The Observer

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 17, 8 January 1881, Page 156

The Observer

Saturday, January Bth, 1881.

The course of true love never did run smooth, and the son of a well-known citizen of C has experienced the truth of the old saying. He has been rather wild in his time, but a few months ago he was introduced to a charming Methodist maiden, and the result was a Avarm attachment to the young lady. Her influence exerted a wonderful effect on him. One after another he discarded his boon Companions, and deserted the billiard room and all other questionable resorts. He became a regular church attendant, invariably accompanied the mother of his enchantress home, and on several occasions was engaged in pious conversation with the old lady tip to so late an hour that he remained in the house all night. Mrs. is very careful of her daughters, but she regarded this attachment with apparent approval. Whether, if the contemplated union had been consummated, the wonderful change in the lovesick swain would have been a permanent one, it is of course hard to say. Things were progressing favourably when some candid friend whispered certain little stories about young into the old lady's ears, and the next time the lover called he was refused admission. The daughter was forbidden to speak to him again, and exhorted to abandon all thoughts of the proposed match. In what manner she received the sentence I know not, but on the part of the young man there was a sudden relapse into all his old ways and habits. He is now wilder and more dissipated than ever. ■ — -^ — . Never, I ween, has there been such a remarkable meeting in Auckland as that held by Mrs. Hampson at the close of her mission, in the Choral Hall. One person after another for nearly half-an-hour rosein that crowded audience and expressed their thanks for spiritual blessings. Strong stalwart men, aged women, young .. girls, hoary-headed sinners, youths just budding into manhood, even children of tender years, rose and confessed their faith. Some full of confidence, others with trembling lips, and others still, able only to stand, and

•with the tears coursing down their cheeks, silently testify to the change wrought in them. So it Avent on till 119 had thus "Avitnessed," as the lady evangelist termed it. It Avas a strange sight, hut- will the effect produced last ? I remember Avlien Dr. Somerville closed his mission old Peter Finn Avas the convert, over whom there Avas most rejoicing. Two days after, Peter Avas rolling in the gutter helplessly drunk, and in a little Avhile Avas sentenced to six months' imprisonment for vagrancy !

Mrs. Hampson has accomplished real tangible good in one case. A man came to Auckland from Canterbury a few days ago. He had deserted his wife and children, and left them unprovided for. One evening last week he strolled in to hear the feminine revivalist. Why he went he didn't know, but while there he came under the "influence." His first sensation was that of utter shame at his mean conduct. The mysterious process of conversion was rapidly accomplished, and he returns shortly to the bosom of his family, le%us hope, a better if a sadder man.

Mr. Proctor, if he took advantage of his opportunities, must have got several wrinkles from the Auckland people on the subject of *' eclipses," as the late eclipse of the moon Tjrought out a large quantity of undeveloped astronomical talent. Some people had very hazy ideas of Avhat was going to happen. For instance, a friend of mine instructed his Abigail to he sure and call him at 2.30, as he was most anxious not to miss the eclipse. Mary wanted to know what an eclipse was, so my friend enlightened her to the hest of his ability, and then again charged her not to forget the hour, "halfpast two," to which she replied, " Faith I'll wake yez, sor, for not a hit will I close my eyes." True enough, at 2.30, the faithful Mary roused my friend from his slumbers. On his coming out of the room about twenty minutes later, he found her standing on the verandah staring with all her might out to sea ; not once did she raise her eyes to the moon. When the eclipse was over, my friend, who had never attempted to disturb Mary's reverie, said to her, "Mary, it's all over noAv, you had better go to bed." "What," she said, "is that all? If I had known that was all that was going to happen, divil a bit would I have kept out of my hed this blessed night." "Why," said my friend, "it was a splendid eclipse. What more did you expect to see?" "See !" said Mary, "faith and didn't yourself tell me that the earth would split in half and let the moon down, through the centre of it?" My friend hadn't said anything of the kind. * He had given her a learned Proctorian discourse on the subject of eclipses, and that was how she imbibed it.

I should like to make all those who have attended the Proctor lectures pass an examination on the various subjects they have heard him discourse about. "What a fund of altogether new light would thus be thrown upon our planetary system, for at present, so far as I can make out, no two people agree exactly as to what they have heard.

There are many eccentric people in Auckland, Trat perhaps the most eccentric body is the St. James's Kirk Session. They prohibited linking in St. James's Hall because it was not a devotional exercise ; they forbade dancing "because it was ungodly ; they were almost expelling the Mutual Improvement Association because the voice of the heretic was occasionally heard. Notwithstanding this they threAV open the sacred edifice to that reverend Merry Andrew, Dr. Wallis and the tag-rag and bob-tail of City West, Now I hear that there were divisions in

the august body when the hall was sought for religious services ! It was a curious coincidence that on the Sunday evening when the series of services commenced, the pastor, for the first time for many years, kept his flock in till after eight o'clock, so that they were unable to gain admission to the hall when they were released. There are whispers that the problem, What shall we do Avith it ? will again be the burning question at the approaching annual meeting.

"If the Treasury of New -Zealand is not prosperous, it is not," says "Atticus" in the Leader, " the fault of the Treasurer. Every thing is taxed there, from your carpet to your, chimney pot, your bank balance to your mining scrip, the watch in your pocket and the pictures on your walls. One wealthy banker in that colony built and furnished a very handsome suburban residence a short time back, under a Liberal Administration. Taking a trip to^ England he seized the occasion to purchase many articles of virtu, works of art, and other etceteras for his establishment. Upon his return, however, he found the Conservatives in power, and learned with horror that he would have to pay a yearly tax upon his house, his vases and his pictures. He calculated his total and then collapsed. The vases have gone home again, the pictures are lying in a softgoods warehouse in Melbourne, whatever else he can find a purchaser for has been likewise parted with."

The following specific for Irish discontent is extracted from "Curiosities of the Search Room" (page 106) : — "I give and bequeath the annual sum of £10, to be paid in perpetuity out of my estate, to the following purpose : It is my will and pleasure that this sum be spent in the purchase of a certain quantity of the liquor vulgarly called whisky, and it shall be publicly given out that a certain number of persons, Irish only, not to exceed twenty, who may chose to assemble in the cemetery in which I shall be interred on the anniversary of my death, shall have the same distributed to them. Further, it is my desire that each shall receive it by half-a-pint at a time till the whole is consumed, each being likewise provided with a stout oaken stick and knife, and that they shall drink it all on the spot. Knowing what I know of the Irish characters, my conviction is, that with these materials given, they will not fail to destroy each other, and when in the course of time the race comes to be exterminated, this neighbourhood at least may, perhaps, be colonised by civilised and respectable Englishmen. (17th March, 1791.)"

Both Mr. and Mrs. Smith longed to piirchase tickets in Abbot's sweep on the Champion Stakes, but being, comparatively speaking, poor people, neither liked to mention the fact to the other. Each therefore scraped the money together and bought a ticket privately. Mrs. Smith could not attend the draAving, but Mr. Smith Avent down to the United Service, and, after a time, succeeded in pushing his way into the room. He had been there some little time when he was astonished to hear the name of a popular horse called out, and that of Mary Anne Smith appended to it. ' ' Why, " he shouted out loud in an ecstacy, "Mary Anne Smith's my wife," itpon which a ribald bystander bawled out, "Go it, Maiy Anne."

A refreshing instance has been given me of the comparative ignorance which prevails amongst the young ladies of Auckland with respect to the signification attaching to the initials of the fashionable postscript, "Bepondez, s'il vous plait." Some weeks ago a lady resident in one of the suburban districts sent out invitations for a birthday party, which had been fixed to take place a fortnight later. They were indited in the most approved manner, but singularly enough hardly one-third of the persons addressed took the trouble during the first ten days to reply. One afternoon just prior to the expected event Mrs. — met in Queen-street two of her fair neighbours whom she had invited. After an interchange of the usual feminine commonplaces, the conversation shifted to the approaching party, when Mrs. — ventured an expression of mild surprise that no answer had been received from either of them. The charming spinsters, who were thus indirectly chidden, simultaneously elevated their pretty eyebrows in mute astonishment, and then Miss Y. apologetically remarked that they were very sony, but that they really did not think it was necessary. "But," persisted Mrs. — , "did you not see the letters R.S.V.P.?" Then a light dawned upon Miss V.'s mind, and turning to her companion, she exclaimed, "Didn't I tell you that those letters meant something. I felt sure they did." The story is now in active circulation.

One day recently a man went into one of the insurance offices, and said he wished to insure his property. The counter clerk took down a proposal form, and asked the would-be insurer to give him all the particulars. The man did so, saying that he had paid £100 for the land, that the house had cost him £300, and that he wanted to insure it for £400. The clerk said that, as the house had cost only £300, he could not insure it for more than that amount. The man persisted in having it insured for £400 in spite of the clerk's endeavours to show him that the house could not be insured for more than it cost, and said that if they would not insure his house in that office he would go to some other office. Another clerk — who had been an amused listener to the altercation, seeing that the man would go away if not humoured, and not wishing to'let business slip away from the office — then came forward, and said to the client, " I see what you Avant — to insure the land for £100 and the house for £300, making £400 altogether." "Yes," said the man, "that is exactly what I want, but this stupid fellow," pointing to the counter clerk, "could not understand me." So the matter was arranged to the satisfaction of all parties, the insurer being very much pleased at the small premium charged, for the clerk did not charge him for the insurance on the land, knowing that it could not be burned.

I came across some genuine "Billingibe" the other day in an advertisement in an Auckland paper. Ever since I read Mr. GarrarcVs last letter in the Star I haA'e been looking out for something of the sort, and here it is. The advertisement apparently has reference to cruet stands. It is as follows : — " These casters have now been before the public more than six years. They are strong, durable, &c, &c. For alsoon and restaurants where a low pricend aader viceable caster is desired, they aredsapwellted." It requires a genuine " kidglebed " man {vide Uarrard's letter) to fully appreciate the above, but my readers may take my word for it that it is genuine " Billingibe."

" Kia maoa te tawa." So Te Whiti expressed himself to Captain Knollys, the emissary of Sir Arthur Gordon. And a very good message it was for Te Whiti to send to the Governor. The Press of New Zealand is non-plussed, and the pakeha Maoris are at their wits' ends to translate this remarkably simple sentence. They say if it had been worded so and so, why then it would have meant this, that, or the other ; and in their despair and utter inability to make out what it means, they say that Te Whiti never said "kia maoa te tawa," that what he said was " kia maoa te taewai " or some other stupid nonsense. They might just as w ell say he said "kikowhakariribubbleyour bust." What he actually did say was "kia maoa te tawa," only that, and nothing more, and the translation of it is simple : it has nothing whatever to do with " unripe potatoes being cooked," as the morning Twaddler suggests, nor with the " taAva berries being ripe" as the evening Muddler scintillates, but what it actually does mean is " my goose is cooked." I certainly am astounded that this extremely clear and now stale enigmatical message of Te Whiti's should have caused so much discussion. The difficulty, no doubt, has arisen from the fact that it is not easy to clothe English slang with classical Maori, but there you have it. Te Whiti says "his goose is cooked," that is, he is prepared to throw. up the sponge, and wilj accept any terms offered to him.

Sir, — With your permission I will say a fe'vr words in reply to a letter signed "Justice" in. your columns of last week. In the first place' he characterises as ' ' feminine " the remarks

made in a former number re some of the clergy of Auckland. If his own letter is to be taken as a specimen of the "masculine," I am glad to belong to the other side. He begins by attributing ulterior and interested motives to the Rev. Mr. Hill in connection with his marriage ! ! Now, a clergyman is in some sort a public character, and is fairly open to criticism and remark in that character ; but his private life, whilst blameless, might surely be respected, even by "Justice." I presume that when he speaks of "earnest ignorance" and "fluent commonplace," he also refers to the Rev. Mr. Hill. No doubt to the erudite Jew of his own day the Apostle John appeared " ignorant " and " commonplace." I have yet to learn that great religious movements have been effected principally by profound scholars, or men whose lives have been given to study ; ' very rarely, indeed, have these men had the power of appealing to the masses. This is the power which the Apostles, unlearned for the most part and ignorant men, possessed. This is the power Mr. Hill possesses — " The common people heard him gladly." This is the power that breathes through the simple, but fervid eloquence of John Bunyan, tinker. This is the power, call it inspiration, or what you will, which holds listening thousands spell bound before commonplace Dwight Moody. This is the power which, fills Mr. Spurgeon's Tabernacle, and has built, and now supports, his Stockwell Orphanage. This is the power which we should most covet for our teachers, preachers, and evangelists^ Secondly : I never "disparaged," or wished to disparage the gentleman appointed to assist Mr. Bree in All Saints'. I said that I regretted Mr. Long had not been appointed, and that I thought the present appointment a mistake. I said this, and I say it again, thoroughly understanding all the circumstances of the case, and recognising the many estimable qualities of the gentlemen in question. Let me explain myself. Mr. Bree has been the father of Ponsonby. Without him and his strenuous efforts to form a parish, Ponsonby could never have been what it is now, with its immense population, its charming, picturesque- church and parsonage, and its hundreds of tasteful villas. It is a parish worth taking care of. But Mr. Bree is sinking into the decline of years. Now, what Ponsonby needs is a »young, active, energetic man — earnest, even if ignorant ; fluent, even if commonplace j zealous, a thorough evangelist — who could reside in the district and devote his whole time to the work of the ministry. These are the reasons which induced me to say that I regretted the present appointment. Ido not doubt the gentleman's fitness for a senior appointment ; Ido very much for a junior. As for his scholarly acquirements, I am not so mean a scholar myseif, although "feminine," as not to recognise at once the flavour of Attic salt. I am sure he is everything that " Justice " says — a gentleman, a Christian, aiid a scholar — but that does not alter my opinion one iota. To myself personally, he is not unacceptable ; whether calculated to move the mass of the congregation is quite another question. — I am yours, etc., Feminine.

Can it be possible ? In walking through Fort-street, the other day, I noticed a little store, with a board over it, on which was inscribed in letters almost as long as the height of the building itself, "J. Lamb, Waitemata Flour Mills ;" and on the building itself — horror of horrors ! — there was an announcement to the effect that "cider "was sold on the premises. What a falling off is here my brethren ? J. Lamb of the Waitemata Flour Mills is a distinguished and very particular bright star in the good templar firmament, so how comes it that this paintul and horrible announcement appears on a building belonging, apparently, to himself.

Again the Herald, in a vicious ai^d hypocritical leader, has a slap at Mr. Stewart's No. 3 party. The writer commences by saying, "It is from no desire to disparage special settlements, or to prejudge the scheme at present proceeding for the settlement of the Te Puke "block that we recommend attention to be directed to that enterprise." And from this text it preaches a sermon most damaging to Mr. Stewart, who, in his absence, cannot possibly take steps to counteract its influence upon his settlers, to whom, and for whose benefit it is unmistakably directed. Nothing could possibly be conceived in worse taste, or, indeed, more cowardly than an attack of this kind upon an absent man. True, there are a host of land sharks rushing to Tauranga, mouth wide open, trusting by means such as these to alienate and swallow up some of the best of Mr. Stewart's settlers. But is it fair, just or honourable for an ostensibly leading organ of public opinion to lend its columns to work a private injury and a public wrong ? It is not difficult to spot the writer or inspirer of the article now under discussion as well as of the last one noticed in these columns. There are emigration agents and emigration agents, there are agents who, like Mr. Stewart, have by their hard work and tact been eminently successful, and there are others who, being unsucessful themselves, make a point of decrying and vilifying the success of others. The Tauranga steamer leaves at 5 o'clock to-day (Friday), and with this steamer will proceed certain gentlemen, who go down armed with sheaves of that day's Herald, in which the dastardly article appears, and no doubt the consternation and alarm created by it amongst the new arrivals will be quite equal to the expectation of the writer of it.