A WEEK AT WAIWERA.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 529, 9 February 1889, Page 4

A WEEK AT WAIWERA.

[By a Weakly Visitor.] [SEE ILLUSTRATIONS OX I'AOE ; J.J DO you feel ' rather peckish,' or ' fagged oat,' or ' used up ?' Then by all means take a run up to Waiwera, even though it should be only for a brief stay from Saturday till Monday. Take the waters internally and externally ; taste the toothsome yet generous fare provided by Miss Graham ; inhale the pure ozone as you revel in the balmy atmosphere and perfect loveliness ■ of the place, and if you don't return refreshed and reinvigorated your case must be a gloomy one indeed. Having recently enjoyed a brief ' spell. ' at this famous sanitarium , and having as usual moved about with my eyes and ears open, I propose giving a brief sketch of life in that ' pleasing land of Drowsy Head ' — an existence which bears a striking resemblance to that of Tennyson's lotos- eaters, only that the Waiwerians believe in a more substantial diet than the lotos. The lirsi stop is to get to Waiwera. You entrust yourself to Rose Casey and she'll carry you through, with the assistance of a genial skipper who answers to the name of Somorville, and a jovial engineer whose foot is on his native he-i.th iind whose name's Mvicgregor. But. that isn't all. There is no wharf at Waiwera (there's on?, coming 'next jear' though), and you have to tranship into a small boat and thence leap or crawl into a cart drawn by a venerable white horse (which his name is ' Major'), from which yon are delivered, like a sack of potatoes or a cask of whisky, on to tho stair landing at the hotel. It is a pl(?asant an-.l novel experience, and i.hf venerable Major has a habit of executing a rapid wheel in military style which occasionally imparts a touch of comedy to the proceedings. But of that more anon. The sack of potatoes (if you are an Irishman) or cask of wh:'i::y (if you are Scotch) having been duly dumped on the landing, in sight of the assembled visitors, you are surrounded by a swarm of courteous o-lieials who take care of your luggage, etc., while the portly and pleasant hostess advances to welcome you and get you to register your name and address in the arrival book. Tiicse iiUle formalities over, you take your first hut linth, dress for dinner, and stroll about the ground?, among the lively groups of men, matrons, maids and children. What ?ori or company may one expect at Waiwera ? Let me introduce you to some of the move prominent guests during the time of my stay, and you will admit that there is quite ?ui'iicieru of the limit, ton about it. Here are two leading Jewish merchants from the city with their wives and families, and very pretty domestic pictures they make. Some of the young Jewesses are strikingly beautiful : they are playful as kittens, too, and they make the avenues and echoes ring wiih thrir merry laughter. (Their fun was all very enjoyable until one day they invaded the gentlouvrii's swimming br.th, locked themselves in while they enjoyed a long swim, and defied the attempts of eight or nine intending bathers of (he mal? sex to dislodge them.) The portly gemleman in semi-clerical habiliments, whose twiuy-sione corporation and rubicund visage make "him look like a farmer or brewer, is Prime MinintfT to K'ii<il3orria Bengalee 800, somewhere d i:\vn :' r - th» Islands, and a prime billet it seems to be, for theiv- are liberal ' leaves of absence,' and salary is running on all the time. Seated near him ir- a cadaverous, long-haired and long-nosed melancholy poet (or would-be poet) from the L.i r.d of Cakes, who aftc-uts to be fond of solitary communing with his dark thoughts, a hi Lord Byron. / n episode in which these rotund and attenuated onts played a leading pare is worth narrating here, if the reader will pardon the digression. One of the kittenish young Jewesses already referred to had a ' bivthdny book of wit and humour,' and she approached the two gentlemen referred to, in order to get their autographs inserted in the place allotted to the date of their birth. The two great men complied, and then it was seen that the book had justified its claims to wit. Opposite the Prime Minister's name was the Sha!;e?perian (Quotation : — 'Ho was :i. man of an iinlionntL 1 ;! stomach.' While the melancholy bard had, by a crue irony of fate, to sign his name over against this other statement from ' the divine Williams': — ' Tr'.ily I would the gods hed m.idc thee poetien.'.' When the fair owner of the witty book went round showing these appropriate mottoes to the other guests, it was observable that the Prime Minister put on a look of dignified unconcern, while the poet thrust his lank fingers through his raven hair and looked as though he would go raven mad. To return to our introductions. Here is a strapping Auckland banker, dark and debonair, who has just arrived with a well-known manufacturer, a share-broker, and some half-a-dozen young fellows, neither ox" whom looks as though he required to rest or recuperate. There, on the other side, is a grand old Wellington settler with his daughter, oi.s-a-via with a 'rale ould Irish gentleman ' from Sydney with liis daughter. There in yonder arbour are several Auckland belles. ' unattached,' with a tall ' masher' dancing attendance on them, The masher's collar is immense, and his walking-stick is prodigious. He is quite unconscious of it, happy man, but he is none the less being laughed at by the ladies whom he imagines he is captivating. A notable figure, too. is that of Professor?., of the 2\ew Zealand University, who apparently believes that gymnastics should form an important part of the college curriculum, for he prides himself less upon his acknowledged erudition than upon Ins ability to swim eleven miles against a good current"! A very corpulent medical man, who has been suffering from some disorder of the digestive organs, is here, suffering a recovery and ' doing Banting.' It is a sight to see him barefooted, attired only in shirt and trousers, running a race on the sands with Pat the boatman, whose attire is of the same airy description. ' Pat ' is a regular institution of Waiwera — the coadjutor of the ' Major ' in the work of landing passengers and luggage— and as his full dress consists only of the shirt and trousers aforesaid, his tailor's bills cannot be particularly heavy. A tremendous sensation ! It is whispered about

that a French party of five are about to arrive, at the hotel in a specially chartered steamer. Everyone is on the gui vive, and many are the questions asked of the hostess as to • the expected visitors ; but Miss Graham is conveniently ignorant and can vouchsafe no information. This. only serves to increase the sensation, by adding a spice of mystery. Very soon it is whispered about that ohe party consists of a French Count and Counters with their retinue. Ah! there comes their steamer. Off go Pat and the Major to bring the distinguished foreigaers ashore, and all the denizens of the hotel turn out to the lawns ancl verandahs to witness the historical landing, tjp they drive with a William the Conqueror sort of an air— two gentlemen and three ladies— the Major proudly prancing as if conscious of the burden he bears. That is the Count, of course— the very black-haired individual, fat as Count Fosco, and with a decidedly foreign and dkjtin.qne air. Before the visitors have time to glance at his companions, the Major executes one of his neat little wheeling motions, and halts suddenly at the stairs with the result that the Count is shot out of the cart, like a cannon ball, on to the pathway- jn front of the hotel, in full view of all ihe assembled multitude. Not a very dignified entree. into Waiwera society; but he makes the best of it. True, he does not grasp the sand, like the Conqueror, and claim the soil as his property ; lie is «ot so badly hurt as to require to do this to' [ recover his equanimity. He rolls over, scrambles to his feet, and joins in the hearty laugh which I his adventure has provoked, and procells i gallantly to assist the ladies, as though notljJL? untoward had occurred. Mark of a true geJft- ! man. A cad would have stamped and scoHl and stormed at somebody or something. JVc Count's introduction is not at all inauspiclM, I but subsequent events marred the good firs'c mprossion which he created. First of all, he MiPd to enter his name in the visitors' book, r^d dozens of disgusted visitors rushed to the ra'ister in vain to whet their curiosity as to his name and title. This conduct was resented as •an attempt to delude people into the belief that; he was a great man travelling incog., and dark hints were soon in circulation. Was he a real Count ? The lady didn't look a bit like a Countess. .It j was whispered that he was only an Italian cavalier — all the same as Herr Schmitt ; and others I asserted that he spoke pure English when ?he thought he was unobserved, and ' put on ' a foreign accent when visitors drew near. The bold question was even mooted —Could he be an imposior? His conduct in monopolising the public drawing-room as dining chamber for himself and party, sitting two mortal hours at dinner after everybody else had dined, gives force to these suspicions, and murmurs are heard that the servants had better keep a sharp eye on the soap. A pert young Jewess remarks — ' If all Frenchmenlook like him, I'm glad I'm not one,' and her companions coincide. The mystery of the French Count was still agitating Waiwera when I left, and it may be so still. J There is no lack of amusements at Waiwera. On the tennis lawn the Professor and the banker, with lady partners, are vigorously knocking the ball about, while in the billiard room the ' Count ' and his male companion are making wonderful strokes, cheered by draughts of whisky and soda — a beverage not sufficiently ' un-English ' to disarm sinister suspicion. Everybody bathes in the delicious hot water ; some go boating or iishing, riding or driving ; the masher, with his potato masher of a stick, tries hard to keep the heat from wilting his Gladstonian collar; the boys build miniature fortifications on the beach, while the matrons look on with satisfaction and pride. Now it is night, and the hotel verandahs and grounds are lit up with nuraeroas Chinese lanterns, which give a gay and festive appearance to the scene. There is a little crowd around the windows of the social hall, listening to the dance music discoursed by a lady, and watching the gyrations of some young people who are moving about in the mazy dance. This social hall is a notable place. Large and airy, it is at once a ball-room on week nights and a chapel on Sundays, while the mattresses on the couches ranged around show that it can, at a pinch, be utilised as. a sleeping apartment for a lot of male visitors. A laughahle incident occurs to break the decorum of the dancing. Two little girls, hopping around on the well-greased floor, make &fai(ie_p«'s and fall full length. The banker, standing at the door smoking a cigar, sees the mishap and makes a dash to rescue the distressed fair ones. In his haste he forgets the slippery state of the iloor, out go his heels and he is sprawling on the iloor, while the girls rise and lead the laugh which follows on the contretemps. While this is going on at the social hall, there are card parties formed in the reading-room, and • other little amusements proceeding in the draw-iug-room, until ten o'clock approaches, when it is considered a religious duty by most visitors to go to the baths and have a hot dip before turning in for the night. Some of the young fellows perform gymnastic feats in the bath, to the terror of the more staid bathers, but all is good humour and jollity as the band of devotees march back through the illuminated avenue to their several apartments. "A week at Waiwera ! Time and space would fail me to tell of the thousand and one fresh incidents and diversions, flirtations, discussions, and sensations of various kinds which can be crowded into that space of time. The invalids are not numerous ; youth, health, and animal spirits are usually in the ascendant, and the whole tone of the place is fitted to dispel the 1 blues ' and make the most misanthropic in" dividual complacent and contented. Therefore I repeat my advice to all who are out of sorts — ' Go to Waiwera ' — ancl by-the-by when yon do go, try to find out the truth about that French 1 ' ■Count ! ■ • ■■*-•'•'