Are You Sure?

Timaru Herald, Volume CXLV, Issue 21090, 16 July 1938, Page 10

Are You Sure?

A General Knowledge Test — ANSWERS ARE ON PAGE TWO

1. Are there any independent negro states in Africa now that Italy has conquered Ethiopia? Yes No 2. Is an officer’s sword worn on the left or the right side? 3. Whereabouts in a newspaper would you look for the address from which it is published? 4. “What the soldier said is not evidence,” says Dickens in “Pickwick Papers.” Can a witness in fact give evidence of what he heard said by somebody not in court? Yes No 5. Before the war Czecho-Slovakia’s German minority used to belong to: Germany Russia Hungary Austria Poland i 6. For an explanation of the terms lambus Dactyl and Amphibrack you should consult a:— Geologist Poet Doctor Astrenomer Lawyer 7. Which of these did Britain lose to America last year:— Ryder Golf Cup—Walker Golf Cup— America’s Cup for Yachting 8. On making a scientific discovery Archimedes is reported to have cried “Eureka.” This means:—

Come and 100k —Believe it or not— I have found it—At last—Well, I’m j iggered—W hoopee 9. Which of these are included ri the order of anthropoid apes?: Gorilla Baboon Chimpanzee Gibbon Orang-outang Marmoset 10. A goose is an instrument used by:— Farriers Dyers Carpenters Tailors Shoemakers Chiropadists 11. In the Wars of the Roses did the Red or White Rose triumph ultimately? 12. Is any German-speaking State still a monarchy? Yes No 13. A sponge is an:— Animal—Vegetable—Mineral 14. “To err is human, to forgive divine” is a quotation from:— The Bible Pope Dickens Shakespeare Addison 15. The largest planet in the solar system is:— Mars Venus Mercury Saturn Jupiter Earth 16. What do the 13 stripes and 48 stars in the United States flag represent?

Carillon Shopkeeper: Here, I don’t like the ring of this florin. Customer: You’re an optimist, you are. What do you expect for two bob —a peal of bells? Possibly So. G-Man: Got away, has he? Did you guard all the exits? Village Cop: Yep, but we think he must have slipped through one of the entrances. New One on Him Lawyer (to prisoner): At 1 o'clock you had three pints at the Cheshire Cheese, and at 2.30 you had two at doing in the interim? Prisoner: I've never heard of it. Fresh Water. Too* “Mary.” inquired the lady of the house, suspiciously, did you wash this fish carefully before you baked it?” "What’s the use of washin’ a fish that’s lived all his life in the water?” replied Mary. The Motto in Reverse He was going off for a day’s fishing when a pal said to him: “George, why don’t you stay at home and look after the baby instead?” “Ah.” he replied. “I believe in sparing the child and using the rod!” Practice Makes Perfect “Congratulations, Mrs Brown,” said the vicar genially. “It’s been a pleasure to christen your child. I’ve never had such a well-behaved one before.” '‘Ah, well,” replied Mrs Brown. "You see, my husband and I have been practising on him for a whole week with a watering-can.” Free Meal At a bazaar in Aberdeen a man was seen prowling from stall to stall holding something under his overcoat. Finally he put his burden in the bran tub. "Do you want a penny dip?” asked the attendant. “No’ me!” was the reply. “I was just giving my rabbit a feed.” Regular Meals In the early days in the North-west farmers and homesteaders had a hard time. Said a homesteader to a storekeeper one day: “Gimme a slab of bacon.” “Big or little slab?” inquired the storekeeper. “Biggest slab you’ve got. I’ve eaten so many cottontails and rabbits that every time I hear a dog bark I run under the porch.” Non-Committal Once upon a time, they say, a man invented a mousetrap. He believed his fortune would be made by Its sale if he could get President Lincoln to recommend it. After a long, persistent effort, he secured an audience with the President and received the following recommendation, which will apply to many things besides mousetraps: “For the sort of people who want this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing that sort of people will want.” The Comedian Scored A popular comedian scored a good impromptu hit while performing at a provincial theatre. In the middle of a song he suddenly stopped, and said to his audience: “What is the height of extravagance: “Don’t know. Give it up.” “Well, I should say it was to pay two shillings to sit in a stall in order to read a penny paper!” And the member of the audience who was the offender folded up his news-sheet. Go as You Please Two men had escaped from an asylum and had managed to steal a plane from a nearby airport. Up in the plane at 15,000 ft one of the men grew fidgety. "I think I’m going to jump out of the plane,” he told his companion. "I feel I can’t stand it here any longer.” “Better take a parachute with you,” advised the other. “What do I want with a parachute?” The other wagged a finger. “Don’t be silly,” he cautioned. “Can’t you see it’s raining outside?” Counter-attack He was a peculiarly unpleasant person, and when visiting the local cattle show he made himself unpopular by his loudly expressed claims to superior knowledge. He was especially insulting to old Sam Patts. “Pah.” he said sneeringly, “you know nothing about pigs, you don’t. Why my father raised the biggest pig ever reared in these ’ere parts.” “Aye,” retorted old Sam quietly, “and the noisiest.” Remember This, Boys! A mother was trying to impress upon her son that doing one’s duty was not invariably pleasant, but that it should be done. In order to prove her point she illustrated: “Look at your father. He works and works; not that he likes it, but because it is his duty. Can you imagine your father doing anything just because it was pleasant?” “Yes, mother, I can,” answered the son. “How and when?” asked the mother. And her gallant son answered: “When he married you. Mother.” The Secret of Wash Day The little miss, while visiting a neighbour, had been invited into the lavatory to wash her face, which showed the remains of a hastily consumed sandwich, the neighbour explaining that “cleanliness is next to godliness.” Upon reaching home the little one explained to her mother than now she knew why the family washing was always done on a Monday. “You do?” said her mother in surprise. “Why?” “Because Mrs B told me that cleanliness is next to godliness—and you know, Mother, that Monday comes right next to Sunday.” Coloured Logic A darky named Sam borrowed 25d0l from his friend Tom, and gave his note for the amount. Time went on, and the note became long overdue. One day the two men met in the street. Tom stopped and said, with determination: “Look heah, man, when you goin’ t’ pay the note?” “I ain’t got no money now,” replied Sam, “but I’m goin’ to pay it as soon as I kin.” “Yo’ been sayin’ thet fer months,” retorted Tom, “but it don’t get me no money. Ef y’ don’t pay thet money here and now, y’ know what I’m goin’ t’ do? I’m going’ to burn yer old note; then whar’ll you be?” “Yas, yo’ do! Yas, yo do!” Sam shouted. “Jes’ yo’ burn dat note o’ I mine and I’ll pop a lawsuit on to yo’!”