THAMES TITTLE TATTLE

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 33, 30 April 1881, Page 350

THAMES TITTLE TATTLE

— Dan's wedding took place on the 20th. — "Minnie" says she does not like Puru Kouto. | — While D.R.G. was on sentry duty at Tc Awamutu, Mick endeavoured to corrupt his morals by handing him grog. G. turned his head away, und pursued his weary march up and down the thirty paces. Mick put the pannikin on the ground and left it. When he returned — wonderful fact ! — it was empty ! — A gentleman (?) made the following remark about a recently-wedded couple: — "If I was they I would spend nay 'oneymoon iv my own 'ome, but that would not be sufficiently aris-tooratic for them, and they must needs go on a tower." The remark is worthy of being immortalised in print, and the gentleman who made it may be considered to have studied Lindley Murray to advantage. — The prepossessing and juvenile reporter of the Advertiser, more generally known by the mellifluous but somewhat common name of "Jack," is about to follow Dan's example. He had a present sent him, the article being a lady's under-garment. He says he must get married, as the article in question is no use to him. Out of respect to the young lady's feelings I withhold her name for the present. — Mrs. R. was in high dudgeon at the paragraph in the Observer about the Scottish concert, and rewarded the correspondent's dutiful and respectful obeisance with a haughty and unceremonious shuffle, expressive doubtless of the high disdain she felt for him. The lady aspires to be a jminn. donna, and the Advertiser designates her a " fair cantatrice." This is by no means wonderful, as "Bob," Mrs. R.s tutor and protege", is the musical critic of the morning Thunderer. — A concert and dance was held on Easter Monday evening in the Volunteer Hall. At the conclusion of the concert dear " Willie " cleared out, and the votaries of the light fantastic were afraid of being disappointed. However, after fossicking round, Miss C. agreed to play for the dance, and, although suffering through nervousness consequent on a first appearance in public, she managed to give satisfaction. The dance was very well patronised, and the hall was crowded to excess. Some difference of opinion existed ns to who deserved the coveted title of belle, but public opinion was divided between the charms of Mrs. C, of the Beach-road, and Mrs. 8., of Block 27. — I told you some time ago that Brassey had a splendid show against Wilkinson, of the Adocrti.se/", for a libel action. The second act in the drama is the apology, abject and contemptible, of Mr. Wilkinson in the issue of Easter Monday, which contains a retractation of all statements made in reference to Brassey in the " Corner " column, of which Mr. Morgan Morris is the writer under the non-dc-phime of " Paul Pry." Mr. Morris also appends a paragraph to Mr. Wilkinson's apology, craving Mr. Brassey' s pardon for the insultihg paragraphs — the bastard productions of an envenomed and malicious mind. — It is worthy of note that the apology was put in au out-of-the-way part of the paper, and was inserted on Easter Monday, when fully 1000 people were away from the Thames. — To the Editor : Sir, — Having read two different accounts of the history of the shags, I will now give you the true facts of the case, trusting you will be able to find room for the same in your truly valuable and much read paper. Mr. T., thinking of going out shooting, asked the well known host of the P Hotel for the loan of his gun, which was lent, and as T was leaving mine host remarked, "I have had a good da,y's duck shooting ; would you like a brace ? ' ' T replied, "Thanks, old. man ; what is your weakness ?" and the funny Joe handed him a neatly tied up paper parcel. T walked home, with gun over his shoulder and parcel carefully carried under his arm, as pleased as a bull dog with two tails.calling at the house of a friend and ■whom, he told of Joe's generosity. The said friend smelt a rat, and also shags, and, upon opening the parcel, he found that T had been sold and had carried home a brace of shags in lieu of ducks. Now comes the most interesting part of the story. His friend told him to take them home to his landlady and have them cooked. T objected, saying it would give her too much trouble; but his friend remarked, " Watt's the odds about a little trouble ; you can be her Turner whilst she is cooking them." So he took them, and his laudlady thanked him for the ducks, but observed that she had never before seen them with such long bills. He explained that the long bills were used by them in procuring food out of the mud banks of the river, and added as he volunteered to cut their heads off, that ducks were not the only ones who had long bills. The shags were cooked with skill and dished up for dinner, but, strange to say, T was absent from the mid-day meal that day. However, the landlady, her gallant husband, Captain W., also the young and gay Mr." G. (of the Bank of )were present to do justice to the repast. After a long grace from the gallant Captain, Mr. G., being very hungry.made a start on one of the legs of the fattest bird; and although he looked pale about the gill he looked wore about the face. Still he managed the first mouthful. By this time the gallant Captain had got a taste, and said he thought it was not a wild duck but a bittern (bitter one). Just at that moment Mr. G. was seen to leave the table, his gill more pale than ever ; and from sounds issuing from the back yard, one would imagine that some one was afflicted with sea-sickness. A friend calling at that moment who was aware of the joke informed Mrs. W. that they were shags— not ducks. Of course much more sea-sickness was the result. T is now looking out for fresh lodgings. — Shag on a Eock.