BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 63, 26 November 1881, Page 172

BRIEF MENTION

3Tov whom is the wooden leg that Mrs Gravm sent the 5s to tlie Star ? "Wasn't it rather mean not to provide a band to play the Thames Volunteers to the wharf ? Why were not those fire annunciators erected before ? Did the City Council stick at the £300 ? Messrs Sargood and Co. will shortly build new tpremises. Sir Greorgc Grey will address the ..electors this (Friday) evening in the Lome-street Hall. — The Parnell whist party haTO had a split. All the luck was on one side. So'Quercus says. Mr J. M. Clark is out for City East, and gets the Good Templar vote. The R.M. of the Thames was unable to attend the Volunteer banquet, owing to an attack of neuralgia. A sa(l)vage controversy. — That between S. Coombes and A. Linabury. There were plenty of owners for that " stray lamb." It pays to own floating coffiins sometimes when the owner supplies all the provisions and goods to the crew at his own price. All the marine surveyors in Auckland mustered at the last sitting of the K.M. Court. "We caught a glimpse of half-a-dozen of them through the doorway. The trouble on the West Coast is over. Te Whiti's special constable has delivered up his truncheon. Why did the police arrest Pbam(mer) ? Becuuse several stories of burglaries were currant, and the police had raisons to suspect him. ITour waggon loads of luggage was rather too much for 150 Thames Volunteers. How many would "the whole force require at this rate ? The Evening Post falls into the absurd blunder of stating that the French surrendered at Sedan without striking a blow. Can it be true that the wardens of a certain church have established a miniature chemist's shop in the vestry for the convenience of ladies who paint ? " Subscriber " is informed that we do not see our way to risk an action for libel in order to help him : to win his bet. \ All the Grisborne shopkeepers give their employes a half holiday on Wednesday afternoons. They tried Saturday, but it would not work. Tohu was abont to sit down on the floor of the Court-house, at New Plymouth, when Captain Davidson said, "I have a nice place for jou here," and placed Mm in the dock. Will some gentleman, who lias actually received any money from Mr Theodore Brown, in connection -with the recent sweep, call at this office. Don't all speak at once ! The meanest act of the Government was the attempt to diddle the Volunteers out of the balance of their payfor the two months during which they were engaged. If the reported burglaries are all real occurTences, and not inventions, why are no rewards offered for the recovery of the stolen goods or the detection of the burglars ? In Mr C. B. Stone's letter commenting upon Ifix Gouk's opinion of the Glimpse, he says it was " all Tot." Just so. This frank admission does honour to Mr Stone's candour. Mr Bloxome, the telegraphist, who has returned from the front, relates some tough yarns about the quantities of Press telegraphic matter sent over the wires. It is estimated that fully three hundred Ponsonby residents have purchased ammunition, shot, or revolvers within the last fortnight. The burglars will have a hole made in them some odd night. Major Murray did the thing handsomely by inviting the Volunteer officers and prominent citizens to a dinner, where everybody was pleased with everybody else. The Star complains because the shipping reporter of the Herald is a butcher's " tout." If the Herald isn't ashamed of the connection, we can't see that the evcuinsr paper has any reason to howl about it. Score a triumph for Democracy ! The " Burxow " Council of Parnell have allowed Mr Schuemaker to stand his 'bus near the Bishop's Court, on the spot claimed by the King as his own. The " Pirates " have gone. Is it possible that the "Burglars " (our burglars, as the Star affectionately calls them) have gone with them ? " Birds of a feather flock together I" Says C. J. to C. 8., " I wish you hadn't written that confounded letter to the Herald ; you've brought the Observer down on us." "Well, I wouldn't have done it," replied C.8., "if , of the Herald, hadn't pressed me to do so." Fact. A young man who saw the parade of the Thames Volunteers at the Drill-shed, remarked that they had certainly " been in the sun." Of course it was not a mot d double entente. Ho meant to say they *vere rather bronzed, you know. " Arn't you tired of listening to Silly Billy ?" asked a man of his friend at the door of the Temperance Hall. " You drunken blackguard," exclaimed a female voice." It was Mrs Garrard, who had come to hear her husband's speech. Mr Grillon having announced that persons singing songs from " Maritana" in public will have to I>ay a fee, we should like to know what is to be the charge for whistling " Let Me Like A Soldier Fall" in Queenstreet. It is astonishing how some men get up the liill. An Auckland chemist hns gone to administer a dose of castor oil to King Tawhiao, and we may expect Mm to set up the Royal Arms over his door on his return, with the legend— "By Koyal Settlers Patent." Jjinabury says he isn't as fond as "friend ■Coombes" is, of seeing his name in print. We should think not, especially when it is followed by such epithets as " slanderer, coward, and liar." Sammy cooins rather near making himself subject to the law of libel. Mr John Lamb electrified the audience at a goody-goody tea-fight the other night, when he announced a pianoforte solo by Mr Mozart, and wound up with a polite request to Mr Mozart to step up on the iplatforin. Why are so many young men advertising for rooms, " with use of kitchen ?" Has the curious proviso any connection with the fact that the kitchen is likely to he presided over by a red-haired but amorous servant girl? "The boy who never told ■ a lie" had no difficulties in life until he set up as a draper in Auckland ! He made a noble struggle even then, and made a vow to pull a hair out of his head for every lie he told. He is now completely bald, and is trembling for his scalp. Messrs Robertson and Pearson have, after all, resolved to cut the insurance business and take to the stage. Haying said our say on this subject, we shall not harrow their feelings by any further reference to the folly of the proceeding, but merely express a hope that they may do as well as they hope. — The Auckland Dramatic Society's second performance in the Eemuera Hall on Wednesday evening was very successful and is likely to be repeated. The comedy of "A Lesson in Love," and "Parents and Guardians" composed the programme. We reserve our criticism until next week. G-arrard says he "doesn't think shame" of having been a policeman and a volunteer. This speaks for great moral courage on his part, after the recent display of kleptomania by certain volunteers at Pari- | haka, and the present unrepressed burglomania in Auckland. • We were at the front by deputy and distinguished ourselves, having been fired with military ardour in the soul of one of our employe's. We are also glad to say that the Commisariat haa not been found a serious in- ; convenience, and we are ready to serve our bleeding country again in the same manner •whenever called upon. St. Andrew's Mutual Improvement Association is showing signs of disintregation, and will probably .aoon Jbe " improved off|tlie face of the earth." Ladies

have occasionally attended the meetings of the society, and their " improving" infleence has been very apparent. One member of the socioty got married the other day, and another will so into double harness very shortly. Who would not goto Mutual Improvement meetings t The force of habit is very great. The Indian corn doctor, departing the other day from the Albert Hotel to gather in his daily harvest of shillings, piilled down his scalp with a jerk. A bystander, being «s\ea» " what tribe does he belong to ?" replied, " Oh, to the Humbugs." . „ There was a remarkable Maori funeral on the Otamatea River the other day. An old shoe trunk did duty as a coffin, but as the knees of the defunct stuck out of the box, and the lid could not be adjusted, an old hag overcame the difficulty by jumping on them with all her weight. , , A party advertises a little yacht for sale, and gives as the renson of parting with it—" Owner going into steam." Now, we have heard of the gaseous theory and spontaneous combustion, but we never heard of a man "going into steam!" Can nobody lend the poor a condenser ? The enlightened progress of the age is exemplified by the way in which gentlemen now settle their quarrels. Instead of arranging for pistols and coffee for two, Mr Bainbridge complained to the Agricultural and Pastoral Association that he had been grossly insulted by Captain Walmsley, and the secretary was instructed to demand an explanation. Titokowaru has been trying to imitate Dr Tanner. The old chief, though' fastened with handcuffs, seems to have thought that by means of a fast he might get out of gaol rather faster than under ordinary circumstances, but the result shews that in coming to that conclusion Tito was a little too fast. He had to cave after two days, and tearfully call for his beloved pork and potatoes. More comic advertising ! Mr Dawsou, builder, Hobson-street, warns two men that if they do not at once return the ladder they stole from him he " will put it into the hands of the police." Hadn't he better wait till he gets it before he puts it anywhere ? Having found it, he could not put it in a safer place than he proposes doing, as the burglars and police never, by any chance, come into contact with each other ! " Neither an Englishman nor a draper !" Hey, Sammy Coombes yip. Of course, Sammy is both — " For he himself has said it, And its greatly to his credit (with bankers, &c.,) That he is an Englishman ! For A. L. is a NorwegianNo ; a Terra del Fuegian — A fiery kind of man !" Somebody writes to the Herald suggesting that the pilots should not interfere with butchers touters when they go alongside vessels coming into the harbour because of the assistance they give to the press. The natural inference from this is that the morning paper shipping reporter is not ftbont when he should be, or he 1 would be able to attend to his own business, and would not require to be represented by butchers. When the A.C. advanced on Parihaka every man of the leading company had his sleeves tucked up to the elbows, and a pair of handcuffs dangled from his belt. It seems there is one company which is selected from the strongest and most pugilistic members of the force, and their appearance in tucked up sleeves is perfectly en reijle when tackling Maoris at the fences. The costume is handy in a scuffle. The Thames Volunteers wore pronounced by old soldiers to be, physically, one of the finest bodies of men ever seen in the Southern Hemisphere. That the Government had not reckoned on being called upon to provide uniforms for such stalwart frames was proved by the fact that the men were literally bursting out of their clothes. 11l nature people, however, attributed this to the excellent rations and the abundant supplies of Maori pork aud potatoes. As to " those hysterical people " -whom the old lady of Wyndhain-street refers to, they do not know that "the men who have directed the operations at Parihaka are Mr Sheehan's x>olitical opponents." What they do know, however, is that Mr Sheehan and Bryce have been constantly consulting by the telegrnph, and that the policy has been virtually as much the property of one as the other. The Herald ought to lie better informed. Who is the droll-looking " guy " who walks through Parnell to the city every morning ? He is a young man of passable figure, but his clothes seem all to be three sizes too big for him, and he ploughs his way along, swaying his arms behind him like a champion athlete, while his trousers of nanticul cut trail their wide extremities in the dust ! Some young ladies, commiserating his forlorn condition, are wishing they could kiss him for his mother, and brush him up generally. There wa3 a social reunion at the Bcresfordstreet school the other evening. The teachers provided no refreshment, except a few bottles of lemonade for their own use. When they adjourned, during an interval, to a back room to refresh their thirst, what was their surprise to find that a person who had obtruded himself on the company without an invitation had been doing the amiable by supplying drinks to all and sundry, just as if he had provided them out of his own pocket. A tailor was chai-ged at the Police Court on Tuesday with stealing some cabbage from a Chinaman. Tailors are proverbially fond of "cabbage," and it is hopeless to struggle against one's natural instincts, or to be imnished for indulging them. The charge was adjourned for several days to allow the accused to get up his defence, which is to be a plea of Biblical sanction, founded on the text — " A remnant shall be saved," and of irresistible kleptomania whenever "cabbage" is in question. The Herald of Saturday last reports (seriously) the following : — " Mrs Newman Hall was recently saved by her husband from a frightful accident in Switzerland, her niuie refusing to pass a yawning chasm left by a recent avalanche." Had this appeared in the " funny columns we might have accepted it as a jocular intimation that Mrs Newman Hall was a mule, but, appearing as a sober item, what can we think of it ? Was it the husband who saved her ? or was it the mule ? Or did the husband wish the mule to go into the ''yawning chasm," and did it refuse ? Or how could she be saved by the '* mule refusing to pass a yawning chasm ?" Is it dangerous to " pass a yawning chasm ?" Which is the lunatic — the man, the mule, the woman, or the editor who penned the item ? Mr K. Levoi, agent for the Mammoth Troupe, arrived here by the Rotoinahana to make arrangements for a season in Auckland. The company comxjrises Miss Amy Swanborough, an English clairvoyant, said to be very clever in her peculiar line, and Mr W. H. Manning', ventriloquist. The Southern papers say that, without exception, he is the best ventriloquist that has visited New Zealand. The company also includes Mr Chas. Moye, a wizard, comic vocalists and others. Mr Lovoi gives us to understand he intends playing the country districts first, and will open here about Christmas week. — -There is bad feeling between the local rowing clubs. It was confidently expected that the old sores j had been healed up by the settlement of the amatei* definition. A rule, giving a clear definition, was agreed to some time ago by the three clubs, but a gross breatch of it was committed on the 9th by the North Shore j Club. Disregarding their promise to adhere to the agreement, they placed a professional as bow oar in their boat, and claimed the prize. They did not win the race, but had a walk over, the event having been started by mistake while the Ponsonby and Auckland boats were ashore getting ready. It was intended by the Auckland Club to protest against North Shore Club on the ground that the crew was composed of professionals, but, after consideration, it was agreed that the North Shore men would not be so mean as to take the trophies under the circumstance. They, however, gave the captain credit for more delicacy than he is possessed of, ashe claimed and received the prize on Saturday evening. To the Editor : Sir,— On behalf of the North Shore Regatta Committee I beg permission to hand you the accompanying d^ess which was generously presented to a lady by the above committee (on which she had no claim) on the occasion of the Ladies' Consolation Race on Saturday, 12th November, but indignantly returned. This dress is placed with you with the request that you will accept it and kindly bestow it on some poor or suffering person that you may judge worthy to receive it. — lam, &c, C. C. Dacre, Hon. Sec, North Shore Regatta Club. — [We beg to acknowledge receipt of the above-named dress (which appears to our masculine eyes, a very neat and tasteful morning costume) with [ many thanks. The person who refused it must be very

peculiarly constituted. Let us hope, however, that there are not many North Shore ladies who would be be guilty of such an ungracious act. — Ed. Obs.] Mrs Margaret Waymonth writes to tlie effect that she had nothing to do with instituting the proceedings against her husband on a charge of assault, but that the information was laid by her brother-in-law without her authority, the alleged cause being regard for her and her children. She complains that the proceedings have subjected her to an expense of £20, which she hopes some of her friends will be kind enough to pay, and, in conclusion, she regrets that she cannot thank the persons who instituted the prosecution. Evidently, Mrs Wayniouth desires to be saved from her friends, and has not a very high appreciation of the benefits resulting from legal proceedings. The following verses are contributed by Mr Fr — d Pl-mm-r : — "When a burglar's not engaged in depredations, Or preparing his nice scientific tools, He attends among religious congregations, And loves to teach among the Sunday School ; His feelings he with difficulty smothers, When he sees the silver glist'ning in the plates, And though he throws his tanner in with others, He longs to rob the vestry with his mates. When the enterprising burglar cuts his capers, And retires to rest from gath'ring nightly toll, He loves to read his exploits in the papers, And he chuckles while he eats his morning roll, When the burglar's finished melting down his booty He does a quiet stroll about the town, And bows to all the constables on duty, And smiles to think how nicely they're done brown. [Notwithstanding the apparent equanimity with which the detectives bear the inuendoes hurled against them for their inability to put a stop to the burgling, they are endeavouring to perform some great feat to wipe out the reproach. Big Jeff and Sammy heard that Tiny Jones, "from information received," had an important case on hand, and having skilfully worked it up was about to effect an important capture. Tiny had been shadowing his man for weeks nnd there was not the slightest chance of the suspected criminal clearing out. Before the time was ripe for performing the coup, poor Tiny was ordered off to Coromandol, his brother detectives having, in the meantime, discovered his little game. Well Jeff and Sammy resisted the temptation of diminishing Tiny's glory by making the arrest for four hours, but longer than that they could not. The man was arrested, and the twain received newspaper puffs for "their important capture." It is related that when Tiny returned he wept tears, not of anger, but of grief, and apostrophised Jeff with the historic words, et iv Brute I The little man did all the work and the big man got all the credit. Alas ! it is too often the way of the world ! Cheer up, Tiny, and keep it dark next time. The "Black Ivnight" contributes the following:— Sing a song of burglars, Locks and bolts awry ; Folks in consternation, " Bobbies" werry spry ! At Ponsonby and Newton The folks began to sing — " Now's the opening season, Breaking into spring !" Lndy in the back room Looking rather funny, When burglar in the front shop Confiscates her money ! In the city's highways, Honey, food, and clothes Disappear like magic 'Neath the bobbies' nose. All our "smart" detectives Putting on such airs Catch them by their blue coats And kick them downstairs ! Commercial travellers and tourists who visit Auckland are apt to complain of the hotel accommodation, which is without doubt very inferior for so large a city. The only really first-class houses at present are the Star and the Albert, and with all due deference to their proprietors, it must be admitted they are wholly insufficient for the requirements of the travelling community. The Star is nearly always crowded to excess. Day after day the proprietor has to turn people away, and even the immense improvements which he contemplates making will not enable him to accept all the guests that sometimes offer. Since Mr Cairns undertook the management of the Star it has without doubt become a very popular house. Pew hosts understand their business better than he does; and as a caterer he is simply jinr excellence. Whatever luxuries are in season Cairns gets. Quails from "Frisco, fresh salmon from Tasmania, the choicest asparagus, the earliest peas — all appear on his table before anyone else's. It is his pride to provide for his guests dainties which are impossible elsewhere, and the result is that when people want a really good little dinner they go to the Star. Here is n moi ie picked at raudom from one of the weekly dinners served to the guests at the Star: — Soups : Spring and ox tail. Fish : Boiled mullet. Entrees : Fricaudeau of veal, fricassee of rabbit. Joints : Boast sirloin of beef, boiled turkey and oyster sauce, roast ducks roast spring chickens, ronst goose and apple sauce, roast lamb and mint sauce, roast fillet of veal. Ox tongue. Sweets : Plum pudding', gooseberry tart, Wane mange, rhubarb tart, custard, lemon jelly, custard iv glasses. Cream cheese. Dessert in season. Lovers of music are reminded that on Thursday, December Ist, Mr Grad well will give one of his enjoyable concerts. A most attractive programme has been arranged, and a very pleasing evening is anticipated. One of the events of the season will be the Masonic Ball, to be held in the Choral Hall on Wednesday, December 7th, to commemorate the opening of the Masonic Hall. Tickets can be obtained from members of committee. Look out for next week's Obsebveb. Important secret in connection with the success of Messrs. Garrett as the best manufacturers of of boots and shoes in New Zealand. You have all read " How I found Livingstone." Read next " How I found Garrett. " The goods for the Christmas season now on view at the establishment of Messrs Munro and Milligan are certainly a treat. The best of goods at lnoderat prices, and or. the deferred payment system. What an elysium for young men ou small salaries. Medical men have done more than any other class to prolong the average term of human life, not so much by direct interference with the course of disease as by modifying and controlling it. The offices of the physician is to remove obstructions, and leavo nature to repair the ravages made by disease or accident, and this is all the wise physician will claim to be able to do, further than the administering of certain remedies and prescribing suitable diet, including good digesfcibles and wholesome household bread, made with the Moa Brand Baking Powder, rich in the phosphates, invented and maiiitfactured by Sharland and Company. Amebicak f aitham Watches •were awarded Two Gold Medals, the only medals awarded to Exhibitors of Watches at the Melbourne International Exhibition, 1880. The only Gold Medal, also Three Special and Four First Prizes, Sydney International Exhibition, 1879. The Gold Medal Paris International Exhibition; 1878. Four First Prize Medals, Philadelphia International Exhibition, 1876. Higher awards than any other Exhibitors of Watches ever received. Buyers will observe the Trade Mark— " Waltham, Mass."— plainly engraved upon the movement of all Genuine Waltham Watches. Trade Mark, Waltbam, Mass., registered throughout the New Zealand and Australian Colonies. Proceedings will be taken against vendors selling, or offering for sale, , Watches bearing colourable imitations, or infringing our rights. — Amehican Watch Company, Waltham, Mass. This paper has, as its sole and special representative in America for the reception of abvertisexnents and subscriptions, the International Newspaper Agency. H. B. Hubbard proprietor, New Haven, Connecticut, United States of America, where all the editions of this publication can be found regularly on file, with all other prominent newspapers of. the world, and where contracts can be made for all at publishers' best rates.