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Thames Star, Volume III, Issue 1676, 18 May 1874, Page 2

Things that Suit Me.—l like a gritty man (not a dirty one); but one that pitches in like a frog oph from a saw-log, no matter how deep the water is, I like a fass hoss (one that goes fass bekause he luves tew); such a critter is half human; he never ought tew be hitched to a plough, he ought tew be took out ov his stable az a pigeon had out of hiz cage, and let him—go. I like a rat tarrier with hiz hair awl combed forward, hiz eyes on fire, hiz tale straight out stiff, erery muscle and the entire dorg only 3ft off from a rat j hole.—Josh Billings. ' > \ The Nick of Time.—A wrinkle. Stable Cbeatubes.—Horses. People that must Dbiyb a Tbade.— Cabmen. A War taat 31 x v a a " Few."—The want of a, hat. Scientific—Leather, chemioally considered, is the ox-hide of beefi An Oix> Saw Nbwly Set.—What can't be endurad must be caricatured. A BoAaDiKa Ebtabiimiiunt.—A eir* pentor!» shopt-* r :An Atmswsd Fao*>~A man wlio would try to stab a'gtoit would stick at nothing. Graphic .—A Western oritio recently said of a new novel," Its inoidents follow each other like a shovelful of hot coals." Cobns in High Places.—A chiropodist announces on his cards that he has "removed corns from several of the crowned heads of Europe." :Scholastic. — Pompous school ex- I aminer: " How is the earth divided, my lad?" Intelligent lad: "By earthquakes, sir." / Caution to Women LECTUBEf.—A grocer in Quincy, Illinois, has donated the city 41 dozen bad eg-gs, to be used in keeping women lecturers beyond the city limits. Getting a Bite.—A charitable man keeps a pair of dogs chained at his front door, so that people who stop "to get a bite " can be accommodated without takjing the trouble to go into the house. A Coffin fob One.—Some melan-choly-minded burgldrs recently entered an undertaker's shop and appropiated a coffin. The proprietor says if they will again he will furnish a corpse, to put in I Stbongly Masked Chabactebs.—The difference in natures was well illustrated jby the following incident:—Two sisters ;met. "Oh, my dear sister!'' said one, i exhaustedly, as they embraced. ," You've been eating onions," said the other, calmly and v fearlessly. ' ' '

Animal Magnetism Extbaobdinaby.When Murphy first bought -his farm in Lancaster county he was aware that all the water on the premises was strongly impregnated with iron. But, when he. drank that chalybeate for five or six months, his system was thoroughly charged with iron that when he woke up in the morning he would find that the bedstead had gradually shifted round during night until the head pointed north. And the childern's beds all performed the same manoeuvre. Without taking warning by this occurrence* the family continued to drink the water, until one fatal evening. Mrs. Murphy had been house-cleaning, and that night she and Murphy and. the children lay down in the same room. No sooner were they in a horizontal position than all their; heads swung round suddenly to the northern |end of the chamder *rhere the stove stood, and the next instant the whole five of them were drawn violently against the hot stove and held there by magnetic attraction. Murphy suffered worst because he was bald, bnt Mrs. Murphy and the children lost every ,hair on their heads, and when the family sold out and moved away every member of it was balder than any Murphy that ever wore a scalp.—American paper.