BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 81, 1 April 1882, Page 44

BRIEF MENTION

The. London Times lost £13,000 over that obscene misprint. G-oldie is making it warm for the Jar vies. Ten more cases. The Canterbury Times places Mrs Hampsons revival meetings under the head of " amusements." # Who says the Te Anau ivas on a rock at Ghsbornelast week? Who dares to assert that, the Botomahana was nearly ashore at Tiritiri a short -time since ? A suit within a suit— An ex-fireman at Wellington has been summoned for retaining his uniform. Speight goes m for double-barrelled sentences -in the Thames Advertiser leaders. Thej resemble a string of sausages. : Motto for a baker : " Dough unto others as you would they should dough unto yovr." We hear many complaints of overcrowding m the Union Company's boats. • We don't care so much about the Seat of Government now. All the Wellington people are rapidly coming up here. . '■ "This is the Land of Canin'," was the remark of a small boy when -first sent to the Wellesley-street school. . .■ It is whispered by some suspicious individuals that Messenger again allowed himself to be defeated, in order that White may again challenge Hearn. There is to be an international band contest at Christchurch shortly— another chance for the Thames Scottish to distinguish themselves. The Wellesley-street School fence is to be " spiked," because the boys' mothers would all have to live hard by to mend the youngsters' pants. The Otago Daily Times thinks, the Volunteer Land Claims Commission will last as long as there is an old soldier or an acre of waste land in the colony. It is proposed to place windmills around Wellington, to churn vast quantities of electricity for lighting town. There will be wind enough. " Can you work miracles ? " asked a larrikin of a big parson up North. "No; but I can cast out devils," said the rev. gentleman, lifting him over a fence. _ There is trouble in the classic glades of Kumeu. " The duke " publicly kissed his inamorata on the way to church lost Sunday, and made all the other fellows envious. When woman's rights are stirred a. bit, The first reform she hitches on, Is how she can witk least delay Just draw a pair of on. It is not true that Mr J. M. Dargaville consulted Mr Macandrew regarding a combination of the elements of a Parliamentary Opposition. They merely referred to political questions in a general way, and . never counted heads. % \ There was terrible commotion in a Wellington ( church the other day. One of the churchwardens upset the offertory plate, and the threepenny-bits rolled all about the floor. : : Bryce's - white moke, on which he made his triumphant entry into Parihaka, is now fed on on^s at the public expense. At Parihaka, the horse and its rider got only chaff. . ; Lives 'of business men remind us That by using printer's ink, We'll grow rich, and leave behind us Lovely lumps of golden chink. " Odontalgicon " is the G-oodsonian name for toothache ; but our Arcadian friend does not guarantee to set the dislocated jaws of the persons who attempt to aßk for it ! # # Mr F. H. Lewisson had a spree at his house m. Ponsonby last Tuesday evening. There was a large attendance, excellent singing, and a most enjoyable affair. This is the latest form of advertisement : — "A Gentleman is desirous of obtaining permanent residence in a private family." To get this, his best plan is to marry somo rich widow. We know he's a light to gladden our hearts, And a lamp to keep our feet from straying. Let him put a few lamps on his own mik carts ; It will be a more practical thing than praying. The New Zealand Prudential Assurance Com- • pany report that they " have not taken a life for a year and a half." We wonder how xnauy the bloodthirsty wretches would have liked 1 A " reliable widow " is advertising for a situation as lady's , companion or gentleman's housekeeper. We wonder what Sam. Weller, senior, would say to this?: When he with Slater remonstrated, • He was by Slater roundly slated ; The Councillor counsel tried to offer, " But Slater only proved a scoffer. Mr C. O. Davis charges certain magistrates at Eotorua with being engaged in the rum traffic, just as if those pnre-ininded persona ever could be guilty of such a thing I , ' There was no room in the Homergoing mail steamer" for Mr Brogden, M.P. It is supposed the vessel was unable to carry the hon. gentleman's heavy claims against tho N.Z. Government, amounting to about half a million pounds. Another newspaper man has gone where the ' woodbine twineth. Mr George Edwin Alderton has yielded to the pressure of circumstances, and filed his schedule. The Northern Advocate will, however, be con- . tinued as usual. Two swells were disputing over the rules of whist at tho Northern Club the other night. " I'll bet you four drinks," said one, " that you're wrong ! " No, replied the other, "I'm not so certain as that, hut I'll ' take my solemn oath I'm right ! " NO JURISDICTION. Who is this M.P. ? What's his name Who makes this Brobdignagian claim ? - .He murmurs, as. our shores he leaves — " New Zealand's a big den of thieves J" A youth at Kemuera went up a quince tree to satisfy himself on the phylloxera question, and after he had finished his investigation went home to rub himself with arnica and glycerine. He says climbing quince trees is very rough on the fleshy part of the person. ... What price did Lewis fetch? We ask this question because one of our contemporaries called attention to "the sale of Mr Lewis ! " It seems that slavery is not - yet banished. Morchauts are often " sold," but this is the only case in Auckland of one of them being put up to auction. The Bay of Plenty Times considers the objections to the North Franklin election " paltry," and not sufficient to warrant the overturning of an election in such a sparsely populated district. The Times also regards the judicial declaration, that a man in ay -take means to declare through the ballot box how he voted, as " pernicious " and calculated to strike at the very root of the ballot system. , ; The Wellington papers 'are snorting withrag'e over the absence of Sir Arthur Gordon at' Christchurch' The.pbor man. only wont away to enjoy a short respite , from their abuse and the badgering of his Ministers. : ■ ■ -i' ■ ' Delightful Gordon, : i • •Though we jeer and flout thee, ! ;-.:,-• There is no living ;-■.;. ;.:;, With thee, or without thee. ••..-'. \ [ ;', To ...the Editor; Su*,— -I hear that, you- ar|e %wcuse& r of giving up the manuscript of your . Waikato respectable. Waikato gentleman,?' |¥ab*^t^Kom.- avparagraph appeared Jn the ;; Obseevkr iix^cently^Si^take ■this, opportunity of informing 'your f£iroa4ers,iva<i. "correspondents,, as^well as the persoiir whp ifl^ve^tedvthia"stdryi that it' is devoid of truth.^l ram, "s%W4^ii?iw>'Cp?*BSPOHDENT.— "JVaikatp, March 27. \ .; ,The3t^Fatner Malvihall, before proceeding : aTOhlli^ii^tt ft )": Napier one Sunday recently, took iKo(^ion^to..ppintf6ut the unreliability *<jf the Napier : 'i^CQwesMiidemii'aieifcter to tho AucMandjFreemau'sJowrn^, .?;,;Sft&stpis::th&^ ;w£s v untnijbhful and -■"•tmrellable. v --:.- ■"-;•■ .; • ' •'■ „. - '•'■* ".* 1 ■■.'-■ - *

: On- 1 Monday tlie Auckland .Choral Society will give the third of the concert series xmcler the eonductorship of Herr Carl Schinitt. The Thames Star suggests that it the Maori prisoners ore to be hanged, Bryce should immediately employ a Jack Ketch, " unless he prefers to be his own. executioner." This is " rough "on honest JohnThe lion has lain down with the lamb, ltie rival professors are at peace. Peltzer is returning to Prance, and has nominated Villeval to the secretaryship of the French Club. Napier is happy, and there is hope now of his joining the club. ..at ■Society, says "Mr M. Gallagher, ot Auckland, is engaged to one of Canterbury's fairest daughters, and that the knot will be tied at an early date. Mr Gallagher contemplates a visit, after the wedding, to Meloourne and Sydney." • . Somebody volunteers the following information in the Star :— " To Bootmakers.— A man is required to do repairs." We don't believe it ; we have seen a boy make repairs, so there's no use trying to gammon us into the belief that it requires a man. 'Twas a dark* cloudy night And the stars gave no light, . And feebly the street-lamps shone, "When a daring young hater Of the fire indicator Smashed in the glass disc with a stone. A man interviewed the editor in great haste yesterday morning, He said he had been troubled wibh an idea, and could not sleep throughout , the night. There was not much in it, but, having- unburdened his overtaxed brain, he went home and slept off the effects of the uuwonted excitement. The proprietors of the Sydney Bulletin, now in Darlinghurst gaol, are publishing a series of racy and spicy articles under the heading "In the Jug." " Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars a cage ; Minds innocent and quiet, take That for an hermitage." The spectator of Jem Mace's statuesque illustratrations requires to exert a vast amount of' imagination j to realise some of them. They were all announced to be "in character ;".but there was no change in costume for any of them, and the effect of a white black-, man alarmed at thunder was rather startling. We presume the explanation is that the nigger had turned white through fear. Sylvester Hardup to Augustus Dobill : " I say old fellah, let's go and order two suits of clothes.", Augustus: " What's the use ? we've got no money?" Sylvester : " Money, be blowed ! Hasn't the Court ruled that where two persons order goods in partnership, and subsequently dissolve, the snip has no claim. Look here, we'll go into partnership, get the clothes on tick, and dissolve immediately afterwards ! " They proceeded to carry out the plan at once. There was a lively scene at the annual meeting of the Wellington Chamber of Commerce. Mr Dransfield charged the wharfingers' with showing favouritism to members of the Harbour Board by not charging storage on their goods. The chairman retorted that Mr Dransfield had not the pluck to make a plain statement. Dransfield said the chairman was there to keep order, and not to sit on members of the Chamber, and the chairman extinguished the speaker by ruling him out of order. Says Duncan to Bunny — " Now, isn't it funny ; The hats off our heads are not blown !" Says Bunny to Duncan— " You know that's all bunkum ; The men do the " blowing" alone." What is the correct definition of a few inches ? In Mr Green's hair-raising narrative of his ascent of Mount Cook, he says, "And here on a ledge only a few inches wide— too narrow to sit upon— the party passed the night, stamping their feet, and beating their hands." How the whole party could perform a sort of step-dance on a ledge too narrow to sit down upon is rather puzzling. Has Mr Green been telling some tall stories ? If so he must think the colonists as verdant aB his own name. Joe Bennett is happy. On Tuesday last the Tongariro and the Victoria got a fair start together, and raced across the harbour, in the presence of hundreds of spectators. The Tongariro literally " knocked spots " off the Victoria, winning easily by two lengths. Some of the North Sucre Company were so chagrined at their defeat that they complained to the Collector of Customs about the danger of racing, and Bennett promised, on his honour as a gentleman, to instruct the captain ot tHe Tongoriro not to beat the "Victoria a«ain on any account. Would they have complained had the Victoria won ? The Bulletin says that Australia is overrun by quack doctors. New Zealand is not deficient, however, in this class of mountebanks. Void of all honour, avaricious, rash, The daring tribe compound their boasted trash — Tincture of syrup, lotion, drop, or pill, All tempt the sick to trust the lying bill. St. Matthew's people have a style of singing peculiar to themselves. The choir starts, sometimes ahead, of the organ and sometimes behind it ; and then from the choir to the entrance, the occupants of pews make their singing correspond with their position in the church, and start a shade behind those immediately in froiit. The singing thus rolls from one end of the church to the other afer the manner of a feu de jole salute. The effect last Sunday was just too, too utterly utter. An Alten-road boarding-house keeper has met with an unexpected stroke of luck. About three months ago she— for she is a widow— met a friend whom she had not seen for two years. This friend at once began to congratulate her on her "good luck." "What good luck," said the lady in surprise. "Why," said the other, " I saw you advertised for in the Herald more than a year ago. Didn't you see it." The widow certainly hadn't seen tho advertisement, but she took the first 'bus to town, and soon discovered that what her friend said was true. She at once wrote to the advertisers, an English legal firm, and by the last mail received advices of a legacy amounting to £1000, bequeathed by a long forgotten connection. ON A BECENT POLICE CASE. When Cain of old, as we are told, Assisted Death, the Reaper, His bold, defence had common sense — "Am I my brother's keeper ?" But Jimmy Cain, this plea is vain, And you must find another ; For while you're Abel, Jimmy Cain, You're bound to fcocp your mother 1 When amusements begin to flag, our friend Pat Doran comes to the rescue of an ennui-afflicted public. He is going to make a boom in the Albert Hall with a new company of minstrels in a series of original drawing-room entertainments which are calculated to fetch, the people at million prices. We notice that there is "a musical directress" aud a powerful company, with an inexhaustible repertoire. We hope local talent will be encouraged, ~ The money for the new Baptist Church is pouring in. Subscription and donation lists were recently circulated amongst the elect. The first batch, between 20 and 30, sent in guaranteed upwards of £600. The Rev. Thomas recently made an appeal that his hands might be held up, as the work was a great one. Immediately the service terminated there was a tremendous rush of enthusiastic damsels into the vestry, beseeching him that he would allow them to perform the arduous work. Thomas fled precipitately. | No more we hobble down the street, And hear some friend we chance to meet Sing out, " Hullo ! how's your poor feet,?" That used to rile us so. Hurrah ! we'll raise a glorious shout, And leap, and dance, and frisk about Since Philson cut that bunion out ' . Of Alfred Stevens' toe ! If some parents could see the adjectives applied to their deal: " offspring,' ' in the catalogue wherein Messrs. Worthington, Brabazori, and the ' High-street School head teacher account for their non-presontation at the late Standard Exmninatiqn, we fancy there would just be some fun. Worthirigton has eleven boys "mentally deficient and below average ability." Who are they ? Their fathers ought to know, but don't. Braba.- --■ zon styles ? seven boys and eight, girls—" Careless, idle, obstinate, and dull." -This- is a candid, and really nice manner iniwhjchjtpjencourageschool children, and wp hope everyiJocLyf eels quite eatasflecl, :

An official in a certain monetary institution wag rather " dropped on " the other day. . A gentleman, who had a tidy sum on deposit, called and withdrew the whole amount, and when he had duly received the notes, he was invited into the presence of one of the chiefs of the concern, who thought he could discern some hidden working in the sudden withdrawal, and wished to worm out sufficient confirmation to enable him to "put on the screw "in a suspected quarter. The following colloquy ensued :— Banker : "By the bye, Mr — , is there any reason — I hope not— for you removing your account from us?" Customer: "Yes, of course, there is a reason." Banker : " Indeed ; it cannot be because of those absurd rumours set afloat as to our house, was I it P" Customer : " Well, I had a very good reason " Banker: "But what was it?" Customer: "The best of all reasons— l wanted the money !" [The banker subsides, and concludes, as the smiling customer departs, that the inquisitorial office is not just his forte.] Scene in a certain court-house not one thousand miles from Mongonui. Two local J.P's. on the Bench. Defendant (a Maori) was charged with obtaining three pen'orth of biscuits from Mrs P., and refusing to " stump up." for the same. Their "Worships find the case proved, and are about to sentence him to one month's hard labour. Constable. H. (the prosecutor): "Your Worships, if yez only give the spalpeen one month, if will put us, that is the Government and me, to a dale of inconvanience. Yez had better give him two months, the varmint." Their Worships consider the matter, and the result was the poor nigger is committed to Mount Eden for two'=months. This is colonial instice. Miller is anxious to meet either Mace or Thompson in a boxing contest, with small or ordinary sized gloves, for £100 a side, either in Melbourne or Sydney. This is what he thinks about it. Speaking of a previous 'glove encounter, he says: — "The little applause Mace got, if any, was when he deliberately asked me to lead on the stage, Mace ducking at the same time, and. making several feints with his left and right. I can assure Mr Mace, when we are on our j merits he will not be able to resort to these little artifices. I have met most of the best boxers of the present day on their merits, and the general opinion of the Press in America is that I am equal to anyone with the gloves. I have had quite enough of experience to show Mr Mace that he can teach mo nothing in a boxing contest." Says Quick unto Tame : " To me it is plain Your are 'gassing ' again." Says Tame unto Quick : " That remark's out of place, And comes with bad grace ;" And he quickly gave Quick A slap in the face. Says Macdonald to Tame: " I the law must maintain ; I fine you ten ' bob, 1 Aud don't do it again." Dean's Minstrels will celebrate their fourth anniversary with one of their best entertainments on Easter Monday evening in the Lome-street Hall, to be followed by a ball. The company has recently been strengthened by several valuable additions to its numbers and repertoire. Mr Westley, the tenor of the Mastodons, and Mr Montague, a comic singer of soma fame in Australia, have joined the troupe, and will appear on Easter Monday evening. A specially attractive programme has been prepared, including tho sidesplitting farce of " A woman of ?few words." The absurdities of the existing fashions will be satirised in original songs. "Puck" wires from Dunedin .••—Williamson's season must, on the whole, have been very satisfactory. His mistake was in withdrawing " Patience" and running " Pirates" so long. Opinions vary as to the quality of his own and wife's impersonation of the policeman and Ruth. " Patience " wns ployed last time (Friday) to an excellent house, which was crowded down stairs on Saturday, when "Pinafore" was given in its entirety, followed by a concert. The Sunday concerts are also well attended. — On Monday and to-night Johnny Hydes has been giving to scant audiences his experience of the colonial stage. — The Mastadons were to have opened at the Princess to-morrow, but owing to the detention of the steamer at Wellington, the opening is postponed till Thursday. They will put in three weeks here. — Burton's circus is en route to. Christchurch. The Church of England people at the North have a very pretty little church wherein to hold their services, but the lightiug of the. same is something execrable, and ought to be remedied by someone— the sooner the better. With a very commendable spirit an attempt has been made to improve the singing of the choir, and the valuable services of Mr Gordon Gooch have been retained for some months past to etlesb this ebject j but the verger, or whoever has charge of the lighting apparatus, appears determined to have set his or her mind against any light being thrown on the subject, by the villainous " glimmers " that are in use. To attempt to decipher the notes under such lights as are now provided for the choir practice nights is simply a huge farce. Many a time, and oft also, has a good sermon been spoiled from the inability of the officiating clergyman— from the Bishop downwards — to see his manuscript copy; and the manuscript has had to be discarded by the minister, who had thereafter to rely on his memory for his facts and figures to carry on his sermon to the usual " And now," etc. It is to be hoped there will be a speedy amendment to this condition of affairs. The New Zealand Times has made a discovery. After much floundering over the Electoral Acts of last session it has come to the conclusion that some amendment is needed in order to render them perfect models Of legislation. The remedy, according to our sapient contemporary, is to " place no restrictions, as the Act absurdly does at present, in the way of giving full publicity to candidates' addresses." In other words allow the candidates to advertise without stint. " Let j this be done, continues the Times, " and then we may I hope to have what we beg leave to think we do not enjoy at present,— a Parliament, none of whose members are the mere representatives of the selfish interests, and of the narrow concerns of petty parties, but one reflecting the intelligence of the people, and demonstrating the advantages of representative Government," and, we take leave to add, liberal advertising. Eureka ! It is a pity that our contemporary did not point out that in the matter of advertising candidates' addresses, as in taking Hollo way's Pills and Ointment, '.'a saving is effected by securing the larger size." We fancy we hear Ciiantrey Harris singing in a sudden burst of noble patriotism : — "•I dv believe, with all my soul, In the gret Press's freedom, To pint the people to the goal And in the traces lead 'em ; Palsied tho arm that forges yokes ; At my contracts squintin,' And withered be the nose that pokes ; Inter the Gov'ment printin' 1 " The immortal pug Jem Mace lias been giving a serie3 of attractive entertainments at the Theatre Eoyal with the Variety Company, to good houses. The lower parts of the house are always crowded, but the dress circle is only patronised by a few muscular (Christians. On Saturday evening last there was a capital house, and a well-selected lively entertainment. The farce of " Taming a Tiger" was played with great spirit, by Mr Arthur Elliott as Beeswing, Mr Welsh as Chilli Chutnee, and Prank Gerald as Jacob Mutter. Mr Lachlan McGowan's Nicodemus Nobbs, and Mr Welsh's Mackintosh Moke in " Turn him out," created yells of 'aughter. Mr Mace's splendid trophies were then exhibited to the audience. The statuesque exhibition given by Mr Mace was a remarkable performance, evincing close study, and displaying his I splendid physique to the best advantage. This exhibition is entirely devoid of anything calculated to offend the most fastidious, and would not be out of place in a drawing-room. The chief attraction was a set-to in sparring costume between the champion and Mr Fred Edmonds, the middle weight champion, in which there I was an excellent display of science. Mace, though past his prime, is still spry, 1 and his back guard and stopping displayed great judgment and. skill. Of course, he did pretty much as ho pleased with Edmonds, but the latter is also an adept in the art of self-defence, and with all Jem's masterly science, succeeded in getting on him I rather warmly more than once. _ It is sufficient, how- ' ever,; to say that a few of the hits which Mace delivered under the short ribs would have speedily settled anything elso than a stonewall. . The champion has since been putting through Mr Keesing, described as " the amateur champion bf Auckland, Professor I)ayis, champion' Ugat weight of . Auckland; Mr, .Wilkinson, 'and any number of other champion.aniajieursi light and iieavy, wtoj have had'a fancy to fry Eis mettle. "