My Visit to the Sunday School Exhibition.

Observer, Volume X, Issue 622, 29 November 1890, Page 12

My Visit to the Sunday School Exhibition.

(By the BuLßtrii.)

Having been caught by the love of variety, and wishing to see what talent our younger cousins show in the way of inventive genius, I wended my way to the Drill Shed, where I am told our volunteers, when they choose to turn j out, g© for a little exercise, to air their guns, and give the big guns in office a show to do something in the way I of earning their small salaries. Arrived at the Drill j Shed, I was thunderstruck at the magnificence of the building, with its lofty sides swelling into the skies, and the noble tower in front, with the statues and busts of our most famous generals, from Lord Garrard, D.C., to Sir Billy Hod^e, oar greatest political reformer ; and my breast he&\ ed with pride when I thought how visitors would leave Auckland extolling the magnificence of our public building i, and the Drill Shed in particular. The minstrels, in ro i ooats and white faces, with gold cornets, were playing .-<, piece from the ' Mikado,' and to my mind were exceptionally fitted for a Sunday-sohool Exhibition. Overcoming my nervousness, I buttoned up my coat, adjusted my tie, looked to the priming of my pistols, and then stepped boldly in, to be met by a handsome young gentleman who asked the loan of a shilling. As I never could refuse such requests, he allowed me to pass, and I entered— what? The greatest Turkish bath I had ever met with ; girls and boys crushing here and crushing there, sedate ma's and pa's standing wiping the salt water from their cheeks and saying to each other how cold it was. My soliloquising j was doomed to be interrupted, for upon looking down my i gaze was met by the dearest little pair of blue eyeß I had ever seen. The owner of the eye 3 was looking coquettishly at me and murmuring something about sending a telegram to someone, which would be delivered instanter. I told her with tears in my eyes, and my heart fluttering wildly, that 1 was a stranger and could not read or write English, as I had come from that barbarian land where men make fortunes in a year and spend it sometimes in six months (America), but my charmer's persuasive powers being too much for me, I sent a wire to a cousin in Hong Koner, which I hope she may get, as I haven't the slightest notion of getting there myself. Wending, or rather scrummaging my way to the right corner of the building, a genie was playing with fire and water and making young ladies scream, and not wanting to be charmed into a monkey or pug dog I fled to the next room, where I was met by an odour as if a pastrycook's shop was on fire and all the fat running: out of pica. I entered —it waa the cookery department — and there I saw floating icebergs, indiarubbet balls, and snow-clad mountains. Being blessed with a good palate, I put forth my hand, but waa met by a fierce head j worthy of a Circassian and told not to touch, and fearing for my life, I rushed out into the arms of a darling I girl, begged pardon, and scrambled my way to where i Adelina Patti was singing. My uncultured ears were next assailed by cries of distress, and hastily unslinging my revolver and carefully removing the bullet, I rushed manfully to the rescue : but here another disappointment was meted out to me, and dashed my hope of blood to the ground. It was only a choir of young ladies crying an anthem, and being threatened to be given in charge for carrying firearms, I covered my devoted head and wept. I next found myself in a square in the centre of the building, which I was told was set apart for old people for resting, but seeing a few couples sitting down (probably sending telegrams, for both their hands were behind their backs), I named the square Spooning Lane, and departed, wishing for Leap Year, when some adorer will probably take compassion and lead me to the aitar, or to the piano to sing a song. Being thoroughly depressed, I made my way to the left of the entrance, and there saw something that made my heart glad. These were nica models of yachts, made by boys, and built on lines that would put the Thistle and Valkyrie to shame ; but as the coming a<?e will be a peaceful one, so may the elements never get angry, for not one of the models had a ' reef-knot ' in their sails and nary a companion way in which to shelter from the tempest, excepting a small model, to my eyes a China tea boat, which had but one row, and was made by a boy of about twelve, while the others were made by boys from 17 to 20 ' Try your weight, sir,' being next dinned into my ears, I told the man feelingly that I was frightened, as I had wept so much and all my syinpatuies were quashed, and promising to go to Sunday-school to be in time for the feast, I left him and turned my attention to looking for anyone I knew. Then the minstrels started playing ' God (Save the Queen,' and being no Sociali-t, I left with the intention of summoning the first uoliceinan ai.d giving tiiem in charge for murdering the Queen's Anthem. I have firmly resolved to create a sensation at the next exhibition by making something which will take all the first prizes and hand my name down to remote antiquity.

The ' Marseillaise ' is the finest and most inspiriting of military times, and i«« well termed the ' revolutionary hymn.' There is a revolution iv the whisky t>-ade of the colonies since tke Distiller's ijomyany turned taeir attention in this direction and appoiii'ed Hgen s iv all the chief oM.t'-f-b. They are the largest distillers in the world, with a.i auuual output eaual to six and a -half milli <n cabes— a fach th.it at ou-e proves how the pub'io of the w.orl I stick to au undoubtedly good article.