Diary of a Donkey.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 543, 25 May 1889, Page 12

Diary of a Donkey.

. (By A. G. ASSOFACUS, ESQ.) » MAY 6. — Issued invitations to another Smok. ing Pool, and to Ballot for Jury to choose finest girls for Beauty Show. Nearly five hundred photos received. By Jovet Some very curious creatures. One all forehead and no hair, another all hair and no forehead ; one all neck and no collar, another all collar and no neck. Mabel sure to take a first place. Patty very fair. Claraw, poor Olaraw! may be amongst the twelve, but I hardly think bo. Spent the evening with Mabel. Found her in tears, by Jovel Had a letter from her mother telling her that her only little brother Jim had died, and asking her ,to send a little money to bury poor little Jim* Mabel in a terrible way. Asked me for a cheque. Gave it with pleasure to bury little Jim, Hate little brothers. Would assist to bury the lot of them gladly. MAY 7.— Letter from Patty Jolly this morning. Poor Patty ! can't help herself, don't you know. " Dear Mr Assofacus, — When I sit down to write to you, or indeed think of you, I boil over with emotion ; I am enraptured, entranced and transported when I see your manly figure in my mind's eye, Horatio (Assofacus, I beg your pardon), and then when I think that you can't be mine, how great is my despair I cannot tell. Yes, it is too true, and pity 'tis 'tis true, and yet it cannot be, for mother says, ' Not yet, not yet me child I' My mother bids me bind my heart, And free me of this care, love ; She tells me to pluck out the dart That you have planted there, love. She says I'm but a baby yet, Scarce out of short attire, love — That I must wait and, maybe, get Another to admire, love ! But this, my love, can never be, So long as you're alive, love, For you're the most resplendent B ? (ach«lor) In all the Auckland hive, love. You gather honey all the day, From every opening flower, love, And my big brother says you may Be seen in every bower, love (bar, love). He told mamma, and if you saw The anger in her face, love, She said that she would tell my Pa — 'Twas such a frightful case, love. Then fare thee well, my own A. G., I must obey mamma, love ; Perhaps, you'll sometimes think on me — Assofacus ! Ta, ta, love ! Yes, all is now over between vs — your spark* ling wit, your aesthetic tastes, your enchanting manner must be another's to enjoy in life-long companionship, for my mother says that I am ta remain for a few years longer Patty Jolly." •^oor Patty, I rather feel for that girl. MAY B— Mabel consulted me about going into mourning for her little brother Jim. We talked the matter over, and both thought that a band, on the arm, don't you know, and a mourning ring for herself and one for her mother would be the right sort of thing. Mabel says that her motheris a deuce of a swell, a cousin of the Cavendishes, of Chatsworth House and Hardwick Hall. By Jove ! ' Ordered the rings from Maier of Queenstreet. MAY 9— Ton my soul and honour, these girls do mash on me. At the Columbia skating rink ; Patty there. Told me about her mother being SO' strict, and her brother such an ass. I must say I do feel for poor Patty, although she's not a patch on Mabel. MAY 10 — Mabel in new pink dress from Milne and Choyce, looking splendid. Very cheap, don't you know ; only a fiver. Mabel is economy itself. By Jove ! She is a splendid girl. MAY 11 — Second smoking pool. Splendid fun. Kept it up until 4 on Sunday morningJury of bachelors appointed to choose twelve girls from photos for Beauty Show. Photos now on view and all numbered. Cigars and brandy and Polly supplied to the jury of bachelors, wha are to sit from 9 till 12 every evening until j decision arrived at. I think they are up to Dick. i Don't mean Aboutown, don't you know, but the other Dick. Good joke ! By Jove ! I'm a deuce of a fellow for jokes. JtJBY OF BACHELOBS. Arthur Timber, Esq. Clasher Mark, Esq. L. Wealthy, Esq. Dick Aboutown, Esq. T. Palmer, Esq. A. G. Assofacus, Esq» A. Teacher, Esq. I. O. You, Esq. Chas. Breadman, Esq. A. Kytefliar, Esq. I. Chas. Edward, Esq. Joe Notbill, Esq. Splendid Jury. They ought to know a fine girl between them. By Jove ! they ought. Eeceived two Waipu girls in kilts this morning. Photos I mean, don't you know ? Dick says they will each score two points, whatever ! (To be Continued.)