have taken Solicitor Baume for anything but a bushranger if they had seen him coming home from Paeroa to other night.

— That Councillor Courtney is getting a snit of mail built, ' Irish pattern,' in case he's called to the chair at the coming Ponsonby School Committee election.

— That lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them.

— That the recent disclosures in connection with the Ward Farmers' Association and the Colonial Bank are likely to affect Mr Ward's position in the Ministry. It is to be hoped not.

— That they have a football club at Awahuri which thinks no small beans of itself. It is called the Kauhanganui, which means 'To challenge the world.' The City team had better try a fall with it.

— That in Wellington they are organising a band of teachers for the purpose of giving non-sectarian religious instruction out of school hoars. But what are the paid religious teachers doing ?

— That a gentleman who was determined to outdo the horticulturist who raised chickens from egg plants, has succeeded in producing a colt from a horsechestnut, and a calf from a cow-ard.

— That a good many fortunes will be made in Auckland out of mining scrip before the present year is out. We have not seen the real beginning of the mining boom even yet.

— That fifty -two Austrians arrived in Auckland this week era route for the local gumfields. They will be making cheap labour for the goldfields before they have been in the colony three months.

— That Councillor Courtney made a wager of £25 with a friend that he would not keep spirits in his house for twelve months He has just won the bet. But why didn't he put up the sign '^Bellamy's ' over his stable ?

— That an ingenious young man named Henry Lorenz has succeeded in generating electric light from chemicals in glass jars. By this means he supplies his widowed mother's cottage at Hunterville with a brilliant electric light.

— That Sir Maurice O'Rorke was very half-hearted the other night when he suggested that the time had come for him to close his political career. He will be in the thick of the fight all right when the election comes on.

— That the Thames sports being determined to come up to the Steeplechase meeting, and fearing that the Northern Company would be unable to provide a Sunday boat, half engaged a scow. Bill JbJnrton is now floating a company to buy a steamer.

— That the order has gone forth that no mine manager who does not hold a first class certificate shall have charge of a mine on which there is a shaft. But do the clever boys in the firat class at the School of Mines know about shaft sinking ?

— That the population of Auckland provincial district has increased by more than 20,000 in the last five years. Who says now that the legislation of the Liberal Government is driving population out of the country ?

— That the farmer whose pigs were so lean that it took two of them to make a shadow, has been beaten by another, who had several so thin that they would crawl through the cracks in their pen. He finally stopped the fun by tying knots in their tails.

— That an up-country joker, coming away out of the grand-stand booth at the races, rather top-heavy, fell on the doorstep. Trying to regain his footing he remarked, 'If it be true that " the wicked stand on slippery places," I must belong to a different class, for it's more than 1 can do.'

— That a gentleman called the other day to consult a local physician with regard to rheumatism, which caused him much pain. The doctor immediately sat down and wrote him a prescription. As the patient was going away the doctor called him back : 'By the way, sir, should my prescription happen to afford you any relief, please let me know, as I am mysefi suffering from an affection similar to yonie, and for the last twenty years have tried in vain to cure it.'