The Obserber.

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 14, 18 December 1880, Page 120

The Obserber.

Saturday, December 18th, 1880.

It Avas a fortunate circumstance for Mrs. Waller, whose husband died so suddenly in Sydney, that two such kind friends as Mr. Justice Gillies and Mr. L. Ehrenfried were with her when the sad event took place. Judge and Mrs. Gillies, Mr. and Mrs. Waller, and Mr. and Mrs. Ehrenfried were staying at the same hotel, and the evening before Mr. Waller's death, the three gentlemen had smoked their pipes together, about eleven o'clock, before retiring. Shortly after four o'clock the next morning Mrs. Waller knocked at the door of Judge Gillie.s's room, and told him that her husband was ill. The judge immediately arose, and went to see Mr. Waller, who, unfortunately, died before medical aid could be summoned. Mr. Gillies and Mr. Ehrenfried immediately set to work to make arrangements for the inquest to be held on that morning, and for a leaden coffin to be made. One of them went for the coroner, but found he was out of town, so a deputy coroner had to be sought, and a medical man, to certify to the cause of the death. The inquest was held, the leaden coffin made, and the remains of their deceased friend taken on board the "Zealandia" before one o'clock. ♦ No ! in colonial parlance, lam not on. Last week I was asked to give an opinion on "Banks and Banking," and now I am asked to pass an opinion on the annual report of the "Great Northern Steamship Company, Limited," but I firmly 2and respectfully decline. The second annual report and balance sheet are before me, and not being an accountant, I shall say the shareholders have nothing to complain of, and the whole thing is as clear as mud. The report commences most satisfactorily. " The directors are glad to report an improvement in the affairs of the company." This statement is calculated, I should think, to gladden the hearts of shareholders. The next paragraph is, however, apparently (I say apparently because I don't understand high financing) calculated to slightly dash their hopes, for " the directors having seriously considered the value of steamboat property at the present time as compared with their former valuation, have determined to write off a sum equal to £8436 14s. Id." The penny that is written oft" shows how very carefully the directors have now gone into and totted up the actual value of the company's property. However, the directors state, "the earnings of the steamers have been satisfactory," and the result shows a "net profit of 15 per cent, on the paid up capital." Nothing could be more satisfactory. It is true the two following paragraphs in the report state there have "been heavy losses, and apparently these

heavy losses nearly swallow up the 15 ncr cent., but the report doesn't say so ; this is only an inference drawn by the shareholders. The "balance sheet shows: assets, £23,931 Bs. 7d.; liabilities, ditto ; but there does not seem to be any provision made for paying the 15 per cent. In the assets appears the item £5436 14s. Id., which is the amount of over valuation that has been written off", and it strikes me, not being a financier, that this is a queer sort of asset. However, on the liability side there is an overdraft account at the bank of £8649 15s. lOd. How would it do to write that off, and transfer it to assets. I merely throw this out as a suggestion to the directors ; they might then next year declare a dividend of 30 per cent. There is one very significant item amongst the assets, an item which, in my limited experience of balance sheets I have never seen provided for before. It is called "suspense," and the sum provided to meet it is £28 os. sd. This is, of course, an amount spent on the shareholders, in some way (possibly drinks) to compensate them for the suspense and agony of mind they endure whilst waiting for the yearly result of their investments. It is an item that ought to appear (if it does not) in all balance sheets, and if it is a novelty introduced by the ' ' Great Northern Steamship Company, ' they merit a A r ote of thanks from the whole community for introducing such a very meritorious and justifiable expense.

As a comment on the above, a letter has just reached me from a prominent resident in the North Country, the salient points of which I beg to place before the shareholders, directors, &c, of the "Great Northern Steamship Company " to show how beautifully the service at present suits the convenience of the public, and how the said public seem to enjoy the little practical jokes played upon them. I gather from the letter referred to that a prominent director of the "Great Northern Company " was travelling homewards last week, and in order to hasten his travel, insisted on the royal j^ail s.s. "Durham" carrying him straight to his home instead of calling in first at Port Albert, as the time table of the company provides. On the passage up it was stated that the "Durham" would return immediately after landing the director and some other passengers living in the neighbourhood. It was then pointed out to the captain of the steamer and to the director, that if this course were adopted the whole district would be considerably inconvenienced, as the mail did not close until 10 p.m., and by this arrangement the settlers would be debarred from sending their letters for the English mail. All arguments were fruitless. The director decided the steamer should not wait for the mail. Then it was urged that she might be sent back for the letters after going her ordinary trip, "but no, that would not be conceded either, and the steamer left without the mails. After her departure the settlers held a hurried council of war, and decided on sending a telegram to the Chief Postmaster, Auckland, urging him to insist upon the steamer being sent back for their mails. This the Chief Postmaster did, and so the difficulty was overcome. But these extra trips must take a lot of the gilt off the gingerbread, so to speak, and the little episode lias besides, exasperated several of those whose good opinion should be fostered by the company. As for the insult to her Majesty's maillaagfi, we say nothing.

To the Editor of the OBSERVER : Dear Sir,— I beg to give a most emphatic denial to a par., which appeared in your last issue, stating that Professor Swallow had dismissed me from his house. I left Mr. Swallow of my own free will, and for the very best of reasons. — I am, &c, G. C. Wilson.

On Saturday last an advertisement appeared in two of the local papers over the signature of " Keid Brothers," cautioning persons from landing on Motutajm Island without their written consent. Being aware that these gentlemen have always shewn the utmost courtesy and kindness to excursionists visiting their island, I could not understand it, and made enquiries, which resulted in the following explanation. It appears that aLout a fortnight since, a member of the fraternity knoAvn to irreverent clients as the "Devil's Own," organised a picnic, and chartered a steamer. Those invited were the swcllest and sclectest of Auckland's "currant jelly" aristocracy. The destination was Motutapu Island, where the highly-honored invitees duly landed in course. On reaching the house of the proprietors, it was found that they were absent. This trifling circumstance, however, was quite immaterial to the enterprising picnicprojectors. If Messrs. Reid Brothers were not there to receive them with due courtesy so much the worse for them. With a sublime contempt for the rules which usually regulate etiquette between the visitor and the visited, our highly-esteemed legal friend and his favoured guests took possession of the premises en masse, and started the al fresco bun, jam-tart, and gingerbeer business on the sward. What other liberties may have been taken I do not know. At all events, to whatever extent the joke may have been carried, it is clear that the owners of the property lack the ability and discernment to appreciate the delicate attention — hence their warning advertisement.

In last issue tlicie appeared a paragraph, in ■which it -was stated that a young lady had undertaken the duties of shipping clerk on the wharf, and that she was giving greater satisfaction than the late hook-keeper, -who wasn't always Bolter, &c. Now, I learn -with very great regret, that in using the words " late hookkeeper," I, quite unintentionally, did a grave injury (which I am most anxious to set right) to a gentleman who, till lately, acted in that capacity. The person intended to he referred to was recently in the same employ, Irat has now left the colony. I am exceedingly sorry that this mistake should have hcen made, and I tender the "late hook-keeper" my fullest apologies. Till Monday night I had no idea there was anything wrong, in fact I didn't even know of the existence of the gentleman when I offended him. It is only fair to add that I hear he hears the highest possible character hoth for sohriety and steadiness, and only left his employer Lecause of that accursed word "retrenchment."

Someone or other, somewhere or other (for which, as a scholar, overhaul the "Book of Quotations") observed that " things are not what they seem." This is a fact, as the following incident will prove. In a small suburban church some time since, the presence and consequent odour of the festive black-beetle was olfactorily manifest, and visibly also, inasmuch as the clergyman's surplice generally had to be shaken free of several of these abominations before emerging from the vestry. On one occasion the clergyman's churchwarden, a perfect model of jiolite precision, observed what he conceived to be one of these sable perfumers on the right sleeve of the clergyman's gown. This was during the reading of the first lesson. Softly and gently approaching the minister from behind, so as not to interrupt the service, my genial friend, with a quick, downward sweep of the hand, essayed to detach the objectionable beetle. After two passes, finding it didn't move, he wiped his spectacles, and looked close and critically at the object. It wasn't there at all ! There was only a hole in the gown which, against the background of the black cloth coat presented the exact appearance of the anathematized Icekcreru. My friend retired, still softly and quietly as he came, but dreadfully disgusted with the "counterfeit presentiment," and with a keen appreciation of the fact that, even within a sacred edifice, the most devoted and precise of churchwardens may experience a

"sell."

Those "holy floppers" (as the News Letter calls them), Moody and Sankey, were very "busy in San Francisco when the mail left trying to bounce the Lord, and compel him to "hurry up" and improve the universe after their "advanced views." "It is," says my contemporary, and I cordially agree with him, "certainly nearly time that another Messiah put in an appearance, for our vulgar, benighted,

half-dollar-hunting protestant priests have "become intolerable, and are trying to render even natural piety contemptible in the eyes of the thoughtless. We don't pretend to high-pressure piety, but we detest cant and sham piety. We abominate these itinerant, bill-sticking, clerical firebrands, who go about throwing off their mental stomachs all kinds of sectarian nastiness, and who try to cause ' bad blood ' amongst the different denominations."

There was great excitement in the neighbourhood of Freeman's Bay a few evenings ago. A party of young men and youths were disporting themselves like gay and festive young porpoises in the water, just the other side of Akarau Point, when a number of young ladies, with several gentlemen, appeared round the point on their way to a boat. One of the bathers, who was standing knee-deep in the water admiring his muscular form, instantly sat down, and rose again as lie encountered an oyster shell. Three more were running a race on the beach, attired as the Greeks were when racing at the Olympic games. They immediately lied for the pil e of garments on the beach, and endeavoured to hide themselves beneath them, only partly succeeding. What the rest did they don't know, or at any rate won't say. The ladies, with their escort, however, passed on as innocently, and as unconcerned as possible. It is whispered though, that before turning the next point they all turned and bent a parting gaze on the bathers.

A very strange story is being whispered about amongst the "hupper suckles" of the City of Auckland. The fair Miss (but no ! I dare not even indicate her name) has, dear Mrs. says, "developed somnambulistic tendencies, and was met out walking in her night dress about a week ago." It appears that jolly young spark K. was wending his way home about 2 a.m. on Tuesday week, when he was startled by seeing a white figure advancing slowly along the path towards him. For about half a-minute he felt paralysed Avith terror, but having a skinful of whisky under cover, soon waxed bolder, and apjiroached the mysterious figure. Judge his surprise on recognising the fair Miss Blank just waked up, terribly frightened, and crying bitterly. To take off his coat and wrap her in it was the work of an instant, and then the pair retraced their steps to Miss 's house, which was close by. No one need attempt to guess the actors in this little drama. Only about five people know of it, and they are bound, under dreadful pains and penalties, to keep it quiet.

It is, I understand, far from improbable that a came celebre of a very shocking character will startle the public ere long. The leading actors are professional men of considerable notoriety in Auckland, and the case arises out of a quarrel between them. The principal evidence consists of some terribly compromising letters, which, it is understood the defendant believed were destroyed. Neither party wishes to bring the matter into Court, but unless the plaintiff can get a stift' price for his letters, he will certainly carry it to the "bitter end."

The savings of gumdiggers for their annual Christmas spree must have been swelled very considerably during the last month or so by the rapid increase in the price of gum. The prices quoted a week ago were between £40 and £50 per ton, and this should give a remarkably good profit. In this connection, I cannot help thinking what a good thing the storekeepers in the country districts make out of the unfortunate diggers. They buy the gum at a very cheap rate and dispose of provisions and tools at a rather stiff figure. Only the other day I was told of a well-known tradesmen at Riverhead who did business on the principle, "a hundredweight of buiscuits for a hundredweight of gum." The per-centage for profit in this case was not to be sneered at, the value of gum being treble that of tmiscuits.

Mr. G. A. Brown caused his audience to roar Avith laughter last Sunday night by his relation of a spirit circle story. A man, who had been listening to a lecture of his against spiritualism, in Maine, U.S., came up to him after the lecture, and said that when sitting at a circle one night the lights were turned out, and lie presently received a blow on the nose. He said nothing, but when the lights were turned up again it was found there had been a good, "manifestation." Again the gas was turned off, and the visitor, turning to the investigator at his side, who happened to be the president of the association, knocked him clean off his seat to the floor. The gas was re-lighted, and the president declared that he had never before experienced such a powerful and satisfactory spiritual manifestation. All his doubts now vanished as to the reality of the phenomena, and he accepted the new religion in its entirety.

Councillor Offer had a sudden seizure of generosity at the close of the City Council meeting on Thursday night (last week). In blushing confusion he announced that it was his birthday and forthwith despatched the messenger for three bottles of champagne, which the overworked civic representatives disposed of with marvellous celerity. Compliments were exchanged, and panegyrics handed round with mutual goodwill, while the joviality of the worthy Councillors made itself heard far and wide.

A very pathetic scene was witnessed on a recent evening on board of one of our harbour steamers. She had been chartered for a moonlight excursion, and during the afternoon the crew had been engaged in washing down her decks or in some occupation of a similar nature, At all events, two wooden buckets full of salt water were left at one end of the dock, close to where the bench ended. In due time, the passengers came on board, and shortly after dusk all was ready for a start. Just then, a well-known young swell whose face is very familiar in Queen-street, came on board with his girl. Every seat was occupied, and a number of the excursionists had to be content with mere standing room. Siiddenly our hero espied what in the twilight he thought to be tAvo small kegs. Congratulating himself on his good fortune in obtaining seats so easily, he conducted his lady-love to the spot. They sat down simultaneously, and an instant later there was a "squelch," followed by a shriek from the lady, and a fervent blessing on something unknown in respectable society from the gentleman. Then the astonished passengers observed the devoted pair wriggling out of half-emptied buckets of water, and amidst loud bursts of laughter the lady was supported to the cabin by her youthful admirer. «, It is unnecessary to remark that they did not take any further part in the festivities of the evening.

From accounts, which have reached me, it would appear that the mission schooner, "Southern Cross," from Norfolk Island, with her cargo of excursionists, was lost in the thick weather off the Coast. On Saturday it was reported to the passengers that they were off Cape Brett, lmt on the following day they were astounded by the information, from headquarters, that the schooner was in the vicinity of Tauranga. During this time the young ladies were deeply immersed in their troubles, which took the objectionable form of seasickness. Most of them gave themselves up for lost, and many regretted not having made their wills before leaving Auckland. After an energetic search, the entrance to Auckland harbour was discovered on Tuesday morning, and those on board once more breathed freely.

A singular fact in connection with the excursion trip by the "Southern Cross" to Norfolk Island was that the party was almost entirely composed of young ladies and old gentlemen. On her return to town, a fair damsel was delighting a circle of friends with accounts of her adventures, when someone enquired whether she had enjoyed herself. She replied in the affirmative, but concluded, 1 It would have been much jollier if there had been some young fellows and fewer old fogies with us." Complimentary to the old gentlemen, wasn't it.

The scandal-loving residents of W have, during the last week, been delighting each other with a select morsel, which has caused a great sensation down there. It appears the young and promising son of a wellknown settler was on a visit to Auckland several weeks ago, and during his stay enjoyed himself after the orthodox style adopted by young fellows doing their month in town. He became acquainted with a charming, but fast — very fast— young lady, and subsequently fell a victim to her seductive charms. He proposed marriage, and was, of course, accepted. Passages were taken, by steamer for W , where the nuptials were to be celebrated, and in due time the happy and devoted youth and his inamorata arrived under the paternal roof. They were well received, and all appeared to be progressing satisfactorily, when the future father-in-law was supplied with some valuable information in reference to the lady and her previous character. This put a stop to the marriage, but the young man still professes ardent love for the fair creature, and she claims that her attachment for him is stronger than ever it was. The whole affair is now in statu quo.

The manner in which the Hon. Richard Oliver (the Minister of Public Works) receives deputations is entirely original. His predecessor in office (Mr. Macandrew) had the faculty of pleasing all deputations ; he spoke comfortably to them, and, without distinctly making promises, dismissed them with the impression that their mission would be crowned with success eventually if not sooner. The Hon. Oliver takes a different course ; he never makes half -promises, and very very rarely full ones. What takes place generally may be briefly described as follows : — Deputation : " We want an endowment for our borough ; our claims, necessities, &c." The Minister: "Very sorry, gentlemen; but you can't have it. There is not the slightest possibibility of its being granted." Deputation : "Can we get a grant of money? We really must have something." The Minister : "No. All subsidies have absolutely ceased." Deputation : "We believe there was a sum passed on the Estimates for our district ?" The Minister : "Nothing of the sort; it's quite a mistake." Deputation: "Well, we must have a bridge, and we have no money ?" The Minister: "Again very sorry; but for local works you must rely upon yourselves." Exeunt deputation, greatly enraged that they can't get a promise.

Why were the Board of Governors of the Auckland College and Grammar School so anxious to change the Examiners for this year ? Was it because of personal feelings of animosity "towards either of the Examiners for last year, •or want of confidence in their ability to perform -the duties ; or was it that their Reports on the 'College for the last few years have not been agreeable to those most interested in the improvement of the scholars? Two clergymen have now been appointed Examiners for this year, and I shall await with some curiosity the result of their labours. Mr. H. H. Lusk and Rev. C. M. Nelson were the late Examiners, and as to their ability there cannot be much diversity of opinion.

A capital instance of the biter being bit reaches me from the racecourse, whither the "sports" now flock to witness the morning gallops. Betting, of course, is the order of the day, and a good many wagers are daily recorded. Every disputed opinion offers an opening for speculative investment, and the chances are not often missed. One day last week a controversy arose as to the number of times Ariel has won the Cup, and, of course, the invariable string of wagers followed, one party betting that Ariel had carried off three successive Cups, and the other that he had only taken two. Amongst the bettors was the redoubtable D of Dunedin, and in his usual thorough-going manner, he laid rather heavily on the question. Having proceeded to a certain stage with his speculation, he slipped away very quietly in quest of any information which might shew him the advisability or otherwise of hedging. Meeting a sporting authority, he eagerly enquired if Ariel had won the Cup in January, 1877. The answer was

s positively "No," and, delighted with thi confirmation of his opinion, D returned to the ring, imparted the news to a few associates, and, along with them, booked a few more bets. Meantime the other side had begun to attach some significance to the extreme readiness of D and Co. to invest, and a friend was therefore told off to investigate. The result of his enquiries was the elucidation of the fact that two Cups were run for in 1877, viz., one in January and the other in December, and as Ariel won in the latter contest he had consequently carried off Cups in three consecutive years. The wagering went on on both sides until a long list of bets had been compiled when, by a mutual arrangement (each party being sure of having euchred the other) it Avas decided to stop operations for the moment. Later on one of D 's friends received the dread tidings, and communicated them to him. I will drop the curtain upon the scene, merely remarking that there was a prolonged interlude of miscellaneous profanity.

Since the opening of the Free Library six volumes have been "donated" to it. Will anyone undertake a street-preaching crusade on the subject? Silence on Mr. W — 's part of course must be .accepted as implying consent. He has worn his evangelical themes thread bare, and this will be something original in his

The people of C are " cunning " and shrewd above their fellows. In their selection of Mayor this year they have been guided by something more tangible than sentiment. Nothing more nor less than £ s. d., and revelling in a lively sense of favours to come, they plumped for the man of their choice. In fact, he enjoyed a walk over. A few months ago news arrived that by the decease of some ancient relative the wife of the worthy burgess referred to had fallen into an inheritance of £80,000, and since, they have been feted, caressed and honoured to an extraordinary degree. This unparalleled run of popularity is now undergoing a gradual diminution, for it is being whispered abroad that the reported heritage may be a canard. Odds are given that the windfall does not amount to £5000. If this be so, C will have Avoefully overreached herself, and evening parties will be dispensed with for a time.

A singular example of canine sagacity was witnessed the other day in Chapel-street. An aged resident of that aristocratic thoroughfare staggered out of one of the pubs about noon and, accompanied by a fine retriever, pursued a rather devious course along the centre of the roadway. He stumbled and fell helplessly just as two vehicles were approaching. The dog littered several loud barks, and then seizing the prostrate man by the collar of his coat, gallantly endeavoured to raise him up. Finding this to be futile, it tried to drag him. Then it barked loudly for a few seconds, and eventually resumed its efforts. Its joy when the vehicles stopped and some people came to its master's assistance was unmistakable.

Messrs. W. Ashby and Co. write under date, London, November 4: — "Since our last the ' A de Freitas ' sailed with a general cargo for Auckland on October 20th, and on the 2Sth ult, the 'Margaret Galbraith 1 (Shaw Savill and Co.) left for the same port with several passengers. The next vessels for Auckland will be the 'Sydenham,' (N.Z.S. Co.) with Rev. Mr. Berry and party, and the 'Oxford,' with the balance of Mr. Vesey Stewart's party. Both will leave about the 26th inst. The 'Sydenham ' has all her cabin accommodation engaged, and the ' Oxford ' is fast filling up. By both vessels a number of old colonists are returning. The ' Mercia ' left for Hawke's Bay on November 3. The other vessels loading for the various N.Z. ports are: 'Adamant,' for New Plymouth, about 25th November; 'Elizabeth Graham ' and ' Orari, ' for Canterbury, 6th and 26th November ; ' Alastor ' and ' Crown thorpe, ' for Wellington, 12th and 25th November; 'Centurion' and 'Westland,' for Otago, end of November. The s.s. 'Northumberland' left Plymouth for Wellington on 25th October quite full of cargo and passengers. There were over 400 souls on board, equal to 242J adults. We (W. A. and Co.) booked 26 passengers by this steamer, and would have had many more could the vessel have taken them. The Orient Co. have raised their fares to Australia. The first saloon is now 55 to 70 guineas ; second saloon, 40 guineas ; steerage, 15 guineas."

— Mrs. Lewis has issued invitations for an evening party, at her residence, Epsom, this evening (Friday).

— About 29 tons of curiosities were "brought from Norfolk Island by the excxirsionists. — Miss Lodge remains 1 at Norfolk Island for a twelve months' visit,