The Observer.

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 16, 25 December 1880, Page 132

The Observer.

Saturday, December 25th, ISSO.

As Monday next will be Cup Day, it lias occurred to me that a few particulars relative to ' ' whisperers " and their customs may be of interest. The "whisperer" is an enterprising individual who manages to "travel on the best " without any more available capital than is contained in a betting-book and a pencil. He is usually a flashily-costumed and personable creature witli insinuating manners and a good address. His victims are the "flats" and "ignoramuses" of the racecourse, whom he rooks with cool assurance and consummate cleverness. Very often the persons swindled scarcely realise they have been "done," so ably are the whisperers' dodges carried out; but now and then, of course, the "sharps" catch a tartar, and then things become sultry — veiy sultry. Let us trace the career of a whisperer on a race-day.

♦ Arrived at the conrse, the first thing is to secure entrance to the Grand Stand. To this end six or seven "whisperers" subscribe to buy one ticket^ on the strength of which they all slip comfortably in. It is managed thus : A shows the ticket to the doorkeeper, goes in, and then hands it over the fence to B, who follows A's example and hands it on to C, who uses it and hands it to I), and so on. By this means a large number of swindlers get into the paddock on the cheap, and ' ' do " the Club out of several pounds. Once in, the "whisperer" looks about for a flat, and by and bye perhaps he finds one. After some conversation drinks are proposed, and finally some preposterous bets booked. If the "flat" loses he pays, and all goes smoothly, but if he wins something of this kind occurs : Enter the "flat ;" joyously he slaps the "whisperer" on the back, observing, "Well, old fellow, I've 'struck' you for a tenner this time." " Not you," is the prompt reply; "Why, I never booked the bet — I wouldn't take it." Of course this leads to an altercation, at the end of which the "whisperer" pretends to get very angry, and says, "Come, sir, don't you try that game on me — that's the flat's game, that is. Leave me alone instantly, or else I'll have you put out of the paddock." Nine times out of ten the unfortunate gives way and gets bluffed out of his money absurdly easily. There are all sorts of ways of repudiating wagers. Some "whisperers," in booking bets, leave a couple of lines between every wager, so that in the event of the "flat" winning they can dot down some bets against him to make things square. If there is a row they they produce their books, which to the outward eye appears perfectly en regie.

Mr. W. Clarke, who formed the South Pacific Petroleum Company of Gisborne in June last, the shares of which are well held and are at a respectable premium, has obtained a concession from the grantees of the Rotokautuku oil block, Waiapu, for the purpose of working about 2000 acres of land. Portion of his proprietary interest is in the Auckland market and is being subscribed for. Every patriotic individual must wish him success; for to "strike ile" is of the largest importance in the mineral world. The oil outtxim of Pennsylvania is equal to all the Californian gold, all the Nevada silver, and the total value of the coal of the whole of the States put together.

A lady writes : — "What a pleasure, and what a privilege it is to listen to a sermon from the Rev. Mr. Hill, and how few, oh how few of the clergymen of the Church of England in this city are acceptable to their parishioners ? How is this? Simply because, instead of counting everything earthly as dross and dust, weighed In the balance against the conversion of a single soul to truth, they sink themselves into a detestable ego. They allow the man with his likes and dislikes, his petty jealousies, even his aches and pains, to appear in the pulpit, instead of the minister of Christ/" I say they, but Ido not mean all ; we have a brilliant exception in the persons of one or two ordained in this colony, who, forgetting themselves, ignoring the ego, speak out of the depths of their own fervent and faithful hearts to the hearts of a united and sympathetic congregation. I regret extremely that the Rev. Mr. Long has not been appointed to the coadjutorship of All Saints'. He was much liked, especially by the young, and there is great need in these days of looking after the lambs of the fold. The present appointment is, I think, a mistake, however estimable the gentleman appointed."

A jovial little meeting was held at the Occidental last Thursday evening on the occasion of the opening of Tattersall's new subscription room, which, by the way, Mr. Smith has fitted up both handsomely and appropriately. Proceedings were opened by the bookmakers "shouting" half-a-dozen of champagne on the strength of which the "Prosperity of Tattersall's Club " was proposed by Mr. Kirkwood, and suitably responded to by the secretary (Mr. Percival). Some festive souls then ordered another half-dozen of wine, which was absorbed in drinking the healths of "the bookmakers," "the owners of racehorses," "the local talent," and "the Press, especially the sporting Press." The best speeches were those of Jack Harris, Jimmy Poole, and Mr. Wickham. Jack and Jimmy spouted as if to the manner born, and the "boss " of the Lance spoke modestly and well.

Will the morning Twaddler kindly explain what an Anglo-Jew is? It recently informed the public, that the Anglo-Jewish Association of Victoria had invited delegates from kindred associations to hold a conference in Melbourne. What can it be driving at ? The Anglo-Israel Association of Victoria has just issued invitations, so perhaps that is what was meant, but by this time a respectable daily surely ought to know the difference between Israelites and Jews.

Not long since a festive settler was driving another from P— k— a to \V— a, both of them being in a slight " how-d'ye-do ' sort of state. On arriving at his destinati on the driver found to his astonishment and dismay that lie had dropped his companion on the road. He immediately retraced his steps to look for him, but lie had to travel no less than four miles before finding the poor man.

Several very bad cases of usury have been brought under my notice this last week. Here is one. Sometime ago a gentleman, standing urgently in need of temporary accommodation, drew a three-months' p.n. for £25, and asked a wellknown agent to get it discounted. After a long delay the agent said he had arranged with Mr. B. to discount the bill, but that that gentleman Avould only give £10 for it. The borrower's needs were imperative, so he had to accept the terms. Three months afterwards, however, when he went to Mr. B. to meet the p.n., he took occasion to make some trenchant remarks re the usurious rate of interest. Strange to say, Mr. 8., instead of standing the abuse like a lamb, was very angry, and explained to the astounded borrower that he had only charged 10s. for doing the bill. It then transpired that the agent had absorbed the balance, £14 10s. in transitu. I need scarcely say that worthy Avas promptly unearthed and requested to return the money or stand the racket of legal proceedings. That he chose the former alternative is scarcely wonderful.

The same party, who is responsible for the above story, quoted another about a young man who borrowed £5 from a money-lender in town, and for many months paid him interest on it at the rate of fifty shillings per fortnight, or £1,300 per cent, per annum ! I don't know who that young man may be, but I can only say that there are no words strong enough in the English language to describe his fatuity.

When Charlie R. gets a "tot" or so of whiskey in him he is a regular "deil" for practical jokes, and will do almost anything. The other night, or rather morning, coming into his hotel about two a.m. (it was at Christchurch, by the way), he was struck by .seeing a half-empty portmanteau standing in the bedroom passage. What put the idea into his head I knoAV not, but in five minutes he had taken off his own boots, collected all the other pairs from the various room doors along the passage, and packed them bolus bolus into the portmanteau. "To-morrow morning," he said to himself joyfully, "there will be a fine row for an hour or two." Alas !he little knew what the upshot of the affair would be. Next morning, it is true, there were no boots to be found, but neither (to Charlie's horror) was there any portmanteau either. The headwaiter, it appeared, had had orders to send it away to Dunedin by the first train, and of course the boots had gone in it. About thirty persons, including the miserable "goakist," had to buy new boots, and cursed the hotel up hill and down dale. By and bye, too, Charlie's guilt leaked out, and the landlord promptly sent him packing out of the house. It was a miserable fiasco, and Charlie swears he'll never as long as he lives play a practical joke again.

The outcome of the trip of the " Southern Cross " to Norfolk Island appears to have been mainly "envy, hatred, malice, and all uncharitableness." The young ladies had no good-looking youngsters to flirt with, so they took to bickering amongst themselves ; and now they are back again enough scandalous stories have been promulgated to occupy a mothers' meeting for a twelvemonth. Most of these anecdotes are too full-flavored for the Observer, but I can mention one. When the vessel arrived at her destination Bishop Selwyn roAved oft' in a small boat. He was in his shirtsleeves, and I suppose scarcely looked quite "my lord." Anyhow, the first person he addressed was Miss Blank, to whom he said, "How do you do, my dear young lady: I hope you are quite well ?" Miss Blank stared

at "the person" (as she thought him) for a moment, and then replied, in a freezing voice, "Quite well, but I don't see what that's to do with you." "Oh," said his lordship, rather taken aback, "I'm Bishop Selwyn."

The legal gentleman, to whose Motutapu picnic some reference was made in our last number, is very indignant with me. He says that he is a very particular friend of the Messrs. Reid, and that he has repeatedly received invitations from them to go to Motutapu and take his friends there, &c. Mr. is a gentleman, and I cannot doubt a gentleman's word ; but, admitting all this to be gospel, it certainly does seem strange that the "warning off" advertisement should have appeared immediately after the legal picnic. Perhaps Messrs. Reid Brothers will say who the notice was levelled at, and so set the question at rest for ever.

The Church of England Grammar School boys gave an entertainment at the Parnell Hall on Thursday evening to a crowded audience. Th c performance, though much too long, was well conducted, and everything passed off without a hitch, barring the drop-scene, "which persisted in hitching itself up, and refused to be pulled down by fair means. The gem of the evening was undoubtedly the song "Beautiful Star," sung by a gentleman who modestly entered himself on the play-bill as S. Reeves. His voice is very pxire and sweet and lie knows how to make the best use of it. The song, "The Maori's Lament" was very amusing. The Maori is supposed to be lamenting to the tune of "Old Dog Tray," the loss of the good old Maori times before the advent of the pakeha. The only thing that enables him to bear up under his misfortunes is the fact that he has " a faithful friend in old George Grey." Then follows the chorus : —

Old George Grey's ever faithful The rats couldn't drive him away ; He's faithful and he's kind, And we'll ever ever find A faithful friend in old George Grey. This song brought clown the house, and I should argue from it that young Parnell is decidedly Grey. Mr. James Coates was entered on the programme to sing the " Death of Nelson," but this never eventuated. I asked a lady sitting next me why this song was omitted. She innocently remarked, "I suppose Nelson isn't dead." By the way, there is a great difference between our Nelson and the great Horatio. The latter (at least history says so) caused the signal to be run up, "That England expects every man to do his duty." Now our Nelson won't allow England or anybody else to dictate to him who should do his duty. He says lie is quite capable of doing it himself.

There is one phase of the larrikin nuisance in Auckland which causes a lot of trouble. The other evening a wedding party was being joyously celebrated in a house on the Great North Road. Soon after the festivities commenced the intelligent youths of the neighborhood mustered in force outside the fence and commenced a lively serenade on kerosene tins — so lively, in fact, that the music within was quite drowned by the grand volume of harmony without. The host, feeling that the youthful serenaders must be got rid of, sallied forth with

a horsewhip and dispersed them ; but no sooner had he regained the house than they returned, and a neAV serenade Avas commenced. Again they -were dispersed by the same means, only again to return. In vain the host, with landable energy, made repeated sallies with his trusty weapon. In vain lie threatened the youngsters with the terrors of the police ; the music continued to be vigorously discoursed, till at length, in despair, he conceived the idea of buying them off. A large platter of cakes was . procured, and these were distributed among the boys on the condition that they should make themselves and their music scarce. After each boy had received a supply of cakes, and solemnly given the required promise, the

party within congratulated themselves that they were at length relieved. Vain hope ! For a breathing space there was quiet. Then with tenfold, deafening force the serenade recommenced. The boys had not broken their promise ; but alas ! the affair had got wind, and a new and much larger force had obtained possession of the sweet-toned instruments, and laid siege to the house on all sides. Again a paiiey was effected, and the cakes brought into requisition. A large quantity were distributed without making any visible decrease in the number of boys, while fresh relays Avere constantly arriving. At length the supply (of cakes, not boys) was exhausted, while a force of about 50 hungry youths remained unsatisfied. There was nothing for it but to retreat ignominiously, and the boys were left to tire their arms out on the kerosene tins, which they did till about midnight, and then they retired in the proud consciousness that they had done their duty.

Young B has come to awful grief over the diabolical fashion that now prevails in women's garters, which are made of silver wire, and look for all the world like bracelets. B , wishing to buy a nice present for his girl, thought that the bracelets he saw in a shop window in Queen-street would just suit. Entering the shop, he asked the young lady at the counter, "Would you — ah — let me look at those ?" The articles were produced. "Would you — ah,' said B , " put them on and let me see how they look ?" And before he knew where he was he was out in the street with the enraged proprietor's boot close behind him. He was determined, however, to buy the bracelets, because he liked the girl. Taking them to her in. triumph, he asked to be allowed to put them on, and even now he cannot understand why she should have given such a scream, nor is he clear on the point of the old man's kick.

The Referee chaft's the new Lord Mayor of of London for defending the House of Lords. It says : " Alderman M 'Arthur is the new Lord Mayor. Alderman M 'Arthur has rushed into the imminent deadly breach, and saved the House of Lords. Perhaps the elect of the city looks upon the Upper Chamber as a possible Lord Mayor's nest. Of course it is a great blow to the anti-Peer party to find a City alderman taking their opponents' side. The influence of such a person, his practical political knowledge, his broad enlightened views, and his thorough acquaintance with the history of his country, render him an antagonist not too easily disposed of. We retire from the unequal field* The House of Peers is safe. Alderman M 'Arthur has saved it. What a grand allegorical group this suggests for the City Obstruction Memorial. Please, Messieurs les Sculptors send us in a few designs embodying the following idea : — A gigantic group arranged pyramid fashion. Let xis begin at the top. He r Majesty the Queen supported by Outdoor Belief, Outdoor Relief supported by the Aristocrats and Landed Gentry, the Aristocrats and Landed Gentry supported by the House of Peers, the House of Peers supported by Mr. Alderman M 'Arthur in his scarlet robe and chains of office. At each side of the pyramid might be a small group standing by itself. To the right the British nation supporting itself, and to the left the British nation supporting; several German families of unlimited titles and limited means. I don't think Alderman M 'Arthur should be in marble. I fancy his head should be of wood, and his body of brass. If it hadn't been for his brass he would never have been heard of, perhaps.

Some fellows played rather a wicked trick the other day upon a friend avlio has once or wice been down with delirium tremem. They turned two or three rats in the room where h.e was. Presently the victim saw one. "What's that there ? a rat !" " What, a rat ! Avhere ? said one of the tormentors, looking hard at the rat? "Do you see any rat?" he asked innocently of his friend. "Rat, where," said his friend, also looking hard at the rat. . "What are you thinking of ?" and the matter was passed on with a palpable wink. Presently

the unf ortunate one. saw another rat. ' ' What's that, hey ? What another !" and the scene was gone all over again. After a time the rats managed to escape, and when the room was clear of them the victim turned round to his tormentors, saying, " I was only chaffing you chaps. I didn't see any rats ; not a bit of it."

Christmas, thank God, comes but once a a year. To my mind, it is a most doleful festival suggestive of "that little account" of over eating and drinking, of tips, of lost bets and of a number of disagreeable things. However, I suppose we must make the best of it, and talking of making the best of it, reminds me that the postman, the dear kind postman who travels Shortland-street, has been good enough to send me a card, wishing me "the compliments of the season." This thoughtful and unselfish tribute of respect and affection now lies on my desk, and as I look upon it, I can scarce repress a silent tear. Never shall it "be said, that if the postman remembered me, I didn't remember the postman. Generous soul, call at the office on New Year's day and you too shall haye — a card

Joking apart, I think the postman has a fair claim on his clients' generosity once a year. The tipping system is an abomination and in most cases requires putting down with a strong hand, but I should be disposed (taking the ten per cent, reduction into consideration) to make an exception of the postman at any rate this anniversary.

), s A good story is being told in reference to the y\isit of a well-known local clergyman, who ["' occupies a high position in the church, to one of our local insurance offices. He was being shown over the premises by the manager, when he observed a speaking tube. He enquired the nature of its use, and was informed that by its means the manager's office was placed in conversational communication with the other rooms in the building. He immediately expressed a desire to test the practicability of the tube, and applying his mouth to it, exclaimed "good morning." Only a few moments previously, one of the clerks had been annoying his fellow employee by means of the tube, and the persecuted one was under the impression that his friend was still bantering him. Judge of the astonishment of the clergyman, therefore, when the young man above replied -. " Good morning be d — d ; clear out of that." And he did clear.

. The dinner given at Canning's last week by the Mayor, in celebration of his election to office, proved very enjoyable to the select party of functionaries who were privileged to take part in it. The soups, entrees, entremets and V s sweets were all of excellent quality, and the and champagne" were uunsually fine. Some capital speeches of the orthodox laudatory character were made, and one or two rather witty ones. It was really too bad of the Press to omit all reference to Mr. Evans' suggestion that the city should subsidize the suburban boards for adding to the general attractiveness of the place, while Tommy Macffarlane's pleasantries, and Councillor Crowther's vocal display should certainly not have escaped notice from an industrious Press. In order that posterity may not suffer from this dereliction of duty, I must endeavour to place on record a few scraps of information. After boasting to a considerable extent concerning the superior respectability of the Grafton Road district, and denying Mount Eden any share of the credit, Mr. Mac became very urgent in his entreaties that the banqueters should return home to their wives, but it was only when he threatened to recite that the company began to see the advisability of dispersing. Councillor Fleming was unusually erudite. He revelled in figures of speech, and was as happy in pursuing the labyrinthine mazes of his curious sentences, as in remarking that Auckland possessed the best Mayor in the New Zealand hemisphere, whereat of course everyone gravely nodded approval.

The concert which f olloAved the dinner was however, the most entertaining part of the proceedings The humorous curator of intestate estates havf ing challenged any of the company to a singing X,\ contest, Councillor Crowther entered the lists, "and in a highly -pitched falsetto (which Mr. Archie Clark was f acetious enough to term a bass) tackled the sentimental song, ' 'Life is like a mighty river." The trills at the end of each verse were something to be remembered, while the slaughter of the aspirates was simply remorseless. Then Mr. Bevan of Karangahape, having intimated that he would like to sing also, gave, in a very uncertain voice, varied by an imitation of Crowther's trilling " Put me in my little bed." The City Surveyor went in for "Kiss me, and I'll go to sleep," much to the disgust of Eller, who wanted to astonish the

guests with • ' The Ladies' Pet, " Mr. Macffarlane's threat to repeat his favourite monody on "The Bowl o' Pan-itch" brought the banquet to a conclusion somewhere about midnight.

A milkman from " County Monaghan " is the latest novelty in Ponsonby. He is careful to inform all and sundry of the place of his nativity, makes frequent reminders of his intention to look for substantial Christmas boxes, and attempts to spoon upon the young ladies whom he meets in the course of his peregrinations. Nature, however, has not "shaped him for sportiye tricks," and the girls repel his advances with disdain. Some of their brothers are looking out for him.

During a dramatic performance last week by the young ladies of the Sisters of Mercy's Select School, a very ludicrous lapsus Unguos was made by one of the charming little actresses. She had to run in upon the stage at a particular point of the play, and after announcing herself, explain that she had "been engaged in the rural avocation of milking cows and minding pigs. Her entrance was effectively made, hut the speech was rather hurriedly commenced, and the result was a curious transposition. Before she could correct the pace of her tongue, she had told the audience that she had been minding the cows and milking the pigs — a declaration which, of course, produced screams of laughter. Schoolgirl fashion, the little artiste turned away her head and hung her abashed face until the uproarious merriment so suddenly raised, had somewhat subsided. Then she resumed her position and continued her speech.

A terrible sell was perpetrated on an absconding debtor the other day. He had incurred a debt of £5 for board and lodging 1 , when his landlord heard the surprising intelligence that lie Avas about to leave for another colony. There was no time to be lost, the steamer being just on the point of sailing. A friend was hunted up, and a scheme quickly concocted. An office in close proximity to the wharf was entered, and a large blue import entry form procured. It was arranged that this should be used as a warrant, while the friend in need very kindly agreed to impersonate a bailiff. When they reached the "TararuaV side, Captain Muir was ascending to the bridge, prior to making a start. Time was therefore very precious. The debtor was hunted up, when the friend sternly informed him that he must consider himself under arrest for debt, at the same time exhibiting the nicely folded and official looking import form, on which was written, "Warrant for apprehension of, &c." The debtor was thunderstruck, and believed himself to be legally in custody. The creditor then appeared on the scene, and offered to agree to his realease on the payment ot £6, the extra £1 being, according to previous arrangement, for the friend. The debtor protested, but believing that he would lose his passage, he finally paid over the amount in cash. The creditor and his friend leaped ashore just as the vessel moved off, but before doing so, they very generously presented Mr. J. with the warrant. The chagrin depicted on his countenance when he opened the harmless document may possibly be imagined, but I could not describe it. - IP""-* The first essay of the Saturday Afternoon Recreation Club at Archery did not prove so successful as had been anticipated, the great majority of the arrows missing the " targate" as one young man euphoniously put it, although the range was only 30yds. Still the contest proved none the less enjoyable on that account. Miss J.^macte the top score on the ladies' side, while Mr. M.^ was facile princcps amongst the gentlemen.

What queer notions of enjoyment we Colonials have ! I was present at a benefit concert the other day where the entertainment was supposed to be "light and amusing." The first song was " Close the shutters, Willies dead," and the second "The Little Grave." The audience was largely composed of children. I wonder the attendants were not dressed as mutes, and the programmes illustrated with a death's-head and crossbones.