JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY..

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 338, 30 May 1885, Page 18

JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY..

GLKANIJTGS.

"We don't enny ov us kno mutch, and thequicker we find it out, the more we shall kno.. This is the golden rule in the science ov medicine : eat less, and exercise more. Yung man, first ov all learn to listen, and then last ov all learn to listen. Kreeds are an earthly institushun ; the entrance az well as the road to heaven is fairly clogged with them, but never a one can be found inside. Yung man, what yukan't win with.politeness, yu kant with logick or a Hub. I despise the politicks ov our country: honesty, honor, and of times common decency iz sacrificed to policy and brutal suckcess. Religion makes a reliable base, but a. dangerous superstructure. „,. Progress seems to be the ideal ov creation,, but all progress seems to end in distraction rather than perfekshun. Heaven iz filled with angels, and heaven iz the place for them ; .our Saviour had alt the traits ov aa angel, and he waz basely crucified. The fate of the good-natured man iz a hardone. While he iz prosperous, -everybody feeds and fattens upon him ; but when adversity overtakes him, he iz left to fee J upon himself. It iz the average that wins in all the moral az well az temporal matters. The man whoiz pious to-day and impious to-morrow, ain't, so good a man az the one who iz moderately wicked all the time. I look upon a thoroughly bizzness "woman.' with a species ov respekt, mingled with wonder ; but I couldn't luv one enny morethan I could a buzz saw in motion. It iz impossible for a man ov large brainsto be a bigot ; his brains are continuallygetting outside ov hia kreed. "Wit and humour are the seasoning of every-day life, az salt and pepper are of e very-day food. • Experience teaches mutch, but learns uslittle. We are such vain phools, that we areever tricing to beat even our experience. Courage iz put up in small package^ both amnng animals and men. A dwarf izfalwuss * reddy to fite twice his size, and two littlemen are more than a match for a henhawk. There iz a kind ov ekonemy that iz all grab and no grip ; this kind keeps a man mean and poor all his life. Love is blind, very blind — when the girl. is rich. The pump-handle sees a good deal of the-, ups and downs of life. Never make love, young man. The manufactured article is not a satisfactory substitute for the natural. production. A man may have courage to walk to thecannon's mouth, and yet not dare to, hand tohis wife a letter he has carried a week in hiss coat pocket. ■• ••-..- ■•-.-.. •