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Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 1931, 12 March 1875, Page 4

If a bird in the hand be worth two in the bush, it is no less true that a thorn in the bush is worth two in the hand.

A persevering youth was recently married to a girl who had refused him eighteen times. He wishes now he had asked but eighteen. The rate ef consumption' of water is greater in Glasgow than any other Scotch town except Greenock. "What is it mixed with ? " asks a contemporary. A story is told of Sheridan that he once found a man lying drunk in the gutter, whereupon the wit, who was himself somewhat •incapable,' called out, 'I am not able to lift you up, but I will lie down beside you.'

t Some one wrote to Horace Greeley inquiring if guano was good to put on potatoes. He said it might do for those tastes that had become vitiated with tobacco and rum, but he preferred gravy and butter.

An American teaching English to a German, met his request for a specimen of an English irregular verb thus:—«l go, thou wentest, he departed, we made tracks, you cut sticks, they skedaddled/ Puzzling Inscbiftion.— The youne ladies of a country seminary are puzzled over the exact meaning of the following inscription recently discovered on the wall of the building:—" Young ladies should set good examples, for yomnc hk „ will'follow them." J g -en

, 4 N E*ENEST ADrocAm-An Wd man in JN Tew Jersey, earnest in his Advocacy of the cause of linguistic ore, burst forth at a recent school meeting- "Feller citizens, we ought to pVehase a dissentary for this skrJe roonij fop even j don't fully understand the dissignification of words!" Equal to tjie Occasion.—A poor boy who had been on the •* tramp all day called not long since, in the gloaming, at the house of a Dumfriesshire farmer, and thus addressed the,farmer's wife—"Mistress, could you oblige me wi' a drink o r water, for I'm that hungry I dinna ken where I'll sleep the nicht f 'I