TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 67, 24 December 1881, Page 233

TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

— Rejected, Imt not dejected. — Wm. Kelly on tlio 14th. Hauled (Hailed) in — G-. B. Morris. " Prcss"-ed cmfc — G-. V. Stewart and his organ. — From the dusky appearance of Harry JFarrar's right- optic when he left by the steamer, he appeared to have undergone operations at the hands of an knockulist. — Morris' supporters contemplate furnishing him with a private seerctary ■when he goes to Parliament, in order to enable him to answer letters written by his constituents. — Lines s\iggestcd on the mournful return of our cricketers : — Not a clieer was heard, not a joyful note, As our bags down the wharf we carried, Not a townsman offered the longed-for shout O'er the gi-aves where our hopes lay buried. — Dr Armitage was going down to bathe the other morning in a costume Biiited to the exigence of the hour, when a young mann asked, " Who is that person in the Highland costume." Fortunately the docther didn't hear him, or else he would have been " kilt intoirely."

— Mac, of the Commercial, and Montie liave both been led astray by the elections. The former lost £15 on Kelly at 7to 1. The latter £10 in odd bets on Stewart. Quite right in backing up your own father Montie. But boys should not bet. — Ned R — se didn't think there was a man near him, when he threatened to strike the girl, because she wouldn't serve him with a drink on Sunday. Take my advice Ned, and reserve your pugilistic displays for the privacy of your own home. — Stewart may thank Mr Jno. King's mistaken zeal, and the 'organ's' discordant grinding, for his defeat. At the declaration of the poll he said he never told a lie — in fact his motto had been to " tell the truth, and shame the devil." Truly, a whopper like that should shame the most callous devil in hel — I mean Hades. — A young man was taking a stroll in the Domain on Thursday night, when he heard loud cries proceeding from the Temperance Hall. Imagining that the place was on lire, he threw off his coat and hat, and rushed to the scene of disturbance. He was thoroughly disgusted to find, when he got there, that it was only Mr Lunclon putting the children through the lancers. — A new chum's reason why Stewart should be supported, was rather good. " You see," she said, " we feel like the sailor who picked up a bottle of kerosene on the road. After tasting, and finding that it was not rum as he expected, lie put it down again, and stood behind a hedge, watching to see another of his fellow creatures similarly deluded." — Stewart's next special settlement is to be the Opotiki or Whakatano ranges. The corporation are to inaugurate a grand annual balloon excursion, to enable settlers to visit their selections at least once a year. He says that the only bribery he used during his election campaign, was to promise to import Redmond a wife per May Queen. If he doesn't, ladies prepare to receive proposals. — The Neva was out last Saturday, but didn'fc seem to make much way, but lee w r ay. Her crew were rather strikingly dressed in their new yachting costumes — shirt, plush hat and minus trousers. Anyhow, you couldn't wipe them out at sailing a boat. In beating down the harbour, they had a rather novel and ingenious method of tacking. They would run the boat ashore, and jump overboard. Then turn her round till the sails filled, shove her off, and away again. Under the circumstances, perhaps their costume was the best that they could have adopted. — Poor Ned Eose, the doughty champion of G-eo. Vcscy, has gone broke since the election. On Saturday (the 10th) a rumour arose that the Waitckauri record was in, and that Stewart was seven ahead. "When E. Rose heard I this, he rose, rushed into the street, rose over all the posts in front of Whitcombe's, and had a Kosio time generally, for about five minutes. He was just into his second gallon of beer, when he told it was a ruse, and that Morris was elected. He threw the tankard to the ground. Then cried j in a voice, husky with suppressed emotion, "Look you ere ! If I could catch them their loafers wofc didn't A-ote for Stewart I'd ! I'd ! — " As most of his auditors were in the unpleasant predicament referred to by Mr Eose, they rose and took an outside ticket before the conclusion of his speech. — A pretty piece of roguery was revealed at the E.M. Court the other day. A member of the A.C. Force, by dint of praiseworthy economy, had scraped together £10. This money he wished to invest in cattle, not liking his name to appear in the transaction, he commissioned a labouring man to buy some cows, etc., for him. The man was to have the use of the cows for twelve months, and then' real owner was to board with him. This man accordingly received the money and purchased the cattle in his own name. Instead, however, of paying for them with the money he had received for the purpose, he gave p.n.'s for the amount. He then pocketed the cash. Shortly after lie obtained money and goods to the amount of £40, from a storekeeper in town, and gave a bill of sale over the cattle as security. The unfortunate A.C. man knew nothing of this, until one fine morning he found the cattle seized under the bill of sale, and their quondam caretaker non est. — Some excitement was caused one day last week by a hah* raising rumour that the evidences of a horrible crime had been unearthed on the premises of a hairdresser in town. As a somewhat garbled account of the affair has been whispered abroad, I present your readers with the facts of the case. About eleven at night, Mr Barnett, the hairdresser referred to, heard a noise as of someone digging and moving bricks in his yard. He did not care to investigate the cause of disturbance, as a stray brick despatched in the direction of Mr B.s cranium, might have removed him to regions in which the tonsorial art is not practised. In the morning he found that the earth in a portion of his yard had been freshly turned. The portion dug had been covered with bricks and rubbish. He thought he "smelt a rat," and procuring a shovel proceeded on a prospecting tour. He has not divulged his discovery, but has placed it in the hands of the police. They arc on the scent, and hope soon to run the midnight marauders to earth. — During his canvas, one of our candidates afforded a bar full of the Opotiki free and enlightened a good deal of amusement. It appears that one of the bank managers of that thriving city had occasion to go into the hotel about supper time one evening. The candidate was doing the hail-fellow-well-met kind of .thing, with the tipplers of the place. When the man of moneyentered, he addressed him in his usual energetic style, and the following dialogue took place. Candidate : " He, he, he; I called on you to-day, but your wife told me you were in town. I'm sorry I missed you." B. M., looking astonished, "Me in. town P" Candidate : " Yes, I'm sorry you were not at home. You have a fine farm, and the cattle are looking very well. By Jove, you have a splendid crop of maize. You ought to get 8o bushels to the acre, judging from a distance." B . M., drawing himself up and putting the Buppor beer on the counter, " I'm manager of a bank here, and live across the road, sir. You are slightly mistaken." Exit B . M, and candidate collapses into a beer barrell. — Poor Admiral Jackson has met with an-acci-dent. He says he would not hare minded it so much, had he not written such a cheeky letter to

the New Zealand Accident Insurance Company. Last January, the Company's Agent, Mr Metcalf, induced him to take out a policy. In case of accident, he was to receive dB3 per week. When tlae policy, together with, the regulations of the society reached him, he came to the conclusion that the rules were not what they should be. He "wrote to the Company informing them of the fact, and at the same time asking his money back. By the return mail he received a letter telling him that as all the educated and Intelligent portion of the community approved of these regulations, his money would not be returned. After this, the subject dropped. Matters remained as they were till last Sunday, when poor Jimmy got education and intelligence kicked into him by a draught xnare. From latest inquiries I learn that James is progressing as well as any other man would who liad as much kicked into him through the small bone of his leg. He feels thankful his education and intelligence have cost him so little. — Mrs Alexander's juvenile fancy dress ball, the first ever given in Tauranga, was a great success. There were not many fancy dresses though. In my opinion, the following bore the palm : — Little Miss de Bourbell as a Sicilian flower girl, was the most beautiful child it has ever been my lot to see ; Miss Clara Jordan made a charming Red Riding Hood ; little Miss Home, as a daisy, looked very nice indeed, so did little Miss Lundon as 80-peep. Master James Wrigley, as a Colonel of 11th Hussars, took first place among the young gentlemen ; Master Bcrfcio Jordan, as a jockey, came next ; Master Lewis, as a Tui'k, looked well ; but Master G. Hoben, in a barrister's wig and gown, was the most striking figure in the room. The otlier dresses were, Miss Harvey, as night, Miss Haiz as a rosebud, Master 0. Tunks as an Infantry officer, E. Hoyte as a Maltese fisherman, Master Plaw as a plausible darkey, 33. Grinders as a cricketer, Mrs Alexander as a dancing mistress, Mr Lundon as a dancing master, and last, but by no means least, Mrs J. as a Turk. Supper was served and thoroughly enjoyed by the little ones, ■end at 11 o'clock they went home. The ' children of a larger growth' who had been enviously looking on, then set too, and kept it up until about 2 p.m. The room was very tastefully decorated with evergreens, etc. Mottoes were formed with leaves ingeniously arranged, and hung round the room.