THE CHARITY BAZAAR.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 529, 9 February 1889, Page 11

THE CHARITY BAZAAR.

A SOCIETY FABCE IN ONE ACT. Scene : Luxuriantly-furnished drawing-room in the home of the McShocldy's, Albert Park. Mrs Croosus McShoddy discovered in a lounge chair, reading a novel. > i Bridget (the parlour maid) knocks, and is told i to ' Come in,' j Buidget : Ef you plaze, ma'am, Mrs Gushington is at the door, wid her two gii'-ruls. Are j yez in or out, ma'am ? i Mrs McS. : Hout, of course ! I ham halways hout at this time I Bridget: But Mrs Gushington seen you, j ma'am. I see her a-kissin' her hand to you as she came up the path. Mr>s McS. : Oh, bother the woman. I wonder what she and her two gawks of girls want ? There, show 'em in. A moment later : My dear Mrs Gushington, now this is m kind hof you ! How do you do ? and 'ow are the young ladies ? They look charming, I declare ! Sit down allf of you, and make yourselves at home ! Bridget, what are you grinning there at ? How dare you ? Leave the room ! Mrs GusrriNGTox : Our visit, dear Mrs Me Shoddy, is not without an object — a .spminl object, I mean. We are getting up a bazaar for St. Thingamy's, that good Mr Choker's church, you know — oh Mich a dear good man ! — Mrs McS : (interrupting) Hif hits pecoonary assistance you require, I fear the demands on my purse are Miia Guhiiinuton : Not at all, dear Mrs Me Shoddy! I would not ask you for money for worlds! All we want is your co-operation, and your advice ! You have ho much weight in social circles, you know — Mrs McS. (with a gratified smile) : Oh, that's quite another pair of shoes, as my 'usband would say — Mks Gu&niNf.TON : Ha, ha ha ! he he he ! Did you hear that, you girls ?—' Quite another pair of shoes'— so delightfully original, you know 1 (The young ladies giggle faintly.) Mks McS.: Before lending a 'elping 'and to get up your bazaar I should like to know something about Mr Choker's views. Is he strictly erect, what my 'usband calls sound upon the goose? Mks GusinMiTO.N : Oh my J >•</)' Mrs McShoddy, how very quaint ! Beally lam dying to become better acquainted wiih Mr McShoddy. Pie must be a veritable Mark Twain for originality ! But about Mr Choker? Oh, he preaches such delightful sermons ! They never last more than 10 minutes. He has the most Imv-It/ surpliced choir and he intones beautifully. I declare lam quite, in love with him— he he he ! The Misses Gusiiington- (together) : Oh Ma ! Mus McS : But what is the hobject of the bazaar ? Mrs Gushinuion : To relieve the more pressing necessities of the poorer members of Mr Chokers's iiock, my dear. Mrs McS. : Well, mind yer I don't 'old with 'igh church parsons, aud crosses and surpliged choirs and that there, but since it is for the poor I will give — Mrs Gushing tox (with effusion) : Oh you dear delightful thing ! IJaww — Mrs McS. : I will give my assistance, my coperation. Bins Gusiiington (her enthusiasm cooled down) : Then, dear Mrs McShoddy let us hear what suggestions you have to offer. We are all attention. Mrs McS. : Well, 'aveyou thought of 'aving a stall where the photers of culibrated beauties might be sold — say at 'arf a ginney heach ? Mrs Gushington : Excellent ! my dear Mrs McShoddy — but where are we to iind the beauties ? Mrs McShoddy ! (slightly offended) : Well I don't know about that, I'm shaw. There is ladies in Auckland who might be hasked to be took — indeed, if it was for a good hobject, I wouldn't rniud being took myself.' (Stilled giggling on the part of the Misses Gushington). Mrs Gushington (retaining her composure by a superhuman effort) : Well, that is very kind of you, dear Mrs McShoddy ! Mrs McS. : Oh yes, when I dp take a hinterest in a thing I gen'rally go the entire animal, as my 'usband would say. But what about refreshments ? Mrs Gushing ton : Oh, of course we shall have a refreshment stall j Mrs McShoddy : But I mean refreshments for ourselves. I don't want none of yer rubbigy sandwiches and little jim-cracky jam puffs and , things. lam accustomed to a 'ot meat lunch at one, with c glass of champagne after it. Mrs Gushington : Oh, of course, lunch will be provided for the workers. The labourer is worthy of his hire you know— he he ! j Mrs McShoddy (who fancies the scriptural quotation is rather personal, Mr McShoddy having originally been a navvy) : Well I'm sure ! Labourer indeed 1 Ah, some labourers are just as good as people who li\e in fine 'ouses and never pay rent, and dress themselves and their daughters (with a withering look at the Misses Gushington) in fine clothes they never pay for ! Mrs Gushingtox (in alarm) : My dear Mrs McShoddy what have I said or done ? Mrs McS : You 'aye insulted me an' my 'usband, ma'am, that's wot you've clone, and I don't take no 'and in gettin' up yer bazaar.

[Sniffs violently at a gold vinaigrette and exhibits symptoms of ( going oft.] • Mrs Gushington and her daughters take their departure in consternation, finding all efforts at reconciliation vain. After they have gone, Mrs McShoddy rings the bell violently. Enter Bridget. Mrs McS. : Bridget, remember if Mrs Gushiugton calls again lam not at 'ome- do you 'ear me ? Labourer indeed 1 the hidea ! C. A. W.