The Observer.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 61, 12 November 1881, Page 130

The Observer.

Saturday, November 12th, 1881

The question, " What constitutes a respectable funeral ?" has lately been raised under somewhat peculiar circumstances. Wo do not now refer to the scandal iv connection with the burial of paupers in a manner moro closely resembling the hasty interment of dogs than of Christians. The matter arose in this way : — A man, apparently occupying a respectable position in society, and possessing valuables and money in the bank to the amount of £200, died suddenly tho other day at the hotel where he had been lodging. Being a stranger in Auckland it was not known whether he had made a will, but, pending inquiries, the landlord took charge of his property, and instructed an undertaker to provide such a funeral as appeared to befit the circumstances of the deceased. The undertaker conducted the funeral at a cost of £13, which included payment for a hearse, and presented his bill to the Curator of Intestate Estates, who had meantime taken possession of the assets. The Curator, however, declined to allow more than £3 for the funeral expenses, and has forwarded the papers on the subject to Wellington, so that the confiding but unfortunate undertaker is likely to suffer a loss of £10 through no fault of his own. Where the line ought to be drawn in fixing the cost of a funeral in the case of persons dying intestate is the question now raised. It may turn out that the deceased was very respectably connected, and that the idea of a pauper funeral would be painful to his friends ; and on the other hand it may be found that there arc demands upon the assets which will absorb every penny of them, and justify in the main the action of the Curator, but it seems hard that the undertaker should be subjected to heavy loss through merely doing what his experience taught him to believe was proper and becoming under the circumstances.

A "striking" exemplification of the truth of the old adage that " the course of true love never does run smooth" was afforded at Ponsonby the other day. The young man had been sternly forbidden the house, and liad boon obliged therefore for some timo past to contrive clandestine meetings with tlie mistress of his heart. By some means or othor "tho cruel parient" had got wind of those stolen interviews, and had prepai'ed himself to inflict summary vengeance upon the love-lorn Adonis. An assignation was made for ono afternoon last week, when the head of the household was presumed to be engaged in town, and therefore unlikely to surprise * the lovers. They met, and enjoyed a long and romantic walk, finally halting near St. Mary's Convent in order to bid each other farewell — till next time. The parting was prolonged, for both were loth to "go, and neither was conscious of the fact that a man had scrambled through tho hedge further up the street and had cautiously crept up to within a few yards of where thoy woro standing. Some school children, however, luid wonderingly watched the strange action, and forthwith informed tho young couple of it. The lady, guess-

ing the identity of tho eavesdropper, turned deadly pale, while Adonis, mounting the gate, proceeded, to look around for the interloper. Paterfamilias, seeing that he could no longer lie X>erdw_ came out of his hiding place, jumped the gate, and, jriving vent to some strong remonstrances upon the subject of decoying his daughter from home, struck Adonis violently on the face, besides hurling a few sulphurous expletives of a highly uncomplimentary character at him. The assaulted lover meekly picked up his fallen billycock, threw a look of regard as tender as his agonised features would permit him to fashion upon his distressed Inamorata, and then, girding up his loins, made tracks for home at tho rate of eight or ten miles per hour, while the incensed father led away the lovely fair one bathed in tears, and mute with' grief. The lovers' meetings are now temporarily suspended, and Adonis is testing the efficacy of court plaster.

A sad story of matrimonial infelicity reaches us from the aristocratic suburb of Remuera, whero a pah* of turtle-doves, who have been married long enough to know better, arc in the habit of leading each other a somewhat trying life. The husband is a great don in society, and protends to be devotedly attached to his wife when outsiders are present. The servants, however, say he behaves like a regular Turk at homo, and treats madanie abominably, more especially after a whiskey or two. The other night there was quite a scene. The servants wore at supper, and " master and missus," who had just had toa, were in the dining-room, when suddenly a shriek, followed by a tremendous crash, was heard in that locality. The Avaitress, fearing an accident had happened, rushed to the room and found Mr , with a much inflamed visage, endeavouring to pick up the pieces of a heavy A'aso, which had evidently been precipitated across the room. Madame was in a chair, crying bitterly, and the atmosphere appeared to be redolent of whiskey, Mary Jane's inference is that " that brute master flung the ornament at missus," but perhaps aftor all it was only an aceideut.

An amusing story, Avhich lias caused much merriment in commercial circles, is at present going the rounds of the various business houses in Auckland. It seems that a clerk in the employ of a firm doing business in the neighbourhood of Shortland-street, AA'as dissatisfied Avith his billet, and applied for and obtained another situation with a rival merchant avlio happens to bear tho same name. This conduct gave great umbrage to the Shortland-street Croesus. He couldn't understand anybody Avishing to leave his employ, and in order to prove that his clerks loA-od and rcA-ered him beyond any one else, lie droAv up a A-ery singular document, in Avhich the employes Avere made to say that they had never boon more comfortable in tlieir lives, and that they pledged themselves never to leave Mr Blank or to apply to the rival merchant for a billet. Having written this out on a formidable sheet of paper, Mr Blank handed it to the clerks i'or signature, hinting at the same time, that a refusal to comply Avith his Avishes, might lead to " the sack." Unfortunately, human nature is perverse, and tho employes, being of an independent turn of mind, with one accord resolved not to append their names to the precious document. This was bad enough, but matters became still AA-orse by-and-bye, Avhen tlie story got afloat, and noAV poor Blank is being chaffed nearly out of his life.

A fcAV years ago, New Plymouth and Wanganui Avere principally celebrated for their live colonels and majors, avlio Avere as "thick as autumnal leaves that strew the brooks in Vallombrosa." In view of the recent promotions and the military activity on the West Coast, it may be expected that the old state of things will be revived. Apropos of this, a good story is told about one of the majors avlio has since mado a conspicuous figure in politics. Sir George Grey gave a dinner at Government House, Wellington, to a number of Imperial officers, and among the distinguished guests were Dr Mouat V.C, and Cols. Gamble, Pitt, and Haultain. The conversation turned on the efficiency of some of the volunteer officers, when Dr Mouat rcmai-ked, " I have firm faith in some of the Taranaki "Volunteers. I tliink they act most judiciously under fire. You know my place in action as a surgeon is between the supports and the reserve. When Aye Avere engaged Avith the enemy at Huirangi Valley I came upon a man dodging behind a flax bush, and I found he Avas a gallant captain. I asked, ' What arc you doing here aAvay from your company ?' Ho replied, 'Hush, I'm reconnoitring.' The skirmishers Avere half-a-mile away in front. I think that man has been promoted since then." This story Avas narrated in Queen-street the other day by a gentleman avlio saAV a great deal of service in the Wanganui campaign, and who vouches for its truth.

The same gentleman is responsible for another story regarding a certain personage who has taken a rather prominent part in the late movement on Parihaka. He was some years in the Wanganui Cavalry under the command of Colonel Rookes, who was exceedingly particular as to the appearance of the men on parade. The man referred to was the dirtiest and most slovenly in the whole troop, wore his hair long and unkempt, and neglected his arms so that they were rusty. He was always getting marked for those breaches of discipline, but bore it with the most philosophic indifference. This man has sinco risen to considerable eminence, and now aspires to the position of a great military strategist, but probably having mixed in respectable company for some years past, he has grown more careful of his personal appearance.

In a late issue wo made a short comment respecting the conduct of tlie New Zealand Loan Company towards Mr Roehfort, barrister-at-law. Mr Roehfort had rented offices of the Company, in their buildings, in Queen-street, and his rent had fallen into arrears. Tlie Company, in consequence, sont his valuablo law and general library to Cochrane's Auction -rooms to be sold. We deemed the proceeding unusual, harsh, impolitic, and of questionable legality, observing that the law-books of a professional man wore his tools of trade. Whether right or wrong, in our opinion, matters not at present. Tlie Company — a body worth millions, according to their semi-annual reports — have sold off tlie library, and have thereby (so far as in tliem lay) deprived Mr Roehfort of all means of continuing the practice of his profession, and of earning his daily bread — an act which it is to be hoped is of rare occurrence amongst professing gentlemen, to say nothing of professing Christians.

At the timo we noticed the matter, we did not know Mr Roehfort, save by report. He has, however, been to our office within the last day or two and given us some particulars about tlie manner in which the sale was conducted. They certainly are not to the credit of tlie directors of the Company, who, according to Mr Brydges, are also the directors of the Bank of Ncav Zealand. Every trustee for sale, whether such by deed, or construction of law, is bound to effect the sale with tho samo care and forethought Avhich a prudent man would employ in the disposal of his oavii property. This salutary rule has been Avholly disregarded in the present ease. Tlie ordinary mode of disposing of a professional library, Avhether legal, medical, theological, or scientific, is by giAing due notice of tlie contemplated sale to all persons who arc likely to require such Avorks. For this purpose printed catalogues of tlie books are sent to all such persons, Avhether residing far from or near the place of sale. There are more barristers and solicitors in Napier, Gisborne, and Tauranga. than in Auckland, and they Avere far more likely to become purchasers than the practitioners here. No catalogues Avere printed, and but four days' notico (ono of them a Sunday) Avas given of the sale ; and it took place on a Thursday, tlio very day on wliich the Auckland laAvyers could not attend. If the object of the directors had been to realize as little as they possibly could by the sale of the library, they could not have pursued a course more likely to attain their object.

Tho cost price of the Jurist (a most valuablo Avork in 55 volumes) Avas £157 10s ; it sold for £6 17s Gd, or rather it Avas sacrificed for that amount. The Avhole library, which stood Mr Roehfort in more than £-100, was sold for £29 2s 9d. Mr Roehfort has given us the name of the person who, he doubts not, lias covertly directed the whole proceeding. The property has beon sacrificed to enable the Company, in the event of Mr Roehfort being elected to the House of Representatives, to have him declared a bankruptMr Roehfort says he never contemplated seeking so doubtful an honour. Ho objects on principle to ask any elector for his vote, and therefore could not reckon on being elected in the present state of political morality.

The Scrooges avlio prey upon the needy and impecunious do not always escape being beaten at their OAvn game, as a certain bill-broker in Queenstreot lately found to his cost. A needy Civil Servant, some time ago, borroAved a sum of £50 from him, giving a bill for £70. When the bill matured tho borroAver Avas unable to meet it, but staved off the liability by giving an IOU for the amount. The bill-broker took the_ IOU to a certain legal firm Avhich transacts business of this kind, Avith a view to selling it. The lawyer, with a bland smile, informed the broker that the IOU boing made payable to the money-lender by name, and not to bearer, could only- be sued upon by the person in Avhose favour it was drawn. Subsequently, however, the broker, keeping this fact to himself, succeeded in selling the IOU to another person, Avho gave his bill at three months in exchange for it. The buyer Aventto the same legal firm as the seller of the IOU to discount it. "What!" exclaimed the lawyer, "has had you ?" The young man who effected this last rather singular negotiation has been missing since

his bill became due, and is believed to have gone to San Francisco for a change of air. The transaction appears to be considerably complicated, but we are assured that the above details are correct.

The interesting career of Mr Sidney (or Solomon) Landeshut was well nigh brought to a premature close the other day. He had arrived in Wellington from the South, and was promenading Lambton Quay with his usual insouciance, when a constable touched him on the shoulder and requested his presence at the Police Court re a little matter of a valueless cheque, which, it was alleged, he had passed in Dunedin. Landeshut laughed tlie matter off, and said he could easily explain it ; but the Resident Magistrate took a harsh view of the circumstances, and remanded Mr L. to Dunedin. This was disagreeable, but tbe dear boy was fully equal to the occasion. He made friends with the constable who had charge of him, and persuaded that functionary to keep his distance. An Aueklandor who was in Wellington at the time, says it was grand to see the cool way in which Landeshut swaggered down to the Penguin, with his policeman about 50 yards behind, grinning like blazes. Tliroughout the passage Sidney was chatty and debonnaire as usual, and, on arrival at Dunedin, he squared matters with tlie prosecutor, so that with the consent of the Court the case was withdrawn. We believe that in this matter Landeshut really was illused, and that the prosecutor hadn't a leg to stand on. Probably, however, Sidney had " bested " him in some way, and he took proceedings in a temper. Mr L. is now in Christchurch, and seems in his usual " form."

When the late lamented Charles Dickens pourtrayed the character of Quilp, he probably never supposed that tlie " counterfeit presentment" of that wonderful creation of his genius would appear on an antipodean stage. But it Avas so, and the representation of Quilp on the Auckland boards by an actor of English reputation will not soon be forgotten. That the lessons taught by the talented actor Avere not thrown aAvay, is proved by the following circumstance, the truth of which, can be vouched for. Mr W. is a smug, selfcomplacent, smiling person, witli a somewhat obese physique and a penchant for wearing a solemn suit of black. The other day his Avife (the second one) was invited to spend the afternoon Avith her children at Pensonby. She got the juveniles ready, and was just about to start with them, Avhen the " lord and master" returned from liis business haunts. He then cross-questioned his spouse as to her movements. She replied that she had been simply invited, Avith tlie children, to spend the afternoon Avith the Rca". Mr , of Ponsonby. Then said the smug and smiling Quilp, "Oh dear no, my dear. I will teach you to make apjjointments, without my permission." This mild and smirking creature tlien made her accompany him to the kitchen, and placing hor against the dresser, made her stand thero for half-an-hour, while ho lectured her on Avifely obedience, and quoted Scripture in support of his conduct. The only excuse he could giA-o for the tyrannous conduct was that it " was necessary to teach Avives implicit obedience to their husbands." Well, after standing there as if in pillory, for half-an-hour, the poor wife began to get hysterical, and started screaming. This brought upon the scene tAvo carpenters and some neighbours, avlio naturally thought that something Avas going on. To these the amiable domestic Quilp remarked, " You should observe here, my dear friends, lioav necessary it is to enforce the precepts of Scripture as to obedience." But those Avho had come in to the screams of the wife said, " You arc a hypocritical smooth faced villain, and there is not a larrikin in the city but Avould be ashamed of your conduct." — (N. 8.) — Mr W. justifies his conduct, and pretends to be rather proud of it, as an example of taming AviA'OS.

A young lady in Nelson-street, named Miss Wilson, sadly disappointed her parents the other day by getting married at the Registrar's to a Mr Mills. Tho match Avas kept a profound secret for some days, but when the irate paternal parient got Avind of it he went off in haste to the Registry Office to ascertain whether or not the hymenal knot had actually been tied, intending if not too late to stop the marriage. During his absence the bride seized the opportunity to remove her clothes and valuables to the residence of her husband, and on his return her father found that the bird had flown. He noAv threatens to cut her off Avith a shilling, though he had intended, if she married in accordance with his AA'ishes, to giA'e her a handsome dowry.

" Sarsaparilla ! Sarsaparilla ! oh don't I love my Sarsaparilla" sang a delighted looking " oh don't I like to he jolly" sort of a fellow the other day in Karangahaperoad. " You do, do you !" screamed on infuriated female. " You wretch, you swore you loved no one hut me, and now you have got some Morinonitish ideas into your rotten old skull and want Sarsaparilla to love." "My dear ! my only lump of sweetness ! the Sarsaparilla I love was that known as Crawford's Sarsaparilla Tonic, and one bottle has done me so much good I was trying to compose a song about it wnen you (so* xudely interrupted me."

PONSONBY FANCY DRESS BALL.

This ball, which has caused a good deal o£ fluttering in the breasts of the fair ones of our western suburb for some time past, as well as in those of a number of lady residents in the city, to say nothing about the " male men," was brought to a most successful issue on Tuesday evening. The dresses worn were of the most graceful character, often evincing a considerable amount of originality. The hall was very tastefully decorated with flags and ferns, the floor was in good order, the music was fair and the refreshments, though light, were plentiful and o£ average quality. It would be unfair to pass oyer the decorations without giving an especial mead o£ praise to Messrs D. L. Evans and T. T. Maseheld, who worked at them indefatigably from 2 p.m. on Tuesday until a short time before the ' ball began, -and who proceeded to take down the flags soon after the dancing ceased, as they had promised to return them to Captain Williams (who had kindly lent them for the occasion) before daybreak on Wednesday morning. Messrs Evans, Masefield, Upton, Quick, Dowden, Cunningham, Jones, Lewis and Macindoe, the members of the committee present, were indefatigable and successful in their efforts to promote the happiness of the numerous ladies and gentlemen who thronged the hall. In the early part of the evening there were almost too many dancers on the floor at one time, and collisions were not unfrequent, resulting disastrously to the trains of such ladies as wore long dresses, and to the corns of such gentlemen as were the unfortunate possessors of those " thorns in the flesh." While on this subject it may not be inappropriate to suggest to ladies and gentlemen that it would be more considerate not to promenade while others are dancing. To use an Hibernicism, if they want to walk about they should sit down. It would be quite impossible within the limits of this journal to give a full account of all the dresses. Only the most elaborate and striking are mentioned. Therefore let no fair lady or brave man feel aggrieved if his or her names does not appear in the long catalogue. Many very pretty dresses must necessarily remain unnoticed amongst so many, but all helped to make up the beauty of the festive scene. The festoons of flowers from window to window, and the nikau palms, added much to the general effect of the. decorations. Tlie handsomest dress in the room was worn by Mrs Greenwood, who appeared as the Queen of Flowers in a cardinal satin dress, trimmed with cream lace, and profusely decorated with roses and other flowers. The most costly dress was that worn by Mr George Cruickshank, who appeared as Te Whiti, having his manly form enveloped in a kiwi mat, worth at least, to use a Maori simile, two hundred " porkers." He carried in his hand a carved staff almost as valuable as the mat. His " get-up" was so complete that for some time no one could recognise him. Miss Jenny Isaacs, as Joan of Arc, wore a magnificent suit of silver armour with helmet and shield, and greaves and gorget, which clanked and jangled as she walked. Armed cap-a-pie she was for the conquest of all hearts. Sit down she could not, for fear of consequences. Silver armour is precarious, but, otherwise this was one of two, the most elaborate and carefully carved out dresses in the room. Miss Rigby, as a Bohemian Girl, divided the honours with Miss Isaacs. She wore a scarlet cap, surrounded by a fringe of sequins, which hung and shimmered among her hair. A black velvet zouave jacket, trimmed with gold fringe and gold braid, and white cambric chemisette. An Indian shawl was wrapped several times around her waist, and falling below her knees, met there a cream coloured skirt embroidered around the hem with an arabesque scroll. Fron this depended black fringe. Scarlet stockings and black shoes completed this very fanciful and tasteful costume. Miss Evans wore the complete dress of an Indian huntress, even to the poisoned arrows and ornaments of human teeth. It was made of grey leather, picked out with scarlet. Her mocassins were trimmed with hair ; her head dress was o£ scarlet and white feathers and sequins ; and her very white and pretty arms and neck were bare. Miss Harrison took the character of Britannia. She wore a dark blue dress, with scarlet underskirt, buttoned up tlie back with scarlet buttons. The Union Jack of old England was draped as a sash, and also let in as a yoke to the body of dress. She had the silver helmet shaped like that in the pictorial representation of Britannia ; a triangular shield, with the red white ancl blue on it, hung on her arm ; and she carried a silver wand. Mrs Masefield looked vory well as Mandolinata. Her bodice and jupon were of maize satin embroidered in front with gold, over which she wore a jacket and long train of black silk trimmed with gold lace. A high Spanish ruffle of cream lace surrounded her neck. Her hair was powdered, her face patched, and she wore gold ornaments. Miss James, always pretty, looked prettier still as the Princess Guinare. She wore crimson silk Turkish trousers, figured silk skirt, crimson sash, white chemisette, and small crimson Zouave jacket ; red fez cap. Miss Rose Keesing wore the peculiar dress of a Bee. She had a black velvet skirt with amber tracings to represent the markings of the insect. Bodice of striped gold and brown plush. . Black velvet peaked cap, with horns to represent the antennaje of the bee. White transparent wings with streaks of black on her shoulders. The bottom of her dress was caught in with elastic. Miss Fulloon looked handsome as the Queen of Cyprus. Her skirt and tight-fitting bodice were of white satin, the skirt embroidered with gold and pearls. Over her shoulders she wore a scarlet surcoat embroidered also with gold and pearls. A filagree gold crown in. her hair, and a great number of gold chains were festooned about her neck; she had gold, silver, and pearl armlets upon her bare arms. Miss Helen George looked very pretty as Puss in Boots, wearing a short white dress, made o£ some soft material, and scarlet knee boots. " Miss Eva George made a charming Highland Lassie, the bright tartan plaid having a very good i effect.

Dr and Mrs Dawson represented Sir Walter Scott's Avell-known characters, Cedric the Saxon and the Lady RoAvena, The dress of the latter Avas white, coA-ered at the back with a long blue cloak. Miss LeAvis looked vory handsome as a Princess in tlie time of Henry VIII. Miss Ethel Reynolds Avore the simple but cflective dress of a Lawn Tennis Girl, Avhite, with net, • rackets, and balls embroidered on it in green. Miss Katie Reynolds, as a Circassian Lady, wore a short dress of cardinal trimmed Avith " spangles, and a head-dress of blue trimmed with spangles and pearls, Mrs George Cruickshank went as a Persian lady ; she had very Avide Avhite muslin Persian trousers ; white muslin skirt with OA r erskirt and bodice : black silk sash knotted at the waist, Avith long fringed ends ; long AA'hite Persian veil OA-er her head and face. Miss Dunnett represented Queen Elfrida in a skirt and tight-fitting bodice of Avhite sateen, embroidered in the front Avith gold, Avith train of blue cashmere coming from the shoulders. (Watteau train.) Tho train Avas trimmed round ' with the Avhite hair of tho Angora goat. A gold " crown, from Avhich Avhitc lace hung doAvn on her "broAvn hair and exquisitely Avhite neck and shoulders, completed her attire. Among the ladies in evening dress Avere Mrs Devore in pink silk, Avith Avhite Brussels net sprigged flounces, and Mrs Boardman in pale blue silk, with Maltese lace drapery, caught up Avith "pale pink roses. Turning to the gentlemen, the honours of the evening Avere divided (after Mr Cruckshank's costume named above) betAveen Mr Patrick Lundon as Harlequin, and Mr James as a Turk. The redoubtable Pat Avore a skin-fitting parti-coloured dress, covered with gold spangles, and black halfmask, black skull cap, pink • stockings and black shoes. He carried his bauble in his hand. Mr James' dress Avas composed entirely of figured Persian silk, trowsers, jacket and turban alike ; 'white cambric chemisette. The dress was realistic and rich looking. Mr Walter Jones Avore the complete full dress uniform of Colonel of a Regiment of the Line. Mr W. Rattary Avas got up as Patclrwork in a very effective costume, and Mr Forder made a picturesque Chinaman. Mr Alfred Jones Avent as Romeo, in crimson tights ; crimson velvet doublet, Avith long hanging * sleeves, lined with pale blue satin ; crimson velvet hat, turned up, with long white feather. Mr Clarke, as a Canadian, wore a Avhite blanket coat ; red and Avhite cap, with black tassel ; suoav shoes strapped on his shoulders. Mr J. T. Bishop had on the magnificent scarlet robes, and white lace of a oardinal. Mr Cecil Gardner appeared as a Spanish fisherman in a carnival dress of Avhite blouse, pink sailor collar, pale blue knickerbockers, pink stockings, pale blue fisherman's cap, with net ,over his shoulder.