THE PRIZE CONUNDRUM.

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 4, 9 October 1880, Page 31

THE PRIZE CONUNDRUM.

Why is the Observer like a boil? — Because it is always red (read), has a good head on it, is full of matter, and so is ready for the Lance, to be followed by a Free Press. — N.B. — This joke is sure to draw. 4 "Poultice" will please send name and address for publication, so that I may forward a cheque. SAMPLES OF THE CONUNDRUMSGOOD, BAD, AND INDIFFERENT. Why would a man with fever and ague remind us of the Auckland chemists ? — Because he would be Aickin (aching) and Hitchin (itching) and Hill (ill), and Hud-son ('ould soon) die unless he got som' Edson (some medicine). 1 Why is Bandmaster McComish the best euchre-player in Auckland ? — Because he generally has the lead, often gets a march, and no matter what is played he can always trump it (trumpet). 2 Why is Martin Swallow like the Observer P — Because he_ is tinted, and carries no waste (waist) room, and being an organist of increasing fame, he can not only lay his fingers on as many notes as he may re-quire (choir), but is good for a tenner (tenor) at any time. 3 Why is the Observer like a mirror ? — Because it is highly polished, truthful in its reflections, and no lady can resist looking into it. 5 Why is a sick person, and the last of a good man, like Mr. Graves Aicken, the popular chemist ? — Because both go to their Graves for good. 6 Why is a man who is only amiable when in his cups, like Auckland brewed beer ? — Because he gets sour if not soon drunk. 7 Why is looking at a photographed group of the Hall Ministry like walking in Queen-street, at 3 p.m., on a race-day? — Because you may see a few growlers, but scarcely a hansom cab-in-it (handsome cabinet). 8 What is the difference between Constable McClellan preceeding Mr. Btfcrstow, and the Ex- Attorney-General's (Mr. Robert Stout's) nose ? — One is a bobby before a big beak, and the other is a big beak before a Bobby. 9 Why is Gladstone, the Prime Minister of England, like the Observer ?— Because both are highly toned, well read, popular with all classes, and excel in wood cuts. 10 Why would it have been bettor had the enquiry re the Thames Hospital been of a more private naturo ?—Because some very (Payne-ful) paniful revelations have been made public, and a (Power-ful) powerful argument advanced, that, their being a Dean in the matter, the (Honiss-t) honest truth has not been (Caindidly) candidly told. N.B. — The witnesses may have been (Skae-red) scared. v Why were householders so careful in locking up their domiciles before the commencement of last session ? — Because they have feared attacks (a tax) would be made upon their property. 12 Why are the young swells sent out to New Zealand by their parents like "My Grandfather's Clock"?— Because they always go on tic(k), and they stop short when the old man dies. 13 Why is our new Governor like the great lion-hunter ? — Because he is Gordon coming (Cumming). 14 Why (being leap-year) could not the members of the City Council live in a state of domestic happiness? — Because they only had one Offer among the lot, and that was thought very little of. 16 Why do brewers make their fortunes more rapidly than other men ? — Most men get on step by step, but they get on by hops. 17 Why is the Town Clerk like a jilted lover ?— Because he hadn't a genuine Offer. 18 What fruit was most conspicuous at the last football match. — .Blackberries— a prickley pear (pair). 19 Why are the Star and Hm-ald proprietors miracleworkers ? — Because from their conjoint type has sprung the Observer, a journal of a superior type altogether. 20 Why is the first-born of the Observer to be compared and similar to this season's Spring ? — Both came into existence prematurely, but are full of sunshine, and are warming up some of us. [Explanation — The first Observer was published on Saturday, the 18th September, but was circulated and sold on Friday, the 17th September.] 21 Why should we expect Sir Arthur Gordon to be an extraordinarily strong man? — Because he comes to take the place of Hercules (Sir Hercules Robinson). 22 Why is a fast young lady like a ship at sea ?— Because she is generally among the swells. [This is an aged venerable joke.] 23 Tell me in tradesmen's names why King was not elected for East Ward instead of G. Aicken ? — Cosgraves Coombes Morrin Choyce, and Eing Seccombes, with Eyitt Aicken ('Cause Graves comes more in choice, and King succiimbs, with 'eavy take in). 24 What is the difference between a violinist and an ■ Auckland young lady of eighteen summers?— The one bows his fiddle, the other fiddles her beau. 26 What is the perpetual coolness of St. Paul's choir generally attributed to ? — The possession of the one Swallow that never made a summer. 27 Why are the Chinese like the teachers of the Board of Education ?— Because they are fond of Rice. 28 What is the difference between the Premier of New Zealand and the Auckland sewer? — The Premier can see how to carry on, but the sewer wants carrying on to sea. 29 Why is Queen-street one of the most disorderly thoroughfares in New Zealand? — Because you cannot walk to the end of it without seeing a mill. 31 Why are the 'Frisco Mail Steamers spendthrifts?— Because they rarely come to Auckland without knocking down a pile. 32 Why is a person buying land at the Waste Lands Office like a man driving a cart through a turnpike ? — Because he has to pay Tol(l)e. 33 When and why would we advise bashful people to keep away from Queen-street ? — Of a Saturday morning, because there are so many Observers about. 34. The eyes (I's) of the law— lsaacs and Ireland. 35 Why is a newly-elected councillor like Bunter's Nervine? — Because the very sight of him will stop your tooth from Aicking. 36 Why is the New Zealand Herald the most aristocratic paper in New Zealand ?— Because Mr. Haut-ton is at the head of it. 37 " What gentleman," said I to Ted, " Is he we passed just now ? " " I thought you would have known," he said — " You ought to, anyhow : He is a large domestic fowl, Remarkable for tail ; And though not quite a horse — yer sowl ! He's near it, I'll go bail. So who he is the fowl can tell, And what he is, the horse ; And if you sift the matter well You'll find the man, of course. Answer — Peacock, the Mayor. 38 COMPETITION, No. 2. This competition closes to-day. The result will be published in next issue. COMPETITION, No. 3. Intending competitors are reminded that this competition closes next Friday, by which time answers should reach our office. COMPETITION, No. 4. A prize of one guinea will be given for the best punning sentence (i.e., a sentence composed almost entirely of puns) on the names of the Hall Cabinet. The object will, of course, be to introduce as many names as possible,