THE COUNTRY

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 234, 7 March 1885, Page 10

THE COUNTRY

Contributions are invited from eounu y dis~ icts, hut no notice will ho tal:en of communications which contain merely vague, or spiteful remarks, or are not attested by a genuine signature and, address. Correspon 1 dents slwuld write only on one side of the paper. FORDELL. When is it to come off between MeD. and the frowning beauty ? Plenty of cash ! WAKGANUI. Our School Inspector, Mr Verecker Bindon, is a very bold man — for a bachelor. He says the Wanganui girls are all round-shouldered. PANMUUE. Bettie looked well on Eriday night scraping out the jam tins with his fingers. Donald sajs he will risk getting a license for Ms 'bus this year, as he managed so well last. HAUTAPF. Miss H. threatens to box the dusky man's ears if she again appears in the Observes. 0., the traveller, has great attraction in Hautapu when he rides out on Sunday, as well as during the week. DRURY. Who was the young man whom they called the * Big-booted Czar 1 at the Ofcahuhu bull ? A certain young man says it is unpleasant to •wear bight boots at a ball when one cannot dance, and his partners are casting aheeps eyes at someone else. DRITRY. The mistress of the boarding-house has secured another Mickey. It was too cruel of R. W. to disappoint the ladies at the concert. A marriage is on the tapis between our cook and a well-known cattle-dealer. PUKEKOHE. Mamma's darling girl had better look out, or •we will be having another Pokeno case here. captain of the T.K. Band and the Dying *^_' j)uek are shortly going to run in double harness. *Gk>od on you, old man — save your money till you can purchase an easy chair, a bundle of novels, and get your house furnished. WAITARAHaa Mary thrown over the six-footer ? The little parson looked more ill-tempered than usual last Sunday. Are the offertories falling off? We thought the little Major had given over spooning, but L. has revived the tender passion in his war-worn bosom. KAUKAPAKAPA. I suppose M. has given up all thought of going to Fiji. Didn's Hoppy make a fool of himself at the party the otiier nighr fanning the lady in the corner. Well, he might have gone decently about taking her home, and nof. have gone sneaking up to the corner to wait, after saying goodbye to her. WAEBA. The new pedagogue is young, good-looking, and,, a bachelor. Good luck to him. A newly-mai'ried couple who have settled on a ti-tree section, are so confident of the excellent quality of the land, that they have made the ' tront door half as wide as the length of their shanty to allow for increased girth when they have consumed their home-grown milk and butter. WHANG-AROA. Iff it true Gk is hanging his hat up atßirdgrove ? Wb<at will papa do if he loses the governess ? Some say J; is going back to Canada' in about two years. I think he will pull up at Kauangaroa if he is not too late. Two to one on E. if she tries to win. The young cultivator of the mind, who sat down to a black eye, goes to church at Wangaelsu now. When he is in Rome, he does as Rome does. Don't turn your coat so often, Mr M. EAMO. W. says lie i 3 very lonely since Miss B. has gone away. So Professor Gh has bought a farm at last ? Does he now want a better half ? E. must have been hard up at the picnic when he had to play ' Clap hands for a wife.' What did the young carpenter say when Miss J.s ©Id man came round and caught him going from the singing practice ? •* Who did Jessie allude to on Sunday night when she said she wouldn't go down the road lgith. a blooming fool ? Don't apeak so loud next time, Jessie, E. has good ears. MOERINSTILLB. Billy and Miss H. are getting very thick look out for Ted, B. Ted, it^is, toobad to go., spooning with Misa W. on Sundays evening.?..- "What is amiss with S. of. the cattle ? >i Jacob says heaoes not mind the distance to the hut, bv.tf.ue receives no encouragement, as W. " C. is blxc^right bower. The young lady who sent those valentines to H. should study a little. The natne is iiot generally spelt with two 'as and again with two 'yV - -";... ■Mrs B. says that it' Lewis does not pay for the cupheibroke the ether night, she won't give her comeiit to liftYe the daughter. Now's your time, L.l

HAGLAN. If a certain young lady here would use less of the war paint slie would appear more genuine. Who was it that would not go to Kawhia to see the regatta because it would cost him a , pound? .%* The next time Alice talks about mailing the gents shell out, she had better mind that Observes man is not about. Jessie is very anxious to know if Jimmy is coming from Kawhia to their dance. What will our storekeeper say about it ? KIHIKIHI. Too bad of Charley to take French, leave of Mahogany. Was it four and a tanner Joe paid for the gloves the night of the ball ? How (w) ell Agnes and her ancient admirer looked on Sunday. Go it Frank. I Is it true that Yorky kept the dairy mistress j in durance vile for a fortnight after the picnic ? j What takes McO. so often to that house behind the church on the hill? Beware, Kick! | On ciit that an old identity is about to figure as co-respondent in the divorce court. jS\if£ sed ! | KAWHIA. Ben was delighted to hear that the Cherub i would not sell herself to Patty. The Euapuke larrikin Trent to see the sports, ; but knew nothing about them next day. Now then, Pat, it will not wash, the mate will not be bought over with a pair of tin earrings. ' The billiard-marker did not like to leave that fence, although it was three o'clock in the morning. The girl with the dark dress looked uncommonly well with the young shopman's arm , around her waist. W. looked very happy on board the steamer Bitting alongside a dusky maiden. Mr and Mrs W. also looked very loving. It was too bad of her to turn sick. TE AROHA. Doolan sprung Kapia's plant, but he missed the best of it. Johnny G. will have to enlarge his bag now he has got the carpenter's job. J. intends to annex the Canterbury lass as hostess of a swampers' pub. It is very pleasant to see how well our gentlemanly engineer chaperones the visitors. The promoters of the bankruptcy ball should call on the secretary and pay for the hall. Pretty Oockie! Fio, dear, you hare captivated the ginger engineer, but you must only alJy yourself to one that will be a credit to your family. KAIWAKA. Is it true E. is about to start commereia travelling ? The Lobster contemplates to volunteer for the Soudan. Our local shoemaker will now receive orders from the elegant one up to the lumbering ten. Phelem's boots are on the course of erection, and will be finished about May next — weather permitting. In Dmgledale there lives a maid, And these worda to her mother said — • Willie has my heart alone, a noble youth, now, you must own ; And if any love from him should stir, Minnie, dear, I should much prefer.' OHLNEMUTU. What did C. do with the bib he got ? Bai looked well with Dummy on race night. William, you must be careful, he may return , unexpectedly. | What ill-feeling has the Lake waiter against i the Palace waiter ? We are afraid that we shall have to get a curb for our new licensee. Francis, you ought to make your woman look to herself aud not others. The King has left the palace, and is now with the widow as manager pro tern. The starter at the last race meeting knew more than anyone else, i.e., in his own mmd — bump of imagination largely developed. ONEHtmG-A. What does Fred want with the dolly ? Is ha about to start a laundry ? How about the valentines ? Has the sergeant discovered the delinquent yet ? To be seen in Queen-street (the property ©f a Scotchman) a nearly perfect specimen of a mayor's 1 nest. Was Mick courting Miss C. for her sister ? If he does not leave Sis alone, Frank D. will go for him. The Choral Society's concert was too utterlyutter. Ticket- sellers were directed to be very particular. That young lady should have shewn more consideration fox 1 little Tommy. He need not have appealed to Uncle. No wonder the child wa3 cross. What a pity the curly-headed inksliuger does not attend to his books aud leave boat-racing alone, as he only displays hi 3 own ignorance. D., if not perfectly h(e) artless, is implored to forsake the Mangare Eoad for a time, as the Vigilance Committee are waiting to catch him at the stone wall. Miss S. says Frank is decidedly soft-hearted, or he would never have cried on seeing ' Mammon.' F. says he only wept for company's sake. It does not look well on a Sunday to see a young lady riding on a gentleman's saddles, especially when she has to get a boy to drive the mule.

PATEA. The Bey. F. goes to Kakararaea pretty often. Miss Polly, T. cried when slie received the valentine from Jim. The electric sjmrk is getting frisky since he came down from Hawera. Miss G-. lias started a drawing seliool. What would shi? teach the boys ? | The stuffed monkey has been shifted to Waverley, and he comes to Patea on Saturdays. G-inger did not go to church on Sunday night, so he took another Ginger for a walk. Tottie's bad since Telegraph Well went to Wanganui. Bob A. did not reach home till 10 p.m. on Sunday night. H. K. i 3 getting moody now, I wonder if Miss B. is the same ? Chatterbox has had a free trip in the Waverley. It is said he was wound up for the voyage. Poor little fellow, only 4ft 3in, and has jaw for a man fijiit 3in. NEW PLYMOUTH. The cheap trip to Auckland by the G-airloeh has created great excitement among the members of the Taranaki ariotocracj r . As a certain elderly bridegroom did not come up to the scratch, a recently made fawn-coloured wedding garment has been converted into a dress fot evening weai". Our village blacksmith has determined to retire to the suburbs of Auckland, and enjoy the othim cum dignitate on the rent of hia New Plymouth mansion. New Plgmouth is at present suffering from the epidemic known as the ' testimonial craze.' Its latest development is a testimonial to a local Jehu for furious driving. Two of the 'Volunteer' Fire-Brigade, -and one of them an officer, actually claimed and received four pounds each as wages for their services with the brigade at the recent contest at Dunedin. QISBORNE. How is it the Good boy is so quiet of late? Paddy, the oiator, has returned to see his darling child. It is time Pop and Billy tied the matrimonial knot. W. has imported a masher in the shape of a book-keeper. What a neat liltle speech Fred made at the Druids concert the other evening. Cranky Mac. is thinking of going to Wellington to bring Miss C. back. I hear from very good authority that Mr -£ . ail d Peter intend to tie the matrimonial knot. Dick Deadeye, it is whispered, intends inviting the OusBRVEJi man to his wedding to — weii, give him a horsewhippiug. Davy looks very forlorn since Miss L. left the club. Never mind, Davy, take a sioot. i The quiet man's wife is as dashing as ever, and I has at least one rich admirer who can place a horse at her disposal. It must have Co3t a mint to paint the nose of | that stationer up the road. What does ifc matter when the expense has been borne by a sort of public joint stock concern? Vere ish mines , dorg ? I What made C.A..D. get so wroth when that i Southerner wanted a little important information ' [about the N.Z.N.S.O. ? Surely there can be ! nothing fishy about the benevolent scheme ? | What is Finn's opinion ? NAPIER. [ T. W., an old masher, 13 now to be seen taking I nightly perambulations with a fair Hebe. On dit that two of the fair sex belonging to ' the Bungalow will be led before the hymenal I altar shortly. ', The late ' boots ' of the Criterion has left for the seat of war, and is confident of returning I adorned with medals. The Salvation Army captain should not make a public exhibition of himself when taking eques- ! Irian exercise, until he has become proficient in ' the art. What was wrong with the gaJlant Major R. at the artillery parade the other night ? Was he thinking his services were required' for the Soudau ? I It is rumoured that the Salvationists intend shortly to establish a permanency for the retailing of a miscellaneous assortment of buttons, which have formed part of the proceeds of their farces for some time past. The late pyrotechnic display by the Fire Brigade attracted a large number of sightseers. The hill opposite afforded a splendid view for people disinclined to part with the spong. A local grocer, bent upon enjoying himself on the ' never,' was spotted by Tom, our energetic and j genial boniface, who immediately took advantage of the occasion and marched, torch in hand, up to his opponent, but after failing to induce his j man to come to terms, Tom was obliged to return an outdone, and we hope, a wiser man. The 1 various event passed off successfully, and suffice it to say the audience seemed delighted, as was manifested by well-deserved applause. HBLBNSVILLE. Why don't our lady school teachers take calisthenic exercise ? It M r ould improve their gaifc. Little Hjorth was in ecstacies when he read Sir Julius Vogel's letter about his soaps. He i did not even read it in the light of soft soap. When Hugo arrives, Griffiths says he'll find j out about the wrinkles of one or two Helensvillitea. I Is it because the public school children only get half time that an opening has been made for a dame school ? It is hardly safe to be in Helensville whilst the schooner's crew is here, as four of them put a poor man through the window of the Kaipara, to the great delight of all hands.

Who painted the barber's sign ? [This is a* pretty question to ask an editor forty miles away.. Ask feyac. — Ed.] On dit that the manager of a certain mill contemplates running in double harness shortly. More fee 3 for the parson. How delightful it is to listen to the HolyJoes hymning their melodies at the bachelor's diggings near the railway station. Who's the party that lately joined the Masons, and now says he'll blackball those Freethinkersif any of them attempt to join the fraternity ? Beware C, or some else will draw the line besides yourself. There is nothing like acting oa. the square. The owner of a house not a hundred milesfrom the brickyard is in a stew, and says he'll make it go hard with the Observer man if he caa find him If you don't lelieve me, ask: Burgess. WAIPU. Our local excellency is canvassing for the new pub. | Ma's girl was escorted to the Point on Saturday by a noble peer. In whose charge were J. and K. sent to town ?' Surely they were not without a guide? Our local peg has lost his Bill, and Charley: was nearly losing his Will. Wanted to know — Are there any more McA.'s to cart stuff for Castle Xenny ? g |Murdoch, you are not slick at spooning ; wenearly stumbled over you and Maggie on thedominie's verandah the other night. A G-od-send for the He's when the prodigal returned. I say, Lotto, it is simply too awfully iniquitous to pile on the agony with the ex-cabbler's-daughter in hope of better things when Bessiecomes. Like your coat, you are becoming seedy,, and shonld be threshed. The Broad-jaw Concert came off on the 20tb». j Programme — Processor 8., song, ' The musical beggar ;' Lord A., whistling solo, 'My Dog j> Bessie, 'Eory (G)O'More ;' Blown ISTo. 2 reading, ' Assisted emigration :' Eory, song, ' I'm 'mid the choir seraphs at last;' Miss McL , song, ' He's no my peer at a', ma :' Miss C, song, 'My stocking did him captivate ;' Mr C, ' 1 never joined that drunken crew ;' Play — ' Long and short of the Observes, :" characters— Messi'3 NY and H., Gh McL. Waiptx Blue Bibboit Anthem. Let auld acquaintance be forgot, And never brought to miv' — Let auld acquaintance be forgot, Come, young lang sign. Wo twa hae i' the bar room lolled, Or 'neath N.s Norfolk pine ; But foaming seas shall 'twist us roll,, Less young lang sign. We twa hae paddled i' ihe ditch, I And splashed our linen fine j I But I'm in blood and water washed,. Come, young lang sign. Oh ! take the pledge raj thirsty f riar,. A true blue pledge like mine ; Noi" heed, should sceptic drunkards cry.. . ' What ! young lang sign 1' WHANG-AREL ; David S. looks up a tree since B, left Whanga*. j rei. | Is it true W. and B. are going to make a match ! of it ? | Is it true that Tie. hoisted the Hag for M.'s j birthday ? j The latest new word here is when anyone tellsa lie it is called a ' dellow.' Old H. has given up ' porter,' He says it isnot a Blue Eibbon drink. What do people mean when they say — ' Haveyou seen the white drest?' What Blue Ribbon tradesman takes his bill out in a keg of ale ? S. is all the go with the girls now. Poor 0;. has chucked up the sponge altogether. The mill clerk has set hi-s affections on Miss Is he to be numbered among the slain ? The ex-barmaid and the young Domino are toj be married soon. Ye gods ! what next ? George W. has gone into the Licensing Committee to represent tbe ladies who like a littledrop. j It is reported in the Upper Ten that David isj going to take the lovely Tutanhan for his niuehloved wife. 1 A. and E. W. are soon to run in**double harn- | ness. Shark and kumeras are iv great demand, : Who is the younj; man that is always spooning with the grass widow at the settler's ? & What became of the singer of ' Bather ' at the concert on Wednesday ? Did some of the lady performers make away, with him for singing such a song, or — what ? Is it true that the fascinatuMfgEpung Wealeyan who bewitched the old f °ol -ojs§s«|er at Whan^arei has given him the cold 9^|fl§jgfeand taken *u» with the new plumber ? ~ ? '^HHf" How did the young lawyer enjoy hia walk toFevnhill on Wednesday night wilh B. ? Bessie has gone in the shade, and no one looks at her. What has become of all her Johnnies ? Amongst the Viilentine3 that were transmitted this season at Whangaroi, was the following original one : — Beautiful Helen, Fearful and coy, Fair as the fairest, Like Helen of Troy; But Helen of Troy -- v \ G-ot a nice young man, Which I very much question If ever you cau.