THE ARIZONA KICKER.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 533, 9 March 1889, Page 20

THE ARIZONA KICKER.

MANY PHASES OF AMERICAN EDITOEIAL

LIFE.

mHE last issue of the Arizona ivricrr, an JL American journal which is making some noise just now, contains the following: Hearing the Limit.- We have been repeatedly asked why we did not open on the Or. <fc. b. Bailroad for its slow time, miserable old cars, rough road, high rates and generally incompetent service. It is because we have been expecting an annual pass from the load. We applied for it three months ago, but have heard nothing as yet. We are neanng the limit. If that pass is not here inside of a fortnight we shall sound our bugle in a manner to make the officials of the road wish they had never been born. Not our night. — Major Bathbone made a personal nssault on us as we were about to enter the Big Elephant saloon to interview the Prosecuting Attorney in regard to the Keller affair. We presume it was, because the Kieltcv of last week referred to the major as a liar and an absconder. We presume it was, although he made no explanation. A minute before he seized us we felt like fighting. A minute afterwards we were on the run. There are times when we can fight to the death, and other times when we can outrun any coyote in the glorious west. The major happened to get us on our off night, or he would otherwise have been reduced to pulp. ! There is a good deal of winking and chuckling : around town, but we don't see anything to laugh If v/e didn't have our off-spells we'd be a ritable terror to the whole district. Its lucky j lArizona that we're born that way. ! Only Our Way. — We understand that Col. | Colfax feels aggrieved because we referred to him ' last week as a dead-beat bum who ought to be j given a dose of White Cap medicine. The j colonel should not be so thin-skinned. It's only j our way of keeping track of the leaders of j society. A Falfe Alarm. — A Chicago T/'h/c.-: correspondent dropped on us the other day for a brief i visit, and after showing him our Washington hand-press, six varieties of job type and two whole bundles of print paper, we took him out for a survey of the town. The news had gone abroad that he was a Chicago detective, and it was laughable to note the effect upon our leading citizens. A dozen or more broke for the sagebrush, without stopping for clean shirts, and so many others cut off their whiskers or donned false ones that we walked the whole length of Apache avenue without meeting a man we could recognise at a first glance. While there is nothing mean about us, this is a feature we are going to work about twice a month on this town. It will keep the boys unsettled and anxious, and may be the means of converting some of them from the error of their ways. It's an awful good feeling to feel that you are the only man in a town of 8,000 people whose liver don't kick the breath out of him every time a stranger comes along and takes a second look at the bridge of your nose. We Come Down. — We stated our belief last week that our contemporary, which is eterna ly bragging aboui its increase of circulation, did not print L"0 copies weekly. Y/e were honest in what we said. The old, bristle-backed hyena who claims to be editor and publisher, sent for us yesterday to examine his books and figure up his circulation. We made the astounding discovery that he has a bona tide circulation of 10b copies. When we are right we stick to the limbs at all hazards. When we are wrong we let go and come down. We were wrong in this case. We come down. The Howling Coyote and Weekly Wish- Wash will please accept our humble apology. A Bass Fabrication. — A correspondent o ( : the Chicago Ihrald announces that the editor and proprietor 01 this paper recently won 62,000 at a game of poker in a well-known saloon and that we play the best hand of any mnn in the territory. The article was sent out with the design of injuring us. In order not to seem a stranger here, we occasionally drop in on the boys and play poker, and in order not to appear to be a tenderfoot we have occasionally raked in a few dollars, but no one mir-i oharge us with being a gambler. As to the :;>'2,000 business, the most nervy man in town wouldn't bet over $1 50 if he held four aces or a straight flush. Don't Forget It. — In addition to the grocery in our front room, which is rapidly securing the cream of trade, we have established a tin shop in the rear of the shanty and propose to do all sorts of repairing. Later on we may add a harness shop and other needed enterprises. If we j build in the spring, as we now figure on, we shall put in a marble shop and furnish gravestones cheaper than has ever been heard of in Arizona. We may also add a grist mill. James Gordon Bennett, Henry Watterson and Amelie Bives may have time to junket around the country and show off their clothes, but we haven't. We are always at home. The Chicago Timcx may ridicule our grocery in connection with the Kicker, but there are no flies on us. £>ix bars for a quarter, and a horn comb thrown in. ' Give as a call before purchasing elsewhere.' — The superb carriage in which Her Gracious rode on Jubilee day was fitted up most luxuriously, the lining alone being worth its weight m gold. And yet this exquisite lining was made by a poor old crippled woman, bent almost double, who was paid for the work at the rate of twopence-halfpenny per yard. By working from dawn to midnight, this poor woman was able to earn fifteen pence. She is now on the verge of starvation. Of course, somebody made a profit out of that lining. The contract price f oi' making it was probably a guinea per yard, or two. Who pocketed the difference between twopence-half-penny and one or two guineas ? The Sweater, of course. The case is to be brought under the notice of the Queen.