THE SAVING GRACE.

Thames Star, Volume LIX, Issue 16644, 14 November 1925, Page 2

THE SAVING GRACE.

ODDMENTS OF HUMOUR. FQRGIVEABLE. “How eouid you be so mean as to steal the watch of the doctor who prescribed for you?’’ asked the judge. “Well, I was in a fix,” replied the jrisoner. “His prescription read *A spoonful every hour,’ and I had i;o watch.” * * * * WITHOUT SPAKE PARTS. Robert, aged six, ardently desired a sister, and was told that if he prayed for one a baby might come. So he added to his nightly prayers a petition for a little sister. Results not coming as soon as he wished, one night he added: “If you have a baby almost finished don’t wait to put in her tonsils or appendix, as they usually have to bp cut out, anyhow.” ' * * + ' * TOO GREAT A STRAIN. The tenant of a newly-built house approached the landlord and informed him that he wanted a new front door. ‘A new front door?” exclaimed the landlord. “Whatever do you mean? It’s a new house, and you have only been in it a week.” “Yes, I know,” replied the tenant, “but I tied my dog to the door-knob and a cat went by.” * * * * PROSPECTING. The householder,' answering a knock at the door, discovered a poor Jew, who the previous day had begged a waistcoat from him. “Does the kind gentleman remember,” said the Jew, “that lie gave me a waistcoat yesterday? Veil, I found a five-pound note in der pocket.” “Upon my word,” said the householder, “you are an honest man. Come inside.” While the Jew was enjoying a meal, the householder said, “Of course \ou have brought the waistcoat tack.’ “No,” replied the Jew, “T haf come to beg for the coat and trousers. ’ * * * * BUSINESS AS USUAL. An American on a visit to Lo:. ion went to the Zoo. Approaching one of the keepers, he said to him: "Sav, keeper, I want you to take me right along to your head man so that I can 'talk business with bn i. ’ The stolid official eyed him suspiciously. “And what sort of business do you want to discuss?” he asked. “Wal, it’s like this,” explained the American, “I’ve taken a great fancy to this l’il exhibit, and I want to buy your Zoo for my kids.” “Nothing doing in that line,” answered the keeper, tersely; “but I’ll tell you what we might do—we might buv your kids for our. Zoo.” * * * * THE EDITOR’S CURSE. LOST.—WiII the person who picked up the package on Wednesday evening containing a pair of shoes which had just been half-soled ,return them to the editor of this paper, as lie needs

them; in fact, we have only two pairs, and this puts us to great inconvenience. If you don’t return them, we hope they will make corns on every toe on your foot, and that you break your leg every time you try to wear them. v * * '* * SAFE TREATMENT. A doctor is said to have revenged himself for non-election into the Royal Society of Medicine by sending them an account of a novel method ol setting a broken leg which he stated he had found successful in the case of a sailor. He had joined up the parts, bound them tightly with string, and poured tar over the binding. The leg was soon in use as before. After leaving the society time to discuss the new method gravely, the joker wrote again: “I forgot to sav it was a wooden leg.” * * • * UNDER SUSPICION. The country policeman made his way up the path of the cottage and presented himself at the door. “Excuse me,” he said to the young lady who opened the door, “but 1 hope you’ll give me what information you have, and not make a fuss. “What do you mean?” was the indignant question. “Why, this little affair—you know,” said the policeman. “I don’t understand you at all,” replied the young lady freezingly. “Why, we got the tip from the house next door that somebody here has been murdering Wagner, and I’ve been sent along to look into the case.” * * * * PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. A man was in the habit of attending meetings, which often detained him after the usual hour of retirement. One chilly night he was more late than usual, and his wife, after fretting herself into a temper, went to bed, determined not to come down again. Hardly had she been upstairs ten minutes when she heard a knock, so, opening the window, she called out: “Who’s there?” “It’s me, dear—Jim,” came the answer. “Come down and open the door.” “What has kept you so late. ’ asked his wife. “We were discussing the great bene-* fit that fresh air gives to poor people,” answered Jim. “Well,” said his better half, “in that case, to-morrow night, you’ll be able to give a lecture from personal experience.” Then the window went down with a resounding bang. EASILY ANSWERED. There is a certain youngster who isn’t going to be subpoenaed as a witness any more by a certain attorney. One case is enough to lose. The local youth was on the witness stand, when the lawyer started in to examine him. “Have you an occupation?” asked the attorney. “Nope.” “Don’t you do anv work of any kind?” “Nope.” “What does your father do?” “Nothin’ much.” “Doesn’t he do anything to support the family?” “Odd jobs once in a while.” “As a matter of fact, isn't your father, a worthless fellow, a deadbeat and a loafer?” “I don’t know,” the witness rejlied. “You’d better ask him; he’s sitting over there on the jury.” * * * * TEMPTATION REMOVED. “’E’s a pice pup, isn’t ’e?” remarked the farm land as he gazed proudly at his pet terrier. “I ’aven’t ’ad ’im long,” he continued. “I seed Farmer Bikes one day takin’ ’im to t’pond, an’ 1 ses to ’im, ‘Wot be you a-goin’ to do wi’ that pup, Farmer ißkes?’ ‘l’m i\goin’ to drown ’im,’ he ses, sorrow-ful-like.” “’An’ w’y?’ I ses. ‘Oh,, _’e ses, ‘’e’s always chewin’ the paint off t’legs off t’sofa.’ ‘Don't drown ’im, mister,’ I ses. ‘Give ’im to me. I’ll cure ’im. An’ I did cure ’im.” “How?” asked the listener. “I sawed t’legs off t’sofa,” replied the farmer’s boy.