Wit and Humor.

Thames Star, Volume XXIII, Issue 7182, 12 May 1892, Page 1

Wit and Humor.

Boarder—lt looks now as if the weather had settled. landlady—Yes ;it has set a wry food example. 1 What does your little dog eat ?' aekeithe visitor. ' Oh, anything,' answered Bobbie. 'Last night he ate a pair of robbers and a sofa cushion for supper.

Don't you admire Robert Browning as a poet, Mrs Fitrsnook? I used to, once ; nut everybody admires him now, don'tcherknow—so I've had to give him up!

Agent—Wouldn't you like to buy a phonograph ? It will store up everything you say and repeat it to you. Weary-looking man—No, thank you, sir. I don't need one. I've got a wire.

Salvation Army girl (to woman with a brutal husband)—' Are yer fied 'eapin* coals of fire on 'is 'cad ?

Meg—No; I can't exactly say as I 'ave,but I've tried bilin' water, often.

Kitty—What, Harry 1 going to church so late ?

Harry (married man. with large-family of small children)—My dear Kitty, I was in hopes of having a quiet nap at home, but find I can't.

Wool—Some people have trouble with their mothers in-law; I am happy to say that mine is an angel. Tan Felt—Allow me to congratulate you; mine was quite ill at one time, but she got well.

Teacher—When the wise men came to the king, what did they say ? Boy—They said,' O king, lire for erer.* Teacher—Quite right, and what then? Boy—And immediately the king lived for ever.

Father—Well, Tommy, how do you think you will like this little fellow fcr a brother ?

Tommy (inspecting the new infant somewhat doubtfully)— Have you got to keep him or is he only on trial ?

Willis—-I am sorry that your wife opened that business letter I sent yon. Jones. You told me she never opened your letters.

Jones—She doesn't as a role, Willis; but you see you made a great mistake to mark it * private.'

Half that may never be told is what most people are yearning to hear.