AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 60, 5 November 1881, Page 126

AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION.

SCENE — Interior of Banh Manager's Parlour, at 11 a.m. on Friday. (Enter impecunious Editor of a neios-rag.) Bank Manager (rudely): Well, AA-hat is it? JEditor (humbly) : The fact is, sir, I fear I liave not enough in the bank to meet my Avages cheque this Aveek. I hope to be able ■ Banh Manager (angrily) : To pay it up next week. Oh ! of course, only you never do. Do you know, Mr Impccuniosity, I'm sadly afraid we shall have to shut you up. Your overdraft groAvs larger daily, and you do us no sort of good. I notice, too, that for the last Aveek or so you've liardly blackguarded that Observer man at all, and there's a most confounded article about this institution in to-day's issue. What do you suppose Messrs Soft-goods and ourselves keep you alive for, save to do our dirty work ! Why, you knoAV you haven't a soul to call your own. The plant is mortgaged, and, besides your numerous debts and our overdraft, there are a lot of old bills for printing material, which AA-ill certainly have to be met when Mr Energy, of the , comes back. Impecunious Editor : Tbe fact is, sir, I thought it best to leave the " Snobserver " alone for a bit. Taa-o or three of the few genuine advertisers I have left told me they'd take their business aAvay if I didn't keep my paper a little cleaner ; ancl one beast remarked that even if the Observer- was clewing me up I needn't yelp like a beaten cur about it and let everyone into the secret. Besides, I have feelings, Banh Manager : D — n your feelings, sir ! You're not a gentleman, and nobody supposes you have any. Listen to me. Unless you show hy to-morrow's issue that you can throw Aerbal offal a little better than you've done lately, there will be trouble. Impecunious Editor : I think you must admit, sir, I'a-c said pretty strong things in the past. No one knoAvs but myself how I've racked my brains to invent effective lies, and lioav I've bribed compositors, and waiters, and chambermaids, in the hope of finding out something about the beggar. Thieves ancl strumpets think it low to twit each other with physical infirmities, but I've gone further than tbat, for I invented a number that had no existence, and tAvitted the Observer man with them. Banh Manager : Oh, you can afford to talk about physical infirmities, you're such a dooscdly good-looking and gentlemanly creature yourself. By-thc-Avay, Invpecuniosity, I notice that you are careful never to refer, even in the remotest manner, to any of the big men on the OBSERVER staff. Impecunious Editor : Well, n-o-o-o. I make it a principle never to insult a man anyAA-herenear my oaati size. The fact is unless I get a felloAv tiery much smaller than myself, I'm best at " blow." Banh Manager : A blatherskite on the surface and a craven at heart, eh ? Impecunious Editor (angrily): Sir, you ins — Banh Manager (interrupting) : Oh! gammon; sit doAvn. It's a pleasure to me to tell you A\-hat I think of you sometimes, you really are such a — but no matter. By-the-Avay, I suppose you take care not to let a soul know that Messrs Sof tgoods and the bank have anything to do with the attacks on the Observer in your paper. Impecunious Editor : Well, sir, I try, but I fear the Observer felloAvs have found' out the names of two chaps at Softgoods' AA-ho send down a lot of personal pars. Banh Manager (severely): You must be more careful. Mr Softgoods Avould be horrified if be thought his name were mixed up in such a business. Impecunious Editor : I'll pile it on strong tomorrow. Banh Manager : All right, your cheque shall he met. (Impecuniosity rises to go.) I say, I wonder why it is the Observer fellow never answers your Billingsgate ? Impecunious Editor : He knows it would do me good, confound him. Some of the thousands who take the Observer would, if he mentioned me, wonder what was referred to, and buy my paper to see. A feAV years ago I went to Brett and begged him almost on my knees to mention my rag, even if he blackguarded it, but he wouldn't ; and now the Observer has adopted the same system. About a month ago I bet a man a fiver I'd mahe the beggar answer, but though I printed every falsehood I could think of, he wouldn't say a word. Good morning, sir. Banker : Goodmorning. (Exit Impecuniosity .) I'm glad he's gone — the atmosphere seems clearer, but I shan't feel right till I've Avashed my hands. Faugh ! it's bad to have to employ such foul tools ; but I suppose somebody must do the hank's dirty jobs. [The substance of the above was reported to us by a friend whose word it is impossible to doubt.— -Ed. Obs.]