THE SNOBS' CHRONICLE.

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 86, 6 May 1882, Page 120

THE SNOBS' CHRONICLE.

BY A SNOB.

No. 3. — Proeessiona.li Snobs,

"To be or not to be — a : gentleman ; that is the question." It is not our business to descant upon that aggregate of possibilities of manner, dress, position, &c, which constitute what usually passes current for a gentleman. No, it is not the real, genuine, sterling article that we have to deal -with, but rather with the gimcrack Brummagem imitation. Possibly any attempt on our part to say what a gentleman is would be a failure. Naturally enough, no snob whatever can - be expected to have that power. This i 3 a sense denied to snobs. Yet, just as we are compelled to illustrate our arguments by contrast — for instance, there could be no " good " with " bad," no " beauty " without " ugliness," &c— likewise it is necessary to suppose that there are gentlemen, or, to put it more logically, some non-snobsj that is, they exist not in the world of fact, but in the world of ideas — imaginary quantities, in point of fact. It ig a hypothesis necessary to the •working out of our theory -of snobs. "We know there are in society a certain class who consider themselves to be gentlemen by profession. This being so, it follows that there is also a class who • . are snobs on the same grounds. Professional snobs are a very considerable class indeed. The professional snob prides himself upon the fact that by custom and usage he is legally entitled to that distinctive. and expressive appellation written with a capital letter — a Snob. In pursuing our researches into the as yet undiscovered sources of snobbery, we are greatly struck with admiration at the beautiful adaptation of our institutions towards maintaining and stimulating snobbery. Here, for example, is the legal profession. Because young Snobbey has acquired some slight acquaintance with the Latin language, can do a question in algebra as far as quadratic equation, knows how to draft a conveyance perhaps, passes an examination for which, he has been coached and crammed, he forthwith assumes the style and title of " gentleman," and writes " esquire " after his name. It would be difficult to demonstrate on what principle any person can. claim to be a gentleman, esquire, and so forth from the fact of his pursuing a certain calling or occupation. Custom and usage sanction this view however, and surely the custom and the usage are thoroughly snobbish. " Worth makes the man, the want of it the fellow ; The rest is only leather and prunella." And if Messrs Snobbey and Co. act on the sup- . position that their profession can in itself make anything else of them than snobs, they are hereby enrolled in the book of professional snobs. - Auckland society fairly bristles with legal snobs, yoking and old ; and we do not happen to know more than two or three for whom we can express an unbounded admiration. It is a fact deeply significant of the wide - spread existence of snobbery that so many youths, to whom nature has denied even an average "understanding, are pressing into a profession which requires knowledge and brains, because it is gentlemanly. Legal practice is not conducive to the softening of the manners. Tender-hearted or kindly-dis- ! posed lawyers are very rare birds indeed. There are other professions in which the genus snob is . i found — the medical and cleric, and that of the teacher.. . The medical profession is generally freer from snobbery than these others. The fact is that the medical profession does not siut the snob, somehow. The doctor's work is too - real, and requires knowledge, although some of them make a very little go a long way. Yet there arc some medical snobs — stuffy, fussy, and consequential — whose interest in their profession . is too closely associated with fees. There is Dr Bluepill, for instance. Who knows him, knows that his jjersonal dignity is of vastly more importance in his estimation than the suffering or sickness of a patient. Medical snobs are perhaps !as rare as legal snobs are plentiful. Of the clerical profession we have already spoken, and would nwish not to be misunderstood . We have, generally speaking, a high regard for a good clergyman ; but we are inclined to think that the colonial cleric is largely snobbish. Professors and teachers of religion are somewhat unmindful of one of the first principles of morals — viz., that practice and precept should be harmonious. "Be a good man, my dear," is the chief end of a clergyman. That there are many who become priests or parsons ' just because it is one of the learned professions, , without any personal fitness for the work, is an undoubted fact. These are snobs, and let us hope nothing more. We are in doubt whether custom and usage will sanction us in cataloguing the schoolmaster among those who are entitled to the professional epithet of " gentleman." In Scotland and G-erinany, for instance, the social status of the dominie is defined, while in England ; it is only the teachers in Grammar and Secondary Schools who are by courtesy thus ranked. There can be no doubt, however, about the immense importance of the function of the teacher as a social factor; and the society that denies the status, professionally, of gentleman to the schoolmaster, is a snobbish society. However, the ordinary schoolmaster is generally deficient in that higher culture which is supposed to distinguish the learned professions. Destitute of that deeper and wider culture, and accustomed to dominate and discipline his young subjects, the average pedagogue is generally snobbish. The schoolmaster is, from his function, the moralpoliceman of society. Refinement in manners is quite as essential to his work as mental acquirements. The rudeness of manners which marks the colonial boy has some relation to the snobbery of „ the schoolmaster. We have known some Gram-: v mar School teachers -who were snobs of the first water. These are generally University men, and their snobbishness springs chiefly from a spurious notion that because they are University men and gentlemen in a professional sense, they are consequently good teachers, and something better than their humbler brother of the common school. So much for professional snobs. r

The occasion was melancholy. It was a funeral. The bereaved widow wept. The undertaker sympathised and proposed. " Too lute !" sho sobbed. " How's that P'*- 5 said the astonished corpse-layer. " Well, you see, I'm. already engaged to the man who came to measure Jiim^V >

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