BRIEF MENTITON

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 4, 9 October 1880, Page 27

BRIEF MENTITON

— Will the author of " The Miller and his Men " lcindly call at the Observer Office. . — Subject for a classic picture — Hesketh protecting the Lam"b from an enraged British Lion. — Dr. and Mrs. Grant proceeded to Lyttelton last week. — Allen West leaves Auckland for England, via Australia, next week. — Mr. Laishley is going over to the Melbourne Exhibition for a holiday. • — Peltzer and Caillau have quarrelled, and the "Muse " has bust up. Amusing, isn't it ? — Why did Gus's pony shy ?— Because he didn't C — oats in Culpan's paddock. — The Key. Mr. Fletcher left Auckland, for Sydney, on Tuesday last. — A version of the "Lady with the Camelias" is at present being enacted here in real life. — The Jlrst advertisement in the "Star Murder Extra " was " Wanted Tomahawks." — Why has v bedroom been added to the conveniences of a certain oyster shop ? — In conversing with "Mr. Lionel Phillips, it is desirable to avoid any reference to anti-fat. — Ned Morrow is going as the Shaughraun to the Ponsonby Fancy Dress Ball. ;— -The Parnell Lawn Tennis and Scandal Club will be opened next month with a strawberry feed.

— That was a jolly ball given by the settlers of Lucas's Creek last week. A number of townsfolk were present. — Mr. James McCo-h Clark won no less than six smoking caps, in art unions, at the St. Stephen's Bazaar, last week. — The general complaint in the settlers houses round about Helensville is that the bread sold is too heavy— not that it is too light. — Garrard actually did four days' gardening work at North Shore last week. There is a chance of the old man reforming even yet. — A very pleasant evening party was given by Mr. Plumley, at his residence, Hobsonstreet, on Thursday Aveek. — About 410 tons of kauri guru arrived in Auckland from up-country settlements during the month of September. — Those who were loudest in poor old Stickley's favour, during the enquiry, are now giving him the cold shoulder. — Is it true that a certain M.H.R. has been engaged by the Insurance Association to lecture on •' Fires and their origin "? — Mr. W. Cooper denies that he has any intention of lecturing upon Bishop Cowie, but says that he would like tv cowhide the plethoric i old party who put the report in circulation. ! — Mrs. Glover celebrated the opening of her new schoolroom, in Symonds-street, last week, by giving a very pleasant evening party to her pupils and friends. — The pastor of St. Stephen's Church took Jiity on his wearied congregation, on Sunday ast, and let them off with a ten-minutes sermon. — It is said that the most polite official in the Customs' department lias discovered a new method of finding the amount of duty on that 8000 feet of timber. — The Hey. D. W. Runciman was observed meandering joyously up Queen-street, on Tuesday afternoon, with a cash-box under his arm. Wonder if it contained that £670 ? — Messrs. McKenzie and Ross have had a handsome brick store erected at the corner of Fort and Gore-_streets. They will remove their business there immediately. — Those who want a nice little sensation for the kitchen ought to buy one of Waite's pneumatic egg-beaters. Like all the worthy plumber's goods, they are A 1. — The unfortunate man who so strongly resembles Sullivan, the murderer, that he has been hunted from town to town, and province to province, is now in Auckland, — W. K. Carter, the "boss" of the Cambridge coach, says that he will undertake to open up a coach road from Cambridge to Rotorua for £1000. — Supposing my name is Moses Aarons, and I stand for the City Council, as Lionel de Montmorency, would my election, in event of success, be legal ? I ask for information. — I hear that, immediately after the struggle between the Fijian and Mrs. Arnold was over, Lizzie Braithwaite, the servant at Melville's, took refuge in the characteristic womanly weakness of a fit of high-strikes. — During the afternoons of the St. Stephen's Bazaar, the parson, Mr. Runciman, amused himself by taking the youngest and prettiest saleswomen down the Avharf for a breath of fresh ail*. — The Ponsonby ladies are much exercised over the rumour that a young and promising M.H.R. is about to lead to the hymeneal altar a young lady well known as an eminent pianiste. — On dit that the committee of the Young Men's Christian Association have made arrangements for a lecture on "Usuary," by Mr. J. A , and one on " Generosity," by C. J. S- — , Esq. — Is the Mr. Whewell, who has two horses entered for the Pakuranga Hunt Club Race Meeting, the Wesleyan parson who is so much admired by all in the circuit ? I have heard of sporting parsons, but they were not Wesleyans. — Martin McDermott, the little tinsmith, proved a most fortunate competitor in the Bazaar Art Unions. His latest success was the winning of a capacious washing-tub, which he pluckily tackled and carried home. — The children attending Mr. West's Saturday afternoon dancing class have been making extensive preparations for the breaking-xip party, which is to be held this (Saturday) evening. — During the Industrial Home enquiry the reporters and onlookers expressed themselves certain that the result would be eminently favourable to Sticldey and Co. They now say they " always knew how it would be." — That little difficulty at St. Thomas's Church has unfortunately not ended yet, and, as a consequence, the attendance at the services last Sunday were anything but satisfactory. All Saints' is, however, profiting by We disagreement. — Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Morrin are at present on a visit to Napier. They are expected to return on Monday next, and it is not improbable that they will subsequently take a trip across to Melbourne to see the Exhibition. — There are considerably more than five hundred passengers now on their way out to Auckland from England in sailing vessels. This is exclusive of the special settlement parties of Messrs. G. M. Reed and G. V. Stewart, . — Mrs. Hamilton (late the widow Stokes) says that if she'd 'ave~ known 'as how she was to 'aye been written about in the papers, and made a fool of, she wouldn't* have been and got married at all.

— If it is indeed true that — Happy's the wooing 1 That's not long- a-doing, Mr. Hamilton's courtship of the widow Stokes must have been extraordinarily blissful. The newly-married couple have only known each other three weeks. — Mr. Hamilton, whose marriage with the buxom Avidow Stokes has created such a sensation in Newton, was introduced to his blooming bride by Mr. Warren. This is not Mr. Hamilton's initial essay at matrimony. His first wife died in the hospital three months ago. — Some kind friend writes to tell me of an Auckland lady who is so contemptably mean in her shopping transactions, that whenever her carriage stops at the cl»or of certain establishments, the assistants have orders to tell her that they are completely out of what she requires. — Mr. Peter Oliphant, of St. James's Association, is indignant at the base insinuation made by a "Star" reporter, that he refrained from taking the negative side in a recent matrimonial discussion, because he was engaged. — How the young ladies — God bless their dear little hearts - seem, to simper lovingly, gush alarmingly, and linger affectionately wlien they are transacting their business at the Savings Bank counter in the Post Office. Don't they now, Gussy, my boy. — 'The " Sydney Bulletin " is responsible for the statement that the New Zealand Government has called upon all " insolent " justices of the j>eace to resign. Perhaps, if they did, we should have very few of the; " great^unpaid " left. May be insolvent was the word intended. — Next week's Observer will contain a Pen-and-ink Portrait of the Attorney-General; A Glimpse of the Bank of New Zealand, with several etchings; "The Philistine" amongst the Mormons ; an etching of Major Morrow ; A Rhymes for the Times ; A Maori Tangi, &c, &. — The St. Stephen's Bazaar was a great success. The stalls were well furnished with really saleable articles, and the sum realised (upwards of £600) will reduce the debt on the church to £400. It is hoped that the aged and benevolent Mrs. S will stump up the latter sum, as a loan, without interest. — • There was a good deal of jealousy between the fair stall-holders at the St. Stephen's Bazaar, some of whom almost came to scratching. The lottery-ticket saleswomen from the upper stall, who made predatory raids on the people in the .lower end of the building, were repulsed with considerable warmth. - — In opposition to the generally accepted statement that money is plentiful, I am told by a reliable authority that, at the last Wednesday night's rink, the modest sum of twenty shillings could not be raised by the gentlemen (sic) present to retain the band for dancing purposes, although many ladies went prepared for an hour or so on the light fantastic. — Garrard still lectures small and select crowds on the wharf daily. Last week he caused a small sensation by grandiloquently informing his listeners that two years hence he would " stand triumphantly herect, with bis feet on the necks of the 'aughty hautocrats of New Zealand. " Surely the old man has been reading up. — It is said " that the young ladies of St. Stephen's were so fatigued by their exertions in enticing young men into raffles, and disposing of all manner of useless articles to them at the bazaar, on Satruday last, that they were unable to preside over their Sunday school classes on the following day, and the children were therefore dismissed without having received the spiritual food for which they assembled. — Thanks, Mr. E. M. Edgecumbe, for sending me a "collect" telegram (Is 3d to pay), on Monday, stating that there were no Observers to be got in Hamilton that day. It was interesting intelligence, but just a wee bit stale; in fact, my agent wired ditto (also "collect," Is 3d to pay) on Saturday. — Some impudent cads pressed themselves into service as assistant vendors, at the recent bazaar. One of them dropped a penny on the floor, and when asked by the youno- lady who accompanied him to pick it xip, declined to expend so much trouble on "the ridiculous coin." As soon as the fair one had turned her back, however, he was observed to be furtively searching for the missing token. — .Though a "canny" Scotchman, with a proper appreciation of the value of a " bawbee," Mr. Alexander, the solicitor, is a jolly good fellow, and does some excessively kind things at times. I know a bankrupt who consulted him for nearly an hour on two occasions, and on neither would he accept a fee. How many lawyers in town are there who would act thus ? — The railway officials have had a burden l a id on them which is too grevious to be borne. Not only do they suffer from the reduction of ten per cent., not only do they have to put a duty stamp on the receipt for their salaries, but, as they are paid every four weeks, they have to pay thirteen pence a year in stamp duty, while the other civil servants, being paid every calendar month, pay only a shilling. — Old Sixty-per-Cent. says the Observer is the vilest print ever issued in a colonial city. He only wishes he could • get that • infernal young scamp, the proprietor, to do a bill with him, wouldn't he squeeze him, that's all. But Svhy this bitterness, John dear? Can it be that you are the ill-tempered curmudgeon referred to in a contributor's paragraph about — ; — Church some weeks ago ? — There was ".a scene of revelry by night " at Cotter and Copeland's Rink, on Friday last. The surplus £3 had been expended on oranges, lemonade, and sodawater, and every rinkist tried hard to consume a fair share.. The enterprising promoters were in : great request ; in fact it was Cotter here and Copeland there, and Cotter and Copeland everywhere. ■

— The members of the adult dancing class, conducted in the Temperance Hall, by Allen West, terminated the season with a verypleasant and sociable breaking-iip party on.. Tuesday evening. — Mr. George Element, well-knovu in Auckland in connection with the smelting of iron sand, left for Sydney, per Tararui, last Tuesday, for the purpose ot managing some smelting works in NeAV South Wales. — The monthly service of song will take place at the Old Peoples' Refuge, on Sunday next, at 3 o'clock. The choir will be conducted by Mr. Ryan, and the readings by Mr. Larkins. The service, on this occasion, will be from the Pilgrims Progress. A short lecture on smoking will also be given, when it is earnestly requested all the smokers in Auckland will attend. — Mount Eden can't be such a bad place after all. Not only do prisoners live pretty well there, but it appears those who have a fancy for literature are allowed to read the papers, A friend of Mr. Hart's tells me that gentleman has seen No. 2 of the Observer, ' and intends, when released, to discover the "eye-witness" who told me of the Victoria affair. —So Willie Buchanan has been appointed Superintendent. Engineer of the North, Shore Ferry Company at forty bob a week. I congratulate you, Willie, and I hope the shareholders may do so too. The pay's good, and the billet must be almost a sinecure. By the way, Willie, are you the benefactor to society who brought out that famous white elephant, . the Tongariro, from England. — The " Thames Advertiser " never loses a.chance of sneering at the Observer, and, last. Monday, it repuolished the irate Fredericks'letter in full. At first, I couldn't understand this apparently gratuitous vindictiveness j but ; by -and- bye it dawned upon me that a compositor, with whom I quarrelled at Tauranga, is engaged on the " Advertiser, " in the capacity of sub-editor. Hinc illae lacrymse. . ': .- •: — It is all very well for people to conic to -mfc and say, " Oh ! this number isn't equal to that; . or that to this "—I cant make the news. Some weeks there are far more openings for goodparagraphs than others. When a large amount of tit-bits of gossip come to one's ears; it is easy - enough to knock them into shape, but when there doesn't happen to be a bit of a sensation for days together, it is jolly hard to put together a decent number. — The so-called " Prof esor Montague Scott," who first set up as a quack doctor, in Welles-ley-street, and then bolted with Mrs. Long and family, has, it appears, no right to the name at all. His real cognomen is Richards, and he . is a cobbler by trade. Moreover, the bona fide Montagu Scott happens to be a famous artist and caricaturist in Sydney, who may be seriously inconvenienced by this scoundrel's im-" positions should he ever visit New Zealand. — It has been an awful thing for me calling Jim Coates the handsomest man in Auckland. Ever since that issue the editorial post box has been inundated with letters from infatuated females, each of whom wishes to draw the Observer's attention to the particular beau she fancies. I can't publish all the epistles, but here is a sample — "Amelia would like to know why you don't give the handsome manager of the 'New South' a show.' : Poor Amelia! she is evidently gone in that quarter. —' ' Precocity. " A very small boy sends the following: — We are, -he says, all " Taters." There is Judge Gillies, the Mount Eden tater, Bishop Cowie, the Commentator, the Mayor, the Justice tater, Tyler, the law tater, Pardy, the blue tater, and Robbie Peel, the club tater. There is Waymouth, the average . tater, Garrard, the agitator, Dampie>'s Wonderful tater, and Hannaf ord's world- wide advertisement tater ; then there is Layers' seed taters, Binney's unrivalled imported taters, after which came the unemployed, who, poor fellows, are small per taters. — Scene from real life. Locality, Devonport, North. Dramatis personee — a little elderly gentleman, with a turn for domestic economy, and Bridget, the new Hibernian help. Elderly party loquiter, (after returning from Church on Sunday morning, and going the rounds of the kitchen). • ' Here, Bridget, lfind there are only ten potatoes in the saucepan, and I am sure 1 counted out a dozen for you to cook this morning." Bridget humbly admits having sampled the precious ponime de terre, adding something about the masther being "a mighty mane ould fogy.' — Young ladies are seldom charged with exaggeration ; but surely we are not compelled to believe the fair creature who, on returning in Ponsonby, after the thunderstorm, on Thursday of last week, astounded her anxious maternal parent by informing her that the feather in her hat had been struck by a flash of lightning. She still adheres to her original story, and, in support of the" very tough statement, points out a- black mark on the white feather m question. I should recomment her to the Rev. A. W. Webb, as a good subject for conversiou. — A trial for divorce has just been concluded in Melbourne, which is of special interest to a section of Aucldandresidents. The parties to the case were Mr. D. Davis and Mrs. Davis, nee Miss Simonseh, the latter suing for divorce on the ground of cruelty and other charges. Judgment was given in favour of plaintiff, who, it will be remembered, lately made a most successful debut, in company with her younger sister, as a vocalist. As a specimen of the manner in which telegrams frequently arrive, I append " Reuter's" version of the trial :— " Melbourne, Wednesday. Leonora Davis noo Simonsen, married in Christchurch in 1876, has obtained a divorce from her htisband, Martin Simonsen, of the Opera troupe bearing that name. " Martin Simonsen, the well-known musician is, of course, the young lady's father

— As an old lady was trying to cross the rails at Newmarket, last Saturday night, she missed her way. and got literally stuck fast in the .mild. It was an awful situation, and the poor old creature wept bitterley. Happily the porter knew his duty, and lighting a lamp he waded into the morass, and after some trouble managed to extricate her. For this service it is proposed to procure him the medal of the Royal Humane Society. ■— The following extract from a Scotch newspaper ought to take a prize: — "A staunch Presbyterian divine offered up a prayer for Queen Adelaide on William the Fourth's coming, to the throne in these wnrds— ' Oh Lord ! save Thy servant our Sovereign Lady the Queen. Grant that as she grows an old woman she may become a new man Strengthen her with Thy blessing that she may live a pure Virgin before. Thee, bringing forth sons and daughters to the glory of God, and vouchsafe her Thy blessing that she may go forth before her people like a he-goat on the mountains. ' " — The heavy rains of last week flooded the i back premises of Messrs. Owen and Graham, and several amusing scenes are reported to have occurred in consequence. A correspondent sends me a lengthy epistle describing how Charlie Burgess, in his desire to save a new suit of clothes, prevailed upon Pilcher to carry him across, how the latter young gentleman found it necessary to miss his footing, and how sheepish the youthful pair looked when they emerged from the miniature lake of dirty water, amidst the jeers and laughter of the onlookers. Rather too bad, wasn't it, Charlie ? — I suppose these bazaars and fancy fairs under the sacred name of charily, which now verily is made to cover a multitude of sin^, are all right, but I must confess that if I were the brother or husband of the young ladies who exert themselves sd energetically in these affairs, I shouldn't care about seeing them ogle young Frivvle, the bank clerk, even though his shillings were to benefit a rickety church fund. A practical friend, to whom I have enimeiated these views, says, " Quite right, it is like shooting a hare on her form, it does not give you a chance. How can you say no to a pretty woman ? " — Besides being a crack lawyer, Mr. Hesketh is an enthusiast in music, and the promoter of the Sunday Popular Concerts at St. Mark's, Reniuera. ' For several weeks past he has been observed in cl^se consultation with some of the principal warblers at St. Paul's, and I now learn that lie has been successful in securing the services of those two bright and particular stars, Mesdames S and S . St. Mark's will consequently be able to boast the best quartette in Auckland, as Mr. Dixon (tenor), aud Mr. Rhodes (bass), have also joined the choir. The latter has been appointed choirmaster. — On Friday morning last, a middle-aged and well-dressed female was seen walking slowly, but with rather unsteady step, alongone of otir main thoroughfares. There was, in this, however, little to call for special attention ; but suddenly, unseen by the bibiilous one, lip came two iirchins with papers under their arms. As they got between her and a quietlooking gentleman, both boys, after inhaling an extra quantity of fresh air, with all the power of their lungs, let out ' ( Observe-her. " The effect was electrical. The woman trembled violently, and then, turning on the two boys, said, " You little wretches, how do you know I've been drinking? If you tell people to ' observe ' me, I'll hand you. over to a policeman." — The S P Society always assists its members when in straightened circumstances. At their last meeting several who were present complained of the hard times, and begged that somethiug might be done towards helping them and their families. Unfortunately the funds in hand only amounted to about £20, and this would go nowhere amongst so many. Suddenly a bright idea struck one of the members. "Let us," said he, " invest £20 in tho big sweep on the Melbourne Cup, and stand or fall by the result. " This was thought a capital suggestion, and forthwith acted upon. Now, hard-up wives and scantily-dressed children are looking forward to the time when they'll wear finery, and ride in carriages with their rich papas — all out of the Melbourne Cup. — Luscombe Searell's last achievement in Auckland was to defy all the genius, intellect, and good looks concentrated in the editorial sanctum of the " Herald" Office. The warlike little man turned up there about ten, on Monday evening, in order, so he said, to apologise for Ikey Isaacs having refused the "Herald" reporter admission. He foiind Messrs. Berry, Will, and Maine discussing the horrible outrage with bated breath, and not at all disposed to be pacified. After some conversation Luscombe wound up a sensational tirade as follows : " Mr. and Mrs. Lingard had nothing to do with it, I tell yer j aud if you don't choose to accept THAT apology, why you can just go to ; and here he named a somewhat tropical region, which none of the gentlemen mentioned have, I am sure, any tlesire to visit just at present. — Biit for the eccentricities of the proprietor, a certain hotel not fifty miles from the Theatre Royal would be one of the most popular houses in town. Unfortunately .this worthy appears to be always offending somebody. The other day a gentleman entered the restaurant, and, without removing his hat, commenced to lunch. Now, most people are aware that it is by no means considered necessary .to take off one's hat in a restaurant. In the city of London business men seldom, if ever, do it ; and even here at Waters' and Canning's,' diners oftener wear their hats than not. Judge, then, Mr. 's surprise when he received a peremptory ordpr to take off his hat. For one instant he gazed blankly at the waiter, and then, rising from the table, walked straight out of the house. Instead of sympathising with the poor hotelkeeper, those who witnessed the incident were brutal enough to burst oiit laughing.