THE BOGUS CONSULTATION.

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 161, 13 October 1883, Page 11

THE BOGUS CONSULTATION.

(with apologues to the late edgab a. foe.) I was sitting sadly thinking how my funds were slowly sinking : I'd that afternoon been drinking drinks no mortal drank before — Pouring down the fiery " lotion " till my brain was in commotion, And I formed a naughty Notion, worthy of the days of yore ; Formed a grander business Notion than I'd ever formed before. I'll revere it evermore. All my soul had been awaking to the danger of house-breaking ; That had caused my often making journeys to the prison-rloor. I could think of no new swindling, so my cash was daily dwindling, When this Notion came a kindling hopes I'd never hoped before : Came a kindling happy, swindling hopes, I'd never hoped before — Of amassing boundless store. Ah ! distinctly I remember, it was in the soft September, Two short months before November, when the Melbourne Cup comes round ; I grew frenzied with elation as I shrieked, in agitation, " Why not have a c Consultation '— fifty thousand at a pound ? — Have a splendid ' Consultation ' — fifty thousand at a pound ? It would answer, I'll be bound." " New Chum," said I, " man of evil, you're a precious artful devil, You've a head that's fairly ' level ' — level as this chamber floor ; Call post-haste upon the Printer — write Prospectus for the Printer ; Ere shall come another Winter, you shall seek another shore — With a pretty pile of money, you shall seek another shore : That I think is very Bure." Not another word I uttered, but I felt my bread was buttered ; Blithesome as a bird I fluttered — fluttered to the Printer's door ; In a state of exultation, wrote a "form" for " Consultation " — One that should bewitch the nation with it 3 mystic sporting lore : Worded to bewitch the " greenhorns," quite unversed in worldly lore, A Prospectus — nothing more. All my soul veithin me burning, then I took a narrow turning, Seeking out a man of learning, his assistance to implore : He was clever at compiling " ads." alluring and beguiling, " Ads." that set the printers smiling — (they are versed in such like lore — Versed in sporting, truth -contorting, artful advertising lore : They have set such " type " before). . Ere the afternoon was ended, he had done as I intended — Written out a really splendid " ad." to bring subscribers round : Telling men of every station to avoid procrastination Ere remitting their oblation of a simple golden pound. (Fifty thousand small oblations of a simple golden pound Form a figure fairly " round.") " New Chum's " Champion Consultation quite fulfils my expectation (Surely 'tis a dispensation all my fortunes to restore) ; Every fool his pound is paying — golden eggs the " ads." are laying ; Till November I'll be staying on this money -making shore ; Then I'll take a swift departure from this moneymaking shore, Leaving blessings — nothing more. Everywhere I'm advertising, mountains high my hopes are rising — It is truly quite surprising how the postman haunts my door ; Country cheque and money-order lie about in wild disorder — In a weird and wild disorder, on my little chamber. floor ; Forming such a precious burden as my little chamber floor , Never previously bore. And the " greenhorns," never stopping, still are dropping, still are dropping ■ - : Little welcome golden sovereigns into my fvoracipus, maw j•• :: .. „ ■-.!-•. { , And I almost think I'm. dreaming,, for ithe : suitation " 's seeming Like a more successful scheming than was ever schemed before ; But one shilling of the money they are dropping in my maw . They &ball .see— fth ! nevertiiore.