CHIPS.

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 347, 1 August 1885, Page 3

CHIPS.

" Hew to tlie line — let the chips fall where they may."— Shakespere. A fish depot on Queen-street wharf. Ye gods ! I want it to be distinctly understood right, here and now that if those tram cars run over me it won't be any accident. They have tried it on so often of late that I- am compelled to believe they do it intentionally. ' Seest thou a man wise in his- own conceit. There is more hope for- a fool than of him.' The old Biblical writer who traced those words evidently had his prophetic eye fixed on one of the Auckland (gold) pencil •brigade. ' Zamiel ' says clairvoyance is all ' fudge,' and he proved it in his own case when he *. anticipated ' that Chamber of Commerce Mail Service meeting last week. It didn't pan out at all the way he saw it. .The grapes are (pretty sour, eh, ' Zamiel ?' I heard a newspaper man the other day say, ' You may take half-a-dozen men, all sensible, clear-headed, and practical as individuals ; put them together and call them a Board, and you have got a pack of fools.' Now I would like to know who he was hinting at ? ' Bah ! that cigar is enough to poison a fellow,' said one of the Imps the other day as he threw it away. ' Have you got another ?' enquired his companion. ' Yes, I have, but 111 get rid of it.' 'Do,' said No. 2, 'but don't waste it, give it to a reporter.' ' Instrumentation ' is a very pretty word. The mere fact that Nuttal does not give it is of course no argument against its usefulness. It jingle-jangles nicely, and serves the purpose of those anxious to display to the full the pedantic tenderness of their ' thoughtorgans.' If any of my readers have not read Mr W. L. llees' pamphlet, ' Co-operation of Land, Labour, and Capital,' I'd advise them to do so. It's a clever document, and will pay to peruse. That looks remarkably like an advertisement, but I'll let it stand for the sake of ' the cause that lacks assistance, &c.' They have got a gilt-edged officer in one of our courts, who, when he swears a witness, says, 'So help you Gaud !' Its tragic intensity is only equalled by Irving's stalk. Both should be captured before they do anymore harm, and placed in a glass case for exhibition to amazed posterity. I The Irish members now occupy the front seats on the opposition benches at St. Stephens, and Gladstone and his colleagues have to go up higher. When the Conservatives vacated the benches to take office, those Irish coolly stepped in and took possession before the Liberals could even throw their hats across. j Spiritualism has been creating a tempest in a tea-pot in this town of late, certain, and now Gerald Massey, who is also a spiritualist, and who says he is as convinced that Spiritualism is true as he is of his own existence, i I presume, will add fuel to the flame. Call him a fool, < Auspex,' designate him as a : fraud, ' Zamiel.' It will amuse you and advertise him. The New York jury who took just five minutes to decide that Mrs Dudley did not shoot O'Donovan Rossa — although in her plea she said she did and Rossa swore to it — reminds me of the story where the fox accused the wolf of sheep-stealing 1 , the lion being the judge. His Honor- delivered bis judgment thusly: 'I believe the defendant stole the sheep, but I don't believe the prosecutor lost one.' j Randolf Churchill has been re-elected for Woodstock, but it was a close run, and he had to get his lady friends to help him, and even then he had to send for his father-in-law, old Jerome, from New York who crossed I the Atlantic specially to help him. The [ nature of the help can thus be guessed, : inasmuch as for ways that are dark and tricks that are shady, the New York politician is a little peculiar. We are informed that the Spanish Ministry ! resigned on June 19th last, 'in consequeuce of the decision of King Alphonso to visit the cholera infected districts.' That's a pretty reason, sure. It does not take much to furnish some people with an excuse for knocking off work. The next ministry will probably give all the State Department officials a holiday the day following any evening when the King takes a couple of Cockle's pills. Tommy Spurgeon's father has been talking about ' Modern Babylon,' and this is how he sizes it up: — ' Sodom, in its most putrid day, could scarce exceed London for vice. The names of the greatest in, the- land are openly mentioned in conneq|piiSwith the filthiest debauchery and the iljffift hideous evil that drags in the wake of ■vfree. Shall not God be grieved by such a natiojn as this ? What is coming over us ? What'clouds are darkening our sky ?' ' ' When the Bell reporter* struck that Preller rumour last week he got hold of a nugget and caused weeping and wailing in Short-land-street. If the facts are as we stated, it's about the sharpest bit of sharp practise I have heard lately. ' It's dazzling but mighty dangerous. If Preller does not turn up trumps, or Maxwell fails to prove wh.ere he got that corpse, he'll be the victim of misplaced confidence yet—and ■if Preller does — Preller will have a warm, time of it from those insurance companies. * , . -iff; - - ,

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