THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Issue 780, 9 December 1893, Page 7

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

A Quill for Everyone.

' Bio ' promises a double-page for ne?t week showing Onehunga under female government. The Thames is suffering a flood. We are sorry it is not the long-snspeoted flood of good fortune. There is a strong suspicion of some queer business connected with the tendering of the town clock and chimes. But of this, more anon. The Earl of Glasgow, anxious no doubt to become acquainted with all the 'best' people, visited Pentridge stockade and the city gaol whilat in Melbourne. — Bulletin. There is one respect in which the women contrasted well with the men on election day. They exercised the franchise without, in one single instance, getting into the lock-up. A giddy young couple were chasing each other round the deck of a yacht at the Ponsonby Regatta when the lady slipped and fell overboard. Of course, phe was rescued. Bat there was very little fun left in her during the remainder of that afternoon. That charge of heresy against Eev. Mr Neill, of the Thames, seems to be hanging fire. Meanwhile, the number of communicants baa been greater than at any time for the past sixteen years. There seems to be a great deal of sympathy with the heretic. Shepherd Allen and his better half drove up to the Parnell polling-booth in their buggy, and alighting to record their votes, left horse and vehicle in the charge of a small boy. Suddenly a Lawryite came rushing up, and seeing the unprotected state of the buggy, seized the reins from the hand of the astonished small boy, and jumping up, drove off on ' electioneering business.' And it was a long time before Mr Allen was once more in possession of his ' trap.' But all's fair in love, war and electioneering. There is an action for breach of promise set down for hearing at the Civil Sittings of the Supreme Court whioh commence to-day. 'I he parties come from Opotiki, and their little love troubles are likely to afford some amusement to the general public, the love epistles having boen frequent and voluminous. Rachel McGregor is the maiden with the blighted affections, for which she seeks .£2OO by way of compensation, and her action is against one James Dowling. They say that James is relying upon the fact that the lady agreed to break oft the engagement, but we shall see. It was not our intention to have issued the Obsbevek Christmas Number until Monday next, but yielding to the desire expressed by many of our subscribers we published the first ten thousand -copies last Friday— one day before the departure of the San Francisco mail. Our publishing office was fairly deluged with orders, and even yet we have not managed to overtake the demands upon us. Everyone is delighted with the number, and it is admitted, on all sides to be the best Christmas edition ever published in Auckland. All the pictures in this number, we may explain, were produced in our own establishment by means of our photozincographic process. This process is a recently discovered one, and we believe the Observer is the only printing office in this colony by which it is used. There is a type-setter on the staff of the Christchurch Press who evidently believes that the people of the Empire City are a shocking example to the rest of the colony. The other day it became his duty to put into type the telegraphic report of a public meeting in Wellington for the re-eatablishment of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Perhaps he was afflicted with that ' incurable bias ' of which we have heard so much in connection with the Sydenham Licensing Committees. At any rate, the Press next morning startled its readers -with the news that the public meeting at Wellington had resolved, upqn the initiative of Mr. T. W. flislop, ' That the time has arrived for the re-establishment of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Females.'

They seem to take politics very seriously to heart in France. The cable bringe us news of the President and several of his Ministers weeping over each other because they could not form a Cabinet. But perhaps this is only one of the cabletnan's little romances to fill up a dull season. Of course, there are spoils of offioe in France that are worth weeping for. They may talk as much high f alutin nonsense as they please about female franchise and women's rights, but it is impossible to ignore the fact that Onehunga is just now the laughing stock of the community. The Town Clerk (an excellent man) and four borough councillors have resigned^ while the Mayoress has had her photograph taken, in a group with two of the remaining: councillors, in order that she may send it to the Queen. A Southern paper spins a very tough yarn anent a young man who was journeying by excursion train to Riverton, along with his best girl, the other day. They were sitting on the carriage step, side by side, when the youth, jumping to his feet, fell clean off the train. He was unhurt, and jumping up he raced after the train and the young lady — wildly waving his handkerchief. In his haste he collided with the lever-handle of a set of pointB — rebounded, turned two or three somersaults, and resumed his train chase. Corning up with the train at last, he scrambled aboard ' quite unhurt and almost unruffled.' He must have been a ! very remarkable young man. But then of course it was a New Zealand train he was racing. That musn't be forgotten. And our New Zealand trains are like the train described by Mark Twain. Noticing the enormous ' cow-catcher ' attached to the engine' of this ' express ' Mark suggested that it (the cow-catcher) Bhould be taken off the engine and hitched on to the guard's van. *Why?' said the conductor. 'To keep stray cattle from wandering in t as we go along,' said Mark ' and nibbling at the legs of the passengers.'

i The female regime at Onebunga threatens to turn things topsy-turvy. The local fire brigade has given two months' notice of their intention to resign. ' Let the women put out their own blooming fires,' they aay. The Herald, during the election, 1 afforded some of the sweetest examples of inconsistency that could have been found arywhere. One of the most striking of these was its action in trying to ruin Mr Gerald Peacocke's chances, on the ground that he favoured the single tax, while at the same time, it was loudly championing the cause of ftir Withy, who is well known as the most ardent advocate of single tax principles in Auckland. So like the Herald. There is one thing about the female franchise that •we cordially approve of. The women seem determined to have nothing whatever to do with men whose moral characters will not bear investigation. ' This is well, provided always that they are correct in their judgment. And Parliament is not the only place which requires reform in this respect. There are men on some of our local bodies whose masks of hypocrisy should be torn off so that they may be exposed before the community as the unclean things that they really are. This is a mission in which the Obseeveb will not hesitate to assist. One of the strong points urged against Mr J. M. Dargaville in the Eden contest was that the people of his own district would not vote for him. That this was wholly untrtie is shown by the fact that Mr Frank Dargaville, his son, and one of the candidates for Bay of Islands, headed the poll at Dargaville. If Mr J. M. Dargaville had stood for that seat, he would unquestionably have done better still. But this is only one of the many notable examples of the misrepresentations to which he was subjected. Commercial printing of all kinds -cheaply and expeditiously donp at the Observes office.

A Melbourne paper contains the following ad. :. ' Three . gentlemen want suits to measure. State deposit wanted, weekly.' Marvellously hard-up Melbourne ! There is a great danger that blood will be shed at Deyonport yet over the mortuary chapel business. The venerable Oliver is greatly concerned at a story. someone has told him of an intention to establish a Jesuit convent or something of that kind in the old chapel.' Terrible, isn't it ? The exclusion of Hons. W. Rolleston and G. F. Richardson from the present Parliament is a public calamity. Though we may differ from them on party grounds, yet we are bound to concede to them that they are two of the ablest. and most upright politicians in the country. The female vote has gone astray in this in-., stance.. Here is a refreshing item from the latest epistle of the Auckland Herald's own special society groveller in * ondon : — ' A New Zealand friend of mine was at a large public gathering recently, in the great square of Liverpool, opposite St. George's ! Hall, wherethe band was playing". When [ the National Anthem was struck up hardly a single hat was moved in all that vast assemblage. Fancy such an occurrence in New Zealand ! Why, there weuld be a row on the spot ! Yet nobody seemed to see anything strange or disloyal in the lack of respect shown.' The confidence of the •writer in the loyalty of New Zealanders is sadly misplaced. The National Anthem is constantly played at large assemblages, and nary a hat is lifted. And yet we have seen no rows on the spot, or off the spot, either, for the matter of that.

The South Island returned only four members opposed to the present Govern-, ment. It will be a matter of some difficulty to get anything like ah Opposition together in the new Parliament. The late lamented Ananias would, have turned green with envy if he could have read the Auckland Herald's election articles, lfc is fortunate for the Herald that sudden death is no longer the punishment for mendacity. Women's rights are in the air.. They are talking of a female Foresters lodge at the Thames now. Probably there would be female Masonic lodges too, if they could depend upon the women to keep the secrets and go home at a decent hour from the lodge meetings. The Australian women suffragists should go might and main for raising the salaries of female school-teachers to the level of males. In that class of labour the | hours of work are the same and the results. of the work can be authoritatively tested, and where conditions are equal, salary [ also should be equal. Thus the Bulletin. \ The sentiment is a popular one in New Zealand. " I There is much mirth at Birkenhead [ just now concerning the ' bowling out ' of an individual who was in the employ of all three candidates for Eden. He had forgotten the injunction anent the imposi sibility 'of serving two masters, and had sought to serve three. But he was found i out, and though he has done a little sorvi.ee for each of the three it is improbable that he will rejoice in the pay of even one.