Brief Mention

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 79, 18 March 1882, Page 12

Brief Mention

"Wanted, a housekeeper for an old man." Don't all speak at once. Who is the sly old sinner who keeps that young mistress near the market ? Robson; the lecturer, is doing the Rotorua Lakes. Is it true that Worthington is going to plant that ground with birch trees in order to keep up the supply ? Who is to blame because the quarantine hulk is not where she should be? The Government, the contractor, or the other party P One of the accompanists was very " sick, ' and spoilt more thau one song at the Rowing Club concert in Ponsonby. "Th.c Slaves' Revenge." — Sending a negro missionary to preach to the holy Wesleyans of Auckland!

Just twenty-seven years ago Mr William Eowe laughed at a man for asking £500 for some property in Queen-street, which wouldnow realise £50,000. Wanted the name of a Waikato doctor, who sent a young man to the Auckland Hospital as a scarlet fever patient, when he was only suffering from a severe cold.

A Young Women's Christian Association is about to be formed. The V.M.C.A. ought to suggest amalgamation, and thus save expense to both parties. "An evil spirit, highly commended," and by the Auckland Band of Hope 'Union ! This is praise from an unexpected quarter. Stained glass windows are to be placed an the chancel at Trinity Church, North Shore. Mr L. Bartley, architect, has the order already in hand, " The Opunake natives have been engaged ( drinking a mob of a hundred horses," says a contemporary. They must have rather capacious throats. It was a farce to send the Australia's measly passengers to the quarantine station, when the mails were not fumigated. Why could not such simple com- I plaints be treated at the hospital ? Captain Ashby returns to England by the otitgoing mail steamer, on the 28th instant, and will receive any commissions in the meantime at the office of Messrs Hay and Buchanan, South British Insurance Buildings. Who were the tyro "jam tarts" from Newton •who were driving along the ' Great North-road on Friday , night in a butcher's cart ? Were they going to the slaughter-house ? He dropped on his knees and exclaimed in ! heartrending accents, " Sarah, dearest Sarah, will you be my— Oh, d it !" He had knelt on a clump of ' furze. He was short-sighted. I The Scotchman, when the cross-seas caught her, Rolled gunwale under, Tfiry frisky ; { But Scotchmen rarely rolled through water, I Unless 'tis mixed with good Scotch whisky. Ministers got into hot water of their own volition when they went to Waiwera. When they get into hot water at Wellington, their supporters will know how the precedent arose. The long strings of dried shark hung round the ceiling of the Hall at Ponsouby did not, strange to say, add to its appearance. Some one suggested they were flags, but that was evidently an error. The sorriest rubbish in the Colonial Press is •' Round the Corners," by Asniodeus, in the Now Zealand Mail. "Between the Bedposts " would be a better title. We con confidently recommend it as a soporific. "Among the new Austrian peers are Count Maximilian - Montecuccoli - Laderchy, Count Leopold Podstalzky- Liechtenstein, and Count Maximilian de Trauttinansdorff-Weinskerg," and yet we do not hear that Austrian diplomatists suffer much from lock-jaw. Jukufifar ! Jukufif ar ! You. should have come when " tin" was rifier ; Our cash lias gone To Mastodon And other niggers, Jukufifar ! Those who had to cross the harbour during the early part of the week by the small ferry boat service have suffered no small amount of inconvenience from the equinoctial gales experienced, and have voted them in every sense uoxial or noxious. Three members attended the first business meeting of St. Andrew's Mutual Improvement Association. ' The writer of the newspaper paragraph adroitly remarked that "the number present did not exceed twenty." QVS ACCIDENT. Out for sport, Trigger caught, Usual story — Gone to glory. The other evening some of the fair ones from St. James'— with young men, of course— went for a moonlight tour up Mount Eden, and we believe a very pleasant evening was spent playing "King a king of roses " round the monument at the top. The British war-schooner Lark came here very quietly, made very little sensation when in harbour, and went away without twenty people being the wiser. Had it been a Russian or German the officers and men would have been lionised. The open sailing boat race, whicn. took place last Saturday afternoon, was discussed rather boisterously by several interested parties in the evening-, at a certain public. "We hear that if boxing gloves had been used somebody's nose would notbe so crooked. The pleasure-party which went to Coromandel in the yacht Rita, last Suuday know how salt water feels in large quantities. The trip was an exceedingly wet one, and we fancy Mr Burton would have rather been in his own neat little craft the Asteroid. " And who was the heartless villian who betrayed you ?" asked a member of the Ladies' Benevolent Society of a penitent. "Mr ," murmured the girl. " Dear me," replied the lady, he really ought to be made to subscribe to our funds." And she made a memo in her note-book. A naval gentleman, who is going the round ot the colonies, states that at Taranaki there is a most reckless expenditure of public money, the whole object seemingly being to get money spent in the place, reproductiveness of expenditure, being unworthy of consideration. At a recent revival meeting m Auckland a ran* convert was so moved by the spirit that_ she had to be assisted to the vestry, whore she fainted in the arms of the officiating revivalist. Then she said she felt much better. Is this a fulfilment of Isaiah's prophecy that " even youths shall faint and be wcarv " ? No Mormon Saint Need try to taint Our Auckland dames with Brighanvy ! More-man, not Mormon, is their cry. For two of them in " quod " now lie, Charged with the crime of bigamy ! Great sensation was caused in London lately by the appearance of a disgustingly indecent word in the Times. An attempt was made to buy up the copies, some of which were selling at as high a price as £1. More than twenty compositors, and several proof readers were discharged. There has been a great demand at the Auckland booksellers for that particular number. * _ Young man : " Grand success that Rotorua sale The Government should advertise the virtues of the springs in the Home papers." Old man (who "has been there)- " advertise be metal-ruled! There are enough stinks at Rotorua to draw the whole world without a-wastin' of money on printers' ink." Some; of the old identities of Grisborne are disgusted, and talk of emigrating. The old excitements are all played out. Conflagrations have become monotonous even a free fight Over a block of native land does not "awake tho old thrill of excitement. The only sensation iipw on hand is a bigamy. Sic transit gloria—Gis- ' '.' l^Ml'^i^sQVil ...r«fc m peace is whujt a inscribed' on, the memorial tablet' mar£to&4l^J^tihg-place of his. better , half, at. the Shortl^t^^ioetery. , One .would suppqse that he, has doubV'dJjf * n^ e ''point' as to" her being able to rest in peacei eyen.in .her grave. .

St. James' Mutual Improvement Association devote next Monday evening to " original tales "_ by members. We hope the critics will be more merciful than on a previous occasion, when one spr(.v)ghtly young man had his tale so severely trod on, that he deemed it advisable never to show his nose within the room again. There is certain to be some fun going. We hear there are some strange reports coming up at tho next School Committee meeting on the subject of " standard examinations." Messrs Worthington, Brabazon, and the High-street schoolteacher are going to inform us why several children were not sent up for examination, and will probably give us a few variations by way. of keeping the subject interesting. At tho last meeting of St. Andrew's Mr J. Assan, one of the members, had to deliver an oxtemperaneous speech on "Napier, the orator." The smile and laugh went round as each new trait of the great little man's character was pourtrayed. 'Tis a great pity more girls were not present, the orator's friends, you know !

Some of the punctillious members of the Wesleyan body were severely scandalised at, the low character of music played at the bazaar. They thought such airs as "Tommy make room for your uncle " were rather out of place, though they didn't so much object to " The Splendid Shilling." Walk up, walk up, ladies and. gents/ You pays yer money and yer takes ycr ch'ice."

The young gentleman who worked the telephone at St. John's bazaar made a sad mess the first night. But, stay, perhaps these girls are to blame, they are awfully meddlesome, you know. However the wires were soon got into woi'king order, and heaps of money were made from the whisperings of sweet nothings about the building. This is the latest bazaar novelty. There's millions in it.

The Auckland literary market has lately been glutted with a quantity of cheap trashy novels from America, a large number of which are translated from the French, and of such a natnre as to wholly preclude their ndmission into respectable society. The latest American novelty in cheap literature work is entitled, "The Household Guest Magazine," which may he a very good work in its way, but, most certainly, cannot bear comparison with any English magazine or journal of a similar nature. , The lafcesfc rumour is that the Dovonporfc Perry Service is to be bought out by the St. Helier's or some other large company, in order that the boats may be worked to advantage in furthering the sale of lands in their newly-acquired property at Hellyer's Creek, and to promote settlement at Helier's Bay. Before the sale is effected, the present directors of the ferry service are hound in honour to see that proper bonds are entered into for the protection of the residents at North Shore ; that the rates shall be moderate, and the boats ply at intervals as at present. SONG OF A MINISTER. In the Native Office I've got a son, In the Post Office also I have placed one ; And I haye — come now, let me see — Ah, yes, I've three in the Treasuree; And Mary, whom I loved long ago, Is in the Telegraph now, you know. Oh, what a glorious thing to be A Minister of the Ker — rown, like me ! The members of the Roman Catholic persuasion in Auckland are groaning in deep tribulation of soul just at present. In" addition to the vigours of lent, and. a more than usually heavy dose of prosy sormorizing from Father Walter, the paternal priest has developed a singular weakness for vocal performances, and in quavering voice he essays to sing every night. The result is harrowing. Some kind friend should advise him to drop it. He may be an excellent cleric, but as a vocalist he is a failure. The morality of the Wairoa townships has very niuch improved "during the past two or three years. In the good old days when " genuine fighting rum " was an article of commerce, and when the "blewing" of a £100 cheque in a fortnight was a common occurrence, it was out of the fashion not to have a black eye, and if there was not at least one inquest per month " the boys" reckoned the i^lace was getting quite healthy. Indeed drowuing appears to have been almost the only fatal malady ; otherwise Dargaville would have been as salubrious as a certain American town in which the citizens liad to kill a man to start their grave yard, WHAT IIE SENT HEX. Oh, let me whisper, fay divine, Each morsel of my heart is thine ! My love for thee, my darling, may With my last breath but pass away. My thoughts are all but thoughts of thee, Which never from my brain can flee ! Mine ears in but one sound rejoiceThat is the music of thy voice ! The thrill of a magician's wand Is the touch of thy white handMore should come from my lute of lutes, But— the old man wears such thick-soled boots. Conversation overheard between two Scotch ladies in the vicinity of the Pitt-street Wesleyau Church last Sabbath re the pulpit powers of Jow Jukufifar. (Be it understood that in the Land of Cakes, the denizens of the Kingdom of Fife are called " Fifers," and are credited with being yery shy and difficult to outwit.) First Lady : "What daeye tbiinko' Muister Jookyfifer ?" Second Lady .- "Oh, I, list think him a licht shinin' in great darkness. Bnt whit dae ye say his name is ?" First Lady: " Jookyfifer !" Second Lady: "Fegs, then it's nae wunner he's sac clever ! It tnks an unco shairp yin tae jook a Fifer, I can tell ye!" (They pass on " lost in wonder, love, and praise.") An unfortunate mistake was made the other night by a retired merchant (so says G. J.) in the western portion of th? city. Whilst in search of a lady friend in the vicinity of Hobson-street, he mistook the character of a respectable lady thereabouts, much to her annoyance. But the most singular part of the proceeding was that he should next day procure the services of a police officer to visit the same house with him and terrify the people with the pains and penalties of tlie law for alleged impertinencies made use of to him the night before by a young member of the family. Complaint was afterwards made by the lady to Mr Thompson of the brow-beating conduct of the policeman, but there, we believe the matter ended ; and all's well that ends well. A VERDANT LAY. That parson must be very Green Who leaves his home and book And. climbs to view the dismal scene Of ice and snow, Above, below, And round about Mount Cook ! 'Tis well to try another clime And seek a change of scene, But who would dare the desperate " climb," 'Mid ice and snow, Where nought can grow, And only man is Green ? The proverb says " Too many cooks Ai'e apt to spoil the broth " ; But, judging by the hungry looks Of Green and Co. When they came below, One Cook had made them wroth !. This noble Cook in cap of white No food to them had granted : — Ho sharpened well their appetite ; But to make them glow When they came below, A lowlier cook was wanted ! — The Black Knight. That was rather an appropriate decision of the R.M. in a recent Tauranga case. Eobert Campbell Fraser charged Timoti (Timothy) with, having, on the occasion of' the Ohinemutu races, maliciously and feloniously removed a piece of his (the plaintiff's) nose, thereby causing a breach of the peace.- A dog (kuri) gave evidence for the defence, and justified the use of the fangs as instruments of offence; but these new fang-led notions didn't go down with the R.M., who 'bound the prisoner over to keep the ,;peace for six months ; on the expiration of which period, he;will be at liberty- to return to its original owner.' The transgressor; of her Majesty's law thus becomes, for the nonce.; a guardian of the piece. [Our contributor is evidently labouring under a misapprehension. The native in question was not bound over to keep the piece,, as it was proved in evidence that he expectorated it at once. He is to suffer the biting severity of a six weeks sojourn in ,the peaceful serenity of Mount Eden. ,He probably • nose better now. It is evidently a case of tho*"Jbiter beaten."— Ed. Obs.]

Let no impious -wretch ever again dare to impugn the sacredness of church bazaars. Rev. W. Morley has conclusively proved by Holy Writ that tlie Israelites started the first bazaar in the wilderness. No doubt we shall be told also that tea-ftghts, kiss-in-the-ring, and raffles were also niuch in favour with the Jews, and that the pretty little Jewesses used to coax the old patriarchs out of the shekels of silver by the same arts that the girls now practice at modern bazaars. Truly, there is nothing new under the sun. There are, however, a good many other things that were fashionable among the Jews, For instance, Solomon had even so many wives and — ahem — ladies on another footing, and there are not a few people who would be glad to see a revival of those good old times. The reverence that is now paid to the "golden calf " may also be traced to Holy Writ. The sweet Bazaar of Ponsonby For Wesleyan St. John, What goody-goody principles It was conducted on ! There were no nasty lotteries To break the country's laws, But the ladies made successful "'sweeps," And proved attractive " draws." The only "plates " and " cups" were those Well filled with tea or cake ; And when the cash was " totalised," It proved a handsome " stake." Then let us praise this blest Bazaar, Which has such wonders done, Though Plummer, from his mountain nest, Heaps curses on St. John-! A curious little romance of real life reached our ears recently. Two years ago there arrived in Auckland a highly educated and charming young Scotch lady. She obtained a situation as companion to a Presbyterian clergyman in this city, and for some months her social virtues shone at the genial tea-fights, while a portion of her Sundays were devoted to the mild excitement which appertains to the office of Sunday-school. All of a sudden she imbibed an idea that she would like to be a barmaid, and not all the persuasions and tears of her friends could deter her from her object. She became a priestess of Bacchus behind a Queen-street bar, and was the rage for a time. The erratic little goddess then made up her mind to go to Fiji, where for some time she dispensed long beers and sheri'y-and-sodas. We now have reliable advices that she is married, the happy man being a rich young planter who likewise hails from the land-o'-cakes.