Wit and Humor.

Thames Star, Volume XXIII, Issue 7181, 11 May 1892, Page 1

Wit and Humor.

Mrs Greyneck—Johnny, I am very glad to see that you gave your sister the larger half of your apple. Johnny—Yes m; I was very glad to give it to her. Mrs Greyneck—My little son, you do not know how it delights me to hear you say bo.

Johnny—Yes'ra ; there was a big worm hole in that half.

At a recent dinner given by a celebrated lunatic doctor, a few of his aore rational patients were allowed to meet the guests. Mr and Mrs Smith Johnson, or arriving, were accosted by an individual of jocose appearance. Jocose individual —Aha ! come to dine with the doctor?

Smith Johnson (somewhat talced aback) —Aw yaas. Jocose individual—He! he ! so did I. We all come to dine with the doctor—but we never get away again.

Exit Smith Johnsons, dispereedly.

' I'm going to have a party on mamma's biirthday,' remarked Ethel, ' and I've in* vited twenty-five boys and girls. 1 ; ' What a nice mamma you must have, 1 saiid the visitor.

'Oh, mamma doesn't know anything about it,' answered Ethel,' it's going to be a surprise party for hen'

I do not ask, Matilda, that you love tn» alone, but I only ask that you love me as you do— — ' Why, Henry,' broke in the surprised girl,' you have no rival!' I was not going to ask you to lore me as much as any rival, but only to love me as much as you do your pug dog, and Til be more than satisfied.

Young husband—ls dinner ready, dear? I'm as hungry as a bear. Young wife—All ready, love ; and what is more, I cooked it all myself.

Young husband—Now, how very unfortunate. It just comes to me that I promised to meet a man down town on business just at this hour.

Manager—Pat, I thought I engaged you to carry bricks up the ladder by the day/?

Pat—Ye did, sor,

Manager—Well, I've been watching you, and you're only done it half a day to• day. The other half you spent coming down the ladder.

Pat—Oi'H thry to be doin' betther toniiorry, sor.

Men are beloved by women in proportion to their success in life.