WILLIAM HENRY HAS A NIGHT ADVENTURE.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 529, 9 February 1889, Page 14

WILLIAM HENRY HAS A NIGHT ADVENTURE.

[see illustrations o:< vkciz 1-j._, » \T7sTILLIAM HENRY,' said Mrs W.H., as vY that worthy blew out the light and jumped into bed, ' did you bolt the back door?' ' Yes, it's all right.' ' You put the cat out, I suppose ?' ' Did you fasten Vac kitchen window : ' Yes.' ' You are quite sure the kitchen fire is out.' ' Yes. 1 • Ol course you shut the cupboard door: ' Oh, yea.' 1 You didn't forgot to wind up the clock, did you ? ; •All right.' ' You are quite sure about the cupboard door v' •Oh, give us a res!, Anna Maria! Everything's ail ri.^ht, 1 tell you. I want to get to .-ieep.' i-hs W.H. -.vs:s --ilf'H bus fidgei.'y. She had boon ruaui?:;'; ' Th« Night Side ol Nature,' and. like the policemen in ' The Pirate?." v/:i< ' in v. highly nervous iitate. 1 She was al'ivid oi ghosts, men concealed under the bod, and burglar.-:. "William Henry, troubled Ly none ol these fears, was already snoring. His si:ore wiien lie gives his mind to it is appalling, it commences with a subdued hum, like a gigantic mosquito's note: the hum grows gradually louder and louder, until it culminate? in a mingled snur: h'O'X g"?p, which make ihe bed shake. Alter that, silence for about ten seconds — and then the performance is repealed. Dut ««/ by special request. Airs William Henry hate? snoring. This evening it irritated her move than usual. She listened to the tnore while it was yet in the humming stage, and anticipated the awful snort which levminated it, until her nr-rves were, as she described it, ' all in a " twitter. I Many a happy home has been laid waste by snoring. Suddenly the wakeful lady acii op in bed and listened intently. What noise was that downstairs V yati.-iicd that her ears baa not deceived her, she plucked her sleeping lord by the sleeve ol his liiglitsliirt a y ..d ?a:d soiiiy, but very di^inctly : ' William Ileiu-y !' No answer. 'William //- /.'/•//."— with the acconi on the Henry. No answer, sava a prolonged and fearfully loud snore. Here she desisted for a moment, and listened again i'or the noise downstairs. Terhups she had been mi:;taker> '.' Ko— there it was again ! ' Y\'//iit!)u Henry: I—with1 — with the accent on the William, and a severe pinch where she thought it would have most effect. That did it. In the middle ol a blood-curdling snore he moaned, turned, opened his eyes, and, in accents the reverse or sweet, demanded : ' What the (profane expression) is it,?' 'H— sh! Not so loud, whispered Mrs W.H., ! in his ear ; ' there are burglars downstairs — I am J sure ol it!' I 1 Ham jam the burglars,' muttered William Henry, pc-uvishly (only those are net ihe precise expressions he used), ' you are dreaming! 1 ' ' William Henry,' said his wife, impressively, ' I have never closed an eye this night ! 'Nor a mouth either.' ' Well, it you prefer to be murdered in yom bed, that is youv look-out,' whispered his wife. ' There, didn't you hear it ':" Y/illkm Henry listened, and as he did so tas cold persph'.ition bespangled his brow. Yes, thera (f-'« a noise below stau-i, undoubtedly. What or who could it be ? William Henry is not courageous. The night was sultry, but yet he shivered us he saL up in bed. ' What had we better do ?' he asksd, pitifully. ' .Do ?' replied Mrs W.H., decisively. 'Do ? Why, you must get up, of course, and go down stairs and see what it is.' ' If — if— if— ' stammered Yvllliam Henry, nervously, ' if we hear it again I will go down.' ' William Henry,' said, hi;; wife, impressively, call me a f'col if you like, laugh at me if you want to — but I knvir who is down stairs.' ' In the name of Heaven who is it?' inquired William Henry, in a hoarse whisper. ' Jack the Hipper,' said Mrs W.H., in the same impressive tones, ' and no one else. I have had a presentiment that he was coining to Auckland, and here he is !' 'Ob, nonsense,' said William Henry, faintly, ' wh — wh — what would he want here? J don--don—don't think there is anyone downstairs, b'.u j if we hear the noi — ' Smash, crash, whoop ! 'There!' exclaimed Mrs W.H., tremblingly,

' there can be no mistake now— we shall be murdered and very likely cut up into pieces and displayed like slaughtered sheep on the bed.' l D— d— d — d— don— don— don't go on like that,' chattered William Henry, ' you % make my blood run cold. W— w— why don't you strike a m—m— match ?' She struck a match, and William Henry gazed wildly round in search of a suitable weapon for defensive purposes. The only thing he could find was a huge pistol of clumsy workmanship, winch was resting on two nails over the mantelpiece. This pistol is nearly ;a hundred years old, and resembles a small musket. He didn't stop to see whether it was loaded. ' Anna Maria,' he whispered, as he snatched up the candlestick, ' I shall sell my life as dearly as possible. Don't come unless I call.' | But am I to stop here all alone in the dark ?' ' lou don't expect me to g g— go downstairs without a light, do you V Softly opening the bedroom door, William Henry, with many inward misgiving*, went forward. At each step the noise seemed to increase. With his heart knocking loud double knocks against his ribs the master of the house proceeded. When he reached the kitchen the noise had ceased, but the tall cupboard door was open, and there on the floor was a small plate lying in half-a-dozen pieces ! With his pistol at full cock and ready for action^ William Henry noted all this, bat he couldn't discover a vestige of the intruder. ' Hiding under the table, very likely,' thought W.H.— he was afraid to look— ' w ell, here goes, just to show him I am armed.' So saying he bent down and discharged one barrel of the pistol. Bang ! There was aluud yoll. some small body dashed pasc him, and in his terror and confusion he dropped his canals, and the lighted end coming in contact with the floor the flame was instantly extinguished. Here was a dilemma, ! With his nerves stretched to their utmost tension, and fearful of being assassinated in the dark, William Henry called loudly to his Anna Maria to bring matches. Mrs W.H., on hearing the report of the pistol, naturally imagined ths worst. She pictured her hubby engaged in a desperate conflict with the ' Ptipyer ' — and swooned away. On coming to she heard his cries and rushed to obey his summons. On entering the kitchen, seeing something white in the corner she leapod, upon it in sheer desperation, and grappled with it. It was evidently a man, but as evidently a man little disposed to oi'ier resistance. , The two figures rolled over and over on the floor. -Neither would let go. Both screamed loudly ' Police ! Help ! lure ! Wh— oo— p !' Suddenly there was a loud knocking at the door, aud no notice being taken of it the window was smashed in, the catch drawn back, the sash thrown up, and in leapt a policeman. One Hash oi Koberi's bull's-eye disclosed the real state of the case— William Henry was wrestling with the wile of his bosom and the w.o.h,b. was wrestling with William Henry, her right hand being iiraily embedded in his moustache, from which she had plucked a quantity of hair. ' Come get up here !' exclaimed the scandalised oi'licer who regarded tr.e scuffle as the outcoms of a 'family jar' 'you had ought to be ashamed of yourselves a quarreihv and a worritin' oi each oilier like two bloomin' rats, and awaking all the neighbours. I'll trouble you for your full names, please. You will hear more about this.' But they explained. And when Robert had been given a glass of grog and half-a-crown, and tho neighbours had shut down their windows, and the street was once more in darkness. William Kenry and the missus went back to bed. Lying on the door mat outside their room was Mrs W.H.s pet torn cat with a bullet wound in ills side, and as dead as a door-nail. He it was who had been responsible for all the trouble. Mrs W.H. was inconsolable, and as she wept over her departed favourite she said, addressing her husband : ' There, I 7cnr>r you didn't shut the cupboard door! If it hadn't been for you this wouldn't have happened . And William Henry sail ram the jam cat, 0 r something of the kind, and so got into bad an fell fast asleep again.