The Observer.

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 22, 12 February 1881, Page 216

The Observer.

Saturday, February 12th, 18S1.

I learn, on the Lost possiLle authority, that a -well-known newspaper proprietor, noted for his High Church proclivities, is a Lout to joih, the Church of Koine. Should the report Le true his conversion may Le regarded as a "greatcatch," inasmuch as he is in the direct line for an old Earldom in the West of England, being iirst cousin to the existing head of the family, who has an unhj son, Lorn of a consumptive and deceased mother. The present Earl's only hrothor is a Lachelor of some forty summers, has "seen life," in every phase, and is not likely to marry. -After him the heir to the title "would, in' the ordinary course of events, lie an Octogenarian — the present Earl's uncle, and father to the newspaper proprietor under notice ; after him comes a son — the elder Lrother of the " Lrand," who married an heiress and has an ovty child, ten years of age, a delicate hoy. This hoy may Le regarded as the only practical oLstacle between the coming convert and the Earldom, which is worth some £75,000 a year. The succession is, of course, a matter of time, hut seems, humanly speaking, a certainty. Should the ' ' going over "Le accomplished; " the Loys " will naturally Le removed from their present guardianship and Le placed under lioman discipline. -o

Sonic months ago there came out to this colony a member of the medical profession, whom I will call Dr. K. • This gentleman was rather a rowdy customer, and apt to drink hard at times. Well, he stayed in Auckland for a few days, and then -went to try his luck at one of the up-country settlements. There he met a buxom, hut by no means too particular barmaid named llosina. The lass was a nice lass, and -would have made a good Avife to some stout bushman, but she would never have attracted Dr. X.'s attention if a relative hadn't died and left her £400. The more the poor doctor thought of this nice little sum the more he longed for it ; till, at last, one day, when three parts fuddled, he married the girl. Now comes the sequel. After a few months of somewhat sultry married life, during which the happy pair "quarrelled persistently, the £400 was all spent. The Dr. then coolly bade his wife farewell, left her to her own resources, and has advertised in the papers that he will not he responsible for any debts she may contract.

To have been mixed uj> in a discreditable scandal, like that Avhich signalised the settling over the Christmas races, would have been sufficient to subdue most men and make them hide their diminished heads at any rate for a time. Fortunately the relative of the Itoyal Family is made of tougher stuff. It is on record that he blushed once in early youth, but since that time his august phiz seems to have retained a uniformly yellow and pasty tint ; and the brazen effrontery with which lie now goes about (as if nothing had happened) strikes one as at once admirable and audacious. It is, however, gratifying to know that this great ami good man still retains those keen perceptive faculties and subtle powers of penetration, which enabled him to lay 4 to 1 on Foul Play ■for the Grand Stand Handicap, and .stiffen the Agent for the Hurdle Race. The other day he •sold a horse, and this is how lie did it. It appears H.li.H. owned two — one a valuable hack, worth perhaps £20, and the other a veritable screw, which would scarcely fetch as many shillings. Well, he made up his mind to get rid of the screw, and on Friday drove the beast into town and forthwith put it up to auction. To his unqualilied amazement and delight the animal fetched £9. He had just left the yard, and was moistening the royal tongue with a pint of lioederer, when a groom, streaming with perspiration, and evidently in a great state, rushed into the yard. "Where's my master," he cried, naming "the relative." "I must see him at once about the horse." " Too late," said a bystander, " the animal was put up an hour ago." "Oh! good heavens," cried the groom, "d'youknow what he's been and gone and done. He's sold the wrony '««."

Those who have still any doubts about the character of the Lingard bankruptcy may be interested to hear that Horace's share of the X>rofits on the New Zealand tour alone amounted to over £1000. When Mrs. Lingard came to pay Mr. Hesketh the £250, she brought with her a nice little canvas bag of sovereigns, from which that sum was extracted. Those behind the scenes reckon that the unfortunate (?) pair took away with them at least three such bags, holding perhaps £500 apiece.

Mr. DeLias was very nearly having a shot at the Lingards on his own account. Throughout the engagement he had been paying Horace copyright fees for pieces which that worthy declared belonged to him. Now, in the bankruptcy examination, Lingard swore that the copyright of these pieces did not belong to him. On this DeLias went to Searell and said, "Look here, Searell, I mean to have ago at Lingard. I've paid him .-£3O for copyright fees, and now he swears he'd no right" to them." Well, what do you think Mr. Searell .said ? Why, he declared Lingard had perjured himself when he said the copyrights didzi't belong to him. Of course Mr. DeLias wasn't going to let the matter rest there, and eventually Mrs. 1 Lingard was very glad to compromise by paying him back a portion of the fees.

As an example of canine fidelity, I publish the following story, which is perfectly authentic, and concerns the dog of a lately absconded clerk. It appears that this animal was in the custom of following his master wherever he might he at night and lying across the entrance of the house he Avas in until he made his exit. The practice getting inconvenient, his master chained him up. Such, however, was the poor animal's fidelity that he actually broke his chain to follow his master. Since his owner's sudden disappearance he lias remained about the extensive premises where his master had been employed, looking everywhere for him, but in vain. Many in Parnell have tried to get the faithful animal away, but hitherto without success.

The number of people in Auckland who declare that they drew Natator in North's sweep on the Wellington Cup, and would have been ready to pay all their debts if "that abandoned scoundrel hadn't bolted," is really wonderful. If I remember rightly, something similar occurred in Melbourne when the P. and O's E.M.S. "Itangoon" was lost. Everyone who wished to get rid of a dun said that lie had had a remittance coming out to him by the " liangoon," and that, through her loss, he was unable to pay his accounts. The duns compared notes and found that upwards of half a million of money had been lost in the "Eangoon." The mails, however, were ultimately recovered, but the letters were in such a state of pulp that the Postal Authorities had to open anil dry them before they could be delivered to the people to whom they were addressed. An inventory was taken of all letters and their contents, when it was found that the total amount of the latter, in Post Office orders and Bank drafts, was £7000.

It is very curious what extraordinary difficulties people experience in getting would-be land purchasers to inspect land North of Auckland. This country is allowed by those who know, to consist of the best land in this Provincial District. Not long since an expert was sent to the Kaipara District to value some properties there for a business firm. This gentleman, who has had, by the way, great experience iv valuing New Zealand properties, said on his return to Auckland that he had seen no land to equal what he had seen in the Kaipara, anywhere else in the Auckland District, in fact, he knew of nothing like it North of Wanganui. The "Waikato, Tauranga, and (jfisborne lands did not, he opined, come near it. The other day a gentleman arrived in Auckland from Dunedin witli the intent of purchasing a farm. He had with him some photographs of scenery taken on a northern property then in the market, and was moat anxious to inspect it, but be never got beyond the Northern Club. He was induced to go to the Waikato and Tauranga, but saw nothing to suit him, and eventually he returned to Dunedin without ever seeing the North, so convinced was he from what he heard, that it was simply waste of time even to go and look at it.

A correspondent sends me the following narrative, and vouches for its literal accuracy in every particular : — A few weeks ago Mr. L., accompanied l>y his hopeful son, entered the store of Mr. M., at Devonport, when the following conversation ensued-.— Mr. L. (loquitur) " Good morning. I am recommended to apply to you as the most likely person to put me in the way of getting to Walwera." Mr. M. : " I am at your service, sir, and can supply you at once with either horses or vehicles." Mr. L. : "Ah! just so. Now, what would he your charge?" "Well, this is holiday time, sir, and I will make a very low charge. For a horse each, I will charge £1 for the week, or for a trap, £2. I should advise you to take horseback, as it -would involve" less trouble than a trap, the road being rather lumpy and broken in places." "Ah! true, very true. Now, can you give me a sketch of the route on paper?" Mr. M. at once complied with this reqiiest, and devoted about 20 minutes to producing an elaborate outline of the district to be traversed between the North Shore and Waiwera. The anxious enquirer carefully folded the paper and put it in his pocket. Then, in a lit of reckless extravagance, he purchased, for his beloved boy, a bottle of ginger-beer, Avliich was consumed at once, on the premises. Finally, remarking that they would require refreshments on the road, lie laughed all considerations of economy and frugality to scorn, and went in blindly for luxury in the shape of six pennyworth of biscuits and a bottle of lemonade. In serving the enterprising traveller with the latter item, the storekeeper said, "I shall have to charge you for the bottle, as the manufacturer expects them returned or paid for by me." "Oh! Ah .' just so; but haven't you got an empty bottle of some kind about the 2>remises you could give me ?" The intelligent and obliging storekeeper, though somewhat staggered by this strange request, nevertheless .sent in search, and presently produced an empty pickle bottle and cork. Mr. L. then drew the stopper from the lemonade bottle, and poured the contents, to the last drop, into "dead marine just found in the back yard, carefully corked it up, and deposited the same, together ■with the biscuits, in his travelling bag. Mr. M. watched all these proceedings with considerable curiosity, not unmingled "with impatience. At last he said, "Well, sir, what shall I get ready for you ? — would you 2>refer the horses or a trap?" "Oh! I have been talking over the matter with my son, and we liacc deckled to wo.lk it. Good morning." Anil he forthwith departed, with his much-beloved son and heir, leaving Mr. M. standing openmouthed in speechless bewilderment and disgust.

Passing down Wellesley-street East one evening- this week my ears were sainted by a Label of contentions voices proceeding from the upper story of a certain public building. Curiosity, of course, stayed my steps, and I listened. The highly pitched tones of the matronly and "wrathful female voice struck sharply upon my auricular organs, accompanied by a confused murmur of remonstrative or applausive voices in the deep bass of masculine humanity. Gradually the noise increased, the hubbub became more genera], and the female screamed out most dissonantly in the highest notes of her register Then the assembly broke up in most admired disorder, and as the crowd tramped down the stairs and poured out from the narrow corridor, I was made aware of the fact that I had been the auditor of a stormy scene at a Good Templar lodge meeting. A troop of laughing youths first came out, then two excited females of an uncertain age, one of whom was wrestling with the other in order to get away to attack some "vile slanderer " in the hall who had had " the howdacity " to in-

suit her. She brandished her arms so lustily and shouted her defiant threats with such enemy that I was fain to give her a wide berth. Her sympathising friends gently escorted her away, and when the course was clear a group of dejected and disgusted brethren left the hall. The lady, it seems, was the chaplain of the lodge, and the dialogue, which 1 had indistinctly heard, was the outcome of some unchaste imputations, which had been levelled at her by a comparatively new member ot the other sex. The wordy strife had developed mtp a display of vituperative Billinggate on either side, and had the chaplin's actions not been controlled she would have executed vengeance then and there. The whole aflair was a significant commentory upon the scriptural appellation of the lodo- e

There w a mcc little yarn about Captain G. ol the Government steamer "Stella." who when a boy at school, at liemuera, did not realise Jus responsibilities so clearly as he seems to do at present. At the time he was first appomted in charge of the Government revenue cutter, he had occasion to visit Mongnniu and was there met by an old school chum, who being surprised to see him, saluted him with "Veil Tom, old boy, what brings you _ here ? How are you ? " Now the worthY captain did not happen to remember his friend however, he replied, "I am very well thank you, but who might you he?" "Why don't you remember K~G. X., your old schoolmate ?" °11ll l l A} 1 '- fe»! yon see," replied the captain, "the fact is, wherever I go people try to claim my acquaintanceship, whom I have never seen before, and I find it always ends in their wanting to borrow a pound. " ' Naturally the old school chum collapsed.

Mr. Adam Porter comes to the front ,so often, and assumes such a prominent figure in connection with the Thames and Te Aroha Goldfields, lhat a few words concerning him may not be unacceptable. His career shows what may be done in New Zealand by industry and perseverance, unaided either by talent, genius, or education. Some twenty years ago Mr. Whitlan brought out from Scotland a few lads —the waifs and strays of the streets — to work in a ilax mill. The mill not succeeding, the lads were cast adrift to do the Lost they could, and one of them applied for employment to a poor, but very deserving, woman, who then kept a shop in High-street. He was a ga\mt, raw-boned youth of about fifteen years, as rough and as clour as one of his native hills. She gave him a "shake down" in the shop and a bite of food ; to do more was beyond her 'power. But she soon procured him better aid. "Look here, now sir," she said to a lawyer, long since dead, and whose office was opposite her shop — a most kind-hearted, impressionable man — " Take this lad home with you and find him work ; I know you can ; he wants good food and more than I can give him. The gentleman took him home "without any more words, and showed him first to his gardener, a splendid looking Irishman, who eyed him from top to toe with supercilious amazement. "And sure, sir, what would the likes of him be fit for ?" " Put him to weed the strawberries," was the reply, which elicited a disdainful growl. Jle was then taken to the large and comfortable kitchen— which must have seemed to the boy's eyes a haven of peace and plenty — where a smart servant (and smart servants knew their value in those days) went into fits of horror and indignation. At last. she asked him his name. "Adam," said the boy, and the young lady immediately went into shrieks of ringing laughter. "Adam ! you might as well have said Methusaleh ; there, sit down." The lad sat down, and soon made his mark in the establishment. He was honest, civil, and hard-working; he grew and got sleek on the good food ; he became neat and clean, and brought out his copy-book and worked his sums of an evening in the kitchen. Like a canny Scotchman, he saved his wages, and, at the end of two years, had a few pounds in the bank. Then the goldfield fury broke out at Dunedin and the West Coast. Adam thought he would go "to better himself," he said ; and the good master, in whose home he had grown and thriven, did not oppose him. He went and did well. From one goldtield to another he departed, sometimes making money, sometimes losing it, "but always on the whole thriving. At the Thames lately he was very nearly made Mayor, and he is now one of the pioneers and founders of Te Aroha.

Here is a good story of a servant girl I once had. She had been engaged to a fellow (whom we will call Smith for want of a better name) for about a year, and was always pestering liim to name the day, and that at as short date as possible, but poor Smith, equally anxious to get married, was prevented from want of the needful. One day she rather surprised Mm by telling him that she had received an offer of marriage from one, whom we will call Jones, that she had accepted, and that the day was fixed for the following Monday ; but, says she, "If you come tip to the scratch before that day, I will marry you." Poor

Smith was in a great state, and tried to get her to put off the fatal day for three months, when he would be prepared to take the responsibility of providing for her, but she was obdurate, and refused to wait beyond the Monday. In the meantime she told me the whole story as a grand joke, and on the Monday morning I said to her, ""Well, Jane, who is to be the luckyman, Smith or Jones," to which she replied; "I don't know, sir, I like Smith much the best, and if he is ready at the church I will marry him, but if not, I know Jones will be ready." Out of curiosity to know the finale as soon as possible, I attended the church. She was married to Jones, and poor Smith was there looking on most disconsolately, but I should not have liked to have been "in Jones' shoes, especially when I saw her give her favourite Smith an encouraging smile before leaving the church.

It would seem that things studied at school do not always produce the intended effect ou the young scholars. At any rate the latter are astute enough to try and turn their acquirements to their own piivate ends, as this little narrative witnesseth. In a suburban home a mother one morning found her daughter imitating Dr. Watts' famous sluggard. On being remonstrated with for her laziness, the young lady replied that the "Laws of Health"" she was learning at school, strictly enjoined that juveniles should have such a number of hours of repose, and that on their completion she ■would arise. Presently the fond mother found her daughter's bed empty, but unmade. The latter's excuse was, that according to one of the "Laws of Health "beds should be allowed to air all day to keep them sweet and wholesome. Upon the much-enduring mother essaying for the third time to prevail upon her child to do something, the ready maiden replied that those terrible "Laws of Health " directed that children should not be made to work at too early an age. What the end of the matter was I cannot say. But if materjamilias had respect to the " Laws of (moral) Health," she probably went at once to look for that old slipper.

Ananias,