WEDDING ORATORY.

Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2144, 17 November 1875, Page 3

WEDDING ORATORY.

Bj M.oii JST.

A weak-minded inquirer ia a recent issue of .this journal asked tho editor to recommend a book to him (hat would give a good idea of the sort of speeches that were expected at wedding celebrations. For one© the editor was puzzled. His library of reference could not assist him here. If his correspondent wanted to learn how to write sermons, or compose election addresses, or make speeches in Parliament, no doubt he would hare put him in the right way. But he had to acknowledge that he was utterly at a los.s, with the limited means at his disposal, to satisfy the wants of the inquiring gentleman. He added, however, as a.sort of pdstsorip&x and to soften down his confession of ignorance, "If any reader is able to supply the information you need, we will take care that you get it.' 1 This plainly throws responsibility on me. The editor knew that there was one manrup in matrimony, ahd: though he alludes to ine generally as "aby reader," it is quite evident that he relies on " M or N. for getting,him but. of the scrape. So be it. If I couldn't give a man.instructions as to the class of speeches expepted from bridegrooms, fathers, and old friends, I would be unfitted for the position of contributor to the " Lady's ttoiumn." ;I may not have the; encydjl^jedian range of information possessed by the editor, but I flatter myself that, in -matter* relating to love anil-matrimony, I will never be compelled to make the humiliating statement that " I feel utterly at a loss to give advice." ••I must sayat tho outset that the seeker for information is not: explicit enough about his own case.- He doesn't say in what, capacity he will be, called on for a speech. He may be a father reluctantly parting with an only child,; or joyfully disposing of a tenth. He may be an oldbachelor guardian whose consent is necessary to the marriage of a minor, and whose plea'sure' at being freed from responsibility is only marred by the prospects of having to rise to propose the health of the young couple. Or he may be the bridegroom..himself, who would rather be married over half-a-dozen times than return thanks once. " T.J."—such, are the inquirer's initials-^-must see himself the difficuly he places me in. He wouldn't write to a doctor and' say, Vl>am sick. Please' "send me word- by return of post what medicine I should take." If uT; J." wanted a speech specially adapted to his own case he should have sent full particulars. The oration that would be neat and appropriate for a heavy father, would be quite out of place in the mouth of a best man; and even the words of bridegrooms should alter very much., according to circumstances. If " T.J." is a rich old fellow, marrying a young girl for her pretty face, I would recommend a very different style of wedding oratory to that, which I would compose for him if he were a young fellow uniting, himself to an aged widow for the sake of her money. The .instruction and advice, therefore, that lean give must necessarily be general. If it. suits the special case of" T. J." well and good; if it does not, he has only himself to blame. He should have been more confiding. I would like to know his age, his position in life and in the wedding feast, something about the lady, and how long the young couple were engaged ; whether it is a* love match pure and simple, or if there are interested motives on either side; .and, in short, all the particulars that would have interested the fair readers of this column. Nothing can be more vague than what he says of himself and the event—"One who is-to take part in a wedding." He may be only a young lawyer employed to draw up the marriage settlements, and who fondly hopes, from his position as a bachelor, that he may be called upon to respond to •the toa«t of the ladies. Or he may actually be a clerg3rman who will unite the young people, and be invited officially to partake of the consequent festivities. These suppositions, no doubt, are far fetched. Lawyers and clergymen are seldom troubled for words with which to hide or express their thoughts. If all the gues^t at this wedding breakfast belonged to, the professions of law and divinity there would have been no "T. J." writing to the editor of The Australasian to ask what he would say when his time came.

The great aim of every wedding orator should be tofemake things pleasant. A marriage is not at all the joyous affair that poets and novel-writers make it appear. There are, on an average, as many tears shed at a wedding as at a funeral. The feelings of women get overwrought. They are as full of tears as a summer thundercloud of rain, and it only wants the electric touch of a sympathetic speech to call them forth. It is not conducive to the harmony of a wedding breakfast to see a number of lovely women weeping in company, and therefore everything bordering, on • sentiment must be sternly repressed. The ladies themselves would like;it.: It pleases them-to give way to their feelings. Like G-enevieve,

" They love us best whene'er we sing-,' The songs that make them grieve." But we should study what is Tor their good, and. it is not good that they should be incited to weep. It. would be possible for a wedding orator, to endear himself to every woman in the company by Working them all into hysterics, but I question very miigli if it would be a social success. He wQußtafl'tainly not endear himself to the inen.

The first health proposed is that of the young couple. Her father usually has this task to perform. It is impossible that he can be too short in what he has to say. If "T. J." is her father, a heavy responsibility rests upon him, for if he strikes the key-note of the- oratory by a long speech, the rest of the speakers will consider it a point of honor to make long speeches likewise, and a great deal of misery will result. The nicest and the neatest way of doing it is by standing up, asking if all are charged, and then simply giving " The young couple!" A. short, sharp, and decisive speech like that comes as a.surprise on the women, and doesn't give them time to weep^. They may have hoped for something nicer—a recapitulation" of the virtues of the bride, the sorrow of parting with her, andthe wellgrounded assurance that her true happiness in life is now commencing, since she is committed to the care of one who has loved her for herself alone for long years —and so'on. '

Tears prepared to flow must now remain unshed till the bridegroom returns thanks for ■" the cordial and sympathetic manner in which, his dear wife's and his own health have been received." Not,that I would advise him to say so. If "T. J." i3 " one who is about to take part in a wedding" in the capacity of a bridegroom, I would remind him that " silence is

gold." He may err by making a spoech; he cannot go wrong if he says nothing. The mistake that bridegrooms make is in supposing that anything is expected of them. A wideawake bridegroom would do all that the circumstances of the case demanded by simply leaning forward, bowing to the company, and saying, '^Thanks." If he attempts to give'vent to his feelings by saying all that is on his heart he will make his wife cry, and then her mother will cry, and the bridesmaids, and all the women round, the table. Whereas such a neat little rejoinder as I have suggested will keep back tears like a stone wall. . . i

! At wedding breakfasts there are other persons who; are allowed by custom to say certain things in a formal manner.^ They stand up and they express themselves on matters connected with the auspicious event in a manner calculated to make everyone, unhappy. One old friend of the family thinks he is called upon to propose the health of the father pf the bride, and another of the father of the bridegroom. The respective fathers have, of course, to respond, and an amount of feeling is introduced that takes away from the pleasure that people would otherwise feel in assisting at a ceremony that is supposed to open the gates of happiness to the parties immediately concerned. i I have had much experience. I know what wedding festivities are, and I know what causes produce success and failures, and my advice to men about to be married ia to restrict the speechifying within the narrowest bounds. " The'young couple/' and "Thanks," are all that are essential in.launching newly-married people on the sea of matrimony. Less than that cannot well be given ; every additional word is a possible source of danger that should be carefully avoided.—Australasian.