CHRISTMAS PRIZE LIST

Observer, Volume XI, Issue 754, 10 June 1893, Page 4

CHRISTMAS PRIZE LIST

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In This Week's Issue.

The way to soften a policeman. Call him inspector.

Japanese version of 'beware of pickpockets':— ' Visitor is requested to take good care of himself from thievely.'

An ex-patient says that as soon as the female convalescents of a certain Sydney hospital are able to sit up easily, they are set to the comforting pastime of making Bhrouds.

The pious and "benevolent person who makes a pile by robbing everyone who does business with him, and who then subscribes liberally to charities, may be described as doing good ' by stealth.'

Ups and Downs. She visited the skating rink, Her soul was filled with bhss ; She struck a rough spot on the floor •siqj e^tj %snt papa^f pay

Astonishing what a little thing will break up a friendship, sometimes ! Said Mrs Brown to- Mrs Jones the other day— ' My husband is so hard to please.' ' He must have changed since he married you,' was the reply, and now they never Bpeak as they past? by.

The Gaiety Company's ' local allusions ' were as little relished in Christchurch as they were in Auckland. A Chnstchurch pressman expressed surprise at one allusion that ' ought to have been beneath the dignity of an actor of Mr Lonnen's eminence.' The wooden-joke maker appears to travel around with the company. Some day hie identity will be revealed, and he will be killed, and the jury will return a verdict of • justifiable homicide. 1

Some wicked joker sprinkled cayenne pepper on the floor of the Salvation Army Barracks at Danevirke the other day. There was a concert in the hall the same night. When the singing commenced, that red pepper got in its work. • T'shoo !' went the singer, •t'shoo.' Then the pianist stopped to ' t'shoo,' and the Chairman rose to say a (' t'shoo 1') few words. But before he could say them, the audience were all ' t'shooing ' and finally an adjournment had to be made to the open air, while the cause of all the trouble was removed.

A "Wellington Queen's wharf official met with a blood-curdling experience the other morning. As he was walking up the wharf just before daybreak, he saw three animals approaching him at a brisk trot, and in the dim morning light he took them for escaped lions from Fillis' Circus. He didn't think long about it, but just shinned up one of the hydraulic cranes and shrieked for help. That man's feelings may be imagined but cannot be described when he learned that the three • lions ' were simply three brown retrievers, out for a morning scamper.

Shopping.

Three maidens went shopping out in the

town, Auckland town— when the sun went down: Each thought of the colour that suited her best

For a winter hat or a dressing gown, And had it sent home on the morrow.

And each for the man she loved did buy A wild and terrible-patterned tie That each man wore in sorrow ;

For the women must buy, and the men must wear, • Though the style is enough to curl one's hair, Or trouble dire to borrow !

A "Wairarapa parson, the Eev. Gibson, preached a sermon the other night on ' Model Young Ladies,' taking as his text ' That our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace ' (Psalms). The rev. gentleman's feminine ideal was a young person who should be athletic, know how to cook, mend clothes, play and sing, and have brains and culture enough to take up a learned profession. The Rev. Gibson evidently knows what's what. But is he in search of a wife ? If so he should remember that there 13 nothing particularly corner-stoney about the modern girl. She is neither as cold nor as polished as marble. She is just flesh and blood, and most men prefer her that way,

Do you want a better appetite ? Do you want to eat well, sleep well, and be well ? Then take No. 2K. T. Booth's Golden Bemedy. This great tonic is for the bruin, nerves, and blood. It cares dyßpepsia, neuralgia, and weakened energy. It gives tone to the whole system, and is the best tonic on this earth. At all chemists. — (Advt.)