BY THE WAY.

Thames Star, Volume LVII, Issue 15995, 8 December 1923, Page 5

BY THE WAY.

Cr. McLaughlin at the deputation to ll®n. Xr. J. Coates on Thursday evening “I tried to see you m Wellington on the matter but there was always a queue 9 or 10 deep, waiting to see your Honour.” The Minister: Come to my house next time and you'll get me.

Mr J. C. Miller, Chairman Thames County Council at supper given to Hon. Coates in supporting toast of “Our Guests” remarked that a Scotsman was generally slo'w at coming to the point “But judging by the genial appearance of the Minister I don't mind wasting a week.”

A Scotch preacher—who delighted in mueh verbal nourishing before he finally made his point— was one clay fceii-ing his rural congregation the story of J onah.

“And as they threw the puir mon overboard,” he said, “a girt monster appeared at the side of the ship—aib lins it was an elephant, aiblins it was a lion, aiblins it was hippopotamus, aiblins —” “Aiblins it was a whale !” shrilled an eager old woman from the front row.

“Aiblins, you’re a fule !” retorted the minister, and brought his sermon to an abrupt conclusion.

It has been somewhat fashionable of late years for disappointed lovers to shoot their opponents or the object of their affection. A slight change of policy was introduced recently by a man in blew South Wales who being unsuccessful in his suit with a fair maid, shot two cows. He said he did this “to relieve his feelings and in the heat of passion.” That one of the animals belonged to the girl was, he declared, in no way accountable for his action. “The kine that feed in the meadows” were merely unfortunate to encounter the gentleman in his then state of mind. We stfppose they seemed to him stupidly content and indifferent as they mtmehed their bovine way through the hours. It is a case with great possibilities for the psychoanalysts.

“To be perfectly frank, we bebelieve Wes, WeHave No Bananas’ has been as health-producing as T'm Getting Better and Better.”

How to write a jazz song success : Take something composed by one of the masters and just decompose it.

“I say,” said he, as he walked down the street with his wife, “did you notice the woman who just passed ?” “Which woman ?” she asked. “Do you mean the one wearing a large black hat with willow plumes, an embroidered blouse, silk stockings, undressed gloves, mink furs, and a bouquet of red roses, with a vanity box marked with the initials “E. M. S.”

“Yes,” replied the astounded husband, “that seems, to be the one." “No,” was the wdfe’s answer, “I didn’t notice her particularly.

A beggar was walking along the street.

“Brother, please help a, poor man s he whined to a prosperous--joking citizen he encountered. “Since when are we brothers T asked the rich man.

“Are Ave not all sons of Adam, Sir?”

“I had not thought of that,” said the rich man, and handed the Lfggar a penny. But the beggar was sadly disap pointed. “That is a small amount from a brother,” he groAvled. “If all your brothers gave you a penny,” retorted the other, “you would be the richest man m the world.”

“There is a good storv told about Frank LockAvood the distinguished lawyer and hoAAr he tried to terrh behaviour to a fellov-poss-mger tie was travelling in a f rst-c'ass mi eking compartment, sm iking a pipe. There were two strange's in the carriage, smoking cigars. One o. them, in an oiferisiA'e loud voice, said to his friend, What bad form it is for a man to smoke a pipe m a first-class compartment.’ Lockwood said nothing at the time, but when he had finished his pipe, he knocked out the ashes, and. turning to the speaker, he said, ‘That remark of yours, sir, bears only one interpref.ntion— that you intended to offer me a cigar.’ The stranger, very much taken aback, produced his cigar-case and handed it to LockAvood, AA'ho examined each cigar, holding it to his ear and cracking it; then, after smelling the case, he handed it hack to its OAvner, savin" • Thank you, sir; I prefer my pipe.”

Mr Furkett was in happy replying to a toast at Thurs ayf function. He related some of thd party's experiences in the country. They arrived at a cainp about 8.30 p.m. after a siren' uous day spent in travelling anA after supper got to bed, only to bfl roused at 2.30 a.m. by Rua who wanted to know what time they) wanted breakfast.

A celebrated negro minstrel was being severely cross-examined in court.

“You are in the minstrel business, I believe?’ inquired the lawyer. “Yes, sir,” was the reply. “5s not that rather a low calling ?” “I don’t know, but what it is, sir,” replied the minstrel, “but it is so much better than my fathers that I am rather proud of it.” The lawyer fell into the trap. “What was your father's calling?’ he asked. “He was a lawyer,” replied the witness. ’ Mr Dolan: An’ you tell me, Father, that iverybody will be there at the Judgment Day? Father O’Flynn: Yes, Dolan, the Whole world will be there. Mr Dolan: D’ye mean to tell me all the L.O.L.’s will be there? Father O’Flynn: Every man Jack of them. Mr Dolan: An’, Father, I suppose the Ancient Order of Hibernians will be there, too ? Father O ’Flynn: They will that, Dolan. Mr Dolan: Then, begobs, I’m thinkin’ there’ll be mighty littlebusiness done for an hour or two !