The Observer

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 55, 1 October 1881, Page 34

The Observer

Saturday, Octobee Ist, 1881. When the relict of President Garfield peruses the modeßt and unaffected letter of condolence written by Mr Josiah Clifton Firth, "as an Englishman," she will not, we feel sure, rest satisfied till she receives epistles of a similar nature from Mr Patrick Doran, "as an Irishman ;" from Mr Garrard, "as a working man ; " from Mr Claude Brook, A.A., "as a University man ;" from Louie Littleplum, at the Thistle, " as awo-man ;" and from Mr W. J. Hurst, " as a great man." »■ Joking apart, it has never been our lot to read a more conceited and offensive production than this so-called letter of condolence. If it had emanated from W. J. Hurst we could have understood the thing, but that a man with brains and understanding like Firth should become co fatuously conceited and egotistic as to do such a thing, almost passes belief. Take our word for it, Mr Firth, your overweening vanity and selfcomplacency are ruining your usefulness as a public man. They have already killed what little popularity you ever had, and if you don't restrain them within decent bounds you will by-and-bye find yourself shut out from public life altogether. The time has passed when meetings were willing to allow you and other old identities afflicted with cacoethes loquendi to pour out a deluge of gusty verbiage on all sorts of questions. There are men in the community with considerably more earnestness and originality, and considerably less " side " than you possess, and it is to > these the people now instinctively look for guidance. -+ . Reflect, dear Josiah, what a consummate ass you made of yourself by seceding from the "Waste Lands Board the other day. The words at which, you took offence were quite as disagreeable to other members of the Board as to yourself, and yet they never even dreamed of resigning. No doubt you thought the Board or the Government would ask you to re-consider your decision, but they didn't, and, what's more, you will find they never will. Truth to tell, you are not a great ac« quisition at a Board table, Josiah. You talk too much, a great deal too much. People don't want a long harangue over every trifling motion, nor as a rule do they care a dump what your particular views on all sorts of subjects may happen to be. It is a melancholy fact, but, nevertheless it is a fact, that though you are an old identity, and have worked in Auckland for years, you couldn't get into Parliament even for a small constituency Only the other day we heard you talked over by a large room full of people, and though the politics differed considerably, there was only one opinion— " Firth 'jaws' too much, and is too •selfish and self -sufficient." ,

The Clerk of Parliament, Major Campbell, and other officers of the House are lucky men. While the pruning knife has been applied to the salaries of officials of every other department in the public service, the House officials, who are adepts in the art of lobbying, and enjoy peculiar privileges for carrying it to perfection, have considerable additions by May of bonus and additions. Fancy the Clerk of the House, who spends eight or nine months of the year in shooting pheasants and travelling as an official " deadhead " in the Hineinoa, receiving a bonus of £100 besides his salary of £600 a-year, or within a fraction of £54 a-week for the number of days lie is actually employed ! A few years ago he received £100, but under a pretended system of economy he gets nearly double that amount, and £100 more than the Speaker. Major Campbell is, no doubt, a very amiable sort of" person, very civil and obliging to members, but what docs he do for this £700, beyond mumbling out in inaudible tones the names of bills and papers, or the contents of some petition or report, and keeping a small army of clerks, extra clerks, hangers-on, young Tit'e Barnacles, Dowbs, who have been sent out from Home like " glass with care," ct hoc genus omne. from crowding each other out of the buildings. Additions to the salaries of the Chairmen of Committees, Parliamentary clerks, Sergeant-at-Arms, and all the noble army of martyrs who elbow each other in the lobbies and at Bellamy's, were actually proposed, and the House passed some of them. We think an Act ought to be passed, making it a penal offence for any official of the House to badger a member for increase of salary. Complaints are loud respecting the filthy and unwholesome condition of a certain dairy in the suburbs. The sheds, utensils, and even the persons of the people employed in and about the place are described as dirty in the extreme, and some children of tender yenrs in the families supplied with milk from this dairy have been severe sufferers from zymotic diseases. A year or two ago the medical men of London traced various insidious forms of disease amongst infants and young children to dirty dairies, and the papers teemed with warnings bearing the startling heading, " Death in the Milk-pail." The articles in the Lancet shewed that great mortality had been caused by diseases conveyed in unwholesome milk, and the result was a thorough overhaul of the dairies, and the introduction of a better system of supervision. We think the police of Auckland ought to take steps to protect the public health from being undermined by unwholesome milk produced from cows wallowing in dirt, and kept in unclean vessels. As to any effective system of inspection or analysis under the " The Adulteration of Food and Drinks Bill," it is a dead letter, but it is really shocking that frightful and insidious forms of organic disease should be introduced in the milk-pail.

A traveller in the "Waikato who recently visited the scene of the battle of Kangiriri, on November 20th 1863, was shocked, to sec the neglected and ruined condition of the cemetery in which the dead, friends and foes, were buried. Shortly after thtf engagement the different corps, with that kind of chivalrous tenderness that is so often found amongst soldiers, and is one of the bright spots in the repulsive and brutalising scenes of warfare, carved out with such rude materials as were at hand, and with infinite pains, wooden memorials which were erected at the graves of the fallen warriors. Most of these have been suffered to rot away, some have entirely disappeared, others are mutilated and the inscriptions unreadable, the place is covered with long, rank grass and weeds, and very little is left tc tell of the gallant deeds done on that memorable occasion, and to foster a spirit of patriotism and bravery in future generations. In a few years every vestige of these historic memorials will have disappeared. Indifference to artistic beauty in the resting places of the dead, and forgctfulness of former deeds of daring and patriotic, duty, are among the signs that distinguish an effeminate and degenerate race. The Assyrians, the Persians, Egyptians, €rreeks, and Romans, in the zenith of their power and greatness, were remarkable for their veneration for the tombs of their dead, more especially those of their warriors, und no effort was spa-reel by their poets and orators, and at their periodical games and festivals, to stinuilate the patriotism nnd courage of the people by stories of brilliant feats of arms, while the genius of their great sculptors handed down to posterity the lasting records of those achievements which animated their young men to emulate the noble deeds of their ancestors. In these modern days, when Englishmen tamely submit to insult and defeat at the hands of Zulus, Boers, and Polynesian cannibals, the star that lights our warriors to deeds of daring is an obscure grave, and speedy oblivion and ingratitude.

The Star must be making a good thing out of the great spatroAv-trap embroglio, between Old King Cole and the rival basketmaker, Mr Eafton. Whether this marvellous invention (the sparrowtrap) was known six years ago, one year ago, or to the ancient Egyptians, is a matter to which everyone, except the sparrows, m\ist be supremely

indifferent. In fact it is just possible that the world would have continued to revolve on its axis and the sun to shine if this triumph of modern invention (the sparrow-trap) had never been invented. What we want now is a trap for magpies. The question of the antiquity of the sparrow-trap and its place in civilization can only be satisfactorily set at rest by the gigantic intellects of the St. Andrew's Mutual Improvement Association.

Sir, — It is reported about town on good authority that the servants of the new ferry company are to he required to wear a distinctive uniform, and that from their salaries a deduction is to be made on payment of a proportionate share of the cost. Grold and silver lace are to form part, of the livery adornments, and T presume that the articles will have to be supplied from some local establishment. Suspicious individuals affect to perceive something significant in the circumstance that this propositon was brought forward and most strenuously advocated by little Fenton, the hatter, and they seem also to think that his promise to take 100 shares largely influenced the voting upon it. Now, will any man of enlarged views and broad mind believe for a moment that the respected manufacturer of " tiles " and constructor of uniforms was at all actuated by mercenary motives ? I trow not. Mr Fenton displays a hvudable pride in desiring to see the officials of the steamships, ■which are to ply the Waitemata between either shore, arrayed in a manner consonant with the dignity of their positions, and corresponding to the pretensions of the wealthy and influential company whom they serve. The ladies, I am sure, will be delighted to see these naval commanders of ours who are engaged in the North Shore trade handsomely got up in feathered cockades, white gloves, epauletted, laced, and braided coats, and silver laced trousers, with swords dangling at their sides, and a few middies at their heels for the transmission of orders to the subordinate officials. By all means let us have this important naval service put on a proper footing and a code of ceremonious regulations at once drawn up. Advance Auckland ! Down with the Union Steamship Company and all croakers ! ! Long live Teuton, the patriotic ! ! ! — Yours, &c., Patriot. The tyranny of the Bank of New Zealand is coming to a pretty pass. Not content with interfering with the games and manner of life of their employees, they have now laid down the law as to the women whom those luckless young men may or may not marry. The other day a clerk in the Bank, a good servant and thoroughly reliable, took upon himself to espouse a barmaid. The step was not perhaps a very wise one from a worldly point of view, but if the cardiac organs of the young couple " beat only for each other," and if they have fully resolved to become " Twain halves of n, perfect heart made fust Soul to soul while tbe years fall past," we wish them all the hick in the world, and can't see what the Bank of N.Z. had to do with the matter. It is rumoured that Mr Murdoch has in hand a table of "Marriage Regttlatioxs," which, when complete, will run something like this : — 1. Bachelor managers of branches of this Bnnk will not be permitted to espouse any female under the rank of an English Duchess. Princesses of the Blood Royal preferred. 2. Tellers, accountants, and clerks in the employ of the Bank must submit their fiancee's pedigree to the General Manager before a marriage is consummated. 3. Any clerk discovered flirting, dancing, or paying attention to a female whose relations are, or ever have been, connected with "trade," will receive instant dismissal. 4. Employees of this Bank meditating matrimony are warned that marriages with daughters of "'old identities" will not be tolerated, many of them having made their money in questionable ways. N.B. — This rule does not apply to the families of Directors of the Bank of N.Z., who by virtue of their office become aristocrats pro torn.

The friends of Mr Humphries, the hero of the New Plymouth gambling case, are still urging the bad character borne by Hastings as a plea for the former gentleman's non-settlement. We wish Are could make them understand that Hastings' character has nothing whatever to do with the matter. If we are fools enough to sit down and play a game of cards with a notorious sharper, it is not competent for xis to refuse to pay ovir losses merely because he is a sharper. The time to consider a man's character is before, not after, a gambling spree. Of course, if we can catch an opponent in the act of cheating during the game we may inform him of the fact, and decline to stump 'up, but to refuse to settle some days afterwards, merely because on calmly considering the matter Aye come to the conclusion there has been cheating, would never do. If such a code of honour as that were allowed, the only thing a shuffler need say to get rid of an awkward debt would be, " Oh ! I believe So-and-So cheated, and I shan't pay."

Eighteen residents of Tauranga avlio have hitherto honoured us by subscribing to the OuSEitVEit write "more in soitoav than, in anger" to emphatically deny the allegation that society in the Bay of Plenty is "fast." They also upbraid us in no measured terms for giving currency to the vieAvs of "a leading settler " Avithout investigating the truth of his statements, and threaten — dread, menace — the instant Avithdrawal of their patronage unless Aye divulge the "wicked libeller's name.

jS"oav, Imcl the Observer endorsed, the views of this audacious detractor, and preached a brief homily to the Tauraugians on the error of their ways, avc could -well have understood the local gentlemen being extremely angry -with us, and even suggesting that a bath of " tar and feathers" would prove a suitable emollient. Considering, hoAvever, that avc said the B. of P. folks had always been thought -ultra-respectable, and bearing in mind, too, that Aye threw a polite doubt on the veracity of "a leading settler," it is difficult to see Avhere the virtuous indignation comes in. At any rate, it Avas impossible for us to burk the man's eonnminication. When a person with the appearance and address of a gentleman requests (without any provisos as to anonymity) the publication of certain facts in a nominally independent print, the editor cannot, Avithout stultifying himself, refuse the felloAV a hearing. The only thing he can do, if he has any doubt about the story, is publish it Avithout comment and give every facility for contradiction. As to the authorship of the rumours in this case there is no secretor rather there Avould be none if avc kneAV the man's name. The fact is, the felloAV is perfectly avoll knoAvn to us by sight, and Avithout doubt holds a good position in Tauranga, but Avho lie is we can't think. Had avc knoAvn, Aye should have givon his name when first touching on the subject in the Ojjsehveh, as there Avas no guarantee nor even any talk of secresy. Probably, hoAvever, if the party has the courage of his opinions, he Avill now divulge his identity of his OAvn aecoi'd. We shall think him a shameful fraud if he doesn't, for he spoke out broadly enough Avhen he visited this office, and said some very nasty things. If they were only intended to make trouble and mischief in a respectable community, the fellow deserves ducking in a horse-pond.

We think tho eighteen subscribers who wrote to us on this subject would, have better consulted their own dignity hud they omitted the threat re ceasing to take the paper. Such menaces nre terrible enough when applied by advertisers and subscribers to the local " Buster," which lias to Jcooioo humbly to the residents or else collapse, but witli a metropolitan journal like the Observer they savour slightly of the ridiculous. In the first place, it is not to oblige us but to amuse themselves that the eighteen subscribers take the paper, and if they knock it off they will either have to choose between the meanness of borrowing some one else's Observer or the mortification of never seeing that truly brilliant production at all. Being gentlemen, it is pretty certain they will not choose the first alternative. There is another thing, too, which, might have been remembered. "When an editor is at liberty to divulge a person's name he does so willingly and without making threats necessary. If, however,he is bound to secresy neither eighteen nor eight hundred subscribers will induce him to open his mouth. Moreover, it is not a very nice tiling for a lot of gentlemen to try and coerce a man into a dishonourable action by threats of pecuniary loss. We don't suppose our Tauranga friends ever looked at tho matter in this light, but for all that their letter well-nigh amounted to attempted coercion. More has been said about this matter than we intended, but to be frank, the writer has pleasant recollections of Tauranga and does not want to lose the good opinion of the residents. The money value of their friendship will never amount to much. Our subscription-list in the Bay of Plenty is only about half that of Cambridge and other smaller places ; and as many of those who kindly take the paper appear to think that payment is not a necessary part of the transaction, we are scarcely likely to make a pile out of the district.

Mi* William Edmund Sadler, who aspires to imitate Carlyle in everything, except brains and literary erudition, has published an "autobiography, antecedents, and ancestry." Mr Sadler adopts for his motto "much in little," and it is singularly appropriate. It would be impossible to find anywhere else so much sheer "rot" in so little space. He tells us how one of his great ancestors distinguished hunsell by horsewhipping his wife, another filled the exalted position of a coastguard, and a third was a shipchandler. This reminds us of the family genealogy of Mark Twain, one of whose prominent ancestors was hanged for sheep-stealing. In a weak, b\it evidently laboured imitation of Carlyle, Sadler relates how he visited Dover Castle, and how he clambered up sundry rocks in search of wall flowers with a certain " captain's daughter," at

which tender stage he prudently remarks that "many reminiscent incidents, pleasant, painful, indifferent, not unimportant, are omitted." It ■would never do to " kiss and tell," eh, Sadler, old boy? W. E. S. then visited London, and actually beheld the phenomenon of the ascent of a balloon ; he took to scribbling, went to sea, and, "wonder of wonders, -was sea-sick, got married, and came out to New Zealand. Such is briefly the history of Sadler's intensely exciting and wonderfully adventurous life. Compressed into four small puges, W. E. S.s autobiography resembles the newly-discovered stored electricity. It is sensationalism, too, dangerously concentrated. The nutibiography ought to have extended to a three - volumed novel at least. There is one respect, however, in Avhich the great family of the Sadlers appear to be pre-eminently distinguished, to wit their fecundity, one family of them having produced, no fewer than sixteen little Sadlers, another fifteen, and George, the happy father of this latter progeny " held on," as his biography tells us, "to this particular life till nearly 90." In fact, we are led to infer that if death had not put an end to George's little game, there might have been enough Sadlers to stock a colony. We pass over many touching little incidents in the life of the great W. E. S., such as his intimacy with Eudlin, Jfobbs, and Griggs, his grapplings with Dr Watts' hymns, and the interesting and instructive scriptural lessons which he deduces therefrom. The autobiography Avas, it seems, primarily intended for the Home country, but Mr Sadler adds that it may be "generally and everywhere useful," and we agree with him. We predict, however, that it will be found most useful in the chandler shops.